She said in a low voice, "I have no right to say anything, so let Fei Ming make this decision."
At that moment, Chen Jiejie turned around and saw a small figure at the door of the ward, which was only a dozen steps away. The figure was wearing a bright red hat that made everything else pale in comparison.
Chapter Twenty: There's Always a Place Where We Can Go Home
When Ju Nian returned to the ward, Fei Ming was already lying comfortably in bed. Ju Nian had forgotten how long it had been since Fei Ming had left that hospital bed without anyone's help, especially considering that she had one hand raised high above the IV drip being administered to her vein. Just how much strength did it take for her increasingly weak body to manage those few seconds of looking around?
Now, Ju Nian sat beside her. She had pulled the sheet up high, almost covering her entire body below the nose, and the brim of Little Red Riding Hood was pulled down to cover her eyes, as if she were determined not to see, hear, or speak. There were still faint traces of blood returning to the tubing near the IV in her wrist. Ju Nian felt nothing but pity for her, wondering why Fei Ming had to endure such suffering.
Ju Nian knew that Fei Ming must have some suspicions in his heart. Perhaps Chen Jiejie had already seen the child. Things had come to this point, and sooner or later it would be impossible to hide it. Rather than trying to cover it up, it was better to let everything take its natural course.
So Ju Nian said to Fei Ming, "You should know by now that the aunt outside is the person you've been waiting for all along. You're not an orphan; your biological mother has come back to find you."
The non-luminescent object remained motionless, like a fossil fused with the bed sheet.
Ju Nian's mind was also in turmoil. She lowered her head and tugged at a loose thread on the bed sheet. After a long while, she finally spoke again: "Should I let you and your mother be alone for a while?"
This time, she received no response from Fei Ming either, only a slight ripple under the white sheet. Ju Nian reached out and pulled back the brim of Fei Ming's hat, which was covering his eyes. Sure enough, tears had already welled up in the child's tightly closed eyes. Ju Nian said nothing more. She quietly got up and left, giving her place to Chen Jiejie, who had been standing outside the door weeping.
A mother and daughter, tears streaming down their faces, she was caught in the middle, what could she do?
Ju Nian deliberately wanted to go further away, to give them more space, so that they couldn't see her and she could cry more freely. But it was raining outside, so she sat on a chair in the lobby on the first floor, staring blankly at the small world outside that had been darkened and blurred by the rain.
After a while, the elevator doors facing the lobby opened, and Han Shu strode out. His eyes were red, and his face showed sorrow. Ju Nian hadn't seen him earlier, so he must have learned about Fei Ming's situation from Sun Jinling.
Han Shu probably hadn't expected to run into Ju Nian in the lobby. The once bustling first floor of the inpatient ward was now empty except for her. It was like a train station where the last bus had already left, leaving behind only a lone passenger, a lonely journey, a bitter wind and rain, without direction, without a seat, without companion, and without a way home…
Han Shu walked over and sat down in the chair one seat away from her. He bent over, propped his elbows on his thighs, and ran his fingers through his hair. He had been so confident in securing a transfer for Fei Ming, but he hadn't expected this outcome.
"I……"
"Han Shu, can I ask you for a favor?" Ju Nian asked blankly, still staring at the endless rain.
"Tell me!" Han Shu immediately straightened up. He didn't know what else he could do for her, but he knew that as long as she was willing to speak, there was nothing he wouldn't do.
Ju Nian said, "Please don't comfort me."
She wasn't ungrateful, nor was she heartless. Even well-intentioned words of comfort, besides reminding the person how pathetic they were, served no other purpose. What was destined to happen would happen, and what was destined to be sad would still be sad. Sometimes, Ju Nian even felt that sadness was something contagious, unshareable; no drastic remedy could stop it, and the only antidote was self-acceptance. At least, that was the kind of person she was. If she was sad, she wouldn't let go, she would only come to terms with it, get used to it, and then treat it as a normal part of life. Then, nothing would be insurmountable for her.
Ju Nian knew Han Shu wanted to ease her sadness, but she also knew that if he continued, she would cry and realize that there were others just as sad as she was. The sadness would become even more real, and she would only feel more heartbroken. She was afraid that on such a cold, rainy afternoon, she would be seen crying and then everyone would realize they were powerless to help her, which would make her feel even more alone.
