Accord de Mu Yucheng

Chapitre 42

"Master, do you know what's being said outside?" Liu Shang looked at me angrily. "A bunch of ungrateful bastards."

"What did they say?"

"They say you are magnanimous on the surface, but in reality you are jealous by nature. You are afraid that Master Yi will gain the upper hand, so you used He Mu Cao to harm the young master."

I no longer care about the rumors and gossip. I thought to myself with a self-deprecating smile, "It's really a failure for a wife to end up like this."

I took the child to see the Emperor. The Emperor glanced at me at first and said, "I know everything about your household. Although you were eager to save people, you also broke a taboo and caused a lot of trouble."

I kept my head down and didn't say anything.

The Emperor sighed, "Lu Li has already pleaded for you, and I have also suppressed this matter. Go back and take good care of your child."

"Your Majesty, this child still has no name. I feel guilty towards him, and now that he has been abandoned, I want to raise him myself. I am very worried and would like to ask Your Majesty to bestow the name 'Jing' upon him. I know it won't amount to much, but at least it will ensure that he won't be looked down upon in the future. I beg Your Majesty to grant my request."

“I understand your feelings. The name ‘Jingrui’ means wisdom, enlightenment, and sainthood. It’s a good expectation…”

I thanked her for her kindness and took Jingrui to Consort Ding's place. Consort Ding held my hand, sighed, and said that she knew my good intentions. She also told me to learn from this experience and never lose my sense of propriety again.

During Yiling's confinement period, Lu Li spent his days with her in the west courtyard, chatting and laughing. At night, he would go to Lanruo in the south courtyard, not stepping into the main courtyard or even the study. He only sent Xiao Si to move some books from the study to the courtyard. He also had Liu Shang deliver one or two robes he left in my room to Lanruo.

I shut myself in, looked at my account books, and wrote my own words. Whenever I had free time, I would go to Yonghe Palace. As long as I could stay away from the mansion, I would even rather accompany Consort Ding to the palace to worship Buddha.

I fell silent; quite a few people had come to provoke me. Just as I was getting ready to have breakfast, someone pushed open the door and respectfully entered, standing before me and bowing in greeting. I recognized her as Xiao Bi, who served Lan Ruo.

"Your Majesty." Although Xiao Bi was extremely respectful, she still couldn't hide her arrogance.

"Is something the matter?" I asked softly.

"Your Highness, according to the rules of the manor, who keeps the maid's handkerchief? Is it Your Highness?"

I shook my head. "Naturally, it's Granny Jing."

Xiao Bi smiled and waved the handkerchief she had been carrying behind her back. The bright red corner on the snow-white silk brocade danced. "This is our mistress's handkerchief. Please give it to Granny Jing."

Liu Shang quickly stepped forward, "Who do you think you are? How dare our Lady touch such filthy things? Do you not know where Granny Jing is?!"

Xiao Bi smiled as before, "Then this servant will go by herself."

I understood her intentions, but she wanted to let me know that I shouldn't underestimate their household; their mistress was currently enjoying great favor. I pulled out a white handkerchief from my sleeve, upon which elegant orchids bloomed quietly… “May we find one true love, and grow old together,” the small red embroidered characters brought a smile to my face…

That day, he was holding Jingrui in Yonghe Palace, chatting with Consort Ding about everyday matters. He learned from Consort Ding that Jihe was already two months pregnant, and even the Empress's condition had improved because of this happy event. Now, all kinds of food and tonics were piled up in the East Palace.

"I heard... the Emperor is going to reward the Seventh Prince again this time. It's said he made a contribution in suppressing the rebels in Yangzhou."

Upon hearing Consort Ding's words, I couldn't help but shudder. I had completely neglected the matter of the Mo Shang Sect these past few days.

"How exactly will you eliminate them?" I asked hastily.

"They say they arrested more than thirty traitors. Old Seven is a quiet kid, but he's really capable."

I was listening absentmindedly, and before I could ask anything, Consort Cao stepped in. I knew they had something to say to each other, so I stepped back.

