"If you help me tidy up, I won't yell at you," Ju Nian said with a smile.
"I'm a big liar, a big liar without parents, why don't you say so?"
Faced with the little girl's crying and tantrum, Ju Nian tried to touch her hair, but she avoided it while crying.
"Everyone has parents, whether they're by your side or not. Feiming, just like you hope, maybe they're thinking of you somewhere, but they have their own reasons."
"They don't want me anymore. I hate you all!"
Ju Nian took a bite of the pizza in the box, gave a bitter laugh, and said, "I hate this pizza."
When Ju Nian went back to her room to change clothes, Fei Ming grabbed her racket and went out the door. She knew her temper was unreasonable. When she got to her aunt's room, she raised her hand to knock, but she couldn't bring herself to say the apology. She didn't know that through the thin door, her aunt Ju Nian was silently smoothing out the wrinkles on the photo and murmuring something in a low voice.
"Tell me, what should I do? Just say one thing to me, just one."
Fei Ming was dejected after leaving home. She had spent the afternoon playing badminton with Uncle Cai's children and defeated them, but that didn't make her feel any better. What annoyed her most was that when she was receiving a shuttlecock, her racket hit a metal pole used by a resident to hang clothes, and the shaft of the badminton racket that her aunt had bought for her for 35 yuan actually bent.
And so, she sat there blankly in front of Uncle Cai's shop, clutching the deformed racket, for quite a while, until Uncle Cai reminded her that it was getting dark. Only then did she slowly begin to walk home. On that short walk, she felt incredibly alone, as if the whole world had abandoned her, making her even more pathetic than the little match girl.
Then, she heard someone say to her, "Your backhand smash form is good."
Chapter Eleven: Who hasn't had such a dream?
Fei Ming had read "Don't Talk to Strangers," and she knew that it was wrong for a little girl to strike up a conversation with someone she didn't know on the street. Moreover, at that moment, she had no interest in talking to anyone.
Aunt Ju Nian once said that if you don't want to deal with someone, the best way is to pretend that person doesn't exist on Earth, to treat them as invisible, as water vapor. Fei Ming also intended to do that, but her skill level was far inferior to Ju Nian's. After that "water vapor" chuckled softly behind her, she finally couldn't help but turn her head and take a curious look.
The moment Fei Ming recognized the person, she rubbed her eyes. After confirming that it wasn't her mistake, a wave of shame washed over her, as if she'd been caught red-handed lying. It was as if she had just confidently claimed that Zhang Li had been beaten so badly by her mother that she couldn't go to school, and now Zhang Li had appeared triumphantly at the office door. Slightly embarrassed, she placed her hands behind her back, watching the man she had mistakenly called her father yesterday slowly approach her, unsure of what to do.
Of course, Fei Ming had no idea that Han Shu had thought a thousand times over in his mind about what to say first to this strange girl who might be his blood relative.
"I bet you saw me at your doorstep yesterday morning, hiding behind the curtains, right?" Han Shu squatted down, trying to make his gaze level with the girl's. He wasn't really sure what a ten-year-old should look like, but he subconsciously felt that this little girl was a bit too thin. If she had grown up in a healthy family with both parents, she might have been stronger than she is now.
He definitely saw me peeking, so he must also know that I used him to deceive the other classmates! Fei Ming's face slowly turned red, his hands tightly gripping the badminton racket behind him, but he still weakly retorted, "I didn't peek, I just... I just glanced at it, and Auntie knows too."
"Did your mom, no, I mean your aunt, tell you who I am?" Han Shu actually wanted to know how Xie Junian would explain what happened yesterday morning to this child, but he felt that it was a bit ridiculous for him to care about this question. Fortunately, the other party was just a child.
Fei Ming thought for a moment, "Auntie said you are all alone."
Han Shu's smile stiffened, and he cursed Xie Junian a thousand times in his heart. This woman, she only knows how to fool children. Of course he's a person—does she think he's just a human being who can walk independently, nothing more?
"What else did your aunt say about me?" he continued with a smile.
Fei Ming shook her head. She would never say it herself, even if her aunt had said, "He's not your father."
"Really not?" Han Shu felt uneasy, but Xie Junian had at least not said he was a bad person in front of the child, so he shamelessly pressed on, "Actually, it's like this, I'm your aunt's old friend."