Han Shu remained silent for a long time. Ju Nian could imagine him gritting his teeth, trying to endure. Finally, he said, "Yes, it's impossible either way, so why should I waste my breath and offer pointless flattery?"
As he spoke, he stood up. "As usual, I brought extra people with me for Fei Ming's boxed lunches. The head nurse will give them to you later. Don't think I have money to burn. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and there are fewer people eating at the hospital. The cafeteria has already stopped serving food today, and don't expect to be able to easily buy food outside."
He parked his car in the open air by the door. Ju Nian watched him run into the rain. His crisp black coat was instantly soaked. When he came out of the elevator, the umbrella he was holding was still at her feet. The umbrella wasn't completely dry, and every wrinkle was neatly arranged.
Ju Nian sat there until Chen Jiejie left the hospital. She returned to the ward, where the weak Fei Ming, the white background, and the endless IV drips were just like always, nothing different. Fei Ming was awake, staring blankly at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought, unaware of what she and her biological mother had recently gone through.
It wasn't the head nurse who brought them the meals, but Sun Jinling, who was on duty. She placed several lunch boxes on Fei Ming's bedside table, put one hand in the pocket of her white coat, and opened one of the lunch boxes with the other, saying casually, "I wondered what was wrong. Lately, he's been coming home for dinner every day. When I'm not home, he's in the kitchen watching over the old housekeeper as she cooks different dishes for him, haha."
Ju Nian still couldn't figure out the meaning behind Dr. Sun's last laugh, nor did she intend to think about it further. She simply said, "Thank you." After Sun Jinling left, she opened the still-warm "fast food"—asparagus and shredded pork with bacon and cod rolls, plus a pot of yam and pork rib soup, and even two cups of fresh lemon tea. Fei Ming couldn't eat anything, but he managed to drink a little soup that Ju Nian fed him. Ju Nian herself didn't have much of an appetite, but seeing this, she ate a little of everything. The feeling of fullness in her stomach made her truly feel that she was still alive and still needed that touch of warmth and comfort.
While packing up the lunchboxes, Fei Ming, who seemed to have forgotten how to speak, suddenly said, "Auntie, I want to go home."
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Whether it was due to consideration for Fei Ming's condition, the festive atmosphere, or Sun Jinling's tacit approval, Ju Nian's request to take her child home for the Spring Festival was unexpectedly granted by the hospital. They were only required to seek medical attention immediately if they felt unwell, and to return to the hospital as soon as the Spring Festival was over.
Early on New Year's Eve, Tang Ye drove to pick up Ju Nian and her niece to take them home. Tang Ye's severe cold had basically healed, but his face was sunken, his eyes were dull, and he looked even more haggard than when he was sick. Ju Nian briefly asked about his recent situation, and he only said that the people from the procuratorate had come to see him several more times, still with endless questioning, but apart from being restricted from leaving the area, his other actions had not been affected.
Lunar New Year's Eve is a major annual event for Chinese people, but it seemed as if the heavens were deliberately working against the joy of celebration. The sky was as dark as if covered by a giant cauldron, and the rain didn't stop all night. By morning, the rain began to fall mixed with fine snowflakes, and the icy shards and damp wind felt like knives cutting into your face—a bone-chilling cold that even many northerners living in the south find unbearable.
From the moment Fei Ming got into Tang Ye's car, her spirits noticeably improved. Leaning against her aunt, she gazed wide-eyed out the window, a faint blush even appearing on her pale, bluish face. As the car passed the train station, Fei Ming watched with immense curiosity the bustling crowds in the station square. Her aunt said that so many people braved the rain, the snow, and the cold wind, all for one common reason—to go home.
“I can go home now,” Fei Ming murmured.
Ju Nian touched her burning face and nodded repeatedly. That dilapidated courtyard, forgotten by the whole world, was still a place that could take in their bodies and even their souls. Like Fei Ming, she suddenly longed to return to that place.
After Tang Ye helped them settle in, he said, "Ju Nian, today is New Year's Eve. Why don't you and Fei Ming have New Year's Eve dinner with me?"
Ju Nian hesitated for a moment.
Tang Ye continued, "There's no one else here. I'm also one step away from being all alone. My great-aunt cooks at home. The old lady is afraid of being lonely, so she asked me to invite you all."
