Bo Qinghuan

Kapitel 35

As Yang Hao spoke, he picked Gu Zao up and carried her to the edge of the bed, gently setting her down. Then he sat down beside her, took her hand, and gently rubbed it, watching her smile incessantly.

Gu Zao shook her head, her eyes suddenly falling on his chest. She then remembered the wound there hadn't been treated and hurriedly tried to sit up, but he pressed her down, laughing, "It's just a cut. I have medicine in my study; you can get it and apply some for me. If I disturb my mother, she'll probably make a huge fuss." Seeing that Gu Zao still seemed worried, he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it, then smiled, "I'm about to become a father myself; how could I not know what's important?"

In the warm tent by the red stove, Gu Zao helped Yang Hao take off his clothes, used the hot water that had just been brought in to cleanse him of the dust of his journey, changed him into new undergarments, and told him to lie down on the couch. She then wrung out a clean cloth and gently wiped away the dirt from his wounds, carefully applied medicine powder, and listened to him recount his experiences from the past few days.

In the chaos of that day, he was wounded by an arrow, and his horse was also injured, going berserk and charging wildly. He had been lying prone on the horse's back, but eventually, due to exhaustion, he was thrown off and lay alone in the freezing snow for a long time. Fortunately, he was rescued by a hunter returning home, only then realizing that he had been brought into Khitan territory. Fortunately, although this place had belonged to the Liao Dynasty for nearly a hundred years, the local people secretly still considered themselves citizens of the Central Plains, and they took him home and hid him. Although the arrow wound was deep, it was fortunate that it was not poisoned, and he slowly recovered after half a month. However, the hunter heard that the government was searching for a Song Dynasty man who looked very similar to Yang Hao, and thinking that he was going to be arrested for something dangerous, he hid him for a few more days.

As soon as his injuries began to heal, Yang Hao was eager to return and could no longer hide. He secretly left the jade pendant he was wearing with the hunter as a token of his gratitude, and then, under the cover of night, he quietly headed south through the border market back to Song territory. When he arrived at Nanguiyi Town, he saw that the city gates were covered with government notices searching for him, and only then did he realize that the Liao rebellion had been quelled.

Local officials received an urgent search order from Tokyo, demanding to see Yang Hao alive or dead. However, many days had passed without any news, and they were getting anxious when they suddenly saw that he had returned on his own. Overjoyed, they immediately arranged for a fast horse to accompany him, and Yang Hao then rode back to Tokyo day and night.

After hearing his story, Gu Zao sighed deeply, crawled to her knees beside him, pressed her face against his cheek, and then closed her eyes, murmuring, "If you ever travel far away again, I will definitely go with you..."

Yang Hao remained silent, but reached out and pulled her close, his lips already pressed against hers. The two lingered for a while, both blushing and their hearts pounding.

Gu Zao grabbed Yang Hao's hand that had slipped inside his clothes, knelt up, and shook his head, panting, saying, "Your injuries haven't healed yet, and I'm afraid I won't be able to help you for the next few days..."

Yang Hao gazed at her, noticing a stray strand of hair clinging to her rosy lips, flushed from his constant sucking, her eyes brimming with tears. She knelt beside him, shaking her head repeatedly in protest. His desire intensified. Finally managing to suppress it, he let out a long sigh and pleaded softly, "I'll just hold you while we sleep, I won't touch you again. If you don't believe me, tie my hands with a rope."

Seeing his forced restraint, Gu Zao was both amused and annoyed. She couldn't help but playfully flick his erection through his undergarment. Hearing him gasp, she leaned close to his ear and whispered teasingly, "Since you're risking your life to get home, how could I bear to let it hold back like this? Consider it a kiss to reward a hero..."

Yang Hao propped himself up slightly with his elbows and saw her lean down. Her tongue traveled down his lower abdomen, and her soft lips and tongue finally gently touched and curled up there. Instantly, his heart was filled with excitement and pleasure. He only wished that their love would be deep and lasting forever.

The following April, peonies in the capital were in full bloom.

Along the Bian River near Dongshuimen, there are no fewer than ten courtyard-style restaurants of various sizes, but the most prosperous one is naturally the earliest one, Fangtai Restaurant.

