В Цзянху есть Сяо Чань

Глава 40

However, she added, "You don't need to pretend to be high and mighty. The reason you don't care is because you care about someone else, someone you can't have. I can't have her even if I want her, but you haven't even asked for her."

He recalled that he was furious at the time and stormed off.

Why was he angry? Was it because of Yelü Ping's disdainful yet pitying sneer, or because his secret had been exposed?

That day, he hadn't gone far. He watched as that pale purple figure rushed into someone's arms, saw the man's tender and doting gestures, and felt a pang of sadness. He feared their date would fall through. So he simply canceled the appointment himself, not wanting to put her in a difficult position, and even less wanting to face a direct rejection.

Lu Ziqi made his choice, and Yelü Ping's attempt backfired. This kind of relentless pressure is not suitable for people who appear gentle but are determined. Ignoring advice and insisting on their own way could very well force out their true feelings that they have been hiding in their hearts without even realizing it.

The domineering air that appeared in his expression as he held the person in his arms—was it because he had finally confirmed his feelings? It was a stark contrast to his previous nonchalant demeanor…

He stroked the riding whip in his hand, his self-mockery growing even stronger.

The result of leaving so casually was that the best opportunity was missed.

Upon returning, he witnessed their growing integration until there was no longer any gap for a third party, and he even lent a helping hand in some way.

Well, this is the first time in my life I've felt so insecure about a woman, and that's it. I still have many things to accomplish. Love is good if it exists, but if it doesn't, it doesn't really matter.

He's not as good as Lu Ziqi? What a joke!

He snapped the riding whip in two and threw it to the ground. Yelü Ping, that woman, could always provoke his anger with just a few words—how detestable! But wasn't this the kind of woman he needed? Sharp, incisive, decisive, and strong; most importantly, she possessed a powerful force behind her capable of influencing the current balance of power.

As for her, that pure and innocent girl, let Lu Ziqi protect her.

Lu Ziqi, if one day you can no longer protect her, then you no longer deserve to have her!

He lifted the reins, only to see a rider gallop past him; the rider was dressed in the official uniform of the county government.

Judging from that direction, they must be looking for her. Why the rush?

After a slight hesitation, he finally spurred his horse forward.

Having nothing else to do, he figured he might as well go check on things. Besides, he also wanted to get to the bottom of what Yelü Ping had said at the end…

The author has something to say: Princess Xingping's thought was: Knowing that you are not doing well, I can rest easy...

Actually, my thoughts are exactly the same as the monster's~ Oh ho ho ho...

P.S.: Okay, it seems like today's chapter was a little short... so I'll just post another one... *gritting my teeth and gritting my teeth*

P.S.: I want to strongly declare that when I announced this for the first day (the first paid chapter), I only said it would be three chapters a day! It absolutely does not mean three chapters every day thereafter! Please leave me a way out! *runs by in a flustered and confused state*

Chapter Forty-Four: A Nightmare That's Hard to End

Song Xiaohua felt that she must be dreaming, a very long nightmare from which she could never wake up.

In her dream, a constable on horseback found her by the roadside, saying he had just received a report from a neighboring county that something had happened to her family. The dust kicked up by the horse's hooves hit her face, causing a dull pain.

Entrusting Lu Ling and Song Wuque to Aunt Zhang, the experienced and prudent County Magistrate Zhang arranged for a carriage to accompany her on her journey. The autumn wind was biting, stinging her skin.

After traveling for many days, we arrived at a house. Many people were standing in the courtyard, and four coffins, two large and two small, were placed in the main room. Everything in sight was a grim white, and the pain was piercing.

People kept coming to talk to her, and although she could hear them, she seemed not to understand anything and didn't know how to respond.

Among all those unfamiliar faces flitting about, only one expression came to mind: sorrow.

So I got infected, and then I became sad, almost suffocating.

This is a dream, this is fake, but why do those feelings and emotions feel so real?

In her dream, besides County Magistrate Zhang, there was another person accompanying her: a devilishly handsome man in blue clothes.

When did he appear? I don't remember, it seems like he's been there since the beginning. Why is he there? I don't know, there's no logic in dreams anyway...

Later, it seemed I attended a funeral. The music was loud and boisterous, and someone was singing a song I'd never heard before, its melody so mournful it made my heart clench. There was also paper money falling from the sky, drifting and drifting endlessly. As it drifted, it turned into snowflakes, cascading down from the gray sky in clumps.

Damn it, God, you really know how to time things! But isn't this a bit too unoriginal? Snowing right after a funeral? Does that mean people won't be buried when the sun is shining?

I found the idea very interesting, and I grinned, trying to laugh myself awake, but I still couldn't wake up.

When will she finally wake up? She's been having this dream for ten whole days now; she doesn't want to continue, because in this dream, there's no Lu Ziqi, no Dongqing…

Later, it finally quieted down, and all the unfamiliar faces disappeared. The once crowded courtyard suddenly became empty, and even the softest footsteps could make your eardrums buzz.

I decided to sit still in the room, which wasn't big but was very clean. A half-new quilt was neatly arranged at the head of the bed, and a wooden comb, a rouge box, and half an unfinished embroidery were on the dressing table, as if the room's owner lived there every day and had never left.

She had never been to this room before, but why did it feel so familiar? The simple furnishings and the faint fragrance seemed to be imprinted on her life, inseparable from it.

What a strange feeling, what a strange dream...

