At first, they didn't say anything. It wasn't until they saw Han Shu's car parked at the intersection that Chen Jiejie stopped.
"Ju Nian, I'm sorry! I should have been the one to serve those years in prison."
She held up an umbrella adorned with vibrant flowers. Sunlight filtered through the thin fabric, casting different shadows on the two of them. The air they breathed was thick with the smell of dampness.
Yes, you're right.
For them, this is an obvious fact, and no one needs to be hypocritical.
"I can only apologize, because nothing can make up for it, so I don't ask for your forgiveness."
"I have a question for you." Ju Nian looked at Chen Jiejie. They were about the same height, so their eyes were level.
"Have you ever had a very happy time in these eleven years?"
Chen Jiejie thought for a moment and then nodded honestly. She had once thought she had died with Wu Yu, but as she said, a lifetime is too long, long enough for many things to quietly fill the void. After Wu Yu left, she did experience happiness in her later years; she couldn't deceive herself, she couldn't deceive Xie Junian, who saw herself like a mirror.
Upon hearing this answer, Ju Nian simply said, "That's fine too."
At least someone experienced happiness. No matter how much Chen Jiejie felt guilty and apologized, she couldn't bring back the years Ju Nian had lost. Ju Nian didn't intend to forgive Chen Jiejie, nor did she intend for others to think she was particularly kind. But since she had already lost it, it was always good to gain something in return. It was as if she had lost a ticket to a certain fixed journey in her life; she could no longer arrive at that time, but many years later, she was told that someone had coincidentally gone to their destination using that found ticket. Why should she hate that person who was luckier than her?
It was either her or her. Ju Nian knew long ago that they were both caught in that tribulation of fate. Now it seems that at least one of them was happy. Those years are irreversible, but at least it wasn't a complete loss.
Chen Jiejie lowered her head for a long time, and in the instant her tears flowed, she smiled.
Just as Han Shu pushed Fei Ming to the car, they both saw a man holding a child waiting at the end of the alley. His grip on the child was clumsy, and even without getting close, Ju Nian guessed that he still had unhealed scratches on his face. She wondered if he and Han Shu might feel a pang of sympathy because of their similar faces.
Ju Nian pushed away Chen Jiejie's umbrella and quickened her pace to walk away alone. Perhaps she and Chen Jiejie could never be friends again, but she would rather that lost ticket, which would never belong to her again, carry someone else further.
Chen Jiejie said urgently from behind Ju Nian, "Ju Nian, happiness isn't that hard. When he's sleeping next to you, tell yourself to pretend he's dead too, to pretend he won't wake up. When you think like that, you'll find that you're actually sad too—it turns out that more than one person has made you sad in this life. Fortunately, he will wake up. Then you'll find that, really, life is so long, it's not that hard to find a little bit of happiness and comfort."
Zhou Ziyi offered to drive Chen Jiejie and Fei Ming back to the hospital, and Ju Nian didn't object, so they parted ways at the intersection. Chen Jiejie and her family stood with their backs to Ju Nian and Han Shu; perhaps because of their earlier argument, they looked very awkward. After a while, Zhou Ziyi reached out to pull Chen Jiejie closer, but she slapped him hard across the face. He turned his face away, then raised his own hand high, but when it fell, it was very light, as light as wiping away his wife's tears. Chen Jiejie removed his hand, leaned over to look at the child he was holding, and then gently hugged her husband. Their hands never let go again.
Sitting in the wheelchair pushed by her mother, Fei Ming kept turning back to look at Ju Nian. Ever since she and Chen Jiejie officially recognized each other, her aunt's attitude had always been indifferent. Fei Ming thought her aunt would cry with her, even though that would make her sad, but her aunt didn't. Later, Fei Ming thought that her aunt had always been like this. That made sense; after all, she wasn't her mother. It was better that she was gone. Even though she was only eleven years old, she knew that it was much harder for her aunt to raise her than for her to live alone.
Ju Nian watched as the Zhou family's car drove further and further away, and Fei Ming also drifted further and further away from her, leaving only her in the same spot.
Han Shu joked beside her, "If you're sad, I don't mind lending you my shoulder to cry on."
Ju Nian really turned her head away and buried her face in the shoulder of the person closest to her, bursting into tears.
On the contrary, the person who was smiling just now froze there, not daring to move an inch.
