The waiter rushed over. Prosecutor Cai braced himself on the table, heartbroken, and said, "I'm doing this for your own good. What is it about her that makes you feel this way? What have you all been bewitched?"
From the moment Ju Nian heard the words "robber" that Prosecutor Cai didn't finish saying, she sat there quietly, a faint smile playing on her lips, tinged with melancholy and sarcasm. Those three words were all too familiar to her; perhaps they would stay with her for the rest of her life.
Tang Ye quickly pulled out a few bills from his wallet and stuffed them into the waiter's hand. "Keep the change." He then pulled Ju Nian up with one hand. "Auntie, I know you're good to me, but please don't do this... Ju Nian and I will take our leave now. If you two still have an appetite, please enjoy your meal."
Ju Nian was surprised by Tang Ye's reaction and obediently let him pull her away from the table. Just as she was about to leave, Han Shu, who had been sitting coldly to the side, grabbed her other arm.
"Don't go! Don't go..." If his first sentence was a desperate act of arrogance, then his second sentence was nothing but a plea. Don't go.
The two of them held hands tightly. Ju Nian absurdly thought of Xianglin's wife, who was sawed in half after her death. She didn't struggle, but they could tear her in two.
“I think even if you want to keep her, you still owe the word ‘please’,” Tang Ye said to Han Shu.
Seeing that Tang Ye remained indifferent and refused to loosen his grip, Han Shu released Ju Nian and slowly pried Tang Ye's hands off her body one by one, speaking sincerely. "Don't even mention asking; I could kneel down and beg her without hesitation. But this is between her and me, and it has nothing to do with you, really."
Chapter Seven: Letting You Go, and Letting Me Go Too
Han Shu pried Tang Ye's hand away. At this moment, many diners in the romantic and peaceful Western restaurant had already looked over. Two waiters who needed to pass by them on their way to the bar also stopped, exchanging glances and whispering to each other.
Tang Ye was definitely not someone who could ignore the stares of others; his character and upbringing meant he rarely did anything out of line. Xie Junian was his "girlfriend" whom he had borrowed today, and Han Shu was his stepmother's godson, both of whom were closely involved in his official business. Even the most oblivious person could see the undercurrents between the two. Junian was someone he had brought along, and he had an obligation to ensure her safe departure, but the current situation made Tang Ye wonder if it was wise for him to get involved in this mess again.
Han Shu said that this was "between them," and after uttering a harsh remark, his eyes never left Xie Junian, while Junian remained indifferent and kept his head down.
Tang Ye asked in a low voice, "Ju Nian, are you alright?"
Ju Nian's lips seemed to curl slightly, a bitter smile, but she didn't respond.
Tang Ye then spread his hands and said, "My car is parked far away, so I'll go back out first." Before leaving, he patted Ju Nian's arm lightly and said softly, "I'll wait for you at the intersection."
Only after Tang Ye's figure disappeared through the door did Han Shu loosen his grip slightly. He couldn't help but worry that he hadn't been careful enough and might have hurt her without her noticing. But she remained silent throughout, without even frowning. He could never guess what she felt; he could only infer her pain from her own experience.
Perhaps finally realizing that his actions had become the focus of everyone's attention, Prosecutor Cai, sitting alone in his seat, continued to watch coldly. Han Shu said, "Shall we talk somewhere else?"
Ju Nian seemed oblivious to what was on her mind, completely ignoring everything.
Helpless, Han Shu still held her arm and walked towards the door. Like a doll on a string, Ju Nian stumbled and followed him out.
Han Shu stopped when they reached the sidewalk near a row of boutique clothing stores at the "Left Bank" exit. He hesitated to let go of her hand, afraid she would turn around and leave.
That place was a windy spot; moving here from the warm, spring-like restaurant was like entering two different worlds. Ju Nian was wearing a gray coat, the collar of which wasn't fully covered. As soon as she stood still, the biting cold of the winter night rushed into her neck, and she hugged herself, shivering slightly.
Seeing this, Han Shu immediately took off his coat and tried to drape it over her shoulders, but she stopped him with one hand.
