Shi Nan looked at Xita, unsure what to say. She had never been shy around boys before, but now she seemed to have lost her lively nature.
Hita smiled at her, "Are you hungry?"
Shi Nan wasn't hungry, but she said, "I'm very hungry."
Hitta seemed to have found an opportunity to use his strengths, and his eyes lit up immediately. "Have you ever had pea soup?"
"I've eaten it. But you can make your own version, no problem."
So Hitta started cooking with great enthusiasm. Pea soup is a thick soup made by simmering peas, sausages, and potatoes together, so thick that it's almost solid. It's served with bread and is one of the few traditional dishes in the Netherlands. For Chinese people, it's not exactly delicious.
Seeing Shita working up a sweat, Shi Nan finally understood why the descendants of the Germans weren't particular about food—they simply didn't have the talent for it. Shita's preparations were simple: just chop the sausages, potatoes, and onions. Back home, Shi Nan was practically a non-cooking person, only occasionally helping her mother out—a complete culinary novice. Yet, even with her lack of skill, she felt like a master chef compared to Shita. She couldn't stand watching him anymore, pushed him aside, and said, "I'll do it." With a few swift movements, she chopped everything up and turned to Shita, saying, "You can turn on the stove; it's ready to cook." Shita stared at her in disbelief, only managing to utter a single sentence after a long pause: "You're amazing."
"What's so great about that? It's just chopping vegetables. Go to China and see how real chefs chop vegetables; they're many times faster than me."
Hita was clearly stunned, looking at Shi Nan with utter admiration. Shi Nan thought to himself, "She's really never seen anything like it."
Years later, when Shita brought up this incident, she said, "I was just faking it back then, otherwise how could I make you happy?" Shi Nan scoffed, "I wasn't happy at all back then; I clearly despised you even more."
Once it was ready, Shita poured the rich, emerald-green soup over the sliced bread and said to Shi Nan, "Please."
Despite the cold weather, Shi Nan drank the hot soup made by the tall boy, and her icy heart gradually warmed up.
After that, whenever Hita had time, she would cook for Shi Nan. After finishing the few famous Dutch dishes, she would take the recipes and cook French, German, and Italian dishes. He would take her to the market to buy fresh herring.
They stared at each other, mouths agape, grabbing the tails of the headless, boneless fish, and raced to see who could eat it the fastest. Shita said, "I've seen many foreigners who wouldn't dare eat it raw like this; you're so brave."
“You don’t know, do you? My nickname used to be Little Leopard. Have you ever seen a leopard cook its prey before eating it?” Shi Nan said while eating. “That’s what makes it plump, delicious and fresh.”
“Nan, you Chinese people all say that people have a past life. Since you love eating herring so much, you must have been from here in your past life.”
“Hmm, and he’s Dutch.” Shi Nan ate happily and went along with his story.
"She's a Dutch woman."
“Yes, and she’s a Dutch woman you know.” After Shi Nan finished her last bite, Shita wiped her mouth with a tissue.
“She’s the Dutch woman I like.” He looked down at her, his pale face flushed, and said softly and hoarsely.
Shi Nan felt dizzy.
The dizziness wasn't due to Sheeta's confession, but rather because someone accidentally bumped into her. As she stepped aside to let them pass, she caught a glimpse of a face in the distance. The face turned away the instant she saw it, walking forward and leaving her with a tall, thin back view: a black beanie covering his hair, straight legs in black skinny trousers peeking out from under a dark blue wool coat, and shiny black leather shoes—like a male model just off the runway, his hurried steps drawing the glances of everyone who passed by.
It couldn't be him, it couldn't be him, Shi Nan told himself. How could he be here? He must be mistaken. The hat covered his hair color, and in less than a second of a glance, he might just be a local who looked like him, and besides, he never deliberately wore fashionable clothes.
Hita tugged at her, and she snapped out of her daze. "Hita, what did you just say? What Dutch woman?"
Undeterred, he looked at her with sparkling eyes and said, "I said you might have been the Dutch woman I loved in your past life."
He waited for her answer, but after a long while, she remained silent, head bowed.
After a long while, Hita finally realized something was wrong and asked her, "Nan, what's wrong? Did I scare you? I'm sorry, I forgot. Chinese people are very reserved. I shouldn't have said that, right?"
Shi Nan raised her face, and Xita saw two lines of tears. She said, "No, this is good, better than saying it in bed."
Hita looked confused. "Nan, I don't understand."
“I mean, a confession in this kind of setting is a true confession, not just a momentary thrill or infatuation.” Shi Nan sniffled. “But Xita, I have to apologize to you.”
"Am I not good enough?" His blue eyes looked at her innocently, pure and flawless.
“You are good. It’s me,” large tears fell, “I no longer have the strength to love.”
Cambrian
Landi returned to Tokyo. When he got home, he only said one sentence: I'm staying in Japan.
His parents were about to question him about why he had returned to Beijing without a word, but upon hearing his words, their anger turned to joy, and they immediately took back what they had said.
After saying that, Lan Di went into the room, making it clear that he didn't want to say anything more and that you shouldn't ask him anything.
The parents knew this meant she had broken up with that man, Shi, during her trip back to China. Their prediction was correct—no girl would willingly wait.
They should have been happy that their son had chosen the right path, but in the days that followed, they increasingly felt that Landi's excessive calmness and silence were not quite right.