Han Shu took Ju Nian home, and Ju Nian didn't refuse. After New Year's Eve, many things between them hadn't been sorted out before Fei Ming's accident happened. Some things were left unsaid, and the parties involved didn't want to talk about them anymore, so they were left unresolved. Until Chen Jie Jie appeared, and they returned from the hospital, no matter how unwilling Han Shu was, he finally packed his things and left her hospital. This wasn't just because Han Shu still felt somewhat guilty; at this point, he really didn't dare to push too hard. People say that even a rabbit will bite when cornered, and Xie Ju Nian was definitely a rabbit that only kept quiet but would bite him so hard when pushed that he would be devastated. He couldn't go home, and it wasn't good to bother his friends during the holiday, so Han Shu found a comfortable hotel to stay in temporarily.
Having not been here for several days, Ju Nian had already swept away all the orange branches, fallen leaves, and firecracker paper from the courtyard gate. But for some reason, Han Shu felt that the courtyard, now even emptier after being cleaned up, was missing something compared to a few days ago. Perhaps it was because Fei Ming had also left, making this already deserted place feel even more like a ghost town.
Ju Nian didn't greet him. Han Shu fetched some water for himself, but after drinking a glass of cold water, his stomach cramped. He wanted to call the homeowner and tell her, "You can't live like this! In this freezing weather, at least boil some water! It's one thing for others to freeze to death, but you might as well turn into a snowman without even knowing it!" But when he put down his glass and looked back, Ju Nian was no longer in the living room.
He found the well behind the house and saw her there. It turned out that the rain that was flying diagonally into the eaves had wet the incense burner on one of her shrines. From behind, he saw her poking at the ashes in the incense burner with her hand, then finding a match and relighting an incense stick.
Han Shu was inwardly grumbling. What era was this? She still had so many superstitious things. It was truly unspeakable. But it seemed that she had been particularly superstitious about fate and spirits for a long time.
Han Shu walked up to them, wanting to see which deity Ju Nian was worshipping. Was it the Earth God, Guanyin Bodhisattva, the Jade Emperor, or the Kitchen God? Not only did he have to be offered sacrifices on the first and fifteenth of each lunar month, but the New Year's Eve dinner also had to be approved by him before the hungry mortals could eat. Even on this not-so-great day, incense still had to be offered. Perhaps it was like this all year round. What kind of deity could enjoy such treatment?
He leaned closer to examine it for a while, but found the shrine a bit strange. In his limited experience as an atheist, if something was being worshipped, there should be some hint, such as a temple, a Buddha statue, or at the very least a painting of a deity. But there was nothing here except an incense burner.
Han Shu was a little puzzled. Considering that she could "devoutly" deceive the gods with a half-eaten fish before, it didn't seem strange that she would cut corners in other places.
He mischievously pointed to the sky and secretly asked Ju Nian, "That comrade doesn't have any objections to your fish, does he?"
He thought Ju Nian would reply with something like "There are gods watching over us," but Ju Nian didn't argue with him. Instead, she took out three sticks of incense from the side and handed them to Han Shu.
"What are you doing?" Han Shu made a gesture of retreating.
Ju Nian said, "You should also light an incense stick."
She didn't even use a question, but an imperative sentence, as if she were telling Han Shu something perfectly natural, even though she knew perfectly well that Han Shu had repeatedly emphasized that he was a staunch materialist.
Han Shu waved his hands repeatedly, somewhat suspicious. Who was she worshipping? A god, or a deceased person? He suddenly felt a chill and naturally thought of Wu Yu. But she never admitted that Wu Yu was dead, so why would she burn incense and pray for him for so long?
He refused, saying, "I'm not used to this. You can do it yourself. Why drag me into it?" As if afraid of upsetting her, he added, "I only burn incense for my deceased relatives."
Ju Nian's hand remained firmly in place. She had already heard what Han Shu said, but his words remained flat and monotone: "Let's put on a pillar."
Aside from asking him to stay away from her life, Ju Nian rarely asked Han Shu to do anything. She stood before the incense burner, looking at him. Han Shu felt somewhat lost under that gaze, but finally gave in. He thought, "Let alone lighting a stick of incense, I'd go through fire and water for her." It was just a formality; who cares about ghosts or gods? Just do it to make her happy. So Han Shu reluctantly complied, taking the incense stick. Ju Nian bent over and struck a match. When he finally and clumsily placed the incense stick in the burner, Ju Nian's attention was no longer on him, but on a blank space ahead. In her eyes, there seemed to be a sadness that had calmed down over time.