"No need." Ju Nian's voice was helpless and tired. "Have you made enough of a scene, Han Shu?"
This was the first thing Ju Nian said to Han after their unexpected encounter.
Han Shu slowly lowered his hand holding the coat, and the chill, colder than the night wind, instantly froze the blood in his heart.
He held the clothes he had taken off in his arms and saw the Santa Claus dolls used to attract customers at the entrance of the clothing store. Suddenly, he felt that he looked more like a pathetic clown in front of her.
He tried to laugh, trying to make light of himself: "I just don't understand why I always have to stand in front of you as a glorious idiot."
Ju Nian didn't laugh, as expected. Han Shu laughed to himself, pushing himself to the extreme of discomfort, finally relaxing his stiff, upturned lips and ceasing to torment himself.
“I wasn’t just saying that to Tang Ye. I wouldn’t mind kneeling down and begging you, as long as we talk properly, as long as you feel better… Do you really need me to kneel down and beg you?” He held onto Ju Nian’s icy hands. Neither of them could warm the other in the cold wind.
Ju Nian found it absurd. She was afraid that Han Shu would act on his words if he got angry, so she hurriedly struggled and took a few steps back. "No... After I leave, you can kneel to whomever you want, however you want."
"Then give me one word: what should I do?" Even a clown who can't win over the audience doesn't know how to take his final bow. In Ju Nian's childhood memories, Han Shu was always confident, with a touch of cynical arrogance. He was the kind of person who knew he was excellent, and his usual politeness was condescending. But now, he was like a child who had been wandering aimlessly, unable to find his way home, and just a second before darkness fell, he realized there was no road ahead, filled with unbearable panic.
Jie Nian wasn't a heartless woman. Admittedly, she couldn't forget the past, but she never considered punishing Han Shu to make herself feel happier. Because she and Han Shu were two separate people; Han Shu's pain was Han Shu's, and Xie Jie Nian's pain was Xie Jie Nian's. One's suffering didn't mean the other's loss, so why bother?
“I said I forgive you, and I wasn’t just saying it. You really don’t have to do this, Han Shu. You live your life, and I’ll live mine. This is the best way for both of us to end things.”
However, the forgiveness Ju Nian uttered was not the pardon Han Shu sought, nor the salvation from his nightly nightmares. He asked the question that had lingered in his mind for the past eleven years, "If I were the one who fell and died that day, would everyone feel better?"
But he still didn't dare ask, "If I were the one who died, would you forget all my mistakes and only remember the few good things I did?" But had he ever held a "good" place in Ju Nian's heart? No? That didn't matter; it was enough that she remembered him. If he died, would she remember him?
Ju Nian turned her head to look at the cars rushing past on the main road. The festive lights and the brightly lit shop windows on the other side reflected on her desolate face. The word "death" he uttered was chilling, forcing her to recall the time when they were separated by death. What if the one who died was Han Shu...? Is there such a thing as "what if" in this world? Could he rewrite fate? Could he bring back her little monk?
"Han Shu, you still don't understand. For a long time, I didn't understand either, so I was much sadder than you back then, blaming fate for being so unfair to me. Standing in court listening to the verdict, I hoped you would all go to hell, that you would all die a horrible death... But I don't hate you as much now. Do you know why? Because in these eleven years, I've finally figured out one thing. You think you're the culprit, but you're not, your godmother isn't either, not even Chen Jiejie and her parents, the boss of Sweet Honey, or Lin Henggui... None of you are that important. In fact, it's us, Wu Yu and I, who have gotten to where we are today step by step. Even without you, would he and I be happy forever?"
After saying these words, Ju Nian burst into tears in front of Han Shu. In all these years, she had rarely faced her own tears so directly. Isn't every today the accumulation of countless yesterdays? She and Wu Yu had walked step by step to this point; hadn't they made their own mistakes? If she hadn't been so timid and stubborn, if Wu Yu hadn't been so impulsive and youthful, if they hadn't craved that tiny bit of insignificant love, if they had believed they weren't caterpillars but butterflies, wouldn't the tragedy have been rewritten?
