Doce Torres de Jade

Capítulo 27

Han: "Hey, hey, don't go yet, let me explain. Scientists now believe a person's age should be calculated from three aspects to be scientific. I feel I still have a childlike heart, so my mental age is 9; I feel incredibly healthy, with a great appetite, so my bone age is 19; my physiological age can't be based on my feelings, so I can only say it's 29. But there's only one age field, and I'm filling it in from smallest to largest, so I can only fill in the first one. Besides, in this materialistic society, if everyone could hold onto a crystal-clear childlike heart like me, you would possess the verdant green of spring, the vibrant colors of summer, the passion of autumn, and the purity of winter. Ah, I really wish I could stay 9 forever! Does what I said make sense? At least you can't think I'm defective anymore, right?"

Wan: "But that doesn't mean you're a superior product!"

Han: "How can I not be considered a superior product? Aside from my flaws, I'm all strengths, and strengths that most people my age don't possess."

Wan: "For example?... "

Xu Haibing scratched his head, unable to think of any good points for himself. Then, something occurred to him. He rummaged around for a while, then ran to the coat rack and pulled a damp newspaper from his wet pocket. He unfolded it, catching a glimpse of a short article that vaguely remembered him, and returned to his computer to review it immediately.

The simple-minded young man said, "...For example, most young people nowadays don't know how to save money. What I find most infuriating is that when I was in college, I often saw many classmates buying rice porridge specifically to wash dishes, but I didn't do that."

QQ Lost, Chapter 38 (4)

The mischievous tomboy: "You probably just won't wash the dishes at all, right?"

Han: "Ugh, it's not just that I don't wash the dishes, I don't even wash my hands before meals or after using the toilet! Tell me, how many tons of water have I saved for the country and the people by sticking to this habit since I was a child?"

Wan: "Oh, it seems you're quite resilient."

Han: "Well, I'm not just resilient, I'm practically indomitable! Last Sunday, I ran into a colleague while having breakfast, and I ended up chatting with him for over two hours after we finished eating. In the end, my colleague couldn't take it anymore and paid for me, saving me two dollars and thirty cents."

Wan: "Oh, looks like you're pretty shameless."

Han: "Sigh, it's not just thick-skinned, it's downright shameless. Otherwise, how come I've been dumped by girls countless times and still be living happily?"

Wan: "Oh, it seems you have a pretty strong mental fortitude."

Han: "Sigh, not only is she resilient, but she's also quick to understand. The 28th girl took me, who had been shamelessly pestering her, to the outskirts of the city, and tenderly placed the roses I had given her into a pile of cow dung. I immediately understood the profound meaning behind it, but I just couldn't bear to tell her, 'I won't despise you'..."

Wan: "Oh, it seems you still have a compassionate heart."

Han: "Sigh, he's not just compassionate, he's also incredibly righteous and would never kick someone when they're down. Last time, a friend of mine actually fell into an abandoned well while traveling. I tried my best to pull him out but couldn't. He said he wanted to see his girlfriend one last time, so without saying a word, I threw her in..."

Wan: "Oh, it seems you're quite decisive in your actions."

Han: "Wow, not just decisive, but extremely efficient. He pays immediately when he buys something at the store, and eats right away when he gets hungry!"

Wan: "Oh, it seems..."

Han: "Cough, that's more than that..."

Wan: "Oh..."

Han: "Cough..."

...

Heartfelt words and sign language pierce through the vast darkness, and before we know it, the first rays of dawn are appearing outside the window...

QQ Lost, Chapter 39 (1)

Lecture hall.

The thin director was giving a fluent and engaging political lecture to the MBA training class: "...'The Three Represents' are an interconnected and unified organic whole. They embody the dialectical unity of inheriting fine traditions and continuous development in Party building; the dialectical unity of transforming the subjective world and transforming the objective world; the dialectical unity of maintaining its own advanced nature and maintaining broad ties with the masses; and the dialectical unity of fulfilling its fundamental tasks and practicing its fundamental purpose..."