But Han Shu hadn't expected kids these days to be so wary. "You're my aunt's friend? Why have I never seen you before? Let me ask you, what's my aunt's blood type and zodiac sign? What's her favorite color? What's her favorite fruit? What's her favorite TV show?"
Han Shu, of course, refused to admit that he knew nothing about these issues, and he was confident that he could persuade a child.
“I haven’t seen your aunt for many years, so you haven’t met me. When we first met, we didn’t follow these things like zodiac signs and blood types.”
"That's a lie. My aunt says she's always been good at reading horoscopes since she was little—"
"Ahem, I know her name. Your aunt's name is Xie Junian." He racked his brains, but what did he know to write about Xie Junian? "Your aunt graduated from No. 7 Middle School in the city. I was in the same grade as her. She taught you badminton, right? We used to play badminton together."
"My aunt never plays badminton."
"Ahem, your maternal grandfather used to be a driver for the municipal procuratorate, that must be true."
"Grandpa? I don't have a grandpa."
I mean your aunt's father.
"Oh, you mean my father-in-law? I've only met him once. My aunt said he plays chess in front of the house."
Han Shu felt he needed to use his trump card, though he never imagined he would be forced to resort to it. He pulled out his prosecutor's badge. "Look," he said, "this uncle is a prosecutor. A people's prosecutor doesn't lie."
Fei Ming suspiciously held the badge with the Tiananmen Square and five-pointed star pattern in his hand, "What does a prosecutor do?"
“Prosecutors…prosecutors are there to supervise and investigate bad people.” Han Shu didn’t know if the child could understand.
Unexpectedly, the badge suddenly felt like a hot potato in Fei Ming's hands. She quickly shoved it back to Han Shu, a hint of fear in her eyes. "My aunt isn't a bad person. She's reformed. She won't do bad things again."
Han Shu felt a deep sense of defeat. The fact that his child was aware of Ju Nian's past and was uneasy about it also made him feel a pang of sadness. He lowered his head and rubbed his cheeks vigorously with both hands.
He thought this child, who didn't believe he would leave, would actually leave. But when he lowered his hand, the little girl stood a step away from him, looking at him with a puzzled expression and a focused gaze, even carrying a hint of inexplicable longing.
I wonder how Xie Junnian has managed to raise a child all these years. Just thinking about it makes me feel miserable; how could she be so oblivious?
"Can you tell me your name?" Han Shu gave up trying to prove his identity; he suddenly only wanted to know if they were doing well.
The child blinked, his wariness seemingly fading. "Feiming, my name is Xie Feiming."
Han Shu smiled and said, "My name is Han Shu. Your name is quite unique; did your aunt give it to you?"
"I don't know, but I think it was my dad who gave me that name."
Has your aunt mentioned your father to you?
“She always mentions Sinian’s father, but I know that Sinian’s father is not my real father. One day I will find my real father.”
Han Shu understood the tongue-twisting dialogue: "Have you ever thought about what your real father is like?"
Fei Ming shook her head shyly. Han Shu resisted the urge to stroke her face and also resisted the urge to tell her, "I am your father." He was an adult, and a rational person. He couldn't act impulsively, nor could he ignore the consequences, even though he had just discovered something very strange.
Through acquaintances, Han Shu learned from the prison where Xie Junian was serving her sentence that she had been plagued by a serious illness for the first few months after her imprisonment. However, the prison's records regarding the cause of her illness were vague. Although those few months were not enough for her to give birth, there must be something hidden—prison is a complex microcosm where anything can happen. If a serious illness lasting several months could be recorded as having an unknown cause, then it wouldn't be surprising if she had passed the prison medical examination while pregnant and eventually gave birth. Perhaps what happened back then was something he couldn't have foreseen at all. If that were the case, he truly didn't know what he could do to fill the void of confusion and guilt in his heart.
He didn't want the child to notice these somber emotions, so he cheered up and changed the subject in a lighthearted tone, saying, "I was watching you play just now, and the way you smashed the ball really reminded me of when I was little."
"You like playing ball too?" The shared interest instantly shortened the distance between Fei Ming and Han Shu.
“I played pretty well, maybe we can have a ‘sparring’ session sometime.”
"Okay, oh no." Fei Ming's little face fell. "My racket is broken. I don't know if Aunt Ju Nian will buy me a new one. Next Friday afternoon, the last two periods are extracurricular activities. I'm in the badminton group. I don't know what to do now."
"It'll be alright," Han Shu comforted her. "I guess you're in Class 1, Grade 4 at Jianxiu Road Elementary School?"