Today, Fangtai Tower was unusually bustling. A long red carpet had been laid out on the ground outside the main gate, and the place was packed with guests, with people coming and going in a lively atmosphere. Every time a carriage or horse passed by, the beggars who had gathered there early on would swarm around it and stretch out their hands to beg from the guests.

Several more carriages approached from afar. The first carriage was accompanied by several servants. A sharp-eyed beggar exclaimed, "Those are the carriages from the Grand Commandant's residence! I heard that Second Master Yang from the Grand Commandant's residence is the son-in-law of the family that's getting married at this restaurant today. The son-in-law outside is Second Master Yang from the Grand Commandant's residence, and the one getting married inside is the martial arts champion appointed by the Emperor himself this year. The old lady of the restaurant must be a living bodhisattva to have such good fortune. Everyone, when the carriages arrive, shout loudly, and they certainly won't skimp on the gifts!"

As soon as he finished speaking, the other beggars perked up, their eyes widening as they prepared to pounce.

The carriage approached with its jingling bells, and just as the beggars were about to surround it, a beautiful young woman emerged from inside, wearing a purple peony hairpin and a pale yellow dress. She was followed by a maid, and both of them carried a food box and a money box.

The beggars had never seen such a beautiful woman before, and they were all stunned.

The woman approached the beggars and said with a smile, "My matriarch is holding a wedding banquet here today for her daughter. She is very kind and asked me to give each of you two freshly steamed jujube paste buns and a string of cash. Please, gentlemen, make way for me." After saying that, she and the maid behind her began distributing the gifts.

The beggars, having received food and money, and seeing the woman smiling and not looking down on them because of their lowly status, were grateful. They all bowed and thanked her, just like the officials, and slowly dispersed.

"Sister Huixin!"

Seeing that the beggars had dispersed, the woman was about to go inside with the young maid when she suddenly heard someone call her name. Turning around, she smiled and hurriedly went to greet them, saying, "San Dun! Are Second Master and Madam in the carriage?"

Before San Ku could answer, the car door opened, and Yang Hao jumped out first, then took Gu Zao's hand and carefully carried her out.

Huixin was already used to this, but Liuzao behind her was a little stunned. She secretly tugged at Huixin's sleeve and whispered, "Is Second Master Yang always like this to you, sister?"

Huixin covered her mouth and chuckled, without replying. She hurriedly went to greet Gu Zao, took her other hand, and said with a smile, "Madam is almost eight months pregnant now, and her body is heavy. Even if you didn't come, the old lady wouldn't blame you."

Gu Zao smiled slightly and said, "Today is my third sister's wedding day, how could I, as her elder sister, not come? Besides, it will be more convenient for us to visit each other now."

Huixin shook her head and smiled, "I've only ever heard that pregnant women should rest and recuperate properly, not that they should move around a lot. Madam is so talkative, and Second Master always indulges you."

Gu Zao glanced at Yang Hao beside her, saw his composed expression, and smiled slightly. The group chatted for a while longer before going inside together.

After they went inside, a man in his late twenties was watching Huixin's departing figure in another car that had just arrived at the main gate, and he was momentarily stunned.

"Gongyu, what are you looking at?" The woman beside him called out when she saw him lost in thought. It was Madam Shi. It turned out that Mr. Shi and his wife were also invited today, but Mr. Shi had something to do and couldn't come. Fortunately, his nephew was here, so he asked his nephew to escort Madam Shi to the banquet and send her back afterward.

Hearing his aunt call him, Shi Gongyu snapped out of his daze, hurriedly shook his head, and tried to help Shi Niangzi out of the carriage. Shi Niangzi had already followed his gaze and saw that his eyes were fixed on the woman in yellow beside Gu Zao. She wondered if her usually picky nephew had stumbled upon someone who could capture his heart. Remembering that she had once considered matchmaking between him and Gu Zao, she smiled to herself and secretly thought that she would definitely ask Gu Zao about the woman's background when she had the chance.

The third sister's new room was in the newly built house behind the restaurant. It turned out that although Yue Teng had just passed the imperial martial arts examination with top honors, he still couldn't afford a house in the capital. Since her family had an empty room, and Madam Fang couldn't bear to part with her youngest daughter, she suggested that the two of them continue to live there after their marriage. Yue Teng wasn't a stubborn person; after discussing it with his parents, he went to thank Madam Fang.

