I laughed and said, "You're really going all out to even things with Big Guy. But it won't work. You've seen it yourself, Baozi's father is Xiang Yu's grandson. If you marry your daughter to me, at worst you'll be on the same level as the old accountant, and that would be a real problem!"
Liu Bang said, "I was just testing you. If you really dare, I'll go and tell Baozi on your behalf!"
What kind of humanity is this!
We were chatting and laughing when a plump yet somewhat magnetic female voice came from the inner room: "Your Majesty, you're up so early today?"
As the voice spoke, a woman strolled out, her hands fiddling with her dark hair, her robe half-undone, exuding an indescribable allure. She hadn't expected anyone to be outside, and upon seeing me sitting opposite Liu Bang, she was slightly startled. Forgetting about her hair, she instinctively covered her chest, a hint of reproach in her expression.
When I saw this woman, I was momentarily stunned. You see, Xiao Qiang is a man of many tastes, having seen all sorts of beauties. Leaving aside the exceptional young ladies like Li Shishi, he's dealt with girls and mature women of vastly different styles: the fiery Hu Sanniang, the charming Ni Siyu, the elegant Xiuxiu, the heroic Hua Mulan. But compared to this woman, they all lacked a certain allure. This woman was incredibly alluring, with a captivating and seductive charm. Even Yu Ji, though a paragon of womanhood, couldn't match her grace and elegance. Even someone of Li Shishi's background, compared to this woman, was like comparing a palace beauty to a erotic courtesan…
In that moment, we exchanged a glance and were both speechless for a moment. After a pause, I quickly stood up and awkwardly said, "Oh... this must be your sister-in-law?"
The woman seemed about to erupt in anger, but then she remembered that anyone who could enter her room must be extraordinary. Her eyes softened, and she gave me a slight nod, preventing any awkwardness between us. This showed she was quite shrewd. She then straightened her clothes. Although she had a stunning figure, once her expression and gait returned to normal, she exuded a chilling aura, saying indifferently, "Doesn't His Majesty never receive guests in his inner chambers?"
Liu Bang casually pointed at me and introduced, "This is Xiao Qiang, not an outsider." Then he said to me, "It's correct that you call her sister-in-law, but most people call her Empress." This noblewoman was indeed Liu Bang's principal wife, Empress Lü.
When Empress Lü heard my name, her smile finally softened a bit: "As expected, you're not an outsider. I've often heard the Emperor mention you." Her words were pleasant, yet she still exuded an air of superiority, and you couldn't find any fault with her manners. This kind of woman is a classic iceberg; any man who's not on her level will inevitably suffer a humiliating defeat. But then again, if this kind of woman attaches herself to you, she can bring you immense prestige. With her by your side, even if you attend a banquet in baggy shorts, no one will dare look down on you. She's the kind of alluring woman who can make all men look up to her in awe and despair, thus elevating your status. The difference is that even though you know she's an alluring woman, you must understand that she's not someone you can afford to be alluring.
With Empress Lü present, Liu Bang and I had nothing to say to each other. The three of us stared at each other in a stalemate for a while, until Liu Bang impatiently asked, "Is there anything else?"
Empress Lü said, "I think I just heard someone say that there are remnants of the Chu army appearing at Gaixia again. Your Majesty must be careful and eliminate them completely." I shuddered.
Upon hearing this, Liu Bang's face darkened, and he said, "I have my own plans for my own affairs."
Empress Lü was not annoyed. Seeing a pot of wine on our table, she said calmly, "Your Majesty should take care of your health and not overindulge in wine. I will take my leave." With that, she gave a graceful bow and went into the inner room. Her luxurious nightgown accentuated her curves, making her look like a walking letter "S".
No wonder Xiang Yu once said that Liu Bang's wife was even better than Li Shishi. Li Shishi only had a bad background, and her personality was that of an ordinary girl. Empress Lü wasn't much older than her, but her composure, experience, and unwavering demeanor made her more like a feline: noble and beautiful, fierce and cruel, alluring yet extremely dangerous. When she brushed past you, you had no idea whether she wanted to whisper sweet nothings in your ear or bite you.
I watched her until she disappeared from sight before shaking my head and saying, "Sister-in-law is pretty good!"
Liu Bang sighed, "See? He doesn't even pee in the same pot as me."
I laughed and said, "From a physiological point of view, no woman can urinate in the same pot as a man."
Liu Bang glared at me and said, "You know what I mean."
I said, "I'm just wondering, if someone as stunning as my sister-in-law were in her shoes, wouldn't they be fighting tooth and nail for her?" I suddenly understood why Liu Bang was interested in steamed buns. These are two extremes! There's no point in comparing the two women's features; the words "beautiful" and "ugly" seem very pale. They can only be described as having different styles. Someone who's used to French cuisine would be perfectly content with a piece of stinky tofu. Therefore, Liu Bang's assessment of Li Shishi can only be "slightly attractive."