As she told Han Shu, there are no "what ifs" in life. And the people in those "what ifs" wouldn't be Wu Yu and Ju Nian. The world is just that realistic, and they've always been too naive. Ju Nian desperately wanted to deceive herself, to believe that just a little bit more, just a little bit more, without Han Shu, without Chen Jie Jie, without all those pointless people, she and Wu Yu could have never been separated. But that could only be a vacuum in a dream. Two caterpillars underground, one wanting only to nestle quietly in tranquility, the other yearning fervently for another world—perhaps from the very beginning, one was destined for a hopeless return, the other for a bleak escape in the darkness; and the pomegranate in the martyrs' cemetery and the loquat in the courtyard, in the end, only gaze at each other, nothing more.
Han Shu had not anticipated Ju Nian's tears. He wanted to reach out and wipe them away, but he didn't dare. He was so conflicted, just as he was afraid that Ju Nian would hate him, yet he was also afraid that she wouldn't hate him.
Han Shu's words were filled with bitterness: "Is it so hard for me to ask for a chance to make amends?"
Ju Nian said with tears in her eyes, "What can you give me? Eleven years have passed, and you're still doing just fine. If you really feel sorry for me, then you should want me to be happy. Why do you have to mess up my relationship with Tang Ye again? Do you think my happiness can only depend on your compensation?"
Han Shu was speechless. He kept telling himself that only by being good to her could he make up for his mistakes back then, so he plunged in headfirst. But Xie Junian's words woke him up from his dream.
Does my happiness depend solely on your compensation?
A short car horn sounded, and Ju Nian and Han Shu looked over. Tang Ye's car was parked far away on the other side of the road.
Ju Nian hurriedly wiped away the remaining tears on her face, "I have to go."
Han Shu recalled his godmother's earlier joke. Yes, in what way did Tang Ye lose to him? At the dinner table, they were so in sync and intimate. Why had he never thought that another man could also provide Ju Nian with a good life?
Ju Nian struggled to pull her hand away from Han Shu's grasp. The car horn blared again; perhaps Tang Ye sensed Ju Nian's predicament and, out of concern, got out of the car. Han Shu was panicked and confused. When his only "compensation" seemed utterly inadequate, he didn't know what else he could do. In desperation, he tightened his grip on Ju Nian's hand, pulling futilely.
"Listen to me, listen to me..."
The constant flow of traffic temporarily blocked Tang Ye's steps to cross the road.
His sweaty hands made her forget the coldness.
At this moment, Ju Nian quieted down and stared intently at Han Shu.
"Okay, go ahead..."
Han Shu opened his mouth, only to find himself speechless. What could he say? Every possibility he could express was blocked from the very beginning by Xie Junian.
Han Shu couldn't blame her; she stood there quietly, giving him enough time to explain everything.
Speak, Han Shu.
Tang Ye finally managed to jog through the gap between the cars.
Speak up, speak up, what do you want to say?
What exactly are you trying to say?
Another man approached step by step.
The eloquent Han Shu had never hated his poor speaking skills so much.
This time, it was Ju Nian who pried open Han Shu's hands, one by one, from her grasp.
Her eyes were slightly red, traces of tears she had shed earlier.
When Ju Yi's hands were finally freed, Ju Nian said, "Han Shu, please let yourself go and let me go too."
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Before Tang Ye hesitated and walked to Ju Nian and Han Shu's side, Ju Nian turned around and walked towards him.
"I'm sorry." Ju Nian realized that her tear-stained eyes had caught Tang Ye's attention, so she turned her face slightly away and said softly.
Tang Ye smiled, put his hand on her shoulder and walked her across the road. Before getting into the car, he glanced back in Han Shu's direction. In the chilly night, Han Shu was holding his coat with one hand, looking so smug, yet as lonely as a street lamp.
Ju Nian sat in the passenger seat next to Tang Ye, listening to him start the car. After a long silence, she said, "I'm sorry, I messed up dinner tonight."
Tang Ye focused on the road ahead and replied after a while, "Why would you think that? You didn't do anything wrong."
