When Li Yuanba actually whipped his horse and charged into battle, Guan Yu immediately got angry with me: "Are you kidding me? Is this a time for jokes?"
Zhang Fei simply spurred his horse forward, saying, "I'll go fetch him."
Shan Xiongxin reached out and grabbed him, laughing, "Brother Yide, wait a moment. Once this child goes out, I'm afraid no one will be able to call him back."
Zhang Fei immediately misunderstood his meaning and said urgently, "We can't just indulge him in everything! That man is Lü Bu!"
Qin Qiong explained, "This child is no ordinary child. He is the younger brother of Emperor Li Shimin of our Great Tang Dynasty, and ranks first among his brothers..."
Zhang Fei coldly said, "Even if he is a prince or nobleman, and you usually pamper and spoil him, how can you really send him to his death now—the Emperor of Tang? Isn't the current emperor surnamed Liu?"
Qin Qiong: "...From now on, my surname will be Li."
Zhang Fei angrily retorted, "Even if the current emperor abdicates, it should be my elder brother who takes the throne, and he should be surnamed Liu!"
Qin Qiong: "..."
While they were entangled on one side, Li Yuanba had already met Lü Bu on the other. The boy, hammer in hand, was about to charge when Lü Bu exclaimed, "Wait, wait, where are your parents?"
Even if you sent out a mighty warrior like Lü Bu, he might not be afraid. But if the opponent is a child, it's a completely different story. Sometimes, victory isn't necessarily glorious. He wouldn't do something like eating a cucumber raw or splitting a toad alive.
Although Li Yuanba wasn't very bright, he could tell that the other party didn't take him seriously. The silly boy solemnly said, "I am Li Yuanba, the number one hero of the Sui and Tang Dynasties. Lu Bu, you'd better fight me well." As he spoke, he was afraid that Lu Bu wouldn't use his full strength, and his earnest urging was evident in his words.
As soon as these words were spoken, the tense atmosphere on both sides of the battlefield immediately dissipated, and the soldiers of both the guarding army and the allied army couldn't help but laugh. Today, the names of the eighteen heroes are widely known, and when they saw a child come out and solemnly declare himself to be the number one hero, they thought that the child must have heard it from others and was just running around making a fuss.
Zhang Fei exclaimed in frustration, "I've really lost face this time!"
Lu Bu smiled and said, "Li Yuanba? I've never heard of him before," in a tone that sounded like an adult teasing a child.
But Li Yuanba was clearly just a child, and children are most sensitive to being ignored by adults. Furthermore, if this were the Sui or Tang dynasty, the name "Li Yuanba" would command respect from everyone. Unfortunately, this was the Three Kingdoms period. When Li Yuanba heard Lü Bu say he'd never heard of him, he flew into a rage and shouted, "Take this!"
...This shouldn't be blamed on Lü Bu. Even if the US president in 2109 went to Iraq in 2008, nobody would recognize him. But Li Yuanba didn't care about that—in Hou Baolin's words, his temper didn't care about any dynasty.
Li Yuanba spurred his horse at full gallop, rearing up as he approached Lü Bu, raising his massive hammer and roaring. Lü Bu initially thought it was a toy, but upon closer inspection, he quickly realized it was heavy. The feeling of lifting a 400-pound stone and a 4-ounce piece of toilet paper of the same size is definitely different, and the effort his horse was putting on it was also a telltale sign. Lü Bu, a seasoned veteran with sharp eyes, became extremely cautious as Li Yuanba's hammer drew near, gritting his teeth and raising his guard: "Open!"
With a loud clang, hammer and halberd clashed, and the two horses galloped away, their stirrups clasped. Although Lü Bu was still on his horse, his face changed drastically, and he lay sprawled to one side like a nail that had been knocked askew, his hands shaking violently—he was sure to have stubbed his skin.
Li Yuanba turned his horse around, beaming, "Good lad, this is the first blow, don't disappoint me!" Without pausing, he swung the massive stone hammer and charged forward again. Lü Bu was horrified, barely managing to adjust his stance, and watched helplessly as the monstrous thing, as big as a water vat, slammed down on him again.
