Yu Boya thought for a moment, then sat down and said, "Then I'll make an exception today." He placed his hand on the zither, but before he could even play, several strings snapped. Yu Boya exclaimed in astonishment, "Are you kidding me? You have so many kindred spirits?"
How could it not be so—it would be strange if the strings of the zither didn't break after playing "Friends".
By this time, Mao Sui had already chewed through half of the microphone, revealing the wires, and exclaimed, "Wow, these hamstrings are amazing!"
Xiuxiu had no choice but to go on stage alone and said, "Many of you may have seen the next program, but I still want to give a grand introduction to these two actors, please welcome Guan Yu and Zhou Cang!"
Who would dare not support Second Master? A round of applause immediately followed. Second Master and Zhou Cang walked onto the stage. Without saying much, Second Master stood to the left and Zhou Cang to the right. Second Master said, "Crosstalk is all about speaking, imitating, teasing, and singing."
Zhou Cang: "Eh."
Second Master: "That's not easy to say."
Zhou Cang: "Oh?"
...These two came here to perform crosstalk! When the second master said, "What dynasty does his temper care about?" everyone burst into laughter: "Guan Yu vs. Qin Qiong!" The second master didn't know how he heard this joke.
After the second master and the others left the stage, Xiuxiu came on stage with a smile and said to the audience: "The actors who performed this program said that they would like to pay tribute to Qin Qiong, whom they have never met, and hope that they can really learn from each other if they have the opportunity."
Li Shimin quickly stood up and nodded to Guan Yu to show his gratitude.
Xiuxiu continued the announcement: "Next, please listen to the four-person chorus 'I Really Want to Live Another Five Hundred Years.' Performers: Li Shimin, Zhao Kuangyin, Temujin, and Zhu Yuanzhang."
Everyone: "Uh..." Isn't this just causing trouble? If Li Shimin lived another five hundred years, would there still be Zhao Kuangyin?
The subsequent performances varied in quality, but since everyone wasn't there to watch a show, it was really just a gathering of friends. Everyone kept laughing and joking, urging each other to drink. Baozi was so excited that she inadvertently knocked down everyone around her. Leaning on my shoulder, she sighed, "If only every day could be like this!"
While the program was running, numerous hotlines and faxes came in. Besides expressions of gratitude from students and parents across the country, Tiger first wished his master Dong Ping and all his senior uncles and elder brothers a Happy New Year; Liu Xiazhi, along with his three disciples (red, yellow, and green), wished all the heroes and warriors of Yucai prosperity and good fortune; Marshal Yue Fei called his 300 Yue Family Army members, hoping that while you enjoy a happy and fulfilling year, you will not forget to urge your children to study, so as to lay a foundation for Yucai's sustainable development in the future. Also, Qin Hui has performed well since "taking office," so don't worry about him; congratulatory telegrams also came from: Yucai Martial Arts Schools in Beijing, Shanxi, and Shandong; Shanghai Jingwu Association; Heilongjiang Weilong Taekwondo Hall; Hebei Xingyiquan Research Association… These calls and letters were broadcast by Xiuxiu at intervals. Later, we also had several people on-site specifically to handle the hotline; those whose numbers ended in "6" were our lucky parents and received a zodiac painting personally made by Wu Daozi and others.
The most outstanding performance afterward was indeed by these same old men, titled "Ma Liang and His Magic Brush." First, Yan Liben, Zhang Zeduan, and Wu Daozi collaborated on a painting depicting a fierce-looking man wielding two large axes—none other than Li Kui, the Black Whirlwind, a hero of Liangshan. Then, Wang Xizhi and the others added inscriptions. While the painting and calligraphy were undeniably lifelike and elegant, many in the audience (like myself) weren't particularly skilled in this art form, and after a while, we lost interest. Unexpectedly, suddenly the characters transformed into butterflies and flew away, followed by Li Kui bursting forth with a sharp shout from the paper. This startled us greatly, and after a moment of stunned silence, we applauded wildly. Duan Jingzhu, fearing they had actually painted a real Li Kui, cautiously glanced towards where Li Kui had been sitting; the dark-skinned fellow had somehow gone off to play the role. The words turned into butterflies were actually just scraps of paper floating away. All you need to do is carve the marks on the paper beforehand. What's remarkable is that final touch, which is no less impressive than David Copperfield's. I don't know how they did it in the end.
Then a spoilsport appeared: Su Wu, unusually so today, was quite drunk, darting between the campfires with his stick in hand, muttering, "Don't throw away the sheepskin! It could be incredibly useful in a famine..."
Later, Liu Bang's mistress, Fengfeng, also arrived and even sang a song called "Who Says Women Are Inferior to Men?" Although her singing was mediocre, everyone clapped enthusiastically to support Mulan. Mulan said embarrassedly, "It's just a small matter, and you've turned it into a song?"
