Lan Yin Bi Yue

Capítulo 35

"As for why he achieved early success, it's simply a matter of good looks and a handsome appearance; the reasons are known only to those who experience them..."

"Six years ago, the once-powerful leader of the martial arts alliance suddenly disappeared mysteriously. Those with discerning eyes should know what was going on, and they all knew without saying that the map of the Yan family's treasure had already fallen into the hands of the real culprit on the day the former leader, Shi Youfeng, and his entire family were brutally murdered. Once that person got the map, how could he not disappear without a trace and follow the map to the end..."

"And when they reappear in the martial world, they certainly won't leave empty-handed..."

"So Sun Qingshan, you should ask yourself how you met him when you were still young. Perhaps you knew some secret of his that made him want to make you forget your past—perhaps you are the only person in the world besides him who knows where the treasure is..."

"However, the Fireworks Shop Owner's Forget-Me-Not Pill isn't that effective. Otherwise, Xu Yi would have kept it for himself long ago, and how could it have made you remember half and forget half..."

"And that time I made love with you, did someone really know nothing about it, or did they stand by on the roof, coldly watching, just to find a way out for their betrayal? One person makes a mistake, he makes a mistake, you make a mistake, and then it all evens out..."

"Little Qingshan, you actually think you owe him something and feel guilty towards him. Every time he stays silent, you're scared, aren't you? I just find it funny. It's clearly his guilt that's acting up; he doesn't even dare to look at you..."

"That's enough!!" I yelled, feeling a chill run down my spine.

Yan Chaohong looked smug. I lifted my foot, but someone grabbed my hand.

I knew it was a savage's hand without even turning around.

Therefore, I didn't turn around, but simply shook off that hand without even glancing at it.

He went straight to Yan Chaohong and slapped her across the face where she was grinning crookedly.

"Better to chant Buddhist sutras with a savage tongue than to curse others with a pure one—Yan Chaohong, don't think you know more and pretend to advise me. Even if everything you say is true, in my eyes, he is wrong a thousand times more than you are—knowing everything, yet you kick me while I'm down, watching me being made a fool of, and still pretending to be a virtuous person—Yan, haven't I felt deeply guilty towards you, thinking I ruined your innocence and made you misplace your affections—it turns out that in the end, it was all just me being too self-righteous. I really don't understand your world, or even the people of this martial arts world. It turns out that to achieve their goals, they really can treat people like dirt—"

"Sun Qingshan!" Yan Chaohong tried to explain.

I reflexively slapped him again. "Don't ever speak in front of me again, because I won't listen to a single word you say. To me, every word you utter is just your jaw and mouth moving up and down—completely meaningless!!"

After I finished speaking, I raised my hand for the third time. I thought I had enough. Three strikes and I should at least give this second-ranked assassin, Broken Blade, some face. After all, I had nothing to do with him anymore, and it would be unwise to cross the line.

Therefore, I stopped and turned back.

Raise your gaze.

Is it because we're too in sync? We don't even need to adjust the focus. The first thing we see is always the savage standing there watching me.

There was a sense of desolation about him, which he gave off from both near and far. Black was indeed unsuitable for him, only making his extremely thin figure appear even more oppressive.

At this moment, we were facing each other without any obstruction. His brow was furrowed but not quite, and he had no expression... It reminded me of a moonlit night when he came to my door, sat down at the table with the lamp lit, and then hugged my bag. It was just like this, with our eyes meeting, as he watched me and Yan Chaohong walk in, entwined and affectionate.

I felt really guilty and heartbroken at that time. I didn't want to see his almost bewildered reaction. Many times, when two people are really close, they can even share the same feelings. I thought I understood him, and that if he was unhappy, I would empathize with him...

But I was wrong. Yan Chaohong was right. I really didn't understand him.

It's not that it's insufficient, but rather that it's completely misunderstood from beginning to end.

The savage slowly approached me. I always thought I was the one who would take the first step and rush towards him eagerly. I used to think that I should be kinder to him, that I should be grateful that he held me tightly, that I was glad he hadn't let go of me, so I should hold on to him without hesitation. Maybe it was all wrong, all just an illusion...

The savage stood before me, his expression revealing an unconcealable grief. His face, covered in tiny scars, appeared strangely pale. He smiled at me as naturally as possible, letting me know that nothing had changed.

Indeed, nothing has changed; he remains the leader of the martial arts alliance, Shao Yanhe.

There are no wild men in this world.

He no longer avoided my gaze; he could look at me with extreme calmness. His deep brown pupils were so round they seemed to reach the pinnacle of human potential. Moreover, he could conceal his sharpness like many martial arts masters. He was adept at restraining himself, something that was difficult for ordinary people to do.