Sitting in his seat, Xu Haibing was physically in the classroom, his eyes fixed on the blackboard, but his mind was already engrossed in his online chat with the "mischievous wild girl"...

The mischievous wild girl said, "...It's impossible for me to guess what you do right away, but I can tell you right away that you definitely don't do anything."

The simple-minded young man: "Oh, I definitely—don't do anything like that?"

Wan: "Hmm... judging from your carefree and glib manner, you're definitely not a government official!"

Han: "Haha, you really know how to use dark humor! I'm definitely not a government official, because I can't do anything else besides being an official. Our country has two patented products: one is household registration, and the other is 'official.' Few foreigners understand what these terms mean when translated. There really is a large group of people who specialize in being officials, regardless of their abilities, achievements, or character. As long as they don't get exposed like Cheng Kejie or Hu Changqing, they can live a stable and comfortable life. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit, but I'm definitely one of them!"

Wan: "Really? I never realized I was chatting with a public servant who 'goes deep into the grassroots, connects with the masses, treats the people kindly, and is considerate of their feelings.' I'm truly honored and flattered!"

Han: "Please spare me, these words are too harsh for a 'tasteless' cadre like me; they're more appropriate for a 'three-fold decline' level cadre."

Wan: "Oh? What about 'three shifts'?"

Han: "'Salary is generally untouched, wife is generally not used, and cigarettes and alcohol are generally obtained through gifts'—these are the 'three things'. I'm just their bag carrier, so I belong to the 'four great frustrations' category."

Wan: "Oh? What are the 'Four Great Frustrations'?"

Han: "Digging vegetable cellars, being in solitary confinement, wearing a green hat, writing reports."

Wan: "Where are you ranked? Third?"

Han: "Thank you for promoting me. I'm not even as good as those who wear green hats; I'm the most aggrieved, ranked last! But if you want me to wear one, I'd be happy to, it shows I'm 'considerate' of the masses."

Wan: "To prevent you from losing your life like Cheng Kejie and Hu Changqing, as a grassroots citizen, I kindly advise you to hold yourself to the standards of a 'Five Guarantees' cadre."

Han: "We welcome public oversight and will listen to the voices of the people."

Wan: "Remember these 'five guarantees': first, protect your reputation, so you don't embarrass yourself; second, protect your family, so you don't suffer separation from your spouse and children; third, protect your official position, so you don't get demoted or dismissed; fourth, protect your health, so you don't contract any unspeakable diseases; and fifth, protect your life, so you don't die a deserved death."

Han: "I will definitely implement it thoroughly and without fail! Oh, it's just that the second guarantee is facing some practical difficulties in operation. Currently, I am not yet married and have children, so I cannot complete the glorious and arduous task you have assigned me ahead of schedule or beyond..."

...

Simulated negotiation scene.

A middle-aged professor in a sharp suit was giving an impromptu warm-up to MBA students seated on either side of the negotiating table on "Negotiation Strategies and Techniques": "...Negotiation is undoubtedly a time-consuming and laborious task. When discussions reach a climax or deadlines are approaching, the tense atmosphere often makes people restless and distressed. At this time, domperidone, tranquilizers, and chewing gum can help you alleviate the tension and mental fatigue to some extent. In Middle Eastern countries, there are even people who use prayer beads. But nothing is more effective than this: a joke. Now, I'll tell you a joke that I've used in negotiations..."

Sitting in the conference room, Xu Haibing's eyes were fixed on his simulated opponent, but his mind was already back to chatting online with the "mischievous wild girl"...

The simple-minded young man said, "...Hey, I'm saying, even negotiations like the 'WTO accession' that concern the highest interests of both countries can involve compromise and concessions, so why do we have to be so head-to-head, fighting like cockfighting? Can't we talk about something lighter? Hey, how about we each tell a short joke? The more subtle, the shorter, and the more thought-provoking, the better."