Ju Nian's concerns were not without reason. Tang Ye was one of the few people they could be close to, so there was nothing to be ashamed of. However, firstly, Fei Ming was seriously ill, and during the New Year, some traditional families would consider it unlucky, so she did not want to cause trouble for others. Secondly, although Tang Ye's great-aunt had treated her well in the past, after her encounter with Chief Prosecutor Cai, Ju Nian believed that her true nature had long been exposed to the old lady. Just because Tang Ye did not mind did not mean that his great-aunt did not mind.
"What's the point of celebrating the New Year? Isn't it just about having fun and making everyone feel less lonely? Believe me, your aunt knows that Fei Ming isn't in good health, and she feels very sorry for you all."
"Then... what about Chief Prosecutor Cai?" Ju Nian glanced back and saw that Fei Ming's eyes were also full of expectation. She also wanted to give her child a warm holiday, but she couldn't imagine having a meal with Cai Yilin again. It would only make her lose her appetite. Cai Yilin had no children and her husband had passed away. Apart from her stepson Tang Ye, who else could she reunite with?
Tang Ye laughed and said, "My aunt doesn't eat New Year's Eve dinner with us. She has to spend this kind of day with her colleagues who are on duty at the procuratorate. She always says that as long as there is one colleague who can't go home for the New Year because of work, she will fight alongside them to the end. You don't believe me, my aunt is such a thorough career woman. There is nothing more important than her work."
Ju Nian recalled Chief Prosecutor Cai Yilin's always impeccably styled hair, straight back, and piercing gaze. Yet, she still wondered if a woman could truly prioritize work over her nature, or if she had nothing left but work. Regardless, learning that Chief Prosecutor Cai wouldn't be at the New Year's Eve dinner table did indeed stir Ju Nian's heart.
"Auntie, let's go. There's no time to prepare anything delicious now." Fei Ming couldn't hold back any longer and pitifully begged Ju Nian by tugging at her sleeve. This gave Ju Nian a few seconds to forget that Fei Ming actually couldn't eat anything.
Tang Ye feigned displeasure, "If you don't agree, you're being too distant with me."
Ju Nian, holding Fei Ming's hand, laughed as well: "Then I can really save a lot of trouble, cooking has never been my strong suit."
Having made up her mind to have New Year's Eve dinner with Tang Ye, Ju Nian wasn't in a hurry to prepare dinner. After Fei Ming lay back on the small bed, she chatted with Tang Ye for a while, and then Tang Ye's phone rang.
Tang Ye didn't take long to answer the phone. After walking back from the rain-soaked eaves, he said to Ju Nian, "My aunt is getting old. She always realizes she forgot to buy the most important thing when she needs it. Look, we've already started cooking when we remembered we still have some essential ingredients to buy. Well then, I'll go back and check on her. You two should rest for a while. I'll come pick you up at noon."
Ju Nian naturally had no objections. After seeing Tang Ye off, Fei Ming, who had been clamoring not to sleep, also fell asleep. She then sat by the window facing the courtyard, looking at the small courtyard filled with withered branches and leaves soaked by the rain.
“Another year has passed,” she said to the unseen Wu Yu.
The pattering of rain on the eaves answered her.
Time seemed to pass at an astonishing speed whenever she sat quietly, so Ju Nian was not surprised that eleven years had passed in the blink of an eye. The noon she had arranged to meet Tang Ye arrived quickly. Ju Nian woke Fei Ming, changed into her little red jacket, and waited for the sound of Tang Ye's wheels.
Around one o'clock, they received a call from Tang Ye.
Tang Ye, on the other end of the line, was extremely anxious and at a loss for what to do. He said, "My aunt had an acute myocarditis attack while making dumplings with her colleagues at the Chengxi compound. She's on her way to the hospital now, and her condition is very serious. She's all alone. Ju Nian, I..."
Before she could finish speaking, Ju Nian understood and quickly agreed, "We're fine, you go and do your thing. Prosecutor Cai's health is the most important thing. Don't worry about us. Let's talk about everything after she gets better."
Fei Ming changed his clothes and leaned against the headboard, looking at himself in a small mirror. He asked, somewhat puzzled, "Auntie, when is Uncle Tang coming to pick us up for the New Year?"
Ju Nian walked over, bent down and gently pressed her forehead against Fei Ming's little red hat, and said with a smile, "Isn't it nice to spend the festival with your aunt? Aunt will go buy groceries and cook right away."
