La vie parfaite sous la dynastie Song

Chapitre 72

What joy is there in living, what fear is there in dying? But how I long to see you again... Lanlan..."

My hands trembled as I gripped the paper, my body chilled, and I wanted to scream hysterically. I even wondered why I didn't just wallow in depravity in Xiajia Village, why I was so acutely aware of all this? What was the point of my existence? What... what was it all for?

"Haha..." I grabbed Yihan's clothes with one hand and held the paper in the other, laughing so hard I couldn't stand up straight. Then came a fit of uncontrollable coughing, laughing and coughing at the same time, "What... such a huge joke, haha... why won't you let me laugh myself to death? Cough cough... haha, why won't you just let me die too!"

"Young Master! Don't be like this, it's all over!" Yi Han held me tightly, his inner energy flowing into my palms to soothe my cough. But I was still laughing, laughing until tears streamed down my face, until crimson liquid flowed down my chin. I started vomiting blood, and in my hazy state, I saw Yu Fei's chubby face showing off his newly bought CDs, saw Ren Yao covered in blood, howling and struggling on the brocade bed, saw Zi Mo's face filled with sorrow, pity, and complex emotions, and saw those dark eyes that only reflected me, firmly reflecting my pale face, slowly turning into a purplish-green, filled with panic.

I slowly curled a cold smile, so sorrowful, so resentful, so desperate, and then everything went dark.

This illness compounded my injuries, leaving me lying in bed in a daze, clinging to life with the most precious ginseng Yang Yi had sent. But my body grew weaker day by day, and I vaguely heard Yunyan saying to someone, "Nothing is more sorrowful than a broken heart. She has resolved to die; even if I were a divine physician, what could I do?"

Then I felt two hands tightly embracing me, my whole body trembling. Yunyan was still holding my hands, saying something in a sorrowful and desperate voice: "Linyu, have you forgotten? You promised to stay with me forever, you clearly promised that one day you would take me to see all the mountains and rivers! Linyu, how could you break your promise!"

Yunyan… I opened my eyes and saw her sorrowful face. Her once beautiful face was now ashen and haggard. I slowly reached out my hand, wanting to wipe away her tears, but my hand passed right through her face.

I was startled and turned around to see the room filled with people. Uncle Li stood in the corner, his face filled with disbelief and horror. His hair and beard, which were originally only gray, now seemed mostly white, making him look very old. Linglong covered her mouth tightly with her hand, her teeth grinding together, while tears rolled down her cheeks. Qin Wu's eyes were vacant, and she kept muttering, "Impossible." Her still-childish face was filled with both grief and stubbornness.

Ruoshui stood beside Linglong, occasionally patting her shoulder and pulling her close to lean on her shoulder. Her face was calm, but her eyes held a deep sorrow. Linxuan stood at the doorway with his hands behind his back, somewhat impatient and irritable. His gaze at me was sharp as he muttered, "You haven't paid me yet, you dare to die!" Buying stood behind Yunyan, his body icy cold, but his eyes were filled with pity and heartache. However, his outstretched hand was ultimately withdrawn, the veins on his palm bulging.

Why are they all so sad? I tilted my head, wondering, and then, shifting my gaze slightly, I screamed in fright. How could Zimo, with his flowing long hair, be standing next to me? I floated and floated until I was in front of him, now that we were at the same height, he couldn't look down on me like that anymore. Thinking this, I suddenly stretched out my hand in front of him and shouted, "Zimo!"

But he didn't react at all, which I found strange. Then I saw his face and was shocked. His once handsome face was now lifeless, as if dead, but his brown eyes were watching the violent turmoil on the bed, as if clearly showing the torment the body's owner was enduring.

"Zimo...don't look so sad." I called his name with some concern, waving my hand lightly in front of him. "What happened?"

Zi Mo's eyes were clearly looking at me, yet they seemed to pierce through me and look ahead. His translucent lips parted slightly as he spoke. I leaned closer, listening carefully to make out, "Galan... I'm sorry... I didn't expect the person you were looking for would be him... I really didn't expect the person I summoned back would be..."

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"Yihan! What are you doing?!" Yunyan's shout interrupted Zimo's words. I felt a stab to my heart and slowly turned around. Yihan held "me" tightly and said calmly, "I will find a way to save her." His expression was so peaceful and serene, yet I felt a familiar, horrified tremor.

Where have I seen this expression before? His expression, calm yet gentle, desperate yet pleading, with even a rare smile on his lips, where have I seen this expression before?

If love cannot be expressed in words, I am willing to prove it with my life.

The phrase flashed through my mind, and I was startled. I finally remembered where I had seen him with that expression before. It was in the desert when he fed me with his own blood to sustain my life; it was when he was willing to marry Charlene to save me; it was when he silently obeyed my orders, knowing they would put him in danger.

"No—!" I screamed and floated to his side. "Yihan! Yihan! Don't do anything foolish, I won't die! I won't die! I don't need you to prove it with your life, I don't need to!"