When Liu Bang heard what I said, he spread his hands and said, "If you like it, take it. No matter where you sell it or how much you get, I'll give you an extra 50,000." Then he sighed, "Why didn't I live in a time when human traffickers were everywhere—"
I waved my hand and said, "I'm not getting involved in your business."
Liu Bang said, "Why don't you just kill her? I'll give you 100,000."
I laughed, "You'll need Ke Zi for this job, but be careful he doesn't get turned. You know, that guy hasn't been very dedicated since his second assassination attempt on Qin Shi Huang." The other day, the newspapers were full of stories about a pretty boy who married a rich woman and, just days later, plotted to hire someone to kill her so he could inherit her fortune. Turns out, the hitman actually got turned. He asked for 30,000 yuan, to be paid afterward, but when the hitman barged into the woman's bedroom with a knife, she didn't even blink and just threw 200,000 yuan in cash at him, saying, "I don't care who hired you, you kill her, and I'll give you another million afterward." The next day, the pretty boy was dead…
The bloody lessons tell us: in a society where even hitmen have no professional ethics, never hire someone to kill someone richer than yourself!
I know Liu Bang was just saying it casually to vent his frustrations, but it's true that he and his wife had a strained relationship, so I couldn't help but ask, "Why do you dislike your sister-in-law so much?"
Liu Bang said, "What annoys me is that she always has to chime in with her opinions. I'm looking for a wife, not a strategist. If we're talking about scheming, aren't Zhang Liang and Han Xin better than her?"
Seeing his pained expression, I lit a cigarette and said, "If you really can't live like this, then get a divorce."
Liu Bang shook his head and said, "The state is not yet stable, and I still rely on the Lü family to handle many things. To be honest, sometimes that woman's suggestions are quite reliable. But these are not the most important things. The most important thing is..."
"I understand. It's the age of tigers and wolves, who doesn't need that? Besides, your sister-in-law is so beautiful."
Liu Bang rolled his eyes at me and said, "You don't think I'm short of women, do you? What kind of cabbage haven't I slept with?"
I flattered him, saying, "Yes, yes, please continue." There was nothing I could do; someone like me who had only ever managed to get my hands on one cabbage had no right to argue with others on this issue—I had every reason to believe that Liu Bang, as a pig who led the masses, could have gotten his hands on all sorts of cabbages.
Liu Bang continued, "Mainly, I feel guilty towards her. Not only was I helped up by Lao Lü, but this woman also suffered a lot following me during those years of war. You know, your brother Liu can sometimes be a bit too rational at crucial moments..."
I glared at him and said, "Bullshit! You're just a coward!" I did know that. One of Liu Bang's characteristics was that the closer you were to him, the less human he treated you. At the Feast at Hongmen, abandoning Zhang Liang and running away was considered quite virtuous. It's said that when Xiang Yu was chasing him, he often kicked his wife and children off the chariot to make his escape faster.
Liu Bang said with a bitter face, "...Yes, I did feel quite guilty back then."
Chapter 186 No matter how cunning you are, you can't escape my grasp.
As we were talking, I suddenly received a phone call. I glanced at the number and gestured to Liu Bang, "It's Fengfeng."
Liu Bang: "Damn it, you hooked up with someone while I was gone?"
I gave him the middle finger and replied, "Hey, Sister Feng."
Fengfeng replied in her usual straightforward tone, "It's me, Qiangzi. When do you need those school uniforms?"
When she mentioned it, I remembered that a few days ago Yan Jingsheng received a batch of summer school uniforms from her, probably several thousand pieces. We Yucai students usually order our clothes from her. Although Fengfeng makes counterfeit goods, her craftsmanship is top-notch, and she's starting to have her own brand now.
I asked, "How much?"
Fengfeng said, "Same as always, I'll give it to you at cost price plus an employee, I won't make any money off you."
I laughed and said, "Sister Feng is so kind!"
Fengfeng snorted and said, "What do you take me for? In the end, our friendship is our friendship. Do you think I'd argue with you over a man?" Finally, she cautiously asked, "That bastard Liu Ji may have run away, but even if the deal fell through, we're still friends. Why has he disappeared without a trace? Is he trying to hide from me?" Back then, Liu Bang told Fengfeng that he had found someone else to end Fengfeng's hopes. I admire Liu Bang for that, but he said it with the intention of saying goodbye forever. Now it seems he's left with a lingering regret.
I covered the phone and whispered to Liu Bang, "You said that woman misses you, do you talk to her?"
Liu Bang hesitated for a moment, then reached out and said, "Give it to me."
I laughed and said to Fengfeng, "I'm right here with him now, let him talk to you."
Liu Bang answered the phone cautiously and said, "Hello?"