Han Shu tried to stop this inexplicable emotion from spreading within him. He brushed the incense ash off the back of his hand and said, "Goodbye, anyway, I've been having a lot of bad luck lately, nothing's going right. It looks like my godmother won't be able to return to the hospital, and now I don't even have the one person who can speak up for me. Yesterday, our acting chief prosecutor called me out for tea for no reason. He put on a nice show, and I'm not stupid. He's urging me to move to the municipal procuratorate, and he's even hinting that I should give up my position at the Chengnan procuratorate, and that other colleagues will take over the construction bureau's case. What is this? The Spring Festival holiday isn't even over yet, he hasn't even taken office, and he's already so eager to get rid of me. Doesn't he realize that I've been the one to achieve so many impressive results at the Chengnan procuratorate over the past few years? Who have I offended anyway?"
He grumbled and complained, but he knew in his heart that he understood the situation. So he comforted himself, "Forget it, I can't blame him. It's only a matter of time since our Dean Han has such a long reach. The Municipal Institute isn't so bad. It's a close-knit group with plenty of good jobs waiting for me. I don't need to do that thankless work. I'll just exhaust Old Hu and the others who take over."
Although he tried to put it positively, even a fool could tell he was feeling uneasy. Anyone who hasn't experienced setbacks will feel pain from a slight fall, let alone someone who took that case so seriously.
"Oh, by the way," he glanced at Ju Nian again, speaking with an air of indifference, "Tang Ye has been detained, did you know that?"
Ju Nian was indeed startled, a fleeting look of worry crossing her face, which wasn't surprising. Tang Ye had already sensed this, and she was powerless to do anything about it, so she could only reply dejectedly, "Oh."
Han Shu tried to clear his name, saying, "Don't think I set him up. To be honest, my godmother got sick at the wrong time, so even if I secretly protected him, he couldn't. It was just his bad luck. If Lao Hu and the others don't continue to investigate after I left, Wang Guohua would already be dead, and Tang Ye would have been really badly blamed."
His unspoken message was nothing less than a reminder to Ju Nian: give up on that idea.
Ju Nian rolled her eyes at him, ignored him, and went off to busy herself with packing up some things that Ming didn't usually use. Han Shu's words had indeed upset her, and Tang Ye's experience was causing her distress and worry. She hurried in and out of the room, her hands never stopping. On the one hand, being busy would keep her from thinking about unpleasant things, and on the other hand, it would help her avoid Han Shu, this annoying fly that kept buzzing around.
Fortunately, Pingfeng, who came to visit, rescued her not long after. Han Shu saw that Ju Nian had guests, and he was too embarrassed to show his boredom in front of anyone other than Ju Nian, so Shi De left dejectedly.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pingfeng's Fate
Pingfeng would visit Ju Nian's family every Spring Festival, and she was Ju Nian's only visitor during this holiday in the past. However, she came a little later this year; usually, she would have appeared on the second or third day of the Lunar New Year.
When Ju Nian saw that Ping Feng had brought a large bag of mountain produce, she realized that Ping Feng had returned to her hometown in the countryside for the Spring Festival. This was quite unusual. Although Ping Feng sent most of her earnings home, she didn't like going back to her hometown and preferred to spend the Spring Festival away from home for many years. Ju Nian could understand that feeling; everyone longs for the warmth of home, but this warmth cannot withstand the erosion of poverty and estrangement. Ping Feng's family knew what she did outside; they needed her, but they also looked down on her, and Ping Feng didn't want to suffer that. Since that was the case, they decided to avoid seeing her. Therefore, Ping Feng's unprecedented return home for the Spring Festival surprised Ju Nian for a moment.
"Since you've come all this way, why not stay a few more days?"
“Hey, let alone staying a few more days, I’d go crazy if I stayed even one more day. I’ve already taken the money back, and I’ve almost forgotten what they look like, so I’m going back to see them during the New Year holiday to make a mental impression. After all, we’re family for life, and I don’t know when I’ll see them again,” Pingfeng said.
Although she already knew about her family's affairs, hearing her say such a resolute sentence during the festive season still made Ju Nian feel that something was off. Besides, several of Ping Feng's younger siblings were studying or working in the same city, and it was impossible for them to reach a point where they might not see each other again for a long time.
She complained, "Don't say it like it's a farewell; it's making me feel uneasy."
"Were you scared by me?" Pingfeng laughed so hard she almost fell over. After stopping, she buried her head in looking through the local specialties she had brought, which were nothing more than dried bamboo shoots and dried vegetables. Ju Nian liked them, and she always remembered that. She pushed these things in front of Ju Nian and said, "I brought a lot on purpose. They're not worth much, but it'll be hard to bring you these things again in the future."
Ju Nian could no longer hold back. She gently pressed down on Ping Feng's hand, which was shoving things around, and said seriously, "Ping Feng, tell me the truth, has something happened?"
Pingfeng stopped, blinked, and Ju Nian saw the tears in her eyes, becoming even more anxious. "Tell me, what happened?"
