Luzhou Moon - Chapter 25
He looked at his feet and said, "I need to use my feet to do things, so I can't wear clothes like that."
She turned to the side, speechless for a moment.
He walked to the table, bent down, bit the lid of the brocade box, and moved it aside. Yue Ruzheng turned around listlessly and saw that the pastries inside were all soaked by the rain, some of them no longer retaining their shape. She bit her lower lip, her eyes reddening, and was about to pick up the lid to close it.
Tang Yanchu pushed the lid of the box with her chin, looked up and said, "Give me one."
Yue Ruzheng paused, then said irritably, "They're all soaked and mushy, how can anyone eat them?!"
"It's alright." He glanced at her swollen eyes and was about to bend down to bite them himself. Yue Ruzheng snatched the brocade box away, abruptly standing up and saying, "Tang Yanchu, are you sick?! You didn't want the perfectly good pastries, and now you're doing this on purpose. Are you trying to make me happy or upset?!"
He stood there, slowly straightening up, silently remaining motionless.
"I hate it when you do this! Stop degrading yourself, okay? I don't need you to comfort me like this!" Yue Ruzheng didn't know why she suddenly wanted to shout, wanting to vent all her anger on him. "Do you think I'll forgive you just because you're pretending to be sincere now? Did you ever consider my feelings when you were throwing a tantrum before? I didn't want to dwell on this anymore, but now you're doing this again. What do you mean by this?"
Tang Yanchu stared blankly at her flushed face, his eyes dimming: "I thought you would be happy."
"I won't!" She slammed the brocade box on the table, tears welling in her eyes. "How can I be happy seeing you so humble?!"
"I'm sorry..." he whispered.
"You're going to apologize again! I don't want to hear it!" she shouted angrily at him.
Tang Yanchu's shoulders trembled slightly. Head bowed, he said with difficulty, "Then what do you think I can do?" He suddenly looked up at her, his voice trembling, "Tell me, what should I do?! Besides saying sorry, besides eating the food you bring, what else can I do for you?! I know you think I'm incompetent, useless! But I don't understand what makes you happy, I don't understand your heart!"
Yue Ruzheng was stunned. His voice grew louder and louder, and his face turned pale.
"Yue Ruzheng, this is just who I am, I have no choice! I haven't interacted with strangers since I broke my arm! I really don't know how to please people, or what constitutes an apology! I've tried everything I can, what more do you want from me?! But in your eyes, my apology is me demeaning myself! It's a lack of self-respect and groveling! I'm sorry, I can't do anything more. If you find being friends with me exhausting, then don't bother visiting me anymore."
After saying these words with great emotion, he immediately turned around, walked quickly back to his room, lifted his foot, and slammed the door shut.
Yue Ruzheng collapsed wearily onto the table, her face pressed against the cool surface. She didn't know what was wrong. Why could they get along so well before when they weren't close, but now they were arguing over such a small thing? She had clearly forgiven him, so why was she getting angry for no reason? She knew he was trying to get her forgiveness in his own way, but she still flew into a rage at him.
She also didn't understand why Tang Yanchu was sometimes furious and sometimes humble. When he was angry, she was terrified, so terrified that she didn't know what to do and could only keep running away. When he was humble, she felt heartbroken, so heartbroken that she didn't want to see him demeaning himself anymore. She wished she could grab him tightly and loudly order him to straighten up and stop wallowing in self-pity.
Perhaps, as he said, he didn't understand her heart, and she couldn't see through his either.
She still doesn't understand why Tang Yanchu is the young master of the Forgetful Pavilion, why he lives alone in this secluded place, or even why he lost his arms.
Yue Ruzheng sat alone, thinking deeply, until her emotions gradually calmed down. The sky had completely darkened, and the rain had slowly subsided, with only a few drops still dripping from the eaves. There was no sound around, and no movement came from Tang Yanchu's room. She began to fidget, wondering what he was doing.
At this time of year, he would always go to the kitchen to cook for her, but now the house was pitch black inside and out, devoid of any human presence. She quietly stood up and walked to his door, but it was tightly closed, and she couldn't see anything. Yue Ruzheng sat back down at the table in frustration. After a while, she hid the brocade box behind her back, carefully walked to his door, and gently pushed it open.