The mischievous tomboy said, "Cadre, cadre, go first. You set a good example."

Han: "Okay. Hmm... A woman asked her boyfriend, 'If the Earth were to explode in ten minutes, what would you do?' The man replied, 'That goes without saying, I'd have crazy sex with you!' The woman asked, 'What about the remaining nine minutes?'..."

Wan: "...Yeah, why? What did the guy say?"

Han: "...burst into tears!"

Wan: "What happened after he cried?"

Han: "He didn't cry, I cried! If you don't laugh, I have no choice but to cry. It's your turn to speak."

Wan: "Hmm... Once upon a time, there was a eunuch..."

Han: "...Why did you stop talking?"

stubborn:"……"

Han: "...Tell me, what's next?"

Wan: "That's all..."

Han: "Stop keeping me in suspense... Hmm? Oh..."

...

As he pondered this, Xu Haibing at the negotiating table couldn't help but chuckle.

He suddenly realized his lapse in composure and quickly pursed his lips, only to find that the other trainees in the meeting room also joined in with token laughter.

Just then, the professor finished telling his joke, which was as painful as tickling a person...

Computer classroom.

Zhang Wen was giving a computer skills lesson to MBA students: "...Okay, we've finished explaining how to send and receive emails. Now, please practice. First, register an email address on S, then download a news article from the website and send it to my email address. If I receive it, it means you've mastered the correct way to send emails..."

The trainees all started using their computers at their seats. Xu Haibing was also using one, but his mind kept wandering back to the times he chatted with the "mischievous wild girl" on his own computer...

QQ Lost, Chapter 39 (2)

The simple-minded boy: "...Sigh, if you don't want me to see you, then I won't. I'll listen to you. Hey, could you send me your photo via email?" The mischievous girl: "No, that won't work either." The simple-minded boy: "Why?" The mischievous girl: "Didn't I say that it's better to long for each other than to meet? A little distance, more imagination—isn't that more interesting? Do you really want to see me?" The simple-minded boy: "Really!" The mischievous girl: "What are you thinking?" Xu Haibing was speechless for a moment, scratching his head and thinking for a long time without figuring out "what he's thinking." In desperation, he bent down and rummaged through the cabinet, finally finding a thick book, "The Complete Collection of Love Letters and Poems," and blew on it... The dust on the surface, as he flipped through the pages and referred to the answers—the simple-minded boy: "...Oh, there are a thousand languages in the world, all expressing longing, but for me, even if I used all the words, I could not express my longing for you..." The mischievous wild girl: "Hey, it's so cold, where did you copy that from?" The simple-minded boy: "...Oh, from my heart, which you have cleansed and made shine..." The mischievous girl: "I only rinsed pig lungs with water. Have you ever imagined what I look like?" The simple-minded boy: "...Oh, I have imagined your appearance many times. In my dreams, you are as gentle as the morning mist of warm spring, as carefree as a white dove in the blue sky..."

If you were the ship in my dreams, its masts drawn and waiting to dock, how wonderful that would be! I would be the quiet bay, rippling with gentle waves, stretching out enchanting beaches…” Wan: “In the starry sky of your heart, am I really that important?” Han: “…Oh, vast desert, you are a sweet spring in my heart; glaciers and snow valleys, you are a gentle spring breeze in my chest; long nights, you are an eternal beacon in my eyes; in loneliness, you are a lark sharing my sorrows on a branch…” Wan: “…Truly a heart-wrenching sentiment, even the heavens weep. Can you hear the rain outside? Autumn is here, the weather is turning cold…” Han: “…Oh, the autumn rain is pattering, and so is my longing; a soft, gentle melancholy creeps onto my brow…”

I scatter my damp thoughts into the night, and with the pale blue drizzle under the starry sky, I drift into dreams with you…” Wan: “…” Han: “…Hey, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you saying anything?” Wan: “…Shh, I’m asleep…”

A soft tapping sound on the table startled Xu Haibing from his dream.