Pingfeng looked strange. She shook her head and wiped the corners of her eyes, but she wasn't sad. It was as if her tears were just a sigh, even tinged with joy.
“Ju Nian, I’ll listen to you. I don’t plan to do that line of work anymore. I’ve found a man who wants me. He wants to take me away, so I’m going to leave with him. Let’s not talk about my family. I don’t have anything else to miss. I’m just a little reluctant to leave you.”
Ju Nian should be happy for her friend. She had always hoped that Ping Feng would be doing well. Now that Ping Feng said she had found a home, Ju Nian felt lost. This was not only because Ping Feng's farewell was somewhat sudden, but also because some unknown things made her uneasy.
“I…I’ve never heard you mention that person before.”
Pingfeng lowered her head.
The answer that Ju Nian least wanted to see slowly surfaced and became clear.
She unconsciously tightened her grip on Pingfeng's arm.
Pingfeng said, "Because I don't know how to bring it up with you."
"Could the person you're talking about really be Wang Nian?" Ju Nian asked in a trembling voice, hoping that she was wrong and that Ping Feng would deny it immediately.
However, Pingfeng nodded almost imperceptibly with her head bowed.
“You’re a smart man, I know you actually had a premonition all along.”
Ju Nian slowly withdrew her hand. She had already sensed something was off between Ping Feng and Wang Nian, but she hadn't said anything because she didn't want to embarrass her friend and also because she hoped things might not be like that. However, reality took a completely unexpected turn.
What did Pingfeng just say? That Wangnian wants to take her away from this city?
“Pingfeng, I really don’t understand. Wangnian is still a child, and more importantly, he’s eight years younger than us…”
Pingfeng's eyes turned cold as well. She chuckled, "Ju Nian, I don't care what others think. I thought you wouldn't care about these things. But you're not really that clueless, are you? Is the age gap between him and me what you care about most? In the end, it's because I'm a prostitute, isn't it? You can be friends with a prostitute, but you can't stand her marrying your brother!"
“I can’t help it if you think that way.” Ju Nian’s face turned pale. She was friends with Ping Feng, or even sisters. Perhaps she was as selfish and dark as Ping Feng had pointed out, but she simply couldn’t understand or accept the shocking and absurd fact that Ping Feng and Wang Nian were going to elope.
Pingfeng looked somewhat saddened. "I thought about leaving without telling you, but I couldn't do it. That's not what friends do." She stared intently at Ju Nian, as if she could see Ju Nian curled up on the floor, covered in blood, in the silent prison cell years ago, injured while protecting her. Everyone looked down on her; her cellmates would secretly dump the most tedious handicrafts on her bed, and if she couldn't hand in the finished product the next morning, she would get a beating. The guards had seen it all before and turned a blind eye. Only Ju Nian would finish her own portion, then silently work on hers, and the portions she made for others... Over the years, they had supported each other all the way. She finally found a little man who disliked her but was still kind to her, but he just happened to be Xie Wangnian.
"I don't want to hide it from you anymore. I've known him for almost three years. Do you remember when you took Fei Ming to your parents' house for the New Year and they scolded you and kicked you out? I was angry for you. Why should someone who's been to jail no longer be their daughter? Your parents are so stubborn, and Xie Wangnian even helped bully you. I couldn't stand it, so I went to confront him behind your back. I never expected it to turn out like this. He said he likes being with me, and I don't dislike him, but how can I tell you this? When I met him, I hadn't started my own business yet; I was working at Cui Minxing's nightclub. At that time, Wangnian had just graduated from technical school, and I was still..." Shao worked as Cui Minxing's driver for a while, then he found a better job elsewhere. I also left the nightclub, but we still kept in touch. The time he bumped into me in the alley, he was actually secretly driving his boss's car to find me. He didn't know you were there; it was a complete accident, and I had to pretend I didn't know. I never intended to be serious with him; we were just playing around. I thought that once he got tired of me, it would be over, and I wouldn't care. But Ju Nian, I didn't expect him to be so serious. Now he wants me to go with him. I might never meet such a foolish guy again in my life. I can't think about anything else.
Pingfeng stood up. "I've said everything I needed to say. I don't expect your blessings; those are all empty words. Only the days you can hold onto, the money you can count, and the people who stay by your side are real. Whether you understand or not is irrelevant. I'll consider you a friend for life, and whether you consider me a friend or not is irrelevant. I also remember what I owe you, and I'll repay you if I'm lucky in this lifetime. That's all I have to say; I'm leaving."