The Emperor bestowed upon Jingrui the title of legitimate son, and also reminded him that the full moon celebration should be grand. Having received the decree, I began to oversee the preparations for the celebration, naturally involving sending out gift lists and handling all the paperwork – a whole host of tasks. That day, after checking the gift list, I returned to the main room and saw Lu Li sitting in the inner room.

Hearing the noise, he looked up at me, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable, turning my head away to avoid his gaze.

"Do you even see me as the head of the family anymore?" he said casually, flipping open a booklet on the table.

I curled the corners of my lips slightly, thinking, "Here comes another show of defiance." "What are you talking about, sir?"

"You didn't say a word. You knew the rules during those days at Dian'an Temple, so why didn't you send someone to send a message back? Jingrui cried half the night in your room, and in the end, Lanruo came here to take care of him."

He shouldn't have said anything; what he said only made me angrier. That day, we were escorting Consort Ding to Dian'an Temple. The matter was urgent, so we didn't give any notice. It wasn't until midnight that we rushed back to the mansion from Dian'an Temple. When we entered the backyard, we saw Xiao Bi guarding my door.

I asked around and found out that Lan Ruo and Lu Li were sleeping in my room. No matter how magnanimous I am, I can't just stand by and watch him spoil his woman so much that he sleeps in my bed. Without saying a word, I turned around and went back to Dian'an Temple.

Lu Li picked up a cup of tea, his eyes still fixed on the booklet, and casually began to speak: "I originally thought that as long as you could settle down and establish yourself here, everything would be fine. I only thought that I had given you status and power, which would satisfy you. But I didn't expect... that you would harbor resentment and repeatedly cause chaos in the manor. My manor is not your Huaiwang manor's back garden, nor is it your aunt's empress's palace. It cannot tolerate your lawlessness, nor can it tolerate your scheming and power plays... Having a mind of your own is not necessarily a bad thing, but if it's excessive, it will arouse hatred. If you are smart enough, then stay put and don't think about seizing power. It's fine if my wife is only after a name, but if she has any other ulterior motives besides seeking fame—"

Before he finished speaking, I slammed down the teacup in my hand, and it shattered with a crisp sound, releasing all the anger in my heart.

Then she slightly raised the corners of her mouth, "What's going on today? Is everyone in the manor lining up to come and show off to me? I don't care what the rumors say, I just want to ask one question... If I didn't use any herbs this time and just followed the usual practice, when the master comes back and sees his perfectly healthy son and Yiling in the coffin, will the master blame me? Will he still suspect that I have ulterior motives?"

My words caused Lu Li to look up, but he just stared at me without saying a word.

"I dare say, rumors will still circulate, and they'll be as eloquent as they come. Yes, I'm cunning. But every fool in the world knows that protecting the young over the old benefits me the most, doesn't it? Why do I have to smear myself and do that thankless work? It's something every fool in the world knows, yet I don't."

"I just don't understand. How did my efforts to save your favored concubine become accusations of wickedness? How did you accuse me of seeking empty fame and plotting something sinister? Since I married into this household, I've managed it all honestly and kindly. I've arranged for you to have a new room, handled all the wedding arrangements, and taken care of everyone, young and old. I even endured your concubine's sarcastic remarks and had to watch the moods of the entire family. I was terrified but had to pretend to be calm and act like the head of the household! I've done everything I was supposed to do and could do. I really don't know what else I can do, or if this family can even continue!"

Lu Li was slightly stunned. Perhaps it was the first time he had seen me so agitated. This was the first time since I married into the Prince's Mansion that I had faced him coldly in front of a room full of servants, confronting him head-on, and even... arguing with him based on reason.

I couldn't say anything more, so I turned around and ran out of the house, wanting to find a place to vent my anger, even if it meant crying and making a scene.

Chapter Thirty-Six: The Ice Melts Down

The cold war continued. Even when we met, I would pretend not to see him and walk past him. Sometimes, he would look at me and just pause for a moment, then say nothing more.

Jingrui's full moon celebration was a lively affair. Once the banquet was over, things calmed down in the Prince's mansion, and there weren't many things to worry about.

The Emperor granted Lu Li a three-day leave, and he returned very early that evening. What was unusual was that he went straight into my room as soon as he got back.