He looked at me quietly, his calmness almost frightening. It turned out that he didn't care about the shocking stories about his background that others had spread.

I used to say he only cared about me, but now I can only say that he also had his reasons. Many things were beyond his control. In his heart, I am as important as ever, and there is never any doubt about that.

But the truth is cruel. There is a dull pain in my chest that I can’t fake. It’s like having a bad cold and not being able to breathe. I do everything with my mouth open and try my best to expand my lung capacity, but I still feel like I’m going to be buried alive.

In a daze, an even more absurd statement came to mind: I love you, but you hurt me.

I want to laugh.

Ultimately, whatever the truth may be, he can make me completely forget him, and I also need time to convince myself that I don't need to care.

Now the two of us were facing each other. The savage was no longer looking at me. His eyes were downcast, and his expression was becoming more and more unnatural. Suddenly, I reached out to hold his hand, but he was startled and pulled away.

I actually laughed. Has something reversed again? I wasn't the one who did something wrong. He should be the one holding my hand, and I should be biting him, shaking him off, and punching and kicking him to vent my anger. Instead, it's like now, it seems like I'm the one who's wrong again, and if it were me, I would try my best to coax him back.

I have a wonderful fantasy right now. Even if he lied to me, let's make it as convincing as possible. The amnesia is fake, and the loss of voice can also be fake. I hope he can speak, and I still hope he's alright.

Don't act like a mute and a fool, unable to even speak up and defend yourself.

“Can you speak?” I asked him. “Can you make a sound?”

He avoided my hand, which hung at his side, slowly clenched his fist, moved his lips slightly, but then shook his head.

I was disappointed, but also relieved.

The group of experts watching the spectacle all around had no real purpose. Whether it was Yan Chaohong, the Divine Constable, or Young Master Nangong, they went to great lengths to accuse the savage of his crimes. With such a serious case before them, each of them held high positions of power and were busy with important matters, yet they allowed me to have a romantic relationship with the savage and create misunderstandings. Their only goal was to use me as the savage's Achilles' heel and have me judge him.

I'm not so irrational. Even if there's a misunderstanding, even if the savage might really be wrong, it's a matter between the two of us. I'm not foolish enough to reveal the savage's true colors to anyone. I also know I shouldn't cause him any trouble.

Therefore, Yan Chaohong shouldn't count on me. The truth won't make me hysterical. Perhaps I talk nonsense all day and have too much emotion, but I am a person with a brain. I won't excitedly grab the savage by the collar and force him to confess his crimes. After all, before meeting the savage, I had never seriously dealt with emotional issues and never had any illusions about pure love that was free from lust.

It was because someone gave to me first that I was willing to give everything for him.

Now I only have two questions I want to know the answers to.

The savage didn't move anymore because I hadn't touched him, but he was expressionless. I didn't like him like that because I couldn't tell if he was genuinely indifferent or just too repressed.

Finally, she heard herself ask him in a flat, monotone voice, "Shi Huan... did you really marry her because you love her?"

The savage was stunned, probably not expecting me to ask such a question first. Even I couldn't explain why I suddenly cared so much about the name of a dead person—"Sheng Huan." I didn't even want to hear myself pronounce it clearly—it was even more unbearable than the savage's scheme to make me lose my memory. But it wasn't because of the woman's identity, but because of the savage. Whenever he heard someone mention that name, the light in his eyes would suddenly shrink into a ball. He was in pain, I could feel it. That pain had taken over a part of his body, becoming a hidden ailment.

In the end, the savage slowly shook his head, which surprised me.

He lowered his eyes and stood stiffly. Apart from his pale face, there was nothing unusual about him. But I suddenly didn't dare to ask any more questions. If that was his sore spot, it would be too cruel for me to poke at it.

So I quickly changed the subject to something really about everything between him and me.

"Is everything Yan Chaohong said true?" I asked him. "Did you ask Xu Yi for the medicine that caused my amnesia? Did you make me forget you? Was it all your doing? In the wilderness at the foot of the hill, the person Yan Chaohong met was you? You've been lying to me from beginning to end?"

He closed his eyes, not from any particular word, but completely closed them instead of blinking. His fists were clenched so tightly that the veins on the back of his hands were bulging and the blood vessels under his skin were clearly visible. Suddenly, he loosened his fists, and the wild man's fingers, which he could not straighten, trembled slightly.

Then he raised his eyes, which were bloodshot, and slowly nodded at me.

He admitted it.

But I felt as if something had stabbed my heart.

The last vestige of composure on his face was finally shattered. He stopped hiding it, his lips pursed stiffly, his chest heaving, his breathing labored. Perhaps even he himself was in despair. I no longer needed to judge whether he deserved forgiveness. When he admitted everything, it was as if he had destroyed everything.

