That's strange. If they were going to film on location there, why go there before the rest of the crew? It sounds like Jin Shaoyan is up to no good.
Just then, Baozi came downstairs to go to work. Hearing that it was Li Shishi on the phone, she sat on my lap and listened. I asked Li Shishi, "Is Jin Shaoyan next to you?"
"He's not here. He went to get the room key. What happened?"
"How many rooms did you two book?"
Li Shishi: "Two rooms, please..."
I instructed, "Remember, you absolutely must book two rooms. Even the presidential suite is out of the question!"
Baozi pinched me: "Why do you care so much? If you're so keen, you can book 20 rooms and we'll still sleep together." Actually, whether or not we sleep together isn't the key issue for adults. I'm just afraid that things between her and Jin Shaoyan will get out of control in the end.
Li Shishi had obviously heard Baozi's words, and said helplessly, "Oh, you guys..." before hanging up the phone.
I put down the phone and laughed, "My cousin is quite shy."
Baozi suddenly said, "Why are you pushing me?"
I raised my hands: "No."
Baozi leaned closer to me, looked me over carefully, blushed, and suddenly jumped to the ground.
I still held up both hands, innocently saying, "I didn't push you, did I?"
Baozi glanced at me and said ambiguously, "You were the one who pushed him!"
I followed her gaze and saw a small tent pitched where she had just been sitting...
So it turned out the man's third leg was getting restless. I looked there and chuckled mischievously, "So it wasn't a push, it was a kick." I winked at her and asked, "Why aren't you sitting down anymore?"
Baozi looked around to make sure no one was watching, and said in a defiant tone that was hard to describe, "If you break this seat, I'll be living a life of widowhood."
I pulled her into my arms, my left hand stroking her buttocks, chuckling lewdly, "It's not like you haven't sat on it before..." Baozi's buttocks were perfect, so perfect that my palm didn't need to stretch or contract; it rested on them comfortably in its natural position. I whispered in her ear, "My cousin isn't interested. Is it you who is? Since she's not here, we can consummate our marriage tonight. Tonight I'll take off my clothes and let you sit on me (during the harmonious Olympics, 37 words omitted here)..."
Baozi blushed deeply. She glanced at her watch and tried to push me away. I wouldn't let go, and Baozi pleaded, "I'm late—" I ignored her and continued groping her. Suddenly, Baozi's hand started to push me away harder. I looked down and saw that Ersha was about to come in from outside. I had no choice but to let go of her. I know Baozi; when it's just the two of us, she's fine with anything, but she's ultimately a traditional woman. In front of outsiders, even if she's drunk, she can only kiss my cheek at most.
Baozi pretended to stand next to me looking at my computer, then bent down and whispered in my ear, "Tonight, I... (During the Harmonious Olympics, 6 words are censored here)" Then she straightened up and said to Jing Ke, "Kezi, what do you want to eat tonight?"
What a talent! Absolutely a talent! Don't even mention Ersha, even if Zhuge Liang were here, who would have thought that what she just said to me was... (censored)?
I stared, dumbfounded, as Baozi's graceful figure walked out of the pawnshop, a sudden surge of restlessness rising within me. Yes, it had been a long time since we'd made love. Ever since I became this damned "god-like trainee," Baozi and I had been frequently separated. No wonder some philosopher said: "When the Jade Emperor closes a door in front of you, he actually opens a window somewhere else." But needless to say, my door is difficult to access; where is my window?
No, I need to get married quickly. After that, I'll quit this job immediately. It'll be good for me, for Lao Hao—and of course, for Baozi too. People often say that pawnshops are like that business where you can go three years without a sale and then eat for three years straight, but at this rate, I'll never have a chance to make a sale. As for Baozi's job, quit that too. It'll be good for her and her customers. If you really want to do something, come to our school. Our school pays salaries at the cost of living of a first-tier city. Even cleaning toilets, as long as you have a permanent position, earns more than software developers around here.