When Gu Zao entered the bridal chamber, she saw her sitting gracefully inside the tent, accompanied by Liu Zao and Xiuniang. Third Sister saw Gu Zao enter and hurriedly stood up to greet her, but Gu Zao stopped her with a smile. She went to her side and carefully examined her. Seeing her beautiful makeup and the shy yet joyful smile in her eyes, she suddenly remembered when she first arrived and went to find her by the river, watching her emerge from the bushes. A warmth filled her heart. She took her hand and jokingly said, "That little girl from Dongshan Village back then, in the blink of an eye, is going to be the wife of a top scholar. Sister, I'm truly delighted."

The third sister lowered her head slightly, her cheeks flushing a faint pink. Seeing her shyness, Gu Zao patted her shoulder, then, remembering Yang Hao was still waiting outside, was about to leave when she saw her third sister suddenly raise her head, looking at Gu Zao and saying, "Sister, back in Dongshan Village, I never dreamed that I would one day come to Tokyo, let alone meet Yue Lang and marry him. Our family is where it is today because of you. Sister, you don't know how grateful I am."

Gu Zao hadn't expected her third sister to say such a thing, and she was somewhat moved. She said softly, "Sister, you've only done your best and accepted your fate. Your success today is all thanks to your own efforts. Could it be that I helped Brother Yue become the top martial arts scholar by practicing archery?"

After Gu Zao finished speaking, everyone laughed. Then, Third Sister mentioned that Yue Teng, during the palace examination, was favored by the Emperor for his outstanding literary talent and was immediately appointed as the Commander of the Palace Guard. However, he himself was not very happy about it in private, saying that he would rather go to the countryside to gain experience.

Gu Zao smiled and said, "It's not easy to rise from a local official to a high-ranking official in the capital, but it's not difficult to go from a high-ranking official in the capital to a local official. Tell him to serve his full term honestly first, and then explain his intentions to the Emperor when he is appointed next. The Emperor will probably be even happier to see such a hardworking minister."

Hearing Gu Zao say this, the third sister's expression also carried a hint of pride. After chatting for a while, Gu Zao finally left the bridal chamber, only to find Yang Hao still waiting for her there. She smiled slightly.

Today's celebratory banquet has a name: the Peony Banquet of Prosperity and Fortune. The reason for using peonies is twofold. First, peonies have a long lifespan, exceeding a hundred years, making them auspicious for birthday celebrations, wishing for health and longevity; while for weddings, they symbolize wealth, good fortune, and happiness. Second, it just so happens to coincide with the peony blooming season, and the newly launched peony banquet at the restaurant is currently very popular. Therefore, when Huixin suggested this idea, everyone immediately applauded.

The main dish of the Peony Banquet is Peony Swallow Dish. Legend has it that when Empress Wu Zetian toured Luoyang, she grew tired of the delicacies and ordered her imperial chefs to prepare a vegetarian dish. It had to be made without meat and had a unique flavor, which truly stumped the chefs. Later, seeing thick, long radishes in the fields, they had a flash of inspiration. They bought a few, washed and shredded them, mixed them with mung bean flour, steamed them thoroughly, and then poured broth over them before presenting them to the Empress. The Empress was delighted after eating it and named it "Swallow Dish" based on its shape. Now, its combination with peonies in this dish is the icing on the cake. The main ingredient is a large radish, washed, peeled, and shredded. It is soaked in water for a while to remove the raw spiciness, squeezed dry, mixed with mung bean flour, and then evenly mixed with the radish shreds. The flour mixture should not be too thick. It is then steamed for half an hour and set aside. Next, place appropriate amounts of shredded squid, shiitake mushrooms, ham, chicken breast, and bamboo shoots into a large bowl, top with the previously prepared shredded radish, and steam until thoroughly cooked. Then, invert the bowl into a large pot. The main dish is now almost finished, but the peony flower still requires some effort. Egg yolks are separated from chicken eggs, beaten, mixed with a little flour and cherry juice, and poured into pre-carved flower molds. These are then steamed to form egg yolk cakes. Fresh shrimp are used to make shrimp dumplings, which are placed on small plates. The egg yolk cakes are cut in half and carefully inserted into the shrimp dumplings, then steamed briefly to create the peony flower. Finally, a pre-prepared high-quality broth with various seasonings is boiled and poured over the arranged peony-shaped agar-agar. The peony flower in this dish is handmade, but all the other dishes at the banquet are made with freshly picked peony petals. Dishes include "National Beauty and Heavenly Fragrance Chicken," "Golden Peony Shrimp," "Peony Fried Rabbit," "Peony Stewed Venison," and "Blooming Flowers and Full Moon Soup," and the accompanying beverage is peony-infused wine.

