I glanced instinctively at the side of the hallway; he wasn't there. That's good, but a deep sense of disappointment lingered in my heart.
Perhaps this is the best ending. They go their separate ways, a peaceful conclusion.
A Sudden Growth in the Past (Part 9)
gold
I submitted my resignation and was notified two days later to hand over my work. Everything was quick and smooth.
During my lunch break, I flipped through the newspaper, looking for suitable jobs. Work occupies such an important place in a person's life. Someone calculated that in a 24-hour day, people sleep for no more than eight hours, eat for no more than eight hours, have no more than eight hours of sex, and have even less leisure time, yet work time exceeds eight hours. We are not in control of our lives. But not working is clearly not an option; you need to eat, wear clothes, and live among people. If you don't want to be completely confined to your own little shell, you have to work. Fortunately, Shenzhen is considered one of the best cities in China for finding jobs. Here, you don't need connections; as long as you have a diploma and are competent in the job, you will definitely find your place in this city. This is also the main reason why Hu Ni stayed here. Therefore, she must take the exam at Shenzhen University to get a diploma, no matter what, in her spare time.
By the afternoon, the handover of work was almost complete. I packed my things—water cup, stationery, and some personal documents—in a small cardboard box. Everyone in the department was silent. Occasionally, someone would pass by and casually say to Hu Ni, "Come visit sometime!" No one would ask why; it was perfectly normal. Staff turnover is very high. People are used to leaving like this. Acquaintances leave, strangers arrive, and then they leave again, repeating the cycle. It's a floating city; you never know where you'll stop. You can only move forward, moving forward without the slightest hesitation.
Two days passed without a call from Qiu Ping; he had truly left.
After settling her accounts at the finance office, she waited until it was time to leave before finally picking up her cardboard box and leaving. She wasn't used to walking on the street during working hours. Actually, she felt a little reluctant to leave. This place held traces of a year, a year's worth of memories, enough to make her feel nostalgic when she left. Everything here, including her workbench and computer where she spent every day.
The elevator was packed with people leaving work, their weariness mixed with the relief of being off work. She would find that feeling somewhere else.
Stepping out of the building, a temporary sense of relief washed over her, a feeling of victory washing over her. It wasn't a big deal; young women always encounter troubles like her boss's. Yes, it wasn't a big deal. She'd quit her job; she wouldn't sell herself to those sleazy men for some ridiculous offer. A few coins and a household registration—she didn't care about any of that. She only cared about her own feelings. This was a city full of opportunities. Hu Ni wasn't afraid of them; she could support herself. She didn't feel inferior to them; she wouldn't sell herself to them. She was nobler than them.
But she still wasn't at ease. She had no job, and there was Qiu Ping; she'd been thinking about him constantly these past few days. The azure sky seemed pale.
In the distance, she saw him—a familiar, warm figure, neatly trimmed short hair, a handsome face. She lowered her head, trying to hide her weariness, but there were no shadows in the sunlight. She hurried to the side, and he followed, reaching for the cardboard box in her hand. She held it tightly, refusing to let him take it. He gave up and simply followed behind her.
“I don’t want children,” he said from behind. “Raising a child is too expensive and takes up too much energy these days, so I’ve never thought about having children.”
Hu Ni continued walking briskly, but he blocked her way again and said firmly, "I really don't want children."
Hu Ni abruptly turned and walked in the opposite direction. He followed her, stubbornly snatching the cardboard box from her arms, holding it with one hand and pulling Hu Ni's arm with the other, heading towards the station. Hu Ni struggled, so determined that she forgot why she was struggling. She overturned the cardboard box, throwing it to the ground, its contents spilling out and scattering everywhere. She looked at him, her eyes filled with hatred, and he looked back at her, determined not to give up until he got what he wanted.
Qiu Ping softened first, squatting down to tidy up the things on the ground. His tall frame moved as he gathered the small items. Hu Ni watched, her eyes starting to sting, and she squatted down too, haphazardly stuffing things into the suitcase. Qiu Ping picked up the suitcase, pulled Hu Ni's arm, and the two of them walked along, teetering on the edge. When they reached the station, there were no buses yet. Qiu Ping said, "Stop making a fuss. No matter how much you struggle, you can't shake me off."
Hu Ni suddenly lowered her head; she, too, longed to give up all resistance. But her resistance was for his own good.
The two stood there like that. Qiu Ping reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, glancing down at her every now and then, coaxing her like a child, "It's alright, it's all right now!" Her heart sank in, and she really wanted to give herself to this man like this, without worrying about the future or what would happen later, just taking it one day at a time.
In the car, Hu Ni fell asleep leaning on Qiu Ping's shoulder.
