Why don't you love me anymore? What's wrong with me?
The lover replied:
"You're too naive. You have too many unrealistic dreams. We just don't get along. You're too stubborn, willful, and completely disregard other people's feelings. You often think you're very smart, and I really can't stand it."
She asked him sadly, "Wasn't it for these reasons that you liked me in the first place?"
We often ask the people we like, "Why do you like me? What do you like about me?"
Sadly, we often love someone and don't love someone for the same reasons.
You once admired her uncompromising nature, but in the end, you disliked her frequent refusal to compromise. You once liked her free spirit, but later felt it was all too much. Don't ask him what he likes about you; he'll leave you for the same reason someday. Counting flower petals, counting banknotes…
Every young girl has had the memory and years of counting flower petals, hasn't she? Holding a rose or a marguerite in her hand. In her heart...
Thinking about the person you like—Does he love me? Does he not love me? Does he love me? Does he not love me? When you pluck the last petal, is it "he loves me" or "he doesn't love me"? This game is baseless, but when girls can't be sure if he loves them, they can only play this silly divination.
The sentimentality and years spent counting flower petals have passed unnoticed. One day, the woman began counting banknotes. She discovered that counting banknotes was far more interesting than counting flower petals. Does he love me? Does he not love me? Does he love me? Does he not love me? Wouldn't it be clear if I just counted how many banknotes he gave me? Counting banknotes was much more accurate than counting flower petals. Besides, banknotes aren't roses or marguerites; they don't wither.
How she came to this point, from counting flower petals to counting banknotes, was something the woman didn't know. She only remembered that with each passing year, her interest in counting banknotes grew stronger than her interest in counting flower petals. Was this an inevitable part of life, or was it the man who made her this way? Perhaps both bore some responsibility. Banknotes aren't roses or marguerites; they provide a sense of security. Flowers offer only fleeting pleasure. If a man truly loved her, how could he bear to let her sit there counting flower petals, her mind in turmoil? He would let her count banknotes.
The woman grows old counting money. She's forgotten the days of counting flower petals. Does he love me? Does he not love me? Love me? Don't love me… Now she's more concerned with the gray hairs on her head. She's counting her gray hairs. Eighteen to twenty-four years old.
A fifty-year-old man said that at his age, it's best to find a girl between eighteen and twenty-four years old to be his girlfriend.
Why 18 to 24 years old? He said that girls of this age won't cling to him or demand a future together.
Their worlds are vibrant and diverse; she's more likely to leave him than he's to leave her. He doesn't have to take responsibility. Women over twenty-five are much more difficult. Once they fall in love with a man, they demand commitment and marriage. If a man can't, it's as if he's betrayed her; women of this age are hard to shake off.
I teased him, "Then why are you surrounded by women in their thirties and forties? What about those in their eighteens and twenty-fours?"
He smiled wryly and said, "Women over thirty are really hard to dump!"
Yes, eighteen to twenty-four is a beautiful time. At this age, dating is for the sake of dating, not marriage. Even if a woman deeply loves a man, she doesn't necessarily feel she has to be with him forever. This is an age where she can be capricious and prone to failure. What does it matter if she loves the wrong person? She still has youth to start over. At this time, a woman just wants to have more relationships, meet more men, and learn more about the world.
By twenty-five, a woman suddenly becomes more conservative. At this age, dating is for marriage. Men who don't intend to spend their lives with her should ideally not interfere. The age of capriciousness and complacency is over; this is the time to invest and preserve value. Don't let her like someone else.
Men should avoid saying this to just any girl:
"xxx is also nice, why don't you try dating him?"
If she looks down on that guy, she'll feel like you're belittling her. The fact that you're telling her to date this man means you think he's good enough for her, which means you're seriously underestimating her.
Men mind being asked about their salary, while women mind being suggested they like someone. If you suggest she like someone, are you implying she's unwanted? Even though she's of marriageable age, she still has that much dignity.
If you tell her to like a man who's too perfect, she might not be happy. At that point, she'll feel sorry for herself and think you're toying with her. What do you mean by telling her to like a man who will never like her back? She'll hate you for life!
She looks down on that man, so your suggestion only makes her angrier. She's always had a high opinion of herself, and suggesting she like him is like revealing the truth, showing her that she and that man are on the same level, at least in your eyes. You've really hurt her pride.
What if she actually likes you, and you're asking her to like a man she looks down on? She'll feel insulted. It's one thing if you don't like her, but why are you belittling her like this? You've gone too far! What's wrong with regretting it?
Some people like to say, "I never regret what I do." It sounds very impressive. But do they really never regret anything? We regret buying the wrong, useless things at the supermarket, let alone bigger things. Those who say they never regret anything simply know that regret is useless.
The decision has already been made, so why bother thinking about whether another decision would be better? There's no going back anyway.
We often think that regret is a sign of weakness, so many people try to be strong and say they will never regret anything. Why can't people regret things? Regret is not something a weak person does.
Learning to regret prevents us from repeating the same mistakes. Then, we might do better next time. Instead of forcing ourselves not to regret, we should learn from our regrets.
Regret, remorse, guilt. None of these are problems, but the time spent regretting must be short. Endless regret and remorse are indeed the actions of the weak. It's better to spend one month regretting something than ten years regretting it, and then use the remaining nine years and eleven months to change it.
I regret loving this person, so I will never be so stupid again.
I regret doing these stupid things, and I won't do them again.
I regret saying those words, and I will think things through before I speak in the future.
What's wrong with regret? Forcing yourself not to regret might only lead to continuing down the wrong path until you're mired in a quagmire. Then you'll regret not having regretted it in the first place. An imperfect body.
What do you usually do that makes you soften your heart? Is it what they say or what they say?
I used to think that what softened people's hearts was guilt, an apology, or perhaps a pitiful expression. But it turns out, what softens people's hearts most is a person's body.
I didn't really like someone; she was selfish and always took advantage of others. One evening, I saw her from afar on the street. She was wearing a short skirt, carrying two bags, and crossing the road alone. I noticed her flabby body jiggling, and her back slightly hunched. As she desperately rushed across the red light, her large buttocks swayed from side to side, as if she were struggling. At that moment, I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Why did I dislike her before? Maybe she wasn't so bad. Even if she was a little bad, so what? Maybe she had some good qualities that I didn't know about.
After I got home, the image of her crossing the street alone often lingered in my mind. The color of her skin. Her big buttocks, her plump calves, and the excess fat around her waist often echoed in my thoughts. It turns out that what softens one's heart is an imperfect body.
She is made of flesh and blood, and is bound to make mistakes.
Many people only soften when they see a frail body. You may hate someone, but when they are injured or when their days are numbered, you will forgive them.
Perhaps a healthy body should receive the same treatment. We are all imperfect, and we all have some extra weight on our bodies.
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Chapter Seven
(Novel//t//xt|//Heaven)
Friends are for looking down on.
Sometimes, you find it frustrating that one of the uses of friends is to look down on each other.
I often hear people criticizing their friends behind their backs, saying:
“His grades in school were nowhere near as good as mine, but he was luckier than me, and now he’s reaping the benefits without working.”