Четвертый кампус - Глава 7
"Oh? What is it?" I asked.
"Then..." She took out a colorful magazine; it looked so familiar!
Oh! It's...it's my treasured, out-of-print adult magazine!! How did she find it? I hid it so well, it seems I have no secrets from a female ghost! How terrifying...If she were an entertainment reporter, she'd definitely be a top paparazzi!
"I want to get this hairstyle, what do you think?" she asked me, pointing to the hair of a naked woman in the book.
“Okay…” I looked down at the naked woman’s head, my mouth watering. “Hehe…”
Okay… I haven’t watched it for a few days, and the novelty has increased dramatically!! q(**)p
She covered her face below her head with her hands: "Where are you looking?"
That's strange. I've heard that women in ancient times were very traditional. How come she's not ashamed at all when she sees naked women? Maybe life in the palace was very promiscuous, and she's become used to it. When will I ever be emperor...?
Then a news report on TV caught my attention...
"This station reports: Significant progress has been made in the investigation of the ancient tomb in Luojia Village. Scholars and relevant personnel have discovered an extremely well-preserved male mummy in the deepest part of the tomb chamber. Judging from his luxurious clothing, he should be the owner of the tomb. The mummy has now been transferred to the city museum for further study. This station will continue to follow up on the excavation of this ancient tomb..."
"Is he that old eunuch?" I asked curiously.
...
After a long silence, I turned to look at Xiaoyuan, and oh my god, her face was...
---janeadam
Reply [23]: Chapter Twelve: My First Date!
"What... happened to you? Is there something wrong with your face?"
“He…he…” Xiao Yuan pointed at the image of the male corpse captured by the camera lens on the TV, her face showing an indescribable expression of fear.
"What's wrong? Why are you so scared of him? Did he often abuse you domestically before? Maybe we can go to a museum to see your ex-husband sometime?"
The joke seemed to have gone too far; she curled up on the sofa and began to sob and cry uncontrollably… she seemed genuinely frightened.
"I...I'm sorry..." I panicked for a moment. Women are usually most vulnerable when they're heartbroken, but...am I that kind of person?! Let me tell you, you're wrong! (Symphony begins!)
Hehe... In this situation, women usually find a nearby man to throw himself at them. I'm waiting, I'm enduring... I'm the groom, after all! (Aside: What does that mean? Answer: It means a cunning lecher.)
But, like you, I was wrong. After downing three large glasses of ice water, she still hadn't taken the initiative to throw herself into my arms, and I finally couldn't hold back any longer. "Hey..." I hinted in a very gentle tone, "Right now, you're vulnerable and need something to lean on, like..." I shrugged my thin, bony shoulders.
"...Waaah..."
My suggestion worked; she really needed someone to cling to, but... she grabbed her pillow and burst into tears.
……555……
Don't get me wrong, the Arabic numerals represent my crying, because she'd rather cuddle with a pillow than with me. Am I not even as cute as a pillow? (Aside: Of course! The Hello Kitty on the pillow is cute! Answer: You're blind! There's no Hello Kitty on my pillow, that's a woman's pillow. Mine is Pikachu! Aside: Oh? Why does it look so much like Hello Kitty to me? Answer: It's a cheap one I bought at the night market, the painting is a bit rough... Auntie? Why do you keep falling down when I'm talking to you? Is it a sign of a stroke?)
I finally shifted from hinting to being direct: "Don't use a pillow, it's cloudy today, it won't dry easily... If you really can't, I'm willing to offer my broad shoulder... Come here, I'm warmer than a pillow..."
Success! She really dropped the pillow and turned to me. That's impressive. If she can handle a pillow so well, how will she ever defeat her other rivals?
"Ouch!" It hurts! She bit my shoulder hard and wouldn't let go. I thought she'd just shed a few tears or something, but what hurt me more than my body was my heart... My newly bought expensive suit!! Because of it, I once went ten days without tasting meat...
"What exactly happened?"
"He's not even human..."
“I understand. A eunuch with a beautiful wife, the anxiety and frustration he feels would surely drive him to become a pervert… Now that he’s dead, don’t be afraid…”
"Am I dead too...?"
“You are different. You became a ghost and still exist... but he did not. He disappeared.”
"I'm so scared... scared that he'll become a ghost and haunt me too..."
"No, only you took the longevity pill..." As I said this, I didn't realize the fleeting look of panic on Xiaoyuan's face; it was probably hidden by her tears...
But I had a strange feeling that things weren't entirely as I imagined; she must be hiding something, something about her background...
That was the end of today's matter for now. In the following days, she acted as if nothing had happened and didn't mention it at all. Naturally, I didn't press her further.
At school. "Teacher Ye!" I called out to Ye Lian in the corridor.
"What is it?" She looked a little surprised. Hehe... Anyone would be overjoyed to be stopped by a handsome guy like me! (Aside: Hey! "Unexpected" and "overjoyed" aren't synonyms, are they? Although they both have "overjoyed" in them. Answer: What's it to you? Don't you want to see my classic personal collection? Answer: Huh?? Oh, they're synonyms, they're synonyms...)