I was leaning against the headboard, flipping through a sword manual.

He walked over, but I didn't look up or say a word.

He suddenly pulled another book from the side and threw it next to me, saying, "Put away those swords and knives first. You're always so restless."

I glanced at the books he tossed me. They were all by Zhuangzi and Laozi. Was he trying to make me cultivate myself, become a nun?

I put down my book, bored. Just then, I saw him taking off his coat. I was startled. "What are you doing?"

"Settle down. What else can we do?" He was already in bed. He pulled the blanket over me closer to himself.

I quickly pulled the blanket back, and surprisingly he wasn't angry. He pulled it back again, saying softly, "Aren't you always been quite magnanimous?"

I pouted, still thinking about all the humiliation I'd suffered, and with a pale face, I crawled into the back. His hand instinctively reached out and covered mine. "Is your internal coldness congenital?"

“I was born prematurely, so I was born with a deficiency,” I said.

What's wrong with him? Why is he suddenly being so critical of me?

He gently covered my puzzled eyes and sighed softly, "Go to sleep."

I reluctantly closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. I kept waking up startled from my dreams. I stirred slightly, breaking out in a cold sweat; it seemed the commotion had woken Lu Li. He slowly leaned closer to look at me. I quickly closed my eyes again, feigning sleep.

Lu Li placed one hand on my head, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead. I heard a soft voice above my head, "Are you dreaming? You're sweating so much... You're still weak. Let the imperial physician take a look again tomorrow..."

I didn't open my eyes, but I thought to myself how awkward it would be if I suddenly opened them now.

Lu Li seemed wide awake, still talking to himself, "...Do you think you can handle everything on your own? Your kindness, your magnanimity, are seen as wickedness by those who don't understand. Only you would use such a foolish, self-righteous idea. Yes, if I were there, I would also choose to protect Yi Ling. But the same thing, my decision and your decision are completely different. Making a decision about the life and death of a grandson of the emperor on your own, those hundreds of sharp-tongued people in the palace and the mansion will not appreciate it. This time, it was your mother who came out to protect you, saying that it was her decision, and helped you silence the gossip in the palace. The things I said about you were just the gossip of people in the mansion. I wanted you to hear them, to understand...that the royal family is such a place. Doing more is worse than doing nothing, speaking less is worse than speaking nothing, and never take on responsibilities you can avoid."

A warm feeling suddenly welled up inside me, and the corners of my mouth turned up slightly.

Lu Li gently pulled me close. "I can't say these things to you. If you, with your spoiled temper, heard these words, wouldn't you throw a huge tantrum? You'd blame me for pretending not to know your feelings and deliberately wronging you. But... I've always known about your grievances."

I deliberately turned over, facing away from him, and murmured softly as if in a deep sleep.

He then sighed, “You married me only because of the family’s arrangement, but what do you really think of this marriage? You only think about how to be the legitimate wife, but you don’t understand… how to be a wife. You only see the honor of the legitimate wife… but you don’t see me.”

His words, though reasonable, didn't resonate with me. The strength I used to protect myself was seen as indifference by him. What about my sincerity? I've felt heartache too. When I realized my own heartbreak, I understood... that I had already fallen for this man. How could I not? He's my husband, the man I'll spend my life with. From the moment I decided to marry him, I didn't just decide to be a princess, to live in a royal palace, but to be his wife, to share the world with him... Yet, as indifferent as he is, from our wedding until now, we've drifted further and further apart. I try to understand the sadness and bitterness in his eyes. But what about me? Can he feel the confusion and helplessness in my heart?

For three days in a row, he stayed in the outer room of my house reading, while I sat in the inner room embroidering my defective work.

I went to the outer room and handed him a cup of tea in a bad mood. Although I was no longer bothered by what I heard last night, just thinking about how he used those idle words to annoy me still made me feel extremely irritated.

He looked up at me, picked up his teacup, took a sip, and said, "The Crown Princess is pregnant. Should you take some tonics with you and go see her?"

"I heard that those things are piled up all over the East Palace, so I'm not going to join in the fun."

He nodded and said nothing more.