The room was dark. Tang Yanchu lay on the small bed, his eyes closed, as if asleep. He had taken off his outer short jacket, leaving only a plain white undershirt. The sleeves of this shirt were less than half the usual length, covering his arms. This was the first time Yue Ruzheng had seen him like this. Recalling her outburst at him earlier, she felt a little sad and a little reluctant.
She moved gently to his bedside. He was sleeping quietly in the dim shadows, the anger and disappointment on his face gone. She looked at him carefully, then suddenly sat on the edge of the bed, opened the box, picked up a crumbly almond cookie with her right hand, took a bite herself, and picked up a relatively intact jade rabbit candy cake with her left hand, offering it to his lips.
He kept his lips tightly pressed together, his eyes still closed. Yue Ruzheng forced the already crooked jade rabbit candy cake into his lips, and he finally couldn't help but open his eyes and glance at her, then turned his face away without saying a word.
This time, Yue Ruzheng didn't get angry. She just kept biting into the tasteless almond cookie and continued to stuff the sugar cake into his mouth.
Tang Yanchu struggled a few times, but she became even more willful, pushing the bait towards his mouth and even his face. In the end, he had no choice but to open his mouth and take a bite. Then, he frowned and swallowed it.
Yue Ruzheng suddenly laughed, smugly biting into the pancake and then stuffing it into his mouth, forcing him to eat bite after bite.
"It's all tasteless now, isn't it?" she said after he finished eating.
He bent his legs, straightened his back, and sat up, giving her a disapproving look. "Then why did you force-feed me?"
"Didn't you just ask for it yourself?" She moved the brocade box over to him, pointed to the even less presentable pastries inside, and said, "These are all yours."
"I don't want to eat anymore." Tang Yanchu said irritably, using her knee to push the brocade box open.
"You don't want the gift I gave you anymore?" She snorted, glancing at him sideways.
He sighed, lowered his head, and leaned towards the brocade box. He took a bite of a piece of mung bean cake, but the cake was already soaked by the rain and crumbled completely when he bit into it.
Yue Ruzheng chuckled as she picked up the crumbs with her hands, eating the smaller pieces herself and offering him the more intact ones. He managed to swallow with difficulty, then straightened up and said, "I'd better go cook."
"No!" She grabbed his shoulder and said, "If it weren't for you, how could these carefully selected pastries have turned out like this? You're going to eat them all today!"
He sighed and said, "I never want to eat pastries again."
Yue Ruzheng smiled and said, "Aren't I eating with you?" She then picked up the brocade box, looking it over from left to right, and said, "This box is quite nice. Although the food has spoiled, you can keep it to store other things."
Tang Yanchu was stunned for a moment, her brows furrowed. She wanted to say something, but seeing her smiling face, she lowered her head and remained silent.
"Hey, Xiao Tang, this looks pretty good!" she exclaimed in surprise, having found something to eat again.
So the two of them sat facing each other in the dark night, taking turns eating the pastries that had become bland and tasteless.
Years later, on countless cold and lonely nights, she dreamed of this scene. In the dream, Tang Yanchu and she were both shrouded in the darkness, their faces blurred. They ate while gazing at each other. She deliberately forced him to eat the better pastries, while he showed a slight displeasure, yet his eyes remained gentle.
Chapter Eighteen: Cold Fragrance, Lonely Green Calyxes, Distant View
The next morning, after Yue Ruzheng got up and washed, she opened the window and saw several of her clothes hanging in front of the house. They were light green and dark purple, like colorful butterflies in the sunlight, swaying in the breeze.
Tang Yanchu picked up his bamboo basket and was about to go out. She hurriedly called out to him, "Wait for me!" As she spoke, she rushed out of the room to follow him.
He glanced at her and said, "Aren't you going to eat breakfast?"
Yue Ruzheng thought for a moment and said, "I don't seem to feel hungry right now..."
He turned slightly towards the kitchen, a hint of helplessness in his voice: "Go get it. We'll be hungry on the way and won't have anywhere to eat."
Yue Ruzheng ran into the kitchen and saw some steamed buns prepared on the table. She wrapped them in a cloth, carried them in her hand, and returned to his side, saying, "Xiao Tang, you understand me best."
He glanced at her with some surprise, said nothing, and silently headed out towards the valley. Yue Ruzheng was uninjured this time and walked very lightly, no longer needing to follow behind him. When going uphill, she could even climb faster than Tang Yanchu, but she still deliberately slowed down quietly, waiting for him to catch up.