"Does the palm print also say that I can't get what I want?" Han Shu bit his lower lip and asked shamelessly.
"No, look at your life line, it's a symbol of everything going smoothly."
"Then it's still not allowed." Han Shu said with some disappointment.
"I already said it was just for fun." Seeing this, Ju Nian took the opportunity to decline, and stood up, saying, "I'll go see where Ping Feng went."
Han Shu refused to listen and grabbed her forcefully, saying, "You didn't look carefully at all. You were so far away, and you didn't even touch my hand. That's incredibly unprofessional."
Ju Nian was afraid he would make a fuss, so she hesitated for a while before cautiously pinching his tiny fingertip. Only then did he finally loosen his grip on her other hand.
"Look. I just want to hear the sophistry of idealism."
He spoke with such conviction, yet his palms began to sweat. The few millimeters of skin she was holding felt like they were on fire, and she couldn't tell who was trembling.
"Well, there's been a minor setback in your career, but overall it's going smoothly. Look at your success line here..."
"Ahem, it's all about feelings, it's all about feelings!"
"Wait a minute, let me see... why are there contour lines under my middle finger..."
What's wrong with contour lines?
"同, homosexual."
"Nonsense!" Han Shu was furious upon hearing this. He wanted to storm off, but couldn't bear to. He restrained himself and warned, "Look carefully and stop talking nonsense. Everyone knows who's who."
"Don't shake it! I misread it. That's the marriage line. Hey, stop shaking it, or you won't be able to see anything."
"So what if you're shaking?"
"If your hand keeps shaking when you stretch it out, the book says... you'll fail."
"What did you fail?" Han Shu asked, puzzled.
Ju Nian quickly changed the subject, saying, "There are many side stories near the starting point of the emotional line, indicating a rich experience."
"Just focus on the main storyline!"
"The main lines are discontinuous, indicating mood swings, capriciousness, and constant turmoil; several fine lines overlap, leading to misunderstandings; the wisdom line and the emotion line are too far apart..."
She kept talking, and in the end, she didn't know if Han Shu had listened to her or not. She only felt that both of their hands were covered in sweat, and the intertwined lines gradually blurred into a blur.
Perhaps he finally listened, turned his hand over to grab hers, and the joint was so slippery that he barely managed to grasp the first two knuckles of her index and ring fingers, and she could no longer break free.
"Just tell me directly which line represents you?"
She tried to pull her hand away, but it was no use; the stray hairs were still damp with sweat on her face.
Su Dongpo wrote of Lady Huarui: "Her skin was as smooth as ice and as cool as jade, naturally free of sweat." Ju Nian, however, had the most active sweat glands. For many years, Han Shu had never been so close to her as he was now. Their fingertips were intertwined, and he wouldn't let go. This reminded him of a night long ago when he had pressed his arms so tightly against her back, both of them wet, as if washed clean, and he wouldn't let go then either. At that time, he had buried his face in the crook of her neck, the warm, moist scent—a scent he had repeatedly avoided, repeatedly recalled, which later became the only image of desire in his heart, the starting point of every arousal.
Ju Nian's face turned from flushed to deathly pale. The sticky feeling was so unclean in her memory that it made it hard for her to breathe.
She said, "Han Shu, let go first. Palmistry is one of the most unpredictable features."
He was dizzy and delirious, and couldn't hear anything. Until someone knocked on the ward door three times, restrainedly.
Sun Jinling, director of neurosurgery at the First People's Hospital, stood at the door and said, "Xie Feiming's family members, please come to my office."
Chapter Eighteen: A Crazy World
Ju Nian hadn't seen Dean Han's wife, Han Shu's mother, Sun Jinling, for over a decade. Actually, Sun Jinling was about the same age as Ju Nian's mother, and Ju Nian could vaguely remember living in the same tenement building with the Han family before starting elementary school. Her mother, her face covered in dust and soot, would yell at her daughter, who was staring blankly out the window picking ants, "Fed your fill? You're skipping dinner?" Meanwhile, Dr. Sun, who had gotten off work late, would take her son's hand, who was playing with a group of boys, and ask with a smile, "Sweetie, tell Mommy what you want to eat?"
The image of Dr. Sun in her beautiful light-colored dress, her skirt fluttering, her steps light and graceful, is etched in Ju Nian's mind.