“Wrong! I’m in Class 4(2) at Taiyuan Road Primary School.” Fei Ming corrected the uncle’s obvious mistake with amusement.
“Oh… Class 4(2) of Taiyuan Road Primary School.” Han Shu repeated after suddenly realizing.
“It’s a terrible school, isn’t it?” The little girl was frustrated with her school. According to her residential area, she was assigned to Taiyuan Road School, a school with poor teaching facilities and mostly children of migrant workers on the outskirts of the city. “You went to No. 7 Middle School, which is the best middle school in the city. I bet your elementary school wasn’t too bad either.”
"Uh, my alma mater is the affiliated primary school of No. 7 Middle School."
"I knew it."
Han Shu laughed and said, "You probably have no idea how boring my elementary school was. In sixth grade, half of the students in my class wore glasses. It was so boring. Back then, I wished I could play badminton in extracurricular activities like you. Also, Taiyuan Elementary School is a boarding school, right? Wow, how cool is that? I've always looked forward to living a collective life at school. I really envy you."
"Really?" The child's disappointment came and went quickly. "Uncle, will you really play ball with me?"
"Of course, I'll teach you my best skills. You're my... You're already playing very well, even more talented than I was back then. But your aunt never agreed that my skills were better than hers, so, can we keep what we're saying today a little secret between us... You're not so young that you can't keep any secrets, are you?"
"How could that be? This is our secret!"
That night, Fei Ming had a dream. She was standing on the podium, waving her racket, just like the person in her Aunt Ju Nian's photo. Cheers erupted from the audience, and her biological parents stood proudly in the front row, applauding her with joyful and proud smiles. When she woke up, she couldn't remember her parents' faces at all. She only remembered that they were so young and handsome, impeccably dressed, surpassing any of her classmates' parents. And yes, her father wore a gleaming badge on his chest.
If only that uncle really were her father. But even if he wasn't, she liked this uncle. Maybe Si Nian's father loved her, but he was always too busy. Maybe Aunt Ju Nian loved her too, but she never really looked at her. Only this Uncle Han Shu, the love in his eyes was so intense and direct, that even a child could feel it so easily.
Thinking about the little secret she shared with her beloved uncle, Fei Ming returned to her boarding school. For several days in a row, her mood was relatively good. Although Li Xiaomeng and the others would always whisper behind her back and deliberately laugh loudly, Fei Ming bit her lip and, as her aunt had suggested, pretended they didn't exist, which helped her get through it. However, Black Friday still arrived. In the past, extracurricular activities were always the happiest time of the week for Fei Ming. Only on the tennis court was she the center of attention. But this time, she didn't even have the courage to tell her Aunt Ju Nian that she had accidentally broken her racket.
The students all walked out of the classroom, and Li Xiaomeng and her friends greeted her with smiles, "Xie Feiming, what are you still sitting there for? Didn't you say you were going to beat Zhang Li to a pulp on the court today? We saw Zhang Li already walking towards the court. You wouldn't have lied about everything you said, would you?"
Fei Ming didn't dare to argue with them loudly. She had indeed lied that day, and it was as if they had caught her by the scrutiny. The louder the argument went, the more people would know that she was a vain liar.
"Let's go, Fei Ming." The speaker was Li Te, the most popular boy in the class among the girls. Everyone said that Zhang Li really liked Li Te, but Li Te was nice to Zhang Li, nice to Fei Ming, and nice to Li Xiaomeng as well.
He spoke to Fei Ming at this moment in a very friendly manner, which not only helped Fei Ming out of the predicament but also made Fei Ming feel a bit expectant. Did Li Te also watch her play ball?
A surge of warmth welled up inside her, and she said somewhat shyly, "My racket is broken."
"Let me see."
Li Te took the racket that Fei Ming had hidden in her desk from Fei Ming's hand. "Ah, how did it get like this?"
Li Xiaomeng and the others burst into laughter, "Xie Feiming, why is your racket tilted?"
"I accidentally brushed against the iron pillar," Fei Ming said in a low voice.
"How about I lend it to you?" The little boy's eyes were as bright as stars and as clear as dew.
Fei Ming laughed. She was still young and didn't understand that the boy's well-intentioned concern would provoke terrible jealousy from other girls. Then, Li Xiaomeng shouted, "Li Te, are you going to lend your racket to a liar?"