Chapter Twenty-One: A World Separated by a Door
Ju Nian hurriedly took the steaming hot fish out of the pot, scalding it so much that she kept shaking her hands. Just then, she vaguely heard a noise coming from the front door. It was already around five o'clock in the afternoon. According to local custom, the New Year's Eve dinner is usually eaten early, and firecrackers are traditionally set off before the meal. Amidst the sporadic "crackling" sounds, it took Ju Nian a long time to realize that the knocking at the door was not a hallucination.
Fei Ming was still leaning against the bed watching her favorite Korean drama, half asleep, with the remote control still in her hand. When she saw Ju Nian coming over to check on her, she rubbed her eyes and asked, "Auntie, is dinner ready?"
Ju Nian walked outside and said, "It'll be ready soon. I'll go see if your Uncle Tang is back."
She took an umbrella, walked through the foyer to the courtyard, and sure enough, there was someone outside the iron gate, but it wasn't Tang Ye as she had expected. Instead, it was Han Shu, who was holding an iron bar in one hand and futilely shielding himself from the drizzle with the other.
Upon seeing her, Han Shu outside the door visibly breathed a sigh of relief, "We've been waiting for you for so long!"
Ju Nian stopped and didn't approach. Han Shu's appearance at this moment could be considered both unexpected and not unexpected. The reason for this contradiction is that ever since their two reunions, he has been haunting her. But today is a special day. Even if he had a thousand times the courage, he wouldn't dare to abandon his parents and run off to her during the annual family reunion dinner, especially since he had stormed off in front of her just a day before.
Seeing that she didn't move, Han Shu couldn't stand it any longer and complained irritably, "Did you take a freezing pill? Hurry up and open the door for me, your clothes are almost soaked."
He spoke so matter-of-factly, like a husband returning home late making demands of his wife, but Ju Nian easily shattered this comforting atmosphere of intimacy. She held up her umbrella, and the rain made the distance between them seem even greater.
"What do you want?" she asked very cautiously.
Han Shu stamped his foot. "Do you really have to talk to me through this broken iron gate? This isn't how you treat a guest, is it?" Even with a hand covering his head, most of his hair was still wet, with strands sticking to his forehead, making him look quite disheveled.
Ju Nian said, "Today is not a day for entertaining guests. It's the New Year. What are you doing here? Stop making trouble and go back."
Han Shu seemed genuinely anxious, gripping the iron gate's branches with one hand and shaking it vigorously: "Can you let me in first? This rain is no joke." He wiped the rain from his face, his knuckles pale and bluish, indicating he was terribly cold. As soon as he finished speaking, he shivered and sneezed, quite fittingly.
Ju Nian hesitated for a moment, her compassion seemingly softening her aloof attitude. She took a few steps forward, standing just a door away from him.
Han Shu's initial expectation quickly faded. He saw Ju Nian reach out her hand and mistakenly thought she was going to open the door. However, she closed the umbrella in her hand and tried to slip it to him through the gap in the iron gate. "Take the umbrella. You left the one in Dr. Sun's office. I... I'll go in first. You should go home and have dinner."
Han Shu remained silent for a moment, not taking the umbrella Ju Nian offered. He gazed at her through the raindrops streaming down her hair and through the rain curtain, as if only now realizing that she, so unyielding in her assertiveness, was so resolute in her rejection of him. He had once thought that through his efforts, he had gotten closer to her, much closer, but in reality, even now, just a step away, her door had never been opened for him. She lived in her closed-off world, separated by a single door, and he stood outside. Whether he was near or far, it made no difference.
She had no idea what he had gone through that New Year's Eve: busyness, exhaustion, shock, anger, resentment... Han Shu felt he had reached his limit; there was no one more unlucky than him in the world, and the whole world was against him. Standing before that iron door, as stubbornly closed as hers, all his negative emotions suddenly reached their peak. He took a step back and, without any regard for manners, kicked the iron door hard. "Am I really that annoying?"
The poor iron gate had collapsed once during their last argument, and was later rebuilt with Uncle Cai's help. It was a shoddy construction that only protected honest people from scoundrels. Han Shu kicked it out in a fit of rage, and the iron gate shook. Dust and mud from the edges fell down with a whoosh, and a small piece even hit Ju Nian's trouser leg.