Han Shu looked more like his mother, with fair skin, smiling eyes, and a pointed chin—they were practically identical. Now, Ju Nian sat in the office of the head of neurosurgery at the First People's Hospital, looking at those familiar features, waiting for the other person's first words.
Sun Jinling seemed to have considered being more businesslike, but for some reason, she hadn't succeeded. In front of her lay the medical records Fei Ming had brought from a previous hospital; they were only a few pages long, and she flipped through them again and again.
Finally, she started with an opening remark that even surprised herself: "No wonder they say girls change a lot as they grow up. I can't even connect you with that little girl from the Xie family when you were young."
Ju Nian said, "Dr. Sun, you haven't changed much. You're still as young as before."
She wasn't good at flattering others, but for Fei Ming's sake, she couldn't afford to add any more unpleasantness to the already delicate relationship between herself and Dr. Sun, Han Shu's mother.
Sun Jinling laughed: "That's nonsense. How can a person stay young forever? Han Shu is almost thirty years old and he's still given me a lot of trouble. How can I not get old?"
The Year of the Orange is silent.
Sun Jinling looked at Ju Nian. Unlike Chief Prosecutor Cai Yilin's gaze, which seemed to want to see right through a person, Sun Jinling's gaze was gentle, maternal, and even carried a hint of insightful pity and guilt.
“Ju Nian, I know you’ve suffered a lot, some of it shouldn’t have happened to you…”
This time, Ju Nian answered quickly. She said, "I'm fine, Dr. Sun, but my little niece is very ill. Please save her." She could understand Sun Jinling's difficulty in speaking, but no matter if the other party understood or felt guilty, it was impossible for her to relive her past. Now, she only had Fei Ming in her eyes.
Sun Jinling nodded, her gaze falling on a page of the medical record. "Han Shu mentioned that child's illness to me, and I also carefully read the medical record." She folded her hands on her knees, looking at Ju Nian, who was bowing her head and remaining silent. "As a doctor, saving lives is my duty, especially for such a pitiful child... However, as a mother at the same time... Ju Nian, I don't know if saying this will offend you, but we both know that the reason the child was able to be transferred to another hospital despite the tight availability of beds and surgeries is not only because I am a doctor, but also because I am a mother who cannot refuse her son."
"I know."
"You should be a smart kid. Since there are some things we can't avoid, we might as well be honest. Similarly, even if some words don't sound nice, they can help us understand things better, don't you think?"
Ju Nian remained silent, knowing that the other party did not need her reply.
"From a mother's perspective, I want to say that I will do everything in my power to save that child, no matter who she is to you. But, regarding Han Shu, please..."
"good!"
Ju Nian blurted out, noticing Sun Jinling's surprised look. Afraid the other wouldn't believe her, she earnestly agreed again, as if afraid the other would renege on such a good deal at any moment: "Okay, I promise, I promise you! Please, Dr. Sun, Fei Ming is only eleven years old..."
It would be a lie to say that Sun Jinling wasn't surprised. She kept asking herself what was so special about this girl who had her son so infatuated with her. Was she too naive or too cunning?
"You're in such a hurry to agree? I haven't even told you what I want you to do yet."
Ju Nian brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, smiled hesitantly, and said, "Whatever you want to say, you certainly don't want me and Han Shu to be together forever, do you? Things have come to this point, what is there that I can't agree to? Besides, for Han Shu, perhaps we want the same outcome."
Sun Jinling seemed to understand something. Xie Junian's straightforwardness had nothing to do with intelligence; it was simply because she didn't care. Her own foolish son had been a one-sided affair.
Sun Jinling raised Han Shu single-handedly, knowing that everyone had protected and indulged him since he was a child, so he didn't know what "not getting what you want" meant. She doted on her son, but sometimes she felt that she might have spoiled him and that he should experience some setbacks. However, when her son suffered too many setbacks, her heart ached as well. That's the contradiction a mother faces.
Ju Nian was right. Sun Jinling sincerely hoped Ju Nian would stay away from Han Shu, even though she knew Han Shu was the one in the wrong. That night, after learning of Han Shu's despicable deeds, Sun Jinling, like her husband, couldn't sleep. She crept into her son's room in the dark, almost intending to slap him awake and ask why he had done such a thing. But as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she saw her son curled up in a ball, clutching his pillow, his face still wet with tears. At that moment, she knew she might be despicable herself, but she had to choose to protect her son. She couldn't be noble at that moment, so with the hand she had intended to use to wake him, she tucked him in. What could her slap have changed?