She was about to leave when Ju Nian stopped her. "Ping Feng, I'm not afraid you'll laugh at me, but I've long since given up on my parents and Wang Nian. The only thing I can't let go of is that blood relation. The problem is, where can Wang Nian take you? What else can he do besides drive? He's young and impulsive, but what will you do in the future?"
Pingfeng said, "It's impossible for you not to leave. With your parents' tempers... well, I doubt any parent would have a peaceful life if they knew their son was with someone like me. But don't worry, Wangnian and I recently accomplished something big, and the money will be in our hands soon. That money will be enough for us to live on for a while. I don't ask for anything precious, just someone who treats me well, a comfortable life, and not having to eat meat anymore, that's enough."
As Pingfeng spoke these words, she regained some spirits because of Ju Nian's concern, as if good days were just around the corner and within reach.
Ju Nian was still in a daze. She wasn't close to Wang Nian, but she knew this younger brother. He'd been spoiled by their parents since childhood. What could he possibly do? What ability did he have to bear the weight of a woman like Ping Feng's life, which she had entrusted with everything? Ju Nian had a bad feeling. She was afraid they would take a dangerous risk, just like the little monk back then… She was all too familiar with this feeling of fear, so she could only plead, "Ping Feng, calm down. At least explain clearly where your money came from? My parents' savings are long gone. Where is Wang Nian?"
Now that you've made this much money, where are you planning to go?
Pingfeng's expression became complicated. She avoided Ju Nian's gaze. "Don't ask anymore. Knowing too much about some things won't do you any good. Ju Nian, take care. If what happened between me and Wang Nian hurt you..." She paused, and with a speed that Ju Nian couldn't stop, she slapped herself twice, left and right. "I'm sorry."
Ju Nian stood there, watching as several clear finger marks gradually appeared on Ping Feng's bare face, just as sorrow rose in her heart. She didn't want Ping Feng and Wang Nian to be together, but what could she do? Those who want to leave can never be kept.
"Wait, don't go, wait for me a moment." Ju Nian ran back to the room and quickly returned to Ping Feng's side, shoving something into Ping Feng's hand before she could react. It was a card Tang Ye had given her, containing a small sum of money. Tang Ye wouldn't take back his feelings, so Ju Nian kept it. Originally, she planned to use it for Fei Ming, but now that Fei Ming was back with Chen Jie Jie, and Zhou Zi Yi was willing to accept Fei Ming for Chen Jie Jie's sake, her medical care and living expenses were no longer a problem. The Zhou family had hired a full-time caregiver for Fei Ming, and Ju Nian no longer needed to stay by the hospital room day and night. She could go back to work at the fabric shop by cutting back on expenses, and she could manage on her own. She used...
It's not about the money itself, but Pingfeng might need it. Although Pingfeng said she would soon have a large sum of money coming in, the hidden story behind her vague words made Ju Nian feel that things might not be going so smoothly.
"Take this. It's fine if you don't tell me where you're going, so I won't worry about you. But if Wangnian can't be relied on, you at least need some money to protect yourself. Take it, consider it as having a way out for yourself."
Pingfeng laughed as if she were crying, "How can you not trust your own brother? Besides, are you crazy? Feiming needs money right now!"
Ju Nian had no choice but to tell Ping Feng that Fei Ming had gone back to her birth mother and now belonged to another family, so it was no longer her place to take care of her.
Pingfeng gripped the card tightly; she didn't try to refuse it to Ju Nian. She knew Ju Nian was never one to do superficial favors. Ju Nian giving her the money meant she believed Pingfeng needed it more than she did.
"It's no fun for me to always owe you this." Pingfeng turned her face away, not wanting Ju to see her in such a mess at this moment, so she forced a smile. "Please, give me a chance to pay you back, so you can experience what it's like to owe me a favor."
"There will always be an opportunity." Ju Nian tried to smile as well.
"It's good that the child found her biological mother. Don't blame me for being blunt, but if you keep her around, it will be hard for you to find a good man. Not many people are willing to buy one and get one free. Ju Nian, you should also find someone to live a good life with. There's nothing you can't get through. Life is only a few decades long, don't make yourself suffer."
Ju Nian lowered his head and smiled, saying nothing.
Pingfeng nudged her, "Don't pretend, that guy just left your room reluctantly."
Ju Nian said, "He just came to take a look around."
"Then why doesn't he go somewhere else? Come on, do you think I can't tell? It's all the same thing. Have you ever seen a dog in heat?"
He has no other thoughts than hanging around the female dogs he fancys—I'm not insulting anyone, I just want to say that humans and dogs are actually no different in this respect; he practically wants to climb all over you.