Gu Zao, now eight months pregnant, looked like she was ten months along. She saw her aunt, Madam Hu, sitting at the women's table. While others had only a maid standing behind them, Madam Hu was with Widow Li, being ordered around, constantly ordering tea and handing towels, seemingly showing off her power as the first wife. Widow Li, however, was indeed good-natured, standing there smiling and obeying orders without seeming annoyed. Gu Zao wondered what Widow Li was thinking. She shook her head inwardly. After sitting for a while, feeling her body grow heavy again, she said goodbye to Madam Fang, who was dressed in bright red and green and looking quite dashing, and left with Yang Hao.

June arrived in the blink of an eye, and the capital was already ablaze with flowers. Peonies, kerria japonica, and roses of all kinds were on the market, and flower vendors displayed their wares in bamboo baskets with horse-head handles, their calls clear and melodious. In the quiet courtyard under the clear curtains, on the high tower at dawn, still lingering from a drunken dream, one begins a new day.

The Pine and Bamboo South Courtyard of the Grand Commandant's Mansion was bustling with activity. A group of people had gathered in the outer room, all holding their breath and waiting. It turned out that Gu had started labor early in the middle of the night, but fortunately, all the necessary supplies in the mansion had been prepared in advance, and several midwives who had been delivering babies for decades had been invited to stay in the mansion. Although it was busy, it was not chaotic.

Gu had been in pain for half the night, and fearing that Yang Hao outside would hear and panic, she bit down hard on the cork to suppress the pain, groaning softly. But the suppressed sounds of pain still escaped and reached Yang Hao's ears. If Jiang Shi hadn't stopped her, she probably would have barged in.

As dawn broke in the east, everyone suddenly heard the cry of a baby coming from inside. Their faces lit up with joy, and they heard the midwife exclaim, "Congratulations, Madam! You have given birth to a daughter, bringing wealth and prosperity to your home!"

Everyone at the door froze for a moment, except for Yang Hao, who relaxed, wiped the sweat from his forehead, and was about to rush in when Jiang stopped him, saying, "Oh my second brother, what kind of man goes into the delivery room right after giving birth!"

The two were locked in a stalemate when suddenly another babbling sound came from inside. The midwife shouted even louder than before, "Oh dear, another one is coming out! It's a young master! Congratulations, madam, you have a son and a daughter, a double blessing!"

Everyone was stunned for a moment, then their faces lit up with joy. The old women who had been sent by the old lady to hear the news rushed off to deliver the good news, afraid that if they were late, someone else would snatch the money for delivering the good news.

Yang Hao stood dumbfounded at the doorway, pushed and pulled out of the house by Jiang Shi, who slammed the door shut. He stood there for a long while before coming to his senses. Looking up, he saw the old lady being escorted over. He was about to go forward to greet her, but she didn't even glance at him, and went straight in with a smile. Yang Hao felt awkward, touched his nose, and listened intently to the sounds inside. He knew he wouldn't see his beloved wife and two adorable children, so he had no choice but to leave alone, feeling dejected.

On the day of the baby's full-month celebration, the Grand Commandant's mansion was bustling with activity. Gifts of gold, silver, rhinoceros horn, and jade were exchanged, and relatives and friends gathered together. A large basin of hot, fragrant soup was prepared, and various fruits, copper coins, scallions, and garlic were thrown in. The basin was then wrapped with a long, colorful cloth. People on the side stirred the water in the basin with hairpins, and some of the red dates that had been thrown in stood upright. The women scrambled to pick them up and eat them, saying it was a sign of having a son. Amidst the lively laughter and chatter, a crowd of people poured out from the back hall. It turned out that the host had brought the baby for the baby's washing ceremony.