Later, Sun Jinling gave the Xie family several sums of money in different ways and for different reasons. The Xie family didn't think much of it and accepted it with gratitude, a gratitude that had once made her feel incredibly ashamed. However, the money she sent to the prison was returned time and time again. Later, she and her husband tacitly arranged a driver's job for the Xie family's youngest son, who had dropped out of school early and was unemployed. Even this time, although she couldn't stand the Xie family's smug and self-satisfied attitude, she still discussed with her husband how to arrange the permanent position for Xie Wangnian. It wasn't that they were truly afraid of the Xie Maohua couple's blackmail; that greedy couple was nothing but clowns. However, she knew what they owed, something they could never repay. But as long as the other party was willing to give her a chance, she was still willing to repay it, except at the cost of Han Shu.
How could she believe that a girl who had lost everything because of Han Shu's wrongful imprisonment still harbored goodwill towards him?
Han Shu felt guilty, Sun Jinling knew it, but she couldn't repay it with a lifetime. She had made all this very clear to Han Shu, yet the disappointment in his eyes deepened day by day. He was anxious, he was restless, he seemed to have lost his heart and soul. Was her precious son really only acting out of guilt? Or was it because he cared, while others were indifferent? For a moment, Sun Jinling was also confused. She said to Ju Nian, "You agreed so quickly, but what about my silly son? A few days ago, he was jumping around saying he wanted to marry you. I almost begged him. I said, 'My little darling, keep your voice down…' But he even alarmed his father, saying your child was his child, and if we didn't save that child, we wouldn't acknowledge you, and we'd wait for the Han family line to end. As a result, his father lost his temper and gave him a good beating. I know that the child on the sickbed isn't yours or his, but he was so adamant, I really thought you two…"
Ju Nian said, "Han Shu is truly sincere towards the child, but there was never any possibility between us before." She no longer hated him, but she couldn't love him either. They were truly like Permian seaweed and Sinian sponge, separated by billions of years, existing simultaneously yet unrelated. She wanted to give Fei Ming a home, but she couldn't do it alone, and a good man wouldn't choose her. So that day, she preferred to promise Tang Ye "what if." She understood Tang Ye's despair in trying to escape the quagmire, just as she understood the little monk's caterpillar dream. Perhaps it was precisely because of the slim chance of this "what if" that she was willing to hold onto such a faint hope. Tang Ye's "what if" might never come true; it was a construct. But if that day ever came, just like the song whose title she didn't know sang, if waking up meant still being together, then they might as well depend on each other for survival.
Sun Jinling sighed, "I don't want to speak ill of others, but you are really different from your parents." Her heart softened, and she reached out to touch Ju Nian's thin shoulders. Not only her son, but she felt sorry for him. But Ju Nian gently dodged her hand.
Sun Jinling withdrew her hand and placed it back on her knees. "Why do I always remember what you looked like when you were very young? Because when our family first moved here, Han Shu was only four years old. He was unfamiliar with the place and didn't know any of the other children in kindergarten. A few days later, the teacher said there was a performance in the kindergarten that was missing a little dwarf, and asked if he could fill in. He was overjoyed. We took a lot of pictures of him that day, and one of them was a mix-up. Our Han Shu was being dragged around by a little girl, and his face was as red as a monkey's bottom. We often teased him about that picture, so he especially disliked it. When he was little, he would get angry if anyone found it. The year he went to high school, the picture was somehow lost. I didn't find it until I was packing his things for college. Han Shu has a lot of problems, and it's my fault. That's why his father says that a doting mother spoils her child. But even though his father often beats him, he gets angry if anyone says anything bad about his son. We protected him too much, so he's still like a child at heart. Maybe it's annoying, but it's not bad at all. He has a lot hidden inside..."
"Mom, what are you saying!" Han Shu interrupted angrily at the doorway, having stood there for who knows how long. He banged on a sign by the office door. "Are you a doctor or some old lady lounging in the sun in the family quarters? Get to the patient's condition, stop with the nonsense!"
As they were about to speak, Ju Nian stood up awkwardly. Sun Jinling looked at her son with a helpless smile, and then said to Ju Nian, "Regarding Fei Ming's condition, I need to wait for a more detailed examination report, and then I will inform you as soon as possible."