When Qiu Ping woke me up, the bus had already arrived at the Gui Miao stop. Getting off, the sun was still blazing outside. Suddenly stepping off the air-conditioned bus, the outside temperature felt unreasonably high. Thankfully, there was some breeze in the summer here. Xuefu Road suddenly seemed much longer. Qiu Ping hailed a taxi, and the two of them jumped in. The driver asked where they were going, and Qiu Ping simply said, "Just keep going." For a taxi driver, this distance was ridiculously short.
Qiu Ping, holding the cardboard box, asked, "What happened?"
Hu Ni looked out the window and said, "I resigned."
Qiu Ping suddenly tensed up and asked, "You're not leaving, are you?"
Hu Ni turned around, looked at his serious and nervous expression, and shook her head.
"You promise?"
Hu Ni nodded.
Qiu Ping grabbed her hand and held it tightly, clearly worried.
In Hu Ni's room, Qiu Ping put down the cardboard box, looked around, and asked, "You didn't install air conditioning? Aren't you hot?"
Hu Ni felt a pang of embarrassment. She wasn't the type to buy whatever she wanted; a computer had cost her most of her savings, and she still needed to save some for a period of zero income if she changed jobs. She turned on the fan and said, "Air conditioning is bad for your skin."
Hu Ni turned her back and went into the bathroom. Inside, she said, "Go back!" She washed her hands quickly and listened for a moment; there was no sound outside. She came out suspiciously and, sure enough, saw him still standing there, looking at the books on her bookshelf.
"Sit!" he said, pointing to the bed, as if he were the master of the room.
Hu Ni persisted, resisting all his suggestions; she was determined to resist him.
"Please give me one chance, okay?"
The fan whirred and whooshed, stirring the air. A moment of silence followed. Both remained silent, not uttering a word.
"Didn't you get enough rest yesterday?" Qiu Ping asked.
"No, I rested very well."
"...I haven't rested well. I've been thinking about you the whole time. I've been thinking about you the whole time these past few days."
"..."
"...I don't care about having children in the future. There are so many families who don't want children these days, so it's not a problem."
"..." Hu Ni's high defenses were crumbling step by step.
"...It would be a lie to say I don't mind at all, but I understand you. Who told me I didn't meet you back then?... Let bygones be bygones, let's start over." He reached out to stroke her face, which was already cold and damp. He pulled her into his arms, and she sobbed, her words slurred, "But I can't give you a child."
He gently stroked her hair and said with heartache, "Silly girl! I don't want children!"
"But I have that kind of past..."
"I really don't mind, that's all in the past."
"You want children, and you'll mind."
"Hu Ni, don't you understand? We can be like my parents, a couple who will never abandon each other no matter what changes or hardships we go through. Do you know why?"
Hu Ni looked at him, and she understood.
In cities like these days, finding someone you can completely disregard without considering their circumstances is incredibly difficult. Before entering a relationship, everyone assesses the other person's conditions to see if they're getting the short end of the stick. Everyone lays out their own publicly available qualities like a commodity, then scrutinizes and weighs the other person's. People are realistic, both men and women, because society is too realistic. Serious love is like a "main course," with "snacks" and "add-ons"—it doesn't need the other person's past, much less their future, no need for further understanding. "We've met, let's make love!" People's sexual encounters are as casual as eating a piece of bread when hungry, forgotten faster than urinating. Love is as simple as fast food, as exciting as fireworks, but also fleeting and chaotic.
She doesn't want that kind of love. She cherishes herself as if she were a virgin. She rejects all sex without love. She can't enjoy the pleasure of pure sex, and she can't accept a body bought with material possessions. What she wants is the most traditional kind of love, a peaceful and caring life where she feels secure. She is a person who lacks security.
But when these feelings came, she became afraid. She truly wished she were an ordinary woman, like Xiaoyan, like every ordinary woman, so she could proudly accept his love and gracefully give away hers. She wanted him, so desperately. She buried herself in his arms, weeping with a mixture of comfort and happiness.
Qiu Ping stroked her hair and said, "Because my feelings for you have lasted so long, Hu Ni, you understand. My feelings for you are genuine." He cupped her face, but she avoided him, not wanting him to see her haggard appearance. He persisted, wiping away her tears with his hand, and then kissed her. She still tried to avoid him, but she couldn't resist his warmth. His scent was minty, and she slowly stopped struggling, responding passionately to him. Her lipstick faded on her lips, like fallen petals.
The Angel of Matter (Part 1)
gold
My cousin Lianqing was coming to visit. Hu Ni received the call from her aunt on her third day working at an advertising company. It was past 7 PM, and Hu Ni was still in class at Shenzhen University. Her aunt repeatedly implied on the phone that they had raised Hu Ni, saying she trusted Hu Ni and was confident in entrusting Lianqing to her care. She then repeatedly stated that they had always opposed Lianqing leaving Shanghai, but Lianqing was young and inexperienced, unaware that Shanghai was the best city, so it would be good for her to gain some experience. Hu Ni said that Lianqing didn't have a diploma, and she was worried it would be difficult for her to find a good job. Her aunt replied, "You don't have a diploma either." After hanging up, Hu Ni realized that she still had several relatives in this world.