As the clock struck twelve, a deafening roar of firecrackers erupted in Yucai Lane, turning half the sky a fiery red. No one cared whether they knew each other or were clients; everyone exchanged blessings and auspicious greetings. After a long period of merriment, order gradually returned, and the performances continued. By this time, all the acts on the program had been performed. Those who went up later were performing as punishments, such as losing a game of rock-paper-scissors or being caught drinking and cheating. The night was still long, and a few people had to be brought up for everyone's amusement. Finally, it was Shi Qian's turn to be unlucky; he was conscripted to perform. He said he'd think about it and would wait until Fang La sang a song before going on stage. Shi Qian calmly went up, put down a large bag, pointed to it, and said, "Everyone's wallets are in this bag. If you want me to go down and return them, fine. But if you insist on making me perform, then I'm not returning your belongings."
Everyone was shocked to realize what had happened, and they all clutched their pockets, cursing Shi Qian. In just 10 minutes, he had emptied hundreds of pockets—this was practically a regular feature of the evening.
There's more to the story with Cola. A little while later, Hua Tuo was dragged upstairs. The old man, mimicking Shi Qian's confident demeanor, said to us, "Gentlemen, if you want me to go down, fine, otherwise I might put laxatives in your flesh later—"
Although people knew he was probably joking, they still let him go—it was simply too risky.
Wang Yin suddenly stood up and said loudly, "Has everyone noticed that the person who should be performing tonight hasn't gone on stage yet?"
I shook my head vigorously and said, "I've already spoken!"
Wang Yin said, "Sit down. I wasn't talking about you."
I sat down dejectedly and asked Baozi next to me, "Who is he talking about?"
Li Shishi chuckled and said, "Cousin, you're so silly. That person is right in front of you, even though he's far away."
Everyone chuckled at me while simultaneously eyeing Baozi. Baozi, completely unaware of me in my arms, looked up and asked, "Who's that?"
Suddenly, everyone shouted in unison, "Steamed buns, give us one!"
Baozi sat up abruptly: "I can't sing or dance, what are you going to make me perform?"
Everyone: "We don't care, but you have to give us something, right?"
Baozi had no choice but to stand up. After thinking for a long time, he finally said hesitantly, "Then I'll perform a 'thousand cups without getting drunk' act for everyone."
Everyone's eyes lit up when they heard the name, and they all asked, "How is it performed?"
Baozi said, "It's simple, it's just drinking. While I can't really drink a thousand cups without getting drunk, do you all believe me if I can drink this whole jar of wine without any problems?" She pointed to a round-bellied jar on the ground. This jar could hold at least 20 jin (10 catties) of wine, and it was a fine brew, much stronger than the commercially available juniper. Seeing that Baozi was already swaying from the alcohol, no one believed she could drink another jar. I said worriedly, "Are you sure you can handle it? This isn't something to show off."
Without a word, Baozi poured himself a full bowl of wine and downed it in one gulp, to the cheers of the crowd. Baozi poured himself another bowl, took a couple of sips, then suddenly threw the bowl down, staggered a few steps, and said apologetically, "I'm sorry everyone, I... I messed up the performance." Then he plopped down in my arms and fell asleep.
Everyone: "..."
Chapter Seventy-Eight: Farewell, Five-Man Group
Later, I discussed Baozi's situation with other people. I don't know what she was thinking at the time. Did she genuinely believe she could drink endlessly without getting drunk, or was she determined from the start to simply knock herself out? If it was the latter, then Baozi's strategy was incredibly clever.
Later, Baozi told me the truth: she had no idea she had ever performed the act of being able to drink a thousand cups without getting drunk—
She was already drunk when people asked her to perform.
We made a ruckus until the sun rose as usual that day.
I was waiting for a phone call when the clock struck midnight, but it never came. I was waiting for Xiang Yu. The most worrying thing for me this year was not receiving his call.
I don't know where he is on this day of family reunion, or even whether he is dead or alive.
The entire first month of the lunar calendar flew by; those are the days of joy. Just like when we were students, even an 11-month holiday wouldn't feel long. My clients spent their days feasting, while Bian Que and Hua Tuo were constantly busy. The two of them, in their white coats, stayed in the lab day and night, barely leaving except for necessary meals and sleep. I was genuinely afraid they'd suddenly create something like an alien or Godzilla. As far as I knew, they were researching a traditional Chinese medicine for cancer, but judging from their expressions, progress was slow.
The days of just getting by passed by in the blink of an eye. By the time the children were back in school, spring had arrived and flowers were in full bloom. My mood grew heavier day by day: the days of the two fools were numbered, and the days of the five-person group were numbered.
Baozi was undoubtedly the happiest person during this period. She spent almost all her time at Yucai Middle School, pestering everyone to tell her stories. This woman seems to have some abnormal tendencies, an unusual longing for a turbulent life. However, I've already given her a no-drinking order. After the Spring Festival, Baozi's period didn't come…
Time is a strange thing. When I first started serving clients, it was incredibly stressful and each day felt like an eternity. But then, without me noticing, it suddenly flew by. And the day I feared most finally arrived: this time last year, Ersha, led by Liu Laoliu, came to my pawnshop. That meant he would be leaving us before midnight.
Li Shishi and Liu Bang, who had been keeping track of the date, have remained silent since yesterday. Hua Mulan and Wu Sangui, who had developed feelings for Ersha over time, are also deeply saddened.
That morning, Jing Ke got up as usual, his face expressionless. That's the good thing about fools; nothing seems to affect their mood. The second fool even cheerfully told me, "I want to ride around in a car."