When the women saw the two babies in swaddling clothes, they all praised them highly. Not only were they incredibly cute, but they also looked exactly alike, making it impossible to tell which was the older sister and which was the younger brother.

The old lady received a lot of kind words and kept smiling. However, fearing that the children were too delicate to handle the fuss, she asked the nun who had been invited to shave their heads to dip a cloth in fragrant water and wipe it on the foreheads of the two children as if they had been washed. Then she carefully removed the baby hairs. Only then did she order someone to take the children back, and thanked all the guests for inviting them to stay for a meal. The lively atmosphere lasted until dusk before everyone dispersed.

In August, the weather grew warm. Gu Zao sat in the cradle, gazing at her two children. She saw her older sister, Xi Jie, still sucking on her tiny hand in her sleep, while her younger brother, Qing Ge, lay quietly with his arms and legs outstretched. The more she looked at them, the more she loved them. Just as she was about to gently remove Xi Jie's hand from her mouth, she was suddenly embraced from behind. Without looking, she knew it was Yang Hao. Without turning around, she chuckled softly, "Look at these two. The older sister is much more active than the younger brother. When we took them out for their full-moon ceremony, I heard the wet nurse say that Qing Ge slept soundly with his eyes closed, while Xi Jie kept her eyes wide open, moving around constantly. She would laugh whenever someone teased her, making everyone think she was a boy and Qing Ge was a girl..."

Yang Hao picked up Gu Zao and sat her on his lap, resting his chin on her shoulder as he looked at the two children. He smiled and said, "It's good that Sister Xi is lively. When she's older, I'll teach her to ride on my shoulders to see the lanterns. If they're all as demure as other people's daughters, wouldn't that take away a lot of fun?"

Gu Zao shook her head and said, "I'm afraid you'll spoil her into a wild girl in the future."

Yang Hao chuckled and said, "A wild girl is good, let's see which boy dares to run away with her!"

Gu Zao rolled her eyes at him, stood up from his lap, stretched, touched the fat on her waist, and sighed, "During my postpartum period, I ate and slept all day long, and wasn't even allowed to step out of the house. The fat I gained is now impossible to lose..."

Yang Hao looked up and saw her chest bulging. Because of the heat and the fact that everyone was indoors, she was dressed lightly, and her smooth, fragrant skin was faintly visible. He pulled her back into his arms and buried his face in her chest, taking a deep sniff. He said, "It's good that you've gained weight. You smell so sweet and fragrant..."

Gu Zao chuckled. The two were tugging at each other when suddenly a loud cry rang in her ears. Turning around, she saw that Qing Ge had woken up at some point and was crying incessantly with his eyes closed. Xi Jie also started wailing along with him, making quite a scene.

Gu Zao hurriedly pushed Yang Hao away and went to the cradle to soothe him. Yang Hao sighed deeply. His son seemed to have a grudge against him, always crying and fussing whenever he clung to his mother for some solace. After a long pause, he finally went to the door, flung it open, and called to the wet nurse outside, "From now on, take Qing Ge out to sleep!"

The wet nurse glanced at Gu Zao inside and whispered, "But Madam said she wanted to sleep as she pleased..."

Yang Hao roared in anger: "I am the head of the family, and you shall obey my orders!"

~~O(∩_∩)O~~

Author's Note: Extra Chapter

My name is Yang Huan, and I call myself Yang Yihen (Yang One-Hate). Because I have one deepest regret in my life, a regret that haunts me to the point of utter despair, yet I lament my ill-fated destiny and feel powerless to change it. (Author scoffs: You're just trying to act tough, let's see what kind of nonsense you can come up with.)

This resentment stems from the fact that I was stuck with a stepmother named Qingge. (Author exclaims in surprise: What? What does this have to do with me!)