Ju Nian stared at her fingers. "I'm a woman who's been to prison."
Tang Ye turned his head to look at her, and said as bluntly as she did, "I am a man who loves men."
After they finished speaking, they remained silent for a long while. After a while, Ju Nian chuckled dryly. Tang Ye was taken aback, but then he also laughed. Despite this absurd self-introduction, they seemed to be meeting for the first time again.
"Are you in a hurry to go back?" Tang Ye asked Ju Nian.
Ju Nian shook his head. Fei Ming was staying at school and wouldn't be going home tonight.
"There are so many people everywhere tonight, why don't we go somewhere quieter?"
The car drove them towards the outskirts of the city, with cheerful Christmas carols playing on the radio. The place Tang Ye took Ju Nian to wasn't beautiful; it was surrounded by construction sites, and his car was parked beside a small muddy pond.
Tang Ye also seemed somewhat surprised, "Last time I came, the water in this pond was still very green, and there were quite a few fish in it."
As Ju Nian looked around the pond, she slowly felt a sense of familiarity, and she began to understand.
"Is this what they mean by 'Looking at the pond during the Great Heat, sleeping in the wind'?"
Tang Ye laughed, "Talking to you saves a lot of effort. Yes, I used to come here to fish often... Of course, I didn't come alone..." He knew Ju Nian would understand, so he didn't explain further and continued, "Not long after, this place will be transformed into a hot spring resort."
"Here?" Ju Nian was also somewhat surprised. This area wasn't unfamiliar to her; there was a river just two kilometers ahead, and across the river was a small temple. She and Wu Yu had once prayed at that temple—no, they'd stolen fortune slips. Back then, this area was still very desolate. The changes in cities are like the changes in people.
Tang Ye nodded. "I personally handled the approval for this land." He chuckled again, "I was originally planning to bring you here to try night fishing. I even brought the gear, but it looks like there aren't any fish. But since we're here, why not get some fresh air and look at the stars?"
He reclined his seat, half-lying down and gazing at the sky outside the windshield. Seeing Ju Nian sitting there lost in thought, he reclined his seat for her as well, gesturing for her to do the same.
At first, Ju Nian felt a little uncomfortable in this semi-reclining position. She stared intently at the sky outside the glass, and then she laughed. There were no stars at all; the sky was dark blue, with nothing but faint wisps of clouds.
Tang Ye was a little embarrassed and explained, "The last time I came, there were many stars... I guess I'm an incurable pedant."
Ju Nian closed her eyes and said, "No, I saw so many stars, and the Milky Way too."
"Really?" Tang Ye also closed his eyes tightly, just like her.
"Do you know why airplanes don't crash into stars when they fly in the sky?" Ju Nian asked.
"Um?"
Before Tang Ye could answer, Ju Nian continued, "Because stars 'twinkle'."
"Oh...I see." Tang Ye nodded.
Ju Nian smiled and opened her eyes to look at him. "Please, I was just telling a joke."
"Haha, it's quite interesting." Tang Ye laughed a few times, giving him face.
Instead, Ju Nian couldn't help but laugh at her own incredibly lame joke. She thought of Wu Yu, who was always a beat behind Ju Nian's lame jokes. Sometimes he didn't know what it meant, but he would still laugh along. Other times, many days later, he would chuckle in front of Ju Nian and say, "I know what your joke meant, hahahaha."
Tang Ye looked into Ju Nian's eyes, softened by memories, though still stained with tears. He closed his eyes again and slowly asked, "Do you think the stars we see with our eyes closed are real?"
Ju Nian said, "It may not exist for others, but if I believe it, it does exist."
“Once, we went fishing at sea at night. I had never been so crazy before. We had many memories of that night… But later, when we talked about that night, he said he remembered the moon was bright and beautiful, but in my memory, it was actually drizzling. I saw the traces of raindrops in the sea with my own eyes. We argued about this for a long time, and neither of us could convince the other. Finally, he said to me, ‘Forget it, Tang Ye, let’s just say it was raining that night, but you can’t deny the moon I saw.’”