"I'm getting married to May soon." All the tenderness I had just mustered vanished with those words.
"Congratulations!" I said with a silly grin.
"I miss you."
My heart skipped a beat, and I could barely keep my heartbeat going.
I don't know when he came over. All I know is that all my resentment and pride vanished in that one sentence. I only remember that at that moment, I hugged him tightly, so tightly. I had only one thought in my mind: I must hold on to him, no matter how long or short it takes, I don't want to lose him.
That night, we returned to my rented apartment together. It was a bridal chamber without any wedding candles, but I never expected our first time to be such a failure: at first, he seemed very excited, but I was extremely nervous, so he became somewhat hesitant, while I calmed down and insisted on going all the way—so all I remember of my first time is pain and frustration, but I still consider myself very happy. Exhausted, I curled up against his chest and fell asleep just before dawn.
Suddenly, I felt a burning pain on my eyelids. I opened my eyes and saw him, who had woken up sometime earlier, propping his head up and staring at me intently.
"What? When did you wake up?" I'm not used to being naked in front of men, so I couldn't help but shrink further under the blanket.
"I'm sorry," he said sadly.
I wanted nothing more than to punch him! I wasn't expecting any sweet words, but to my surprise, the person next to me apologized the moment I opened my eyes!
"Stop humiliating me!" I said coldly, grabbing a towel to wrap around myself and getting out of bed to get dressed. A quick glance revealed he was already wearing pants. I sneered inwardly; it seemed the only person in the world who wasn't dressed was myself. I really needed to seriously examine my ignorance and self-delusion.
He jumped up and grabbed my arm: "Where are you going?"
"I'm too dirty, I need to wash myself clean." I tried to shake off his hand.
“You’ve given me so much, but I can’t give you anything in return. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?” He hugged me tightly from behind.
His weakness fueled my anger even more. Where was this the decisive and straightforward man I used to know? I must have been blind!
"From today onwards, you can do whatever you want. If you're getting married, go ahead and get married. If you really feel bad about it, you can leave a few hundred or a thousand..."
"Slap!" Before I could finish speaking, he slapped me across the face.
We were both stunned by the slap, staring blankly at each other. I don't know how long it was before I felt a salty, spicy taste on my lips. Instinctively, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. He suddenly woke up, carefully cupped my face, and murmured, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He gently kissed my cracked lips. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the guilt on his face and the tears in his eyes anymore; they hurt me so much. It was as if he had become a different person overnight, and that made me so sad.
After I finished showering, I checked my watch; it was already past eleven. He was still sitting in the only chair in the room, staring blankly at Mole Eye.
I walked over quietly, squatted down in front of him, and buried my head in his knees.
“Actually, I’ve tried a lot during this time, but whether my eyes are open or closed, all I see is your happy face, your angry face, your laughing face, your silly face after being scolded, all around me, all the time… But now I can’t not marry May. She, she needs me very much, and there are many other people involved as well. I can’t explain why, but I can’t be too selfish.”
My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't help but smile bitterly. I suddenly felt so insignificant, but at least to him, I was his.
“But you have to believe me, believe me without reservation.” He stroked my hair and said, “I thought that if I didn’t have to say goodbye face-to-face, I wouldn’t be so heartbroken, but I was wrong. No matter how I break up with you, the feeling is suffocating. I never realized that the sky in Guangzhou could be so gray. Without you, I can’t even breathe. One day I will give you an explanation. I never promise anyone anything, but now I want to promise you a future.”
"Mmm." I closed my eyes and obediently agreed. His world was always outside my imagination, but strangely, I always trusted his guidance.
“I’ll buy you another house, and you can move in.” He pressed my mouth to stop me from interrupting him. “We’re not in that kind of relationship. You and I both know that. But whether I’m at work or at home, I just want you to be closer to me so I can feel at ease. And I want to give us a home.”
"Then you can't interfere with my lifestyle any other than that." I thought for a moment and decided to compromise first.
"As long as you don't commit adultery, I won't interfere."
"But when a woman has an affair, shouldn't someone reflect on whether the fault lies not with the woman, but with the yard being too small and the wall too low?"
"Okay, I understand. I will keep a close eye on you, my precious 'red apricot'."
We were laughing and joking, but I knew I had just committed myself to a dark and shameful role. From now on, I would have no right to walk in the sunlight. And once it began, no matter the outcome, I would carry this contemptible mark for the rest of my life, until the day I die. Perhaps I am still a red apricot blossom now, but what courtyard wall would be willing to confine me? I fear that in the blink of an eye, I will turn into a yellow apricot blossom, and I will be powerless to escape. But now I can't care about all that. I just want to be with him, even if it's just for a minute longer. I'm like a drug addict, knowing that there is an abyss ahead, but for the pleasure of this moment, I am willing to be shattered to pieces.
"Don't worry about the lawsuit anymore, I'll handle it."
"You still believe I did it?" I suddenly looked up and stared into his eyes.
He was quite honest: "You know I never let personal feelings get into business. Emotionally, I don't want it to be you, but rationally, I only believe in evidence."
"But Yin Tianyu believed me from beginning to end!" I shouted in my heart, but I couldn't say a word out loud, because I knew he was right, but I still felt a little bitter.
I was planning to see him off to work, and I had imagined tying his tie like other wives would do for their husbands. But no matter how I tried, all I managed to do was make the tie look more like a rope. I could only watch in frustration as he deftly tied a neat little triangle on his own.
"I'll definitely learn how to tie your tie tomorrow," I said resentfully.
He kissed me on the cheek and said with a smile, "Starting tomorrow, you're the only one allowed to wear my tie, okay?"
"You keep your word." Hearing him say that, it felt like the future belonged to both of us, and I became happy. I opened the door with a smile on my face, and to my surprise, I saw Yin Tianyu standing at the door with a big smile on his face.
Yin Tianyu was visibly stunned when he saw Willson and me walk out together, but his smile immediately returned: "It seems like today is a double celebration, congratulations!"
I felt a little awkward, and when I turned around, Willson also looked uncomfortable.
"What nonsense are you talking about? What good news could there be?" I asked him, my face flushed.
"I found Lin Yirou."
"You're not kidding, are you?" I grabbed Yin Tianyu and jumped up in a frenzy.
Yin Tianyu had an expression that said he expected me to do this, and his eyes were full of smiles.
"How did you find her?" Willson walked over and casually pulled me aside, tucking me under his armpit.
Yin Tian smiled indifferently: "I naturally have my own connections. The important thing is that the person has been found now. She just admitted at the procuratorate that she did everything herself and that Li Hao had nothing to do with it."
"This girl is so cunning, would she admit it so easily?" Willson frowned, looking quite stylish.
"It's certainly not easy for her to admit it, but she also has her Achilles' heel, and you know I've never been a gentleman." Yin Tianyu sighed, seemingly a little sad.
"Can I go see her?" I asked Yin Tianyu when I had a chance.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t have gone.” Yin Tianyu’s expression was a little strange.