Cronología de la muerte

Capítulo 14

Because I never had a suitable mother growing up.

Your mother will hold the first place in your heart. She teaches you the true meaning of happiness: what is the right amount, what is excessive, and what can tempt or even harm you. Your mother helps you experience life's first joys. She tells you when to let go of constraints and embrace nature. Your mother helps you recognize the different beautiful realms of life, each containing boundless happiness, some so intense and rich, others so simple and warm.

Unfortunately, I only had Sweet Mom growing up. That woman wanted to implant her life into my brain—telling me to be happy that I had clothes to wear in winter; to be thankful that I wasn't the little girl who died… I was forced to obey Sweet Mom's instructions, even though I hated it.

When my father passed away, I felt lost and sad, but I didn't wail like my brother and stepmother.

I think I've lost the ability to cry.

Of course, I have also experienced the feelings between men and women, but I have never felt the deep affection that everyone has.

Then I discovered art. For the first time, I saw true nature expressed in a form I could understand; a painting became a translation of the language of my soul. I couldn't help but exclaim: I had such rich emotions, which unfortunately were all contained in those paintings. I visited museum after museum, finally discovering my own soul and my true feelings—everything was so natural and free. My heart and soul soared and undulated with shapes and forms.

So I began collecting art. Only in this way could I connect my soul with the souls of others.

I owe art so much!

As for Sweetie's Mom, she's still the same, always wallowing in self-pity. After my father passed away, I let her move into my apartment building, hired a housekeeper to do the housework, and cooked Chinese food for her every day. Sweetie's Mom never lifted a finger, unless she was blaming me or anyone else for getting in her way.

As she lay dying, I put her in the best room at the sanatorium, and I covered all the enormous expenses. But she was never grateful to me; she called it the "waiting-to-die room."

Year after year, I told myself to be patient, thinking she was about to leave. But her veins, brain, and heart were as strong as her anger. She is now ninety-one years old, and I will fly away from this world at sixty-three, and away from her forever.

Oh dear, Sweetie's mom is crying so hard.

At ninety-one, she reminisced about our past, describing it as a wonderful time. Listening to her, I even wondered if she was getting senile, or if her personality had changed. When I realized the answer, my opinion of her changed as well.

I once longed to see her life come to an end, but now I pray she lives to be a hundred. Let her wait in the "waiting-to-die room," so she won't keep me company on the road to the underworld.

Goodbye, my childhood and my stepmother.

Preparing for the trip (1)

The first part of the funeral has ended.

People descended the museum steps and stepped into the sunlit garden. My coffin, sealed with wax, was quickly loaded onto the hearse. As the hearse drove out of the parking lot, music played all the way, and more than twenty students rose from green wooden benches, dressed in white mourning clothes. They followed behind the band, holding up my unsightly head, wreaths obscuring my chubby face and boisterous laughter.

Oh my god, it's like I'm running for president of hell!

More and more people from all walks of life gathered behind the band, like a scene from a beautiful Tang Dynasty poem: flutes and drums resounding together, carrier pigeons flying alongside white clouds. This is how people mourned the passing of "a great woman."

Although it was December, the weather was still warm, so no one was too sad.

Those who had signed up for the trip to the Kingdom of Lanna walked behind me; I was going to join their tour group.

Haberly suggested canceling the trip: "What's the fun without Bibi? Who's going to tell us what to enjoy and what to see?"

He has the same voice on TV, and I really enjoy listening to it.