Those skilled in martial arts know the saying, "Strength can overcome technique." While this might not hold true on level ground, it's a matter of life and death when generals clash on horseback. Li Yuanba's 400-pound hammer, combined with gravitational potential energy, kinetic energy, and inertia, unleashed a force of three to four thousand pounds crashing down. At this point, regardless of whether you knew Tai Chi, Mizongquan, or Monkey Fist, you could only meet it head-on. Lü Bu, his face contorted with despair, raised his halberd to meet the blow. This time, a strange, ear-piercing screech resounded as Lü Bu struck the stone hammer with the handle of his halberd.
...The outcome of this battle can be traced back to the Great Leap Forward's steel production campaign.
We know that the Great Leap Forward was an ultra-leftist mistake, and its direct consequence was that many people's pots and pans were turned into the thing in Li Yuanba's hand. This thing is harder than ordinary stone, but much softer than iron, and its surface is rough, resembling cow dung. It can't withstand any handling.
As a famous general of the Three Kingdoms period, Lü Bu's halberd was naturally a masterpiece. Putting aside the limitations of iron smelting technology in the Three Kingdoms era, the hardness of his weapon was at least around 56 on the Rockwell scale—close to domestically produced stainless steel...
So, this time, the collision of the dung hammer and the halberd produced not only sparks—but also countless specks of stone dust and dirt, which rained down on Lü Bu's head, face, and…eyes like a shower of petals. Lü Bu, clearly the kind of kid who couldn't mingle with his friends, didn't know the trick to staying calm when sand hit his eyes (I often threw sand in other kids' faces and was often the one who got sand in my face as a child), and with his hand hurting, he tossed the halberd aside and went to rub his eyes. Li Yuanba, in high spirits, shouted again, "Take another blow!" and the dung hammer was about to strike.
Qin Qiong hurriedly shouted, "Yuanba, take him alive!"
Li Yuanba, who always listened to Qin Qiong, was taken aback upon hearing this. Lü Bu, terrified, covered his eyes and seized the opportunity to turn his horse and flee. Li Yuanba poked him in the ribs with the handle of his hammer, and Lü Bu let out a strange cry. Surprisingly, he didn't fall off his horse, but instead, covered in snot like a snotty nose, he galloped towards Hulao Pass.
Li Yuanba whipped his horse to give chase, but Lu Bu was riding Red Hare. With a few leaps, Lu Bu had already left Li Yuanba far behind. It was clear that the drawbridge had been lowered and Lu Bu was about to escape.
We knew that saving Liu Bei depended on this one moment, and we all shouted anxiously. At this moment, Guan Yu suddenly put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. I wondered: Is Guan Yu so anxious or what? He still has the mind to amuse himself at a time like this?
Red Hare had just reached the drawbridge when it heard the whistle. It turned around abruptly and immediately saw Guan Yu. Guan Yu stretched out his hands and beckoned to him, "Hong'er, come back." Red Hare's nickname was Hong'er—
Upon hearing Guan Yu's summons, Red Hare happily turned and galloped towards us with small, quick steps. Lü Bu, his eyes still glazed, thought we were already inside the pass and casually ordered, "Quickly, bring me some clean water to wash my eyes..."
Despite the extremely urgent situation on the front lines, many of the allied soldiers laughed. Lu Bu, sensing something amiss, forced his hand open a crack in the ground and was immediately alarmed. He frantically whipped the reins, yelling, "Go back! Go back!" Red Hare ignored him, and in the blink of an eye, it had reached the spot where the battle had just begun. Lu Bu flailing his arms and legs, shouting and kicking, wasting a moment but getting closer to us. In his desperation, the boy leaped off his horse and ran back. He hadn't gone far when he ran into Li Yuanba, who was still in the fighting. The two looked at each other, then Li Yuanba, with his stone hammer tucked under his arm, reached out and lifted Lu Bu, herding him back to his unit. Lu Bu, nearly two meters tall, was being carried in mid-air by a child, looking rather awkward and strange. Immediately, the two men and their horses returned to the allied lines. Li Yuanba threw Lu Bu to the ground, first looking at the wound on his stone hammer with concern, then sighing, "So much for Lu Bu's ferocity! He couldn't even withstand two of my hammer blows. He's not even as good as that kid Pei Yuanqing."