Two days later, Lianqing called, asking if she had found a place yet. She didn't want to share with Huni; she wanted to rent a studio apartment. This was what Huni wanted. Although she and Lianqing were cousins, they had become estranged. Huni only remembered Lianqing's dark, round, chubby face, small eyes, and a nose that wouldn't stand up straight. After that, Huni had no recollection of Lianqing. So Huni quickly posted rental ads online and checked them every day. Not long after Lianqing's call, her aunt called, wanting Huni to rent a two-bedroom apartment and for Lianqing to live with her. She wanted Huni to "keep an eye on her, lest she cause trouble." The phone call was heated; it was Lianqing arguing with her aunt, but that didn't stop her aunt from giving Huni her orders.
After hanging up the phone, Hu Ni started revising the rental ad again, feeling incredibly choked up. They hadn't asked for her opinion on the phone, whether she wanted to share with Lian Qing, or if she was disturbing her life. After all, they were the ones who raised Hu Ni. That's why they could speak to her in such a commanding tone.
In the following days, Hu Ni went house hunting as soon as she got off work. She looked at many apartments, but none of them were suitable. Qiu Ping also started helping her find a place, mobilizing his colleagues and friends to help. A few days later, after a hectic move, they bought a new bed, tidied up, and then called her aunt to tell her: Lian Qing can come now, everything is ready. Her aunt asked very "adultly" on the phone: Does the room have a water heater? Are all the appliances included? Hu Ni patiently answered each question. They had raised her, so they naturally expected things from her.
Hanging up the phone, looking at this unfamiliar house, and thinking about another stranger joining her, she felt a little out of place. For so many years, she had lived alone. Qiu Ping was still mopping the floor, while she was exhausted. Sitting on the sofa in the living room, she couldn't bear to see Qiu Ping cleaning alone, so she said, "Don't bother, take a rest."
"I'll mop the floor for you. I see you're completely exhausted."
Watching Qiu Ping diligently working, a touch of warmth welled up inside her. Even the smallest act of kindness was enough to make her feel incredibly comforted. She jumped up, grabbed a rag, and carefully wiped down everything she had just arranged.
The Angels of Matter (Part Two)
gold
On Saturday afternoon, Hu Ni stood at the exit of Luohu Railway Station to meet Lian Qing, whom she no longer recognized. She held up a sign that read: Mei Lian Qing. Qiu Ping couldn't come; he was still away on a business trip.
A flow of people surged outwards, many of them young faces, probably recent college graduates. None of them showed the bewilderment Hu Ni had felt when she first arrived in Shenzhen; instead, they mostly carried the excitement of facing a new life, and seemed full of anticipation.
Two girls carrying large and small bags of luggage stood in front of Hu Ni, smiling at her with surprise. The two girls looked like they had just finished a long journey; their faces and hands were not very clean, and their clothes smelled of sweat mixed with the peculiar odor of trains.
Hu Ni looked at them, unsure if one of them was Lian Qing. Lian Qing's skin was dark, her eyes small, her nose flat, and her lips full—that was all Hu Ni remembered about her. Although she was prepared for girls to change a lot as they grew up, she hadn't expected such a dramatic transformation. Before her were two beautiful girls. One had long hair, porcelain-white skin, bright eyes, and white teeth; although her long hair was tied in a messy ponytail, it didn't detract from her youthful beauty. The short-haired girl had brown skin and full lips, but a pair of large, expressive eyes, almost entirely double-lidded. Moreover, her nose was proudly high and the tip stylishly upturned. It couldn't be her; no matter how much she changed, she couldn't change her fundamental features. But this beautiful girl with brown skin and many earrings called out to Hu Ni with unmistakable accuracy, "Cousin!"
Hu Ni put the sign down, looked at her and said, "Lian Qing?"
Hu Ni now carried two large suitcases; girls always have a lot of stuff. Hu Ni was certain that most of the suitcases they brought were filled with cheap yet fashionable clothes, along with a pile of inexpensive cosmetics. Dragging her heavy luggage towards the bus station, the girl named Fang Hongyu was going to Lianhua Mountain. Her relatives hadn't come to pick her up because they knew someone was going to pick up Lian Qing. Hu Ni really wanted to just drop her off on the bus and leave; that would at least show she wasn't someone to be bossed around. They should at least have greeted her and said a few polite words, but they didn't. It seemed Hu Ni was expected to accept whatever arrangements were made for her. But Hu Ni couldn't bring herself to do it. She looked at the address on the note; she couldn't even find the place herself, let alone this young girl who had just arrived in Shenzhen.