Dear readers, there are two kinds of mothers in this world: biological mothers and stepmothers (of course, godmothers don't count). My biological mother, of course, is usually too busy fighting with those women in the household who try to seduce my father and ruin his reputation to care about me. But she does occasionally pinch my ear and spit on me; I know that's what a biological mother does – a beating is a sign of affection, a scolding is a sign of love. But you, stepmother, did my father mistreat you, or did I offend you in a past life? Why did you turn me, a young man with unlimited potential like Yang Yan from the Song Dynasty, into a good-for-nothing bully who bullies men and women…? I'm wronged! I'm truly wronged! It's a pity that Judge Bao is still stuck in his hometown of Luzhou taking care of his parents, otherwise I would really have filed a lawsuit against you, you heartless woman, and let you taste the guillotine too~~~ (Author angrily curses: You dare to take my life? PS. I'm not interested in your father, your second uncle is more like it~~)

When I, Yang Huan, entered the Imperial Academy, I firmly remembered my teacher's teachings: writing papers requires presenting facts and reasoning. I resolutely adhere to this principle, so here I will also present the facts and reasoning, and let you, the readers, judge for yourselves. Alas, my fragile young heart... (Author's surprise: Eh, were the teachers at the Imperial Academy also time travelers?)

Let me start with my introduction. I know you're a muscular, sultry, and secretly masculine man, like my uncle. I admit I'm a bit outgoing and lively, but you've managed to smear me like this. When describing my appearance, saying I'm pretty is one thing, I can accept it so-so (actually, I'm quite dashing, the author is blind to that), but why did you add "eyes sparkling with peach blossom luck"? Where did you see that I'm sparkling with peach blossom luck? Besides, even if I were, I wouldn't be sparkling with peach blossom luck on an old lady like you, why do you have such a grudge against me? Poor me, this originally promising young man, was completely overshadowed by my uncle right from the start, foreshadowing the beginning of my tragic life... (Author's sinister thoughts: You dare call me old lady? If you piss me off, I'll seduce you to the very end~~~)

Then there's that little girl selling fried dough sticks, what was her name again...? She was the one who acted like she'd seen a ghost whenever she saw me. I, Yang Huan, prefer women with a thousand charms and a charming, sophisticated air; I have no interest in young girls. That day, stuck on the water, I was so bored that I wanted to tease her a bit. I just wanted her to come aboard my big pleasure boat and sing a little song to pass the time; I wasn't going to eat her. How dare she bite me! I was furious, and that's why I lost control and held her underwater a few times. I never really wanted to kill her. (Okay, I admit I went too far. I'm a petty person, but stepmother, you have to consider my upbringing. I'm a little tyrant, and you never taught me any manners. ~~~ I know I was wrong now, I repent, I deeply repent~~. What Buddha said about putting down the knife that kills people and becoming an immortal or a Buddha? I didn't kill anyone, but stepmother, based on what happened the first time we met, you didn't even give me a chance to repent. You've cast me into the deepest hell ever since. My poor little heart is so cold~~ (Author sneers: Okay, even if you pass this time, what about when you harassed a woman at the Double Ninth Festival Chrysanthemum Gathering at the Great Xiangguo Temple, almost causing her to die of shame, and then someone reported you to the Golden Palace, making your father clean up your mess and kicking you to your uncle's place?)

Oh dear, that's even more unfair! I really didn't do anything. That day, I just saw that young lady had some dirt on her face, and I went over to wipe it off. I was doing a good deed like Lei Feng… Uh, okay, I'll tell you the truth. I did think that young lady was alright-looking, and I couldn't resist touching her cheeks a couple of times. Just a couple of touches. Who knew that young lady would go home and threaten to hang herself? Ugh, how pathetic! I wonder where Zhu Xi is hiding and dozing off right now. Was it really necessary? Just because I touched her cheek, she threatened to kill herself and almost lost her life. And now I'm being labeled frivolous… (Author spits: Serves you right for being so impulsive! You call that frivolous? You're more like vulgar and shameless!)

What? Stepmother, you call me vulgar and shameless? If you said I was incredibly charming, that would be one thing, but this vulgarity and shamelessness? I absolutely cannot accept it! This is just too different! One is in heaven, the other on earth; they'll never become those inseparable birds and branches. (Author's surprise: Oh, calling you ignorant is really unfair! You even know about birds and branches! If Lord Bai knew this in the afterlife, he would surely be very pleased.)

