"Okay, I'll wait for you." I gave him a big smile.
I watched him disappear into the elevator, still standing there like a block of wood at the door, my smile still on my face like a mask. Suddenly, I heard footsteps at the bottom of the stairs. I turned my head and saw Willson running up the stairs. He rushed over and hugged me tightly, panting slightly as he groaned in my ear, "Silly woman, my silly woman, you must wait for me to come back."
My eyes were burning, and although I was extremely reluctant, I had to steel myself and push him away. I grinned and said, "If you keep acting like this, I'll really regret not letting you get married!" I don't know if my tone was too convincing, but I saw a hint of helplessness flash in Willson's eyes.
"Hurry up, the bride is waiting for you." I pushed him into the elevator. "I'm warning you, if you dare come back again, I'll personally drag you to the wedding!"
Seeing him being taken away by the elevator again, I felt utterly exhausted, almost unable to stand. But secretly, I kept glancing towards the stairwell, hoping he would miraculously reappear. This time, however, I knew I was destined to be disappointed.
All day long, I felt like I had a fever, unable to sit or stand still in my room. I would feel hot in waves, and then shiver when I turned on the air conditioning. Around six o'clock in the evening, I decided to leave to watch my lover's wedding. I just needed to sneak a peek so I could leave without worry. I told myself, "I've been here all day; I need to check if his tie is messed up."
I made an exception and took a taxi, because God knows my legs had been weak the whole time. When I arrived at the hotel and stepped out of the elevator, I hid behind a huge flowerbed and saw a beautiful couple standing by a heart-shaped floral arrangement in the distance—WILLSON looked a little tired than that morning, but his hand was tenderly around the bride's slender waist. Cui Wuyue's dress was simpler than I had imagined, making her look as pure as an angel. Her smile was genuine; her happiness radiated like sunshine to every corner. Any woman who saw her would think: Ah, marriage is wonderful—including me. It's just that her dress was so white that I couldn't look directly at it.
Looking at myself, huddled in a corner in my old T-shirt and shorts, the only word to describe me is " pathetic." Xia Mengmeng, I don't know where she got the gossip from, said she has congenital heart disease? I think I'm more like someone who's had a prophetic internal organ stroke. The consequence of my own actions is that I can't stay in that cheerful place for another minute.
I rushed out onto the street, only to feel a bit lost, unsure of where to go: that new "home"—I didn't want to think about it anymore. I'd lost all right to look for Yin Tianyu ever since I stopped answering his calls. Xia Mengmeng was currently at the hotel attending the general manager's wedding banquet, and A-Ce and the others were busy helping Willson with his brotherhood…
I took out my phone and dialed home. My mom answered, and I listened to her happily complaining that I hadn't called home in a long time. She went on and on about how my dad was disobedient and refused to take his medicine on time, and how my sister-in-law had bought her a red sweater yesterday, and how she could possibly wear it out in public... My face unconsciously welled up with tears, and my heart, which had been drifting for days, suddenly felt like it had landed.
I bought a bottle of beer from a roadside convenience store, sat down on a stone bench by the Pearl River, and took a swig straight from the bottle. The taste of foot-washing water assaulted my throat; if it weren't for the fact that it cost only 5.5 yuan, I would have almost vomited it out immediately. There wasn't a single star in the sky. Looking at the dark, fishy-smelling Pearl River, I carefully reviewed everything that had happened recently, asking myself, if I knew today's outcome and had to choose again, what would I do? My answer immediately and firmly jumped out: I would still choose to sit here alone today, drinking the world's worst-tasting beer. Since that's the case, I decided to indulge myself, even if it was just the one and only time I'd ever be willful—I told myself to finish the last sip of beer in the bottle.
The next day, I found a job as a real estate agent. The base salary was low, and I relied mainly on commissions. But for me, any pressure related to making money was something I was happy to bear. I then got a new SIM card and cancelled the old one. Besides leaving a message for Willson's secretary, I only gave my new number to my family. I didn't want to, and wasn't mentally prepared to, face any of my friends. I knew I owed them, especially Xia Mengmeng and Yin Tianyu, and one day I would repay them—I thought so—but when and how exactly that would happen, I was still quite unclear.