He looked up and saw Zhang Wen standing in front of his seat!

"Why didn't I receive your email assignment?" Zhang Wen asked, her tone somewhat accusatory.

Xu Haibing nodded in agreement: "We'll send it out right away." Zhang Wen turned to everyone: "Attention students, there's a notice here. Because the Computer Science Department of the Class of 2000 will be using this classroom next Friday for a programming competition, our MBA class's computer class will be moved to the afternoon of Sunday, the day after tomorrow. The topic of this class is 'Editing Documents with Word,' which is frequently used in practical work, so we hope everyone will attend..."

QQ Lost (40(1))

At 10 p.m. sharp, Xu Haibing, posing as a "simple and honest young man," arrived as promised to meet the "mischievous tomboy" online. After a witty and amusing chat, he couldn't resist steer the conversation towards their shared desire to meet in person.

The mischievous tomboy: "...Oh dear, why are you bringing up meeting up again?! To be honest, it's not that I don't want to meet, but in reality, I'm just an ordinary girl, the kind you'd easily lose in a crowd. I'm not as beautiful as you imagine, nor as romantic as you expect. You'll be very disappointed..."

The simple-minded young man said, "Don't worry about that. I'm not the kind of person who gets lustful at first sight. No matter how exaggerated or creative your appearance is, you're an unparalleled statue in my heart, worthy of being treasured forever. Aren't you off on Sundays?"

Wan: "Unlike you cadres who have Sundays off, I don't have any. You won't look down on me if I tell you, will you? Actually, actually I just sell clothes at the wholesale market..."

Han: "No, no. I said from the beginning that online, there is no distinction between high and low, noble and lowly; everyone has only one equal identity, and that is, netizen."

Wan: "Well, alright then. If you really want to see me, come to my stall on Sunday afternoon..."

Xu Haibing was overjoyed and couldn't help but get up and do a backflip on the bed to celebrate.

The simple-minded young man said, "Great! But how do I find your stall?"

The mischievous tomboy: "I'm at the Huiyuan Wholesale Market next to the train station."

Han: "Huiyuan Market is huge!"

Wan: "I sell jeans."

Han: "There are so many jeans being sold."

Wan: "That depends on whether we're on the same wavelength. I'll recognize you by my intuition, greet you, and you just need to keep quiet and subtly give me a V-sign. Then I'll understand. And you can act based on my eyes..."

Han: "Oh, we've got the code. Should we also exchange secret phrases, like: Do you have a peach wood comb? Yes, cash is required..."

Wan: "Oh, you've even read 'The Red Lantern'? That's even more interesting! But real peach wood combs are no longer available, though combs that mimic the color of peach wood still do. You could change your peach wood comb to a peach-colored one, that would be more fitting."

Han: "Okay, I'll do it, even if it means creating a scandal. Ah, just two and a half days, 60 hours, 3600 minutes, 216000 seconds, and I'll see you, the one I've been longing for! Clock, please hurry up, so that sweet and wonderful moment can come to me sooner. Now I'll count down: 216000, 215999, 21598..."

...

Finally, Sunday afternoon arrived. Xu Haibing had long forgotten about the important computer class that Zhang Wen had reminded him to reschedule for this time. He rode his bicycle, which made noise everywhere except for the bell, straight to Huiyuan Wholesale Market next to the train station.

Once inside the market, which was so densely packed with people, all I could see were stalls piled high with clothes and people crammed together. Where could I possibly find that "mischievous wild girl" I had been dreaming of?

"Hey! Young man, what do you want to buy?"

Xu Haibing, who was looking around among the stalls, finally heard a long-awaited female voice!

He suppressed his excitement, first turning his head to see a stall opposite him displaying rows of jeans, then turning back to approach the woman calling to him from the stall, his face flushing crimson with embarrassment.