The premiere was a star-studded affair; practically every celebrity who had graced the cover of at least five magazines that year, regardless of whether it was positive or negative, half-naked or involved in wardrobe malfunctions, was there. Among the directors, almost everyone had "Xiao" in their name, the one with the beard, the one who liked making martial arts films, and the one who liked to release pigeons in churches—all were present. Even the one sitting in the last row with his back to the spittoon was a three-time Golden Bear Award winner.
After a series of celebrity cross-dressing performances and song and dance numbers, the curtain slowly rises. On the black-and-white screen, speckled dots flash, and soldiers and generals in various armors charge silently and rapidly, wounded and dying. A barbarian general with two sable tails beside his helmet raises one hand, his expression stubborn and crazed—the film unfolds against a backdrop resembling a World War II documentary.
The film's narrative doesn't specify the era in which the events take place; in short, a modern young man and an ancient woman fall in love. This part is cleverly edited so that it doesn't feel fantastical at all; it's as if the love between the two young people is something simple and natural, as ordinary as a romance between young people from two different cities.
But the scene shifts, and a general afflicted with leprosy appears, wearing a sable helmet. He commands his troops to plunder the land of the woman's kingdom, dragging the girl into the war as well. The young man, heartbroken yet calm, strives to save the girl, painstakingly seeking out rulers from various dynasties to plead for their aid. His tales are sometimes sorrowful, sometimes indignant, and sometimes full of humor and wit. Finally, eight powerful nations send armies through a time tunnel to the girl's dynasty. A total of 3 million soldiers surround the leprosy general in a city called "Taiyuan," using all sorts of insidious and bizarre methods to torment and weaken his army and will. In the end, the general has no choice but to compromise…
The entire theater was completely silent during the screening. This wasn't because these VIP viewers were intentionally giving Jin Shao a break—they were captivated like nails drawn to a magnet. No one could definitively categorize the film into any particular style or genre. Its opening was tender and beautiful, then gradually grew heavy, reaching its peak after the female protagonist's capture. The style then abruptly shifted, with 3 million troops from multiple nations engaging in numerous life-or-death battles against the leper general in a confined area. If someone started watching from this point, they would undoubtedly think it was an unprecedentedly well-made war film. Later on, the leper general was too weak to fight and refused to surrender. The Allied forces tried every trick in the book to torment him, which made the audience laugh: tons of garbage fell from the sky and landed on the head of the dazed and numb villain; the propaganda board that the leper general used to enforce military discipline even had two wet and used condoms hanging on it (someone plagiarized my idea)... From this perspective, this is another anti-war film with a dark humor style.
When the female protagonist was rescued near the end of the movie, many people in the audience exclaimed in surprise, "It's Li Shishi! She's back!"
This doesn't mean that Jin Shaoyan's guests knew that Li Shishi was actually Li Shishi; it was the stage name she used in the previous film, *The Legend of Li Shishi* (later renamed *Li Shishi*). Ever since that film became a global sensation, reporters have been searching for Li Shishi like lepers. Now, with one of the world's most talented women making a comeback, even these stars and directors are deeply excited.
It's a shame the movie ending was so cliché: the male and female leads hug, kiss, and that's it. I was so angry I jumped up and down in the little theater at Yucai School, yelling, "What is this? That's it? You could at least have included a sunset or a feather drifting away! The two of them are kissing—" Baozi scolded me, "Sit down! Go ahead and film it if you dare!"
Suddenly, Tong Yuan stood up, waving her hands, and shouted, "Look, look! I'm here!"
I asked, puzzled, "Where are you?"
I glanced at her hand and saw that the first name on the slowly rising production credits was: Cinematographer, Tong Yuan. Next was Xiu Xiu's name, and Xiu Xiu started squealing with delight. Qin Qiong laughed, "Sit down quickly. You're so happy just because of a name? Did you see me just now showing my face inside?"
Upon hearing this, everyone at Yucai School exclaimed, "Me too! Me too! Did you see it? It's right there over there..."
Sure enough, the names of Qin Qiong, Mu Huali, Wu Yong, Hu Yieryi, and others were also listed among the supporting actors who came up later. I waved my hands frantically, saying, "Quiet down, quiet down, let's see whose name he puts on the director's list!"