Hu Ni was hesitating whether to call a taxi, but Lian Qing had already hailed one with a flourish. The driver got out, opened the trunk, and struggled to stuff luggage inside. Each person also had a piece of luggage on their lap, barely managing to fit all the luggage in.
The two girls chatted excitedly all the way, their youthful and unrestrained language and laughter making people feel that the world truly belonged to them, because of their youth and their beauty.
Shortly after the taxi started moving, Fang Hongyu borrowed Hu Ni's phone and called her relatives, telling them they would be arriving soon. When the car reached the agreed-upon location, a woman, probably around Hu Ni's age and dressed in loose-fitting home clothes, stood there, clearly impatient. She helped them with their luggage and then dragged a large suitcase away. The woman kept a stern face, as if Hu Ni had brought her a burden, and impatiently grumbled, "I don't know what my aunt and uncle were thinking. Do they think Shenzhen is a goldmine? What kind of job is a young girl without a diploma looking for?" Fang Hongyu temporarily suppressed her joy, stuck out her tongue at Lian Qing, and followed the woman, swaying slightly.
Once back in the car, Lianqing chatted with Huni intermittently. Huni understood that she would have to get used to having her around from now on.
The Angels of Matter (Part 3)
gold
I simply couldn't believe those bags could hold so much stuff. As soon as I got home, the bags seemed to explode, spilling their contents everywhere. There were far more cheap yet fashionable clothes inside than I'd imagined. On the sofa, the floor, and Lianqing's bed, clothes of all colors and textures were scattered everywhere.
After showering, Lianqing put on a large white T-shirt that barely covered her bottom and came out. The things were still piled up outside, and Lianqing excitedly began looking around the room.
The living room contained a three-seater sofa, a television, a DVD player, and a refrigerator in the corner. Next to it was a dining table and several chairs. In Hu Ni's room were her computer, a bed, a simple wardrobe, and a simple bookshelf. The window offered views of other residential buildings, one next to the other. Lian Qing's window offered the same view, just from a different angle. Lian Qing's room had a large wardrobe, which belonged to the landlord. Then there was a bed and a dressing table. Looking at her room, Lian Qing said with a hint of grievance, "I have less stuff in my room than you do." Hu Ni took her clothes to the bathroom to shower, ignoring her.
When she came out, she saw Lianqing sitting comfortably amidst a pile of clothes, munching on an apple and watching TV. The room was a mess, a result of the robbery. Hu Ni didn't know what kind of habits this once arrogant girl had now. She said expressionlessly, "Pack your things before you watch."
"Hmm!" Lianqing answered, but didn't move.
"Did you hear that? Look how messy the house is, is there even room to step?" Hu Ni kicked a rag doll at her feet and said.
"Can't you take a break?"
Hu Ni didn't want to say anything more. There was no room left to sit in the living room, so Hu Ni simply went back to her room and lay down. Summer afternoons are especially tiring, not to mention she had gone for a run.
The phone rang, and Hu Ni knew who it was. She picked up the receiver, and sure enough, it was her aunt's thin, razor-sharp voice: "Hu Ni, have you picked up Lian Qing yet?"
"Received it."
"From now on, as her older cousin, you'll have to take good care of her. This is her first time traveling, and she's never experienced hardship before, so please be more accommodating. Also, you've been in Shenzhen for so many years, could you see if you could help her find a job? It just needs to be an office job..."
"Auntie, finding a job is up to her; I can't help her at all. But jobs are relatively easy to find here..."
“Don’t say these things. No matter what, we’ve treated you like our own daughter. As for Lianqing, we don’t approve of her going to Shenzhen either. What’s wrong with Shanghai? Besides, it’s too hard for her to be alone out there. But she insists on going. It doesn’t matter. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll let her come back…” Hu Ni listened numbly to the distant, floating voice. They had been kind to her, so they felt justified in making such a request.
"Should we talk to Lianqing?" Auntie's words seemed to indicate that the conversation was nearing its end.
"Why don't you call her?"
"Lianqing!" Hu Ni handed over the microphone.
Hu Ni picked up the clothes and placed them on top of another pile, then sat down on the sofa. She waited for Lian Qing to finish her impatient conversation with her mother before beginning her own. She felt she should talk to Lian Qing. She had a responsibility towards her little cousin.
"What kind of job are you looking for?" This opening line is ridiculous, like a teacher talking to a student, or an elder talking to a younger person.
Lian Qing paused for a moment, perhaps she hadn't considered such a specific detail. After all, she had only just graduated from high school. "Whatever," she said casually.
What can you do?
Lianqing paused for a moment, looked up from the TV and glanced at Hu Ni, but didn't say anything.
"computer?"
"...Go online?" Lianqing's eyes shone with a passionate light.
"I don't mean the internet, I mean some application software..."
"Won't!"