Ju Nian hurriedly took a step back, thankfully the iron gate was still holding on, teetering on the brink of collapse. In this chaotic situation, she absurdly felt a sense of absurdity. How could there be such a shameless person? He was clearly doing something annoying, yet he was asking why she was so repulsive.
She turned and went back into the house indifferently, but she couldn't help but worry that if he lost his temper and kicked it again, the iron gate would really break. What should she do then?
However, the tragedy that Han Shu was supposed to finish off didn't happen. When Ju Nian walked under the eaves, she heard a pitiful voice: "I was kicked out by the old man."
"Huh?" Ju Nian was startled and turned to look at him blankly. In Ju Nian's impression, although Han Shu was a rogue and unreasonable, he rarely lied.
Han Shu stood in the drizzle, dejected, but his awkwardness remained. He kicked at the small clods of mud that had fallen off the iron gate and said reluctantly, "I have nowhere to go, okay?"
Ju Nian was still somewhat skeptical. She had heard indirectly from Fei Ming that Han Shu did not live with his parents. Even if he had a falling out with Dean Han, he was still able to find a place to stay. Besides, with his abilities, finding someone to take him in and a place to go would not be difficult for him.
Han Shu seemed to guess what she was thinking. "I know you don't believe me, but my current place is still paid for in full by the old man and is in his name... I just want to prove him wrong and show him that I can live without him."
"Why bother?" Ju Nian had never received any protection from her parents, so she couldn't understand what someone like Han Shu was so desperately trying to prove.
"I'm not that shameless. You say it's impossible, I accept it. I don't want to do anything, I just want to find a place to catch my breath..."
A draft swept through the eaves, and Ju Nian felt a chill to the bone. Han Shu, concerned with his image, didn't shiver in the rain, but she knew he must be freezing. Ju Nian fell silent. She wasn't heartless, nor did she derive pleasure from watching him suffer. In other times and places, allowing him to sit for a while wouldn't be unacceptable, but this place was different. This was where the little monk had lived, holding all her memories she didn't want to share, the last sanctuary she clung to that belonged to her and the little monk. She could tolerate Tang Ye, someone completely unrelated to her memories, occasionally venturing in, but not Han Shu, not him alone. She didn't want this last inch of quiet corner to be disturbed by him.
She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't realize the commotion had attracted Fei Ming from the bed. Fei Ming crawled out from beside his aunt's arm, and when he saw the person outside the door, he was both surprised and delighted. He shouted "Uncle Han Shu!" and was about to rush over to open the door.
Ju Nian quickly hugged Fei Ming, still feeling lingering fear. The child hadn't even put on a coat and wanted to plunge into the rain. What could have been a fatal mistake?
"Auntie, Uncle Han Shu is here! He got caught in the rain and will get sick!" Fei Ming, though stopped by Ju Nian under the eaves, still desperately peeked out and shouted at Han Shu outside the door.
Ju Nian turned around in a flustered manner, only to see Han Shu standing silently outside the iron gate. He was no longer angry or pleading, and was looking at her, soaking wet. Fei Ming, still in her arms, also stared wide-eyed, full of confusion. Caught between these two pairs of eyes, Ju Nian felt inexplicably isolated and helpless.
After Fei Ming called out "Uncle Han Shu" again, trying to break free from Ju Nian's grasp to run to open the door, Ju Nian steadied the child who was so thin he was just skin and bones, and glared at Fei Ming with a look he had never shown before, and shouted sternly: "Stop making trouble, do you know who he is?"
This child, she only remembers Han Shu's good points... she doesn't understand anything else.
Fei Ming dared not move. Although she was a little willful, she was still an obedient child. Her aunt's suddenly cold expression and the unreadable look in her eyes filled her with unfamiliarity and fear. She lowered her head, her large eyes brimming with tears, and obediently answered:
"He is Han Shu's uncle."
Faced with such a simple sentence, Ju Nian's lips trembled, and she couldn't utter a single word. Yes, she was speechless. The person outside the door was Uncle Han Shu, whom Fei Ming loved, admired, and even imagined as her father. How could she refute him? Was she supposed to say that he was the culprit who indirectly caused her to become an orphan, that he was the cause of her eleven years of loneliness?
However, is that really the case?
Sometimes she thought so, and sometimes she thought so.