Zhang Fei and Guan Yu were both petrified. After a long while, Zhang Fei finally exclaimed in disbelief, "Damn it, what kind of child is this?"
The guards at the pass stared blankly at Li Yuanba, speechless. Their faces paled, and suddenly someone shouted, and they all rushed into the pass. I, carrying a brick, spurred my horse and galloped haphazardly around the pass, boasting, "I still have plenty of courage to spare!" I shouted for a while before finally feeling satisfied and slunk back. Originally, I wanted to shout something like, "I am now invincible!" but then I thought it was an unlucky phrase, so I gave up.
Lu Bu was now bound up, blinking frantically, tears streaming down his face. I said disdainfully, "Where's your remaining courage? How pathetic! A grown man still crying!"
Lü Bu retorted, "I didn't cry, my eyes were just wet—" He then added defiantly, "If that weren't the case, how could you have captured me?"
Li Yuanba yanked off his rope and said, "Come on, get on your horse and let me hit you three more times." He even helped Lü Bu pick up his halberd and stuffed it into Lü Bu's hand. Lü Bu was speechless. After a long while, he threw the halberd on the ground and said, "Fine, I can't beat you. The eighteen heroes of the Sui and Tang dynasties are indeed quite skilled."
In this battle, the eighteen heroes of the Sui and Tang dynasties not only terrified the enemy but also made a name for themselves among the allied forces. The various warlords looked at us, especially at Li Yuanba, with completely different eyes. Ignoring everyone else, Guan Yu, mounted on his horse, said to Lü Bu, "Lü Fengxian, I wish to exchange you for my elder brother Liu Bei. Who can decide the fate of Hulao Pass now?" Because he had a good relationship with Liu Bei, he showed Lü Bu some respect.
Lü Bu asked in surprise, "Is this really true?"
The second brother said, "When has Guan Yu ever broken his word?"
Unfortunately, Guan Yu was not yet a well-known figure. After hesitating for a long time, Lü Bu said, "Besides me, Hua Xiong is the master."
"Would he be willing to exchange you for him?"
Lü Bu said, "Probably yes. I have a fairly good relationship with Hua Xiong, and besides, I am the adopted son of Grand Tutor Dong..." Zhang Fei cursed, "You traitor who has served three masters!"
Qin Qiong said, "You can shout to the gate now, and we'll let you go back when Brother Liu comes out."
At this moment, a squad of guards pushed through the crowd and escorted a general to us. This man was a handsome middle-aged man, but he possessed a certain arrogance. He shouted, "No! Lü Bu is fierce; we must not let this tiger return to the mountains!"
Judging from how others address him as "General," this person should be Yuan Shao, the leader of the Eighteenth Route Army.
When Zhang Fei heard that Yuan Shao wanted to kill Lü Bu, he angrily said, "If you kill him, what will happen to my elder brother?"
In Yuan Shao's eyes, Zhang Fei and Guan Yu were nothing more than mounted archers, and their elder brother was naturally not even in his consideration. He directly ordered his guards, "Behead Lü Bu in public!"
Although Lü Bu was formidable, he was extremely afraid of death and instinctively hid behind Guan Yu. Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Shan Xiongxin, and others each drew their weapons to block the guards. Yuan Shao, not expecting that a few soldiers would dare to openly defy his orders, shouted, "How dare you betray the alliance?"
At this moment, Gongsun Zan hurriedly stepped forward and said, "General Yuan, please calm down. Their elder brother was captured by the enemy while trying to save me, and he should be ransomed. Furthermore, according to the oath of life and death, it is also important to protect Brother Liu's life."