Then there was a long blank space, and finally several huge words appeared: Director and Producer, Xiao Qiang.
I chuckled and said, "See? I'm the real deal!" Then I pouted and added, "Why didn't you say you'd hang up earlier? You only started showing my name after the audience had all left."
I proudly told Baozi, "See? It was your husband who took this picture."
Baozi said, "Didn't you already know he was going to put your name on it?"
I chuckled and said, "Pretty much. Didn't Jin Shaoyan do the same thing when he gave Shishi a gift last time? I guess he doesn't have anything new to offer."
The crowd, suddenly realizing what was happening, booed...
The premiere was abuzz with excitement, as the stars looked around frantically for the man named Xiao Qiang. Such a big production, with the director and producer all in one, was something even the biggest names would dream of. Jin Shaoyan stood up, smiled, and gestured for the stars to quiet down before explaining, "Director Xiao isn't part of our industry. The only thing I can reveal is that he currently holds a high-ranking position. To avoid disturbing his normal life, we've decided to keep all information about him confidential for now." A collective sigh of regret rippled through the audience.
I gesticulated wildly, saying, "You're not being fair, kid! Why keep it a secret? Just tell them! Especially Ziyi, Xiaowei, and Zhilin..." Baozi said coldly, "Didn't you used to like Zhixian?" I quickly sat down obediently.
Later, I heard from Jin Shaoyan that after the screening, many directors stayed behind, their only request being to play it again from the beginning. Several directors, especially those skilled at filming large-scale scenes, relentlessly pursued him, asking for my contact information. Jin Shaoyan said it was the first time he had ever seen such fervent and devout eyes in these people's eyes.
On this point, I understand better than anyone. Their finding me wouldn't help, because the 3 million troops in the movie are real 3 million troops; no amount of high technology can change that. To put it arrogantly, even if Hollywood and Bollywood collaborated, they couldn't afford that many extras even if they went bankrupt—30 dollars a day per person isn't much. Could they even provide armor for 3 million people? Could they find hundreds of thousands of horses? Even if they could manage all that, would they dare let those millions of people actually risk their lives?
Without being immodest, the war scenes in *Total War: All Soldiers* are absolutely the most breathtaking, spectacular, realistic, and... most... of all ever! Two major segments, though filmed by Tong Yuan and Xiu Xiu with their phones and appearing blurry and shaky when aired, are precisely the two most frequently replayed. It interprets the cruelty and reality of war with a completely new filming style, giving viewers the feeling of being secretly filmed in an incredibly realistic live interview. One film critic even said: "I think the Oscar for Best Actor should go to the cinematographer of *Total War: All Soldiers*. In one war scene, through the movement of the camera, I could almost feel the fear hidden in his heart."
That guy was mostly right. Except it wasn't the camera panning, it was Xiuxiu's trembling...
"Total Soldiers" was released on an ordinary day, neither too close to May Day nor too close to the New Year. Three-quarters of the world's 6 billion people watched it with tears in their eyes, chills in their bones, and uncontrollable laughter. Unfortunately, it didn't sweep all the Oscars that year; Best Production Design and Best Music Editing, among others, went to other films. Well, what can you do? Its scale was simply too grand. The general understanding is that the bigger the scale of a film, the further it is from art.
As for Jin Shaoyan, that kid made a fortune. Everyone at Yucai who participated in the "filming" received a large sum of money. Tong Yuan and Fang Zhenjiang used this money to renovate their duplex villa into an incredibly exquisite and luxurious place, with everything tailored to Tong Yuan's status—the Crown Prince of the Great Jin Kingdom.
Chapter 174 In-Laws
After gaining some unexpected fame with "All Soldiers Mobilized," I finally had two more months of peace. I spent my free time visiting the school to check on the children, calling out to them, and mostly spending time with Baozi. Baozi's due date is a little over a month away, and the little one inside me is already quite restless. I can feel him rolling around or kicking when I press my head against his belly. If we have tofu for dinner, I can hear the sound of bricks being thrown inside him when he's sleeping—he'll definitely be as strong as his dad when he grows up.