The boy was taken aback. Fei Ming blushed and retorted, "You're talking nonsense, nonsense!"
"Liu Qian and I heard it with our own ears, and you still won't admit it?" Li Xiaomeng once again displayed her extraordinary sense of justice, and said loudly, "Xie Feiming is a liar! She was clearly adopted, but she said her father was a great painter. What's even more ridiculous is that she just picked up a random photo and said the person in it was her father. We exposed her immediately, but she still won't admit it!"
“My dad is a great painter, and my real dad is a very, very good person. He’s young, handsome, and loves me very much… If you don’t believe me, go ask my aunt.” Fei Ming tried her best to prove something, but the torrent of tears made her seem even more incoherent.
"You still talk about your aunt." Liu Qian, who was next to Li Xiaomeng, said in a low but loud voice, "Xie Feiming said that her aunt is a store manager who manages a lot of people, but I heard from a relative of mine who lives near their house that her aunt just sells curtains and has even been to jail before!"
A chorus of gasps and exclamations rose from all sides, and even Li Te's eyes widened. To a ten-year-old child, anyone who had been to prison was an extremely terrifying figure.
"Shh, Liu Qian, don't say it out loud. Aren't you scared? Her aunt is so terrifying. Besides, bad genes might be hereditary. The relatives raised by people who are in prison might also end up in jail!"
Before Li Xiaomeng could finish speaking, Fei Ming screamed and lunged at her. However, her sudden movement caused her to trip over her own chair. Fortunately, she braced herself with her hands, preventing a serious fall. Even so, Li Xiaomeng and the others were startled by the hatred in Fei Ming's eyes and took a few steps back in alarm. Fei Ming lay on the ground, unable to bear looking at Li Te's face. Her feet ached, but her heart was broken even more. She wept uncontrollably.
"Xie Feiming, what are you doing at home?" The female homeroom teacher's voice came from the classroom door. Everyone, including the most self-righteous Li Xiaomeng, immediately fell silent. No one expected that the teacher would be called in so quickly. Only the heartbroken Xie Feiming was still crying with her head down. She didn't care about anything else.
"Feiming, Feiming... don't cry, listen to me, look at me, don't cry."
Through her blurry, tear-filled eyes, Fei Ming saw Uncle Han Shu's worried expression. She didn't think about why he was there, or even if it was a hallucination. Even if it was, he was the only one she could rely on. She straightened up, and the next second, she threw herself into Han Shu's arms, hugging him tightly and sobbing uncontrollably, as if all the joy in the world had been sucked away.
Caught off guard, Han Shu was jolted by the weight of a little girl. He had never held such a small body in his arms before. Helplessly, he opened his arms and then tightly hugged the girl who was trembling from crying. What could make her so sad? Had the sky fallen? At that moment, Han Shu suddenly felt that even if the sky fell, he would be willing to bend down and shield her, for her—and for another little girl he once knew.
"It's alright, don't cry, tell me what happened?" Han Shu pushed Fei Ming away a little and cupped her tear-streaked face in his hands.
“They… said I was lying, that I didn’t have a father or mother, and that my aunt was a bad person.” Fei Ming choked up as if she was about to catch her breath.
"Who's causing trouble?" The homeroom teacher always sides with the crying child, especially since Xie Feiming has relatives present. She gave a stern look around, and several children lowered their heads.
“It’s Li…” Fei Ming angrily reported, but Han Shu gently patted her shoulder, interrupting her. He smiled and said to the homeroom teacher, “Teacher Wang, the children were just joking with each other. My Fei Ming took it seriously. It’s no big deal, Fei Ming, right?”
Fei Ming just buried his head in Han Shu's arms and cried, ignoring everything else.
Xie Feiming had been in this class for four years. Although many people had heard her say that she had a painter father, Ms. Wang, the homeroom teacher, had never seen any of her relatives other than her aunt. Teachers are human too, and it's easy to judge a book by its cover. When she saw this young man who came to see Xie Feiming, she was impressed by his appearance and refined manners, but she hadn't thought to ask him what kind of relative he was to Xie Feiming.
"Xie Feiming, is this your uncle or maternal uncle?" the teacher asked the child indirectly.
Fei Ming lifted his head from Han Shu, sobbing, but unable to say a word.
Han Shu, who was half-squatting on the ground, raised his head, smiled brightly at the teacher, and then uttered the biggest lie of his life, "Feiming told a little lie to his classmate. I am not a painter."