"Today...this...ah...I..." Oh no! My old habit has resurfaced. A little shyness is cute, but being too shy is a disaster!
"Are you trying to ask me out?"
$#&%^&*^&&^……How embarrassing! I looked around, there were so many students, they must have heard it…Although the closest ones were twenty or thirty meters away, there might be a whole bunch of people behind the wall with stethoscopes pressed against it! I could almost hear someone sneer: “Pah! A toad trying to eat…” (Aside: Damn! Be a man, don’t be so pedantic and shy, what are you afraid of? Food and sex are basic human desires! I support you! Answer: No! I absolutely refuse to be the one you support! You supported the Chinese team in last year’s World Cup, and what happened…)
Teacher Ye walked over generously and said, "Am I wrong? But don't you mind that I'm a bad woman?"
"No... I don't mind..." There's been progress; the frequency of stuttering has decreased a bit.
"Many men pursue me, but they only care about my body and completely ignore my heart. Are you the kind of person who is truly sincere?"
"I...I..."
"Alright, no need to answer, I already know the answer."
"But...but I didn't say anything..."
"That's right. Usually, men would answer without thinking, with something like, 'Of course I mean it,' but you didn't say that, so you passed the first test!"
---janeadam
Reply [24]: This... this is considered passing?? Then why doesn't submitting a blank exam paper count as passing?!
"If I agree to go on a date with you, what are you going to ask me to do?"
"Watch...watch a movie...eat...eat ice cream...ride...ride a roller coaster..." How could I come up with such an unoriginal idea?
"Hehe, so cute! The men I used to ask me out were always going to the opera or eating fancy Western food... You're really different..."
She laughed. "Looks like you need to be unconventional when it comes to picking up girls. All those guys who throw money at it are idiots!"
"Hmm... I think we should go to your place instead..."
What...what? So fast? What should I do? I'm the traditional type, I like to take my time and do things carefully.
"You messed up my sheets last time, so I'm going to get revenge on you by going to your bed!"
Huh?!? ~~So blunt! My face, which isn't particularly pretty, gets red quite often!
"You're so cute! I was just teasing you! Haha..." she laughed heartily. "But, how about I come visit you tomorrow?"
"Of course! I couldn't be happier. It went so smoothly! I have to thank those three thugs. Looks like bad guys aren't entirely useless after all. If I get married, I might invite you guys! (Aside: You're thinking too far ahead...) Reply: You're insulting me again! Don't you want to see my classic private collection?! Aside: Damn it! I've had enough!
Don't try to threaten me. There are only two people in this world who have ever threatened me: one just died in the crematorium, and the other is on his way to the execution ground! I'll just stroll around the night market tonight; do you think I'm afraid no one will try to sell me anything? I don't want to put up with your nonsense!
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow!...Great!" I was still so excited when I got home, but...the room was such a mess, it needed tidying up! Luckily, a female ghost helped me!
...
"So, you want me to stay away tomorrow?" Xiaoyuan asked.
"Hehe...it's only tomorrow, please help me out!"
How long should we avoid this situation?
"It's hard to say. What if she insists on staying overnight... there's nothing I can do about it, hehe..."
"Dream on! If she really wanted to date you, she would never do *that* on the first date!"
That makes sense when you think about it!
"Congratulations..." For some reason, I felt her words of congratulations sounded a bit distant...
---janeadam
Reply [25]: Chapter Thirteen: Possessed by a Female Ghost!
Life is so bright, life is so meaningful! Strange? I never really felt that way before? Hehe… The magic of love is truly great; it can cure all melancholy! It can peel away all worries! It can bury all misfortunes! It can evaporate all tears! It can melt all ice and snow… (Aside: That's because you're in love! No!)
Love is hate! Love is jealousy! Love is selfishness! Love is pain! Love is torment! Love is a burden! Love is hypocrisy! Love is betrayal! Love is a lie! Love is a whip! Love is a candle! Love is the epitome of cruelty… 55 Answer: That's because you're heartbroken! m(@_@)m…)
Everything is ready! The room is spotless and bright, as if it's been polished! It's so great to have Xiaoyuan's help; that ancient girl is truly skillful!
"What are you doing?" I saw Xiaoyuan light two incense sticks.
"Incense!"
"Why? This isn't a nunnery!"
"Because I like the taste!"
"Just because you like it doesn't mean she likes it too! After all, there's a generation gap between you two, thousands of years apart."
"Why waste so much breath? We've already started using it..."
I opened the window...
She closed the window...
I opened the window again...
She didn't close the window, but just glared at me fiercely...
So I consciously and proactively closed the window...
5555……It feels so humiliating to be a man, but what can I do? This world belongs to the strong. Actually, I feel sorry for Saddam, even though he was a dictator…
"Hey!" she said.
People used to call him "Young Master," but now they just say "Hey." I'm already quite content that it hasn't turned into "Good Boy"...
……~~~~d(>_<)b~~~……
"What?"
"You won't be so nervous that you can't speak again, will you...?"