My head is foggy; it must be because I've slept too long. Sleeping like this isn't a good thing. Could it be like those scenes in horror movies, where I fall into some kind of demonic nightmare and can't get out?

I gritted my teeth and pinched my arm twice. Damn, that really hurt! But it didn't help…

"What are you doing?!"

Tears blurred her vision from the pain, revealing only a faint blue hue. Her sleeve was rolled up, the movement both urgent and gentle: "Look at me!" The voice was low, carrying a barely suppressed anger.

He blinked hard: "I'm looking at you! But I can't see you very clearly..."

She sighed deeply: "Why are you torturing yourself like this? Do you want them to leave in unease?"

"Them? Who? They left? Where were they going?"

After a moment of silence, someone grabbed my arm and dragged me away against my will, stumbling and falling all the way.

I don't know how long I walked, but all I could see was a vast expanse of white. In this white expanse, four small black dots stood silently.

"They are your brother, your sister-in-law, and your two nephews! They are dead and have been reincarnated in the underworld! Are you deliberately trying to make them unable to let go and forced to stay here as lonely ghosts?!"

"Dead?...How could a perfectly healthy person die?..." Reaching out to catch the willow-like snowflakes, she chuckled, "That's why I said it was a dream! Only in dreams can there be such beautiful, such pure snow...Where we live, it rarely snows in winter, and even when it does, it melts immediately upon hitting the ground, so it's not much different from rain. I remember once, I insisted on seeing snow, real snow. My parents couldn't resist me, so they took me to Harbin. The snow there was so beautiful, exactly like it is now...That year, I was twelve years old..."

"What...what nonsense are you spouting?!"

“Let me tell you a secret, one I’ve never told anyone, not even Dongqing! I should have told him first… but it’s just a dream, so it doesn’t matter…” She tiptoed closer to the person’s ear, feigning mystery: “I’m not from this era. I come from Shanghai more than a thousand years in the future. I traveled here by mistake while I was asleep! The real Song Xiaohua died of illness a long time ago, several months before her relatives… Now, finally, the whole family can be reunited…”

A pair of large hands gripped his shoulder tightly, fingers seemingly digging into flesh and crushing bone: "Wake up right now! Do you hear me?!"

"I want to wake up too... This dream has been going on for so long, not just ten days, almost four months... But I just can't wake up, no matter what I do, I can't wake up, what should I do..."

"What's the use of running away? They're all dead, killed by the Liao people, along with the villagers, all killed by the Liao's swords. They'll never come back to life! You're the only one left alive in their family. You have to carry on their unfinished lives, instead of staying here, wallowing in self-pity and giving up on yourself at their graves!"

"Are you filming a movie?! What do you mean by being killed by the Liao people?" Something suddenly exploded in my mind, and all I wanted to do was scream and roar: "Massacre?! Do you think it's like the Japanese invading a village?! We are so powerful now, we are no longer the people who were bullied decades ago. Who would dare to come to our territory and run wild? Are they tired of living? Aren't they afraid we will just send troops to wipe them out?!"

"Destroy?" A chilling laugh reached his ears: "Since the founding of the dynasty by Emperor Taizu, when has the Song army ever been strong? They can't even take care of or protect their own people, yet they dare to dream of destroying Liao! Ha!"

"Emperor Taizu... it turns out to be Emperor Taizu of Song's 'founding of the nation'... This is not a dream. I can never go back. I am all alone again..."

Grabbing the hand that had almost broken his own arm, he bit down hard in a fit of rage. Warm liquid flowed into his mouth, gradually calming the roaring in his head and the chaos in his heart. He looked up and met a pair of eyes that seemed like amber against the backdrop of the snow: "Yuan Hao..."

"You've finally seen me for who I am."

His voice was still clear and bright, but with a slight hoarseness. His expression was still carefree, but with an undeniable weariness.

Snowflakes began to fall again, covering the teeth marks on the back of my hand that were constantly oozing crimson blood, which were then melted away by hot tears.

"I thought I had regained everything I had lost. I no longer had parents, but I had my brother and sister-in-law, my nephew and niece, and family and relatives who truly loved and cared for me. That was enough. What more could I ask for? I even thanked God for giving me two homes here, two ordinary yet equally warm homes. But... they're gone. All of it at once, nothing at all..."

"No, you... still have your husband's family."

"Husband..." She sniffed, wiped away her tears, and looked up at his calm face: "Have you ever tried to be good to someone, to give them your whole heart, but you just don't exist in their heart? No, maybe you do, maybe just a little bit, only a little bit..."

"I... have tried, but I don't even know if I'll get even a tiny bit."

Song Xiaohua has always believed that humans are inherently shameless, their favorite pastime being to build their own happiness on the suffering of others. For example, right now, although she's still a long way from happiness, she can't deny that when she heard Yuan Hao's plight was even more miserable than her own, her heart, which had been weighed down by a thousand-pound stone, did feel a tiny bit relieved…

Have you ever felt this way?

"have."

"So what happened to you afterwards...?"

There was no "later," because it was just the beginning.

The amber in Yuan Hao's eyes seemed to dance, and the hand Song Xiaohua was holding was no longer icy cold, but gradually warmed with a certain heat: "You, are you willing..."

Before he could finish speaking, the sound of horses arose.

A chestnut-colored horse galloped through the snow, fine snowflakes rising and forming a mist around its hooves, enveloping the rider's figure.