"Okay, thank you, Dr. Sun, thank you." Ju Nian gave Sun Jinling a hurried bow and was about to leave when she had to stop at the office door because Han Shu, expressionless, was blocking most of the doorway and showed no intention of making way.
"Excuse me," Ju Nian said softly.
For some reason, Han Shu was stubbornly resisting, his face dark and expressionless, remaining completely still.
"Excuse me, thank you." Ju Nian said twice, giving up on trying to persuade him to move aside.
Sun Jinling couldn't stand it anymore and clicked her tongue, "What are you doing, kid?"
"Can you leave my business alone?" Han Shu shouted.
Ju Nian only wanted to leave. Seeing that there was still a small gap between Han Shu and the threshold on one side, she gritted her teeth and tried to squeeze through the gap.
She tried her best to avoid physical contact with Han Shu, and was about to succeed when Han Shu coldly remarked, "Are you a groundhog, why are you crawling through a dog hole?"
Ju Nian successfully escaped, wondering what had gotten into him, that he'd lost all logic when insulting people. "A groundhog doesn't crawl through dog holes, and besides, didn't you build this hole yourself?"
Back in the ward, Pingfeng was still there. Just then, Han Shu came back to get his things and left without saying goodbye.
"Who is this?" Pingfeng asked, cracking open a bag of sunflower seeds as she spoke. Seeing Ju Nian looking sullenly at Fei Ming's IV drip, she added, "I've been watching that medicine the whole time. It's nothing... Oh, I know... Is he...?"
"Alright," Ju Nian said, not letting her continue.
"The court or the procuratorate."
"What's wrong?"
"A peaked cap, upturned at both ends, he eats the plaintiff's money and the defendant's money. I've seen plenty of people like that."
"You've seen a lot?" Ju Nian also vaguely felt that something was wrong with what he said. She knew it, and at this moment she couldn't help but think of Ping Feng's strange reaction when she saw the photo when Han Shu's documents were scattered. After confirming that Han Shu was really gone, she asked her doubts in a low voice: "By the way, do you know the person in the photo?"
Pingfeng nodded, "I know one of them, the younger one."
Ju Nian didn't look at the photo carefully, so naturally she didn't know who the "younger" one was.
Pingfeng continued, "He looks respectable, like a rich man's son. I don't even know his last name, but he always says his family owns some kind of hot spring resort. I don't know if he's just bragging."
"He is...your guest?"
"You could say that, but you could also say that. He pays for other people's money, but he has other lovers of his own. I've seen him bowing and scraping to them, buying them things. Hey, that old fat sheep I was talking about, hehe..." She whispered mysteriously in Ju Nian's ear, "The old guy's getting old and acting crazy. He can't really do anything. I don't know why he keeps coming here, and he even makes me wear those weird clothes. Oh well, it's not his money anyway, so we'll just accept it!"
Ju Nian became more and more worried as she listened. She knew what Han Shu did, and he wouldn't be carrying other photos for no reason. So she advised Ping Feng, "I don't think this is right. You should save some money and quit as soon as possible. Those people are too complicated. I'm afraid you'll get into trouble."
Pingfeng chuckled, "Everyone who comes to me is complicated, so don't worry about me. Think about yourself. That pretty boy just now must have a lot of money on him, right? Even if you don't plan to do anything with him, he's come to you for free, so don't be soft-hearted about taking what's rightfully yours. Why should you let him go?"
Ju Nian didn't chat with Ping Feng. After exchanging a few words, Ping Feng had to rush off to work, so Ju Nian saw her off.
Pingfeng still couldn't shake her bad habit of not being able to save money. She had just been complaining about a famine when she got a new backpack. Seeing that Ju Nian's gaze had fallen on the bag, she smiled and tossed it over, asking, "How is it? Does it look good?"
"So...beautiful."
Ju Nian paused for a moment, because only then did she notice a small straw trinket that Ping Feng had hung on his backpack.
"What is this?"
“A rabbit, a straw rabbit, someone gave it to me.” Pingfeng glanced at Ju Nian, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
"You're quite skillful," Ju Nian exclaimed.
“Of course, he said that such a rabbit is one of a kind.” Pingfeng’s interest was piqued again.
"A gift from a friend?"
"Yes, that's right."