"Because I know your secret?" I asked. "Is there really some treasure, and I shared your secret with you?!"

The savage had a slight upturn of his lips, but it was innate; all his expressions eventually settled into indifference.

I gave a wry smile.

What is he afraid of? Is he afraid I'll try to snatch the gold and diamonds from him? Or is he afraid I'll be too talkative and betray his secrets to someone else?!

"Shao Yanhe!" My voice was a little soft, but I tried my best to keep my vocal cords from trembling. "You used... our precious memories to exchange for your own complete freedom of mind—but have you ever thought that those memories might be the most precious ones I've ever had since I was a child, because you are in those memories? I really tried hard to remember them, whether it was our first meeting or our promise—but in the end, it turns out that you don't want me to remember. It turns out that you want me to forget!"

She glanced away and strode past him.

I took two steps but stopped again because the feeling was too intense—the savage was right behind me.

I should have turned around and kicked him, then stopped dwelling on it and forgave him.

After all, I can understand his feelings. Treasure is something that is always kept to oneself, like Gollum's One Ring.

There's no need to share it with anyone.

Then I shouldn't blame him.

But I still feel pain. I've lived for so many years and I've never been treated like an idiot and so thoroughly deceived. What's more, I don't even know what happened.

Why should I bother joining in the fun with these all-powerful martial arts figures?

So the pain eventually turned into numbness, and for a moment, I could even understand the feelings of those who self-harm with knives, because the skin and flesh on your arms or thighs are just so damn uncomfortable. I just wanted to take a needle and embroider a white lotus flower on it, or even just pierce it with words, pierce it—

You savage, you bastard, you're not even human, you're a complete scoundrel!

He suddenly hugged me from behind, his hands and breath were icy cold.

I nestled into his arms, knowing he was trembling violently, yet also trying very hard to control himself.

He can't live without me, but as of now, I'm not mentally prepared to face him.

“You definitely can’t leave here…” I sighed, my voice low. “So I’m going to stay at the Xu Yi monster’s house for a couple of days… I’ll come back to see you when I’ve recovered, provided you’re still here…”

Two days

Xu Yi prepared a sauna for me, with ten large pots of water boiling at the same time, filling the room with steam.

I sat in a bubbling bathtub, the surface of which was covered with various medicinal herbs, red flowers and green leaves, the aroma of which was both melancholic and intense.

The doctor said I needed to relax both physically and mentally, but in the middle of summer, I felt that a steam bath was putting a lot of strain on my heart.

Three days ago... at the Nangong family mansion, I can say that the final outcome was a complete mess.

It was even a complete mess.

The savage chased them out of the courtyard, and the guards all came out, swords drawn.

Even the most well-mannered maids and gardeners would gather around to watch the spectacle.

I remember by the goldfish pond, unable to break free from the wild man's grasp, the blinding sunlight overhead making me dizzy and my heart pound.

The feeling at that moment was as if all the shots were stretched out and slowed down, the savage's face was panicked but determined, he begged me, repeatedly saying: Sun Qingshan, where are you going...

But still, not a single sound could be made.

I was exasperated. Hadn't I already told them where to go? In fact, I'd said it more than once.

Even in the end, Yan Chaohong shouted at me, "Sun Qingshan, how could you leave him here alone? Who can control him when he goes crazy!"

"I'm not leaving!" I tried to explain to the savage, "I just need some time and space, otherwise I might act impulsively without thinking..." and kick you out!

But the savage wouldn't listen to my explanation at all. Song Guan couldn't stop him, and he almost stormed into the Nangong Mansion with me in his arms.

Later, during the struggle, my breathing started to quicken, becoming more and more rapid, yet I still felt like I couldn't breathe.

He really pushed me to the limit because he was completely reckless. When someone brandished a sword at him, he would parry with his palm. I couldn't stop him, and he wouldn't listen to my advice. In the end, I slapped him across the face, and he calmed down.

But I can't.

The more pain my body was in, the clearer my mind became. I glared at the savage, gasping for breath like I had asthma, but I was definitely not lacking oxygen. On the contrary, I had common sense; it was a lack of carbon dioxide, alkalosis.

When I realized I was hyperventilating, I knew perfectly well what was going on, but I couldn't save myself, let alone utter a single word to call for help from the wild man.

That moment felt like decades. The inability to breathe was excruciating, and I even wanted to reach out and strangle myself.

So the savage must have been terrified of me, scared half to death. When he grabbed my shoulders and stared at me with wide eyes, he probably lost all his basic common sense and just shook me, almost killing me.