Go away, go away, don't interrupt. Speaking of being a ladies' man, I really have to praise myself. It's not my fault; it's this wicked old society that corrupted me, a once innocent young man. Who told my father to be so corrupt, and those talented scholars and literary giants like Su Dongpo to set such a shining example for me? If I were too upright, wouldn't I be letting down my ancestors? Besides, I've been an irresistible young boy since childhood, growing up surrounded by women; being a bit of a ladies' man is inevitable. (Author's disdain: Do you think you're Jia Baoyu?)

Having roamed every flower garden, from East Chicken Lane and West Chicken Lane to Sweetwater Lane, even the blossoms and plants in Shangqing Palace, Liquan Temple, and the Peach Blossom Cave in front of Jingde Temple—I've seen them all. In the deep halls and warm tents, amidst the blazing fragrance and dazzling beauty, I felt utterly lost, empty, and sorrowful, unable to find my direction in life. Until that day, that day I finally saw the person I had searched for a thousand times on the clear water. Although she pulled me into the water and I almost became a green-haired turtle, I have never forgotten her since, thinking of her day and night… (Author: You're such a submissive!)

I thought and thought, and in the end, I was married off, but the bride wasn't her. The old hen turned into a duck in the blink of an eye, and my sweetheart became my own aunt… Only at that moment did I truly understand my uncle, my own uncle—he was a wolf in sheep's clothing, a cunning wolf in sheep's clothing! Oh, my stepmother, I know you don't like me, because I could never grow a face like my uncle's, but you can't treat me like this! I accepted being married off, but why did you have to arrange this marriage for me? (Author's sly smile: Just so you'd have a hard time~~)

My beloved is beautiful, so beautiful. You've all seen my married life—in one word, "miserable," in two words, "a tragedy," in three words, "I want to die." Countless heartbroken nights I've spent thinking until dawn, yet I know not where to go... (Author sneers: You're useless and you blame me? You're a piece of trash...)

So-and-so said, "When humans think, God laughs"; you, the stepmother, have also secretly complained, "When authors think, readers laugh"; now that I, Yang Huan, have finally managed to think for a moment, why are you laughing too? Do you have any sympathy? (Author's exasperation: Which eye of yours saw me laughing at you? I was laughing at the two flies fighting on the wall, okay?)

After a long and agonizing period of reflection, I, Yang Huan, finally understood a profound truth: the reason my uncle lives such a comfortable life is because his wife is good. I've heard that you, stepmother, are always using your amazing abilities, so I, Yang Huan, beg you, I'll call you beautiful lady and help tame my shrewish wife! ~~~~~o(>_<)o~~~~~ If you don't take care of me, stepmother, I'll pester my aunt every day, eavesdrop on her conversations in the south courtyard, and try to steal my uncle away… (Author's shudder: Aren't you awful…? You really are a scoundrel. Fine, fine, I give up. Tell me, what kind of beautiful wife do you want?)

My requirements aren't high, so I'll call them Yang's Three Requirements. First, she must have a professional skill (my wife should be like my aunt; she can't cook, but anything else will do, she just needs to have one skill); second, hehe, preferably she's very knowledgeable about the wonders of the body (as I said before, I like women who are knowledgeable and understanding); third, let me think… oh right, men being philanderers is fashionable, and when I follow the trend, I can't be jealous, envious, or throw tantrums, and I certainly can't chase after all the pretty girls around me… (The author sneers: First Yang Yihen, now Yang Sandang, you haven't studied much, but you've certainly created plenty of trouble. He pulls out a big club: I'll beat you to death, you green-cheeked big turtle…)

The stepmother is a beauty that could topple kingdoms, shame the moon and shame the flowers, with a heart of jade, pure as jade, chaste as a pine, with a soul of ice and snow, as clear as an autumn moon, standing out from the crowd, always helping others, with immeasurable merit, and will be remembered for eternity... (Author begs for mercy: Spare me, I still want to live and write... Okay, okay, I'll give you a Xu Jiaoniang who fits your three criteria...)

Really? Oh my goodness, you're my real mother! I love you so much... *pounces on you* (The author sidesteps, smiling like a bright white lotus flower: If you regret this later, don't come bothering me again.)

Don't worry, don't worry, I, Yang Huan, have never known the meaning of regret. As long as my beloved wife possesses these three qualities, from this day forward, she can confidently anticipate my brand new, happy life!!!

The author concludes: You stupid goose and domineering pig, who else would you screw over if not you?!

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