From that day on, I began my life as a real estate agent, working from dawn till dusk. Having worked as a salesperson before becoming a real estate agent was much easier than I had expected. Two months later, my performance ranked among the top three in the company. I never spoke a word to any of my colleagues about anything outside of work. I knew they called me "the money-grabbing machine" behind my back; my money-crazy approach—closing deals big or small and relentlessly pursuing each one until it was closed—was something they simply couldn't understand.
Seven days later, the day finally arrived for Willson's return from Korea. I had intended to prepare an extremely lavish meal to welcome him back, but then I thought that my eagerness might put pressure on him—after all, his life now consisted of two women, and he needed to maintain a balance. Besides, he was now even more constrained than before, and it was uncertain whether he would even be able to come tonight.
Willson arrived around six o'clock in the evening. He was clearly taken aback when he saw that I had only prepared food for one person. I suppressed my secret joy, pretended to realize something, and apologized, "I'm sorry, I forgot you were coming back today. I'll make some more right away."
He grabbed my arm and said, "Forget it, any noodles will do." He was clearly upset.
"It's okay, it'll be quick." I made a face. He watched as I magically pulled plates of food out of the refrigerator that only needed to be heated up, then huffed and put his arm around me, saying, "Hey, when did you become so good to yourself? Do you really need to eat so much food by yourself?"
"I've got plenty of lovers on the side, and I've stocked up on food so that whoever comes can be fed on the spot..."
"What did you say? You little vixen! Dare to say it again?!" He grabbed me with one hand, while the other hand went straight for my most ticklish spots. I had nowhere to hide, so I could only laugh and beg for mercy.
He pressed my head against his chest: "These seven days feel longer than seven years. If I didn't know that I would see you at our house in seven days, I would have gone crazy."
I didn't say anything, but pressed my ear against his heart, listening to his heart pounding through his shirt. Was this the legendary galloping horse jump? The night was long, and tonight we had plenty of time to do what we wanted to do.
Wilson didn't like my new job, but he had promised not to interfere with my lifestyle, so it wasn't appropriate for him to object at the moment. I admired his serious attitude towards everything he said. Before leaving, he left me a credit card, telling me it contained my household expenses for the month. I carefully put the card away; I always have great respect for money. It's just that there are always some self-righteous people who claim money is the root of all evil. But what's wrong with money? What's truly evil is the person who spends it wrong.
The days of frantically making money and squandering happiness pass quickly; three months have gone by in the blink of an eye, and Chinese New Year is just fifteen days away. The red couplets and yellow orange trees in the neighborhood are already setting the stage for the festival. I called home early to tell them I wouldn't be coming back this year. Actually, I had nothing to do in Guangzhou; Willson would take Choi Wu-yue back to Korea for the New Year. But I knew I couldn't face those loving eyes of my family if I went back. That morning, while brushing my teeth, I casually flipped through the calendar hanging next to the mirror, and my heart suddenly started pounding: I was horrified to discover that my old friend's visit was over ten days overdue! I closed my eyes, desperately trying to calm myself, thinking that perhaps I was just too tired lately. But whatever the reason, I had to find the answer myself. I threw down my toothbrush, quickly wiped my face, dressed, made a phone call to ask for leave, grabbed my bag, and took a bus to the hospital.
It seems no life can escape the natural law of reaping what you sow. When I received the lab report with the "+" sign, my mind went completely blank; I couldn't think straight. After leaving the hospital, I rushed back to work, hoping that being busy would make me feel better. But I was wrong. I couldn't concentrate at all all day, and finally had to take the day off and go home. I picked up the phone to call Willson, dialed several numbers, put it down, picked it up again, put it down again—I'd never felt so lost. Biting my fingers, I stared blankly at the phone. Suddenly, the phone rang by itself, startling me.
"Why aren't you at work?" Hearing Willson's urgent voice on the phone, I almost burst into tears. I caught my breath, trying to figure out how to tell him, when he lowered his voice and said, "I can't come over tonight. May is in the hospital, and I have to stay with her." This was the first time Willson had mentioned Cui May in front of me in so long. Before this, he had never talked about Cui May in front of me, which made me feel gratified that he had such integrity. Otherwise, how could I imagine how he would talk about me in front of another woman one day? So I sensed something unusual.