Hospitals these days don't disclose the baby's gender to parents according to regulations, and we didn't specifically ask. Baozi and I really didn't care; we'd have to deal with it anyway. However, our parents had very different opinions, which was quite interesting. Sometimes I'd habitually say "my son" this or that, and my dad would immediately glare at me and say, "You know it's a son? I prefer daughters! If a son is going to cause you so much trouble, I might as well just kill him now!"
I'm speechless. What did I do wrong? All I did was misbehave a little as a child, making my grandfather pay for a few extra pieces of glass, taking their child to the hospital a few times, getting my parents called in by the teacher a few times, and getting their daughter pregnant—she was a steamed bun. What else did I do?
But things are completely different at Baozi's family. Every time I say "my son," the old accountant immediately nods and says, "Yes, it must be a son." The old accountant is very traditional and believes that his daughter will only receive preferential treatment if she gives birth to a son after marrying into the family, which will also bring him honor. This is a very generous form of after-sales service.
As for the two old charlatans, they were naturally happy to relax as long as my clients didn't cause any trouble. I often went over for a visit; the old guys were either playing chess or watching TV. Especially Liu Laoliu, ever since he hooked up with the rich man He Tiandou, fortune-telling had become just a hobby, showing that even gods can be lazy. However, the two of them still maintained their respective class distinctions. Even at home, He Tiandou always wore soft, luxurious pajamas, and his hair was always impeccably styled. Liu Laoliu, on the other hand, wore shorts barefoot, flicked cigarette ash everywhere, and picked his toes. The sofas they sat on were clearly distinct.
That day, I was sitting at home when my phone suddenly rang. I quickly took it out to check. This phone had become my dedicated customer line, and I rarely used it. When I saw the caller ID, it was Xiang Yu, which surprised me a bit. The big guy was busy fighting with Liu Bang and rarely contacted me on his own initiative.
I answered, "Hey, Yu-ge, when are you done? I'm waiting to drink with you."
The voice on the other end was filled with frustration, exhaustion, and despair. Xiang Yu said heavily, "Xiao Qiang, come help me—I'm surrounded by Liu Bang at Gaixia again."
I exclaimed in surprise, "How could this be? You shouldn't have lost to him!" Xiang Yu not only could predict Liu Bang's plans, but he also had 300,000 elite troops who had just returned not long ago. How could he have suffered another defeat in less than three months?
Xiang Yu gave a bitter laugh, his voice thick with emotion, and said, “I don’t know how this happened. After the Battle of Pengcheng, I regained the upper hand. I also changed many battle orders based on the lessons learned from previous failures. But as the fighting went on, my men scattered again, and Liu Bang nibbled away at much of my territory. In the end, I was back to square one. Now, I have less than 50,000 men left. Liu Bang’s 600,000-strong army has us surrounded.”
I was at a loss for words. Originally, Xiang Yu's plan was simply to prove himself; he wanted to defeat Liu Bang thoroughly before leaving, thus settling a grudge. But now, things have turned out differently; he's been inexplicably defeated by Liu Bang again.
Xiang Yu said sadly, "I didn't mean to call you, nor did I want to see you again. But A Yu... is already six months pregnant, and I can't bear to let her and the child go through the same ordeal."
I stood up abruptly and said, "You don't need to say anything, I'm coming right now. Please stay calm, there's always a way."
I hung up the phone, and Baozi touched her belly and asked me, "What's wrong now?"
I said, "Your ancestor is about to die."
Baozi said, "Your ancestor was...you mean Big Guy?"
I nodded and said, "Yeah. He lost to Bangzi in a fight again and now he's surrounded by them on the riverbank. You know what kind of person your ancestors were; if they had a moment of weakness, they'd jump into the river to feed the turtles again."
Baozi immediately asked anxiously, "Then what should we do?"
I said, "Don't worry, I'll go take a look. The report says he was defeated at Wujiang, but it doesn't say he's doomed. I can just go and talk to Liu Bang directly."
Baozi said, "I'm going too!"
I glared at you and said, "What are you going to do? You're all pregnant. Stay home and I'll call you when I hear anything."