He studied day and night, revising his thesis repeatedly, and graduated from the University of Tokyo with outstanding grades.
On the day of the ceremony, the parents attended. The mother said happily, "Son, you have not let us down after all. You will know in the future how right your choice was."
Was that his choice? No, not at all, it was her choice. If he could choose, he wouldn't be suffering from pain even when he breathes.
When his mother saw that he didn't speak, she thought he was disdainful of being praised, just like when he was a child he didn't like everyone praising his good looks.
As arranged by his father, he began working at the XX headquarters. Compared to other newcomers who were often scolded, he received unusual treatment, but he didn't care.
He had become like a person devoid of joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness. His colleagues all said he was terrifyingly cold, but why should he care about such things? His heart had already been devoured by someone else.
But the one who ate his heart wouldn't let him go, crawling around in his mind all night, keeping him awake every night; or even when he finally fell asleep, she would come to him in his dreams, making him often clutch the blankets tightly, as if he wanted to hold onto her tightly, as if he wanted to crush her.
How could she do that!
How could you treat him like he no longer existed after you gave him your virginity, as if he were just a tool for deflowering you?
She was never short of admirers, flirtations, or seductions, from Wang Fan to the second person he neither knew nor wanted to know, to the ambiguous Feng, to her Dutch boss, to the so-called Minister Cheng. Of course, he himself had been one of them, how honored he was.
He was dumped by her. How could he have fallen for a woman and yet be unable to let her go!
But he painfully discovered that no matter how hateful he thought of her, he could not forget her, could not forget her fierceness, could not forget her innocent naivety, could not forget her warming him, could not forget her calling him in bed, Di, Di, Di, so sweetly.
His love for her was etched into his very bones as he gave her his energy and bodily fluids time and time again without reservation.
He studied with unprecedented enthusiasm and worked tirelessly overtime, earning a promotion to section chief after only a year on the job, which drew praise from everyone. But this did not make him think of her or hate her less.
He began to split.
I hate her madly, and I miss her madly.
Some people say she's a frivolous woman, while others say she's so pure, so beautiful, and so alluring.
Half of it is calm and uneventful during the day, and half of it is turbulent and surging at night.
He finally lost control and called her cell phone one night. A female voice from China Mobile answered, "Sorry, the number you dialed is out of service."
She changed her number? Was she afraid he would harass her? Then he thought, he overestimated himself. She didn't care about him at all, why would she bother to change her number for him?
The next morning, I called her office. My colleague said, "Shi Nan? Shi Nan has already resigned; she's in the Netherlands now." "New phone number? I didn't know that."
I called her house that evening. Shi's mother asked, "Who is this?" "Oh, Lan Di? I think you called before, right? Shi Nan's phone number?" "Uh...it's always her who calls; we don't call her." "Address?" "I don't know that either, sorry."
He suddenly started to panic. What was she doing? Did she just vanish into thin air?
Yes, he hates her, but he doesn't want her to disappear!
When the person you hate disappears, you are not happy, but empty, because hate is also a kind of sustenance. When you have no one left to hate, you lose your sustenance.
Hate is an emotion as intense as love, and sometimes it is simply another form of love.
He took his annual leave, went to the Netherlands alone, bought a plane ticket, and went home to pack his bags. When his parents asked him what was going on, he wouldn't say anything. The Netherlands? His mother suddenly realized that Shi Nan was studying Dutch; it turned out he hadn't forgotten that girl at all, and he could still just go and see her as before.
Landy had no address, no phone number. Luckily, Shi's mother said she was in Amsterdam, which narrowed down the search considerably, but he had no idea what she was doing there. He went to all the local colleges and universities, pleading with them to tell him if there was a Chinese student named Shi Nan, but they said no. He went to the Chinese Students Association, asking each of them if they knew Shi Nan, but no one did. He went to the Chinese Embassy, asking them to help him find a girl named Shi Nan, but the embassy said he needed proof of relationship, but he had nothing.
A week had passed, and all his efforts had been in vain; there was still no trace of her. He simply went to the city center every day, hoping that he might run into her there.
He used a clever method and indeed saw her, but his heart was shattered once again.
In the bustling fish market, she ate fish with a handsome local boy. Watching their joyful spirit, his affectionate gesture of wiping her mouth, and her unreserved acceptance of his gesture, she was captivated.
He woke up in that moment with pain, realizing that her world had always been so colorful, and he was just a passerby.
He turned away the instant she noticed him.
That's enough; he gave up completely.
fleeting time
My mother called and said, "Shi Nan, it's been a year and a half already. We don't care how long you stay there, but at least take some time to come back to China and visit us. Have we been raising you for nothing all these years?"
Shi Nan said, "Mom, I'm a working person now, unlike students who have holidays. I really can't leave. Why don't you and Dad come here to play? I'll take my annual leave to accompany you."
Shi Nan asked Ye Feng, "Are you busy next month?"
"You remembered me, huh? I wasn't busy then, I was on holiday, and I'm not going back to China this holiday. Actually, I was just thinking of calling you recently, and I was thinking of asking you to come to the Netherlands next month for a meal."
“That’s perfect. My parents are coming to see me next month, and we’ll be going to Paris. I’ll visit you on the way.”
"Great! I'll have to thank Mom and Dad properly then. If it weren't for them, you wouldn't even remember me."
"Alright, stop joking around. Save your energy so you can be my tour guide later."