"What's wrong? What's wrong with her?"
“She,” Willson hesitated before speaking, “is pregnant, but her health isn’t good. I’m telling you because I don’t want to hide anything from you. Tell me, you’re not angry?”
"I'm not angry?" I repeated blankly. How could I be angry? What right did I have to be angry? Even the last shred of hope in my heart was burned away.
"Okay, I'm not talking to you anymore. I'll come over tomorrow. Wait for me at home. We'll talk about it then."
Holding the phone, I sat frozen on the sofa, the walls pressing in on me, suffocating me and leaving me no room to breathe. I abruptly threw down the phone, rushed over, and flung open all the doors and windows. Then I ran to the balcony, panting like a dog. I collapsed onto the cold balcony floor, trying to recapture some semblance of life. I desperately wished these past few hours had all been a nightmare. My retribution had come; I knew it. My retribution had come.
I filled the bathtub with boiling water and soaked myself in it until my skin turned red and looked like it was about to rot before I climbed out, because I had made up my mind.
The next morning, I went to the hospital again, and the gynecologist, as usual, advised me: "It's better to have a medical abortion. Although it takes a little longer, it's less tiring for you."
"I want an abortion. I'm not afraid of pain, as long as it's quick," I said calmly.
"Our hospital offers the latest painless abortion under general anesthesia..."
“I told you I’m not afraid of pain!” I interrupted her rambling.
"Alright then, I'll write you the prescription now, but you must have a family member accompany you. In case anything happens, someone needs to be there." The doctor, unable to make the sale, was somewhat displeased.
"But my family lives in another city." I felt a little uncomfortable.
"Then call the child's father over! Why didn't you come sooner?" I found her expression extremely malicious. But I was the one being manipulated, not her, so I had no choice but to back down: "Is it really impossible to do without family? The child's father is away on a business trip."
"Why are you like this? Didn't I tell you that someone has to be there?! If you don't have family, you can call a friend."
With no other options, I had no choice but to shamelessly call Xia Mengmeng. As soon as she heard my voice, she yelled, "You're still alive! You heartless bastard! I'm just waiting for the day I get a call from the police asking me to collect your corpse!" She cried and cursed at the same time, her voice rising and falling with great force.
"Could you come to XX Hospital? I need to have an abortion, but the hospital requires someone to be with me. I can't think of anyone else but you." I said it all in one breath, afraid that she would interrupt me halfway and I wouldn't have the courage to continue.
"What?! Miscarriage?! Are you crazy?! How could you not discuss such a big thing with me? Whose child is it?"
"What do you think?" I smiled wryly.
"And what about him? Is he dead or did he castrate himself?! Don't tell me you're alone in the hospital."
"Okay, stop provoking me. Just tell me if you're coming or not." I was starting to regret making that call.
"But I'm in Nanning right now. I'll buy a plane ticket and come back right now. Can you wait for me?" I almost fainted on the spot. "Never mind, I'll handle it myself." After hanging up the phone, I went straight to pay the surgery fee using the credit card Willson gave me. I've never checked how much money was in it, afraid that I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to keep it for myself, but I think it should be more than enough to pay for the surgery.
As the doctor took my payment slip, he asked, "Did your family come?"
I randomly pointed to the bench outside the operating room where a large group of people were sitting, and said, "They're here, two of them are here."
"Alright then, the surgery will be in ten minutes."
I was instructed to pull down one trouser leg and then sprawl out on the operating table. It was already quite cold, and although the operating room was much warmer than outside, my muscles began to stiffen. The clanging and banging of the machinery around me made the chill even more intense. Doctors and nurses calmly moved about preparing me; what should have been the most mysterious and proud part of my being as a woman was now shamelessly erased by the indifferent expressions on their faces. I told myself I couldn't show weakness at this moment, otherwise I wouldn't have the energy to complete the rest. When the cold speculum was inserted into my body, I shivered, gritted my teeth, and endured it. But when the shapeless, chilling instrument actually entered my warm uterus, the bloody tearing shattered all my strength!