I sat there, incredibly agitated, so I looked up some "photos" online—some of Cecilia Cheung, some of Gillian Chung, some of MAGIC.Q (a friendly reminder during the Olympics: this was 2007, so I didn't see them very thoroughly)... Of course, the more I looked, the angrier I got. I finally put my arms on the table, squatted down, and looked up at the sky, letting out a long, drawn-out sigh: "Awooo—"
Just then, Liu Laoliu pushed open the door and came in. Behind him, a man with his hand on the hilt of a sword said, "Is your ethnic group also using the wolf as a totem?"
Chapter Two: Subduing Temptation
I saw it was Liu Laoliu and tilted my head at him, saying, "Sit." There seemed to be someone standing behind him. I asked, "Who was speaking just now?"
Liu Laoliu stepped aside and said, "Come on, let's meet."
As Liu Laoliu stepped aside, the man behind him appeared. He was dressed in full military attire, helmet and armor, with a three-foot-long sword hanging at his waist. Although his head was bowed and his face obscured, it was clear he was a young general. He took a small step forward with one leg and clasped his hands together in front of his abdomen, presumably to greet me. I quickly returned the greeting with a fist and palm salute, then muttered to Liu Laoliu, "Why did you bring in another military officer? Don't you know it's a sensitive time?"
Old Liu whispered in my ear, "Look carefully."
After bowing, the young general returned to attention, the metal plates on his shoulder guards and battle skirt clattering cleanly and crisply—clearly a product of military training, exuding a dashing and heroic air. He placed his hand on his sword and then raised his head. I only glanced at his face; his long, thin eyebrows reached his temples, and his skin, weathered by countless battles, was somewhat like chocolate, yet still remarkably smooth. His lips were soft-lined, with slightly upturned corners, giving him a somewhat unruly and playful appearance. For a soldier, his appearance seemed a bit effeminate, but the marks of battle well concealed this. His eyes held a detached acceptance of life and death, and his sword hilt was worn from being gripped so many times. I've encountered many soldiers like this, such as the 300 and the Liangshan heroes; it's clear this was a soldier who had truly experienced the battlefield.
I stared at him for a long time, and the more I looked, the stranger it seemed. Liu Laoliu chuckled beside me. Adding to that the keen senses of a male animal in heat—I was still crouching on the chair—I finally caught a whiff of something unusual. I tugged at Liu Laoliu and whispered, "A woman, right?"
Before Liu Laoliu could speak, my new client had already taken off the helmet and hugged it to his chest, laughing, "You have a good eye. None of my partners noticed it in 12 years." As he spoke, his long hair had already fallen down, draped over his shoulder armor, and a uniquely feminine gentleness emanated from him.
Actually, if she hadn't deliberately amplified her voice, even now, it wouldn't be easy to tell her gender. Because in ancient times, unlike modern times, aside from artists, both men and women had long hair; there was even a performance artist named Jieyu who shaved his head. This female general's voice was no longer clear and crisp, perhaps due to years of disguising herself as a man; now, her voice had a particularly magnetic quality.
I asked Liu Laoliu, "Who is this?"
Liu Laoliu said, "Guess."
I guess there were only a handful of famous female generals in Chinese history, a few women's rights representatives from ethnic minorities who didn't shy away from their gender, and a few iron ladies who openly served their country as women. The only ones who deliberately disguised themselves as men were…
"Mulan?" I asked tentatively.
Mulan smiled and nodded at me, then asked in surprise, "How did you know me?"
I exclaimed, "Who doesn't know you! 'Chirp chirp chirp,' that's how I passed the dictation test back then."
I quietly asked Liu Laoliu, "Why did Mulan come?"
Liu Laoliu said smugly, "This is great! Which man would dare to fight with Hua Mulan? I don't believe He Tiandou could bring Mu Guiying and Liang Hongyu to make things difficult for you." How shameless! He's been forced into this situation and still has the nerve to praise him?
I said, "What do you mean by this? Are you just going to keep stalling with this guy surnamed He like this?"
Liu Laoliu said mysteriously, "Don't worry, he'll soon face a heavenly tribulation."
I exclaimed excitedly, "The kind that's like being struck by lightning?"
"almost."
I said worriedly, "What if it splits through and we pass through?"
Liu Laoliu: "...You should spend more time doing something worthwhile. You're becoming more and more unreliable than me."
I'm thinking of making a change, but if Mulan stood right under your nose, would you be able to keep up?