But he couldn't hear anything. He carried me forward, and Yunyan screamed for people to stop him, but no one could stop him. Even Yunyan's poison only made him dazed for a moment; the seven colors in his eyes were as brilliant as fireworks, brilliantly taking his life. I seemed to see again the crimson flowing slowly in the desert, silver threads intertwined with black hair, the yellow sand contrasting with the bright red, and tattered blue clothes. Blue clothes, silver threads, blood stains... It felt like a knife had been plunged into my heart, an excruciating pain. Then, a pair of hands tore me apart, ripping me open. Darkness descended.

It turns out that no matter how much I hate this world, no matter how saddened I am by Yufei's tragic death, I can't let go. What a ridiculous ending! I came here to find Yufei, but when that goal came to nothing, I found that I was already bound by countless threads of attachment, and it was impossible for me to let go.

"Cough cough cough..." I coughed violently, the sound not very loud, but it seemed inexplicably clear in the suddenly quiet room. With the last bit of my willpower, I opened my eyes and met that familiar, haggard face and dark green eyes.

With difficulty, I reached out and grabbed the silver strands of his hair that were drifting in front of me. In a weak, low voice, I said fiercely, "Feng Yihan, if you dare to die, I will chase you to hell..." Suddenly, everything went black, and I fell into unconsciousness again.

――――――――――――――－Time Separator―――――――――――――――――――

"Young Master, it's time to take your medicine." Yi Han pushed open the door and came in. In the blink of an eye, he was already at the window. He was walking slowly, but it was as if he had a teleportation technique. It was really strange.

I struggled to sit up, pouting. Yi Han placed a pillow behind me and said, "Madam has already cooled the medicine down. Just drink it all at once." I nodded, pinched my nose, and poured all the medicine into my mouth. It was so bitter that I stuck out my tongue.

Yi Han smiled and handed me the honey water. I practically snatched it from her and drank my fill before finally letting out a satisfied sigh.

As Yi Han put the bowl away, he wiped the water stains from my mouth with his fingers and said, "You've been sick for a month this time, and Yang Yi has come many times. Also, Princess Jianing's wedding day has been set for the 18th of next month, and the wedding envoy from Huoling Kingdom... is Liu Cenfeng."

I was taken aback, somewhat stunned: "Liu Cenfeng? Why would the Fire Feather Kingdom send a Grand Tutor to escort the bride?"

Yi Han shook his head and said, "I don't know either. I suppose Yang Yi came to discuss this matter with you."

I nodded and said, "If he comes again, let him in. I think it's time to confront him directly because we can't keep playing games with him like this.

"Young Master?" Yi Han's dark eyes revealed a hint of worry, and his thin lips were pressed tightly together.

I smiled, leaned forward, and gently kissed his lips, the cool, refreshing sensation spreading throughout my body. I laughed, "Don't worry, Yang Yi can't get rid of me now, so I'd rather die than let him know I'm a woman. Since he's convinced I'll rebel, I'll go along with his wishes and talk to him..."

The hand that had been touching my lips suddenly turned, hooking around my neck and pulling me into his embrace, a cool kiss landing on my lips. I wasn't annoyed that my words had been interrupted; instead, I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing close to him, feeling his breath and his lips growing warmer and warmer.

The door creaked open, and we abruptly separated, our eyes meeting Yun Yan's mischievous face and Buying and Qin Wu's horrified expressions.

"Ahem..." My face flushed slightly as I looked at the floor, not daring to look at them. "Yunyan, what brings you here?"

"Master...Master?!" Qin Wu's reaction was clearly the most intense. "You...why are you and the young master...? You and the young master are gay...?!"

My lips twitched. I looked up and saw his face was contorted in pain. The poor child must be terrified. Suddenly, I felt a sharp, sword-like gaze burning into me, making me extremely uncomfortable. But in an instant, the figure in blue shifted slightly, and the inexplicable pressure vanished.

I looked up and met Bu Ying's murderous expression. I swallowed nervously, about to beg Yun Yan for help, when I saw her watching me with a gloating smile. My lips twitched again. This woman, you're heartless, don't blame me for being ruthless too.

"You guessed right," I sighed. "I like... men." Of course, if I didn't like men, would I like women?

"Ah—" Qin Wu screamed shrilly, her face clearly showing the grief and indignation of her idol image being shattered. But when she met Yi Han's cold eyes, she trembled all over and dared not do anything rash again.

"Then why did you marry Yunyan?!" Buying rushed towards me uncontrollably, but was stopped by Yihan, who glared at me fiercely. "Since you like men, why did you marry Yunyan?!"

I sighed softly and said, "You know how difficult it is to gain a foothold in officialdom. Once I reach my position, there are plenty of imperial relatives in the court who want to form marriage alliances with me. If I don't take a wife to cover my tracks, how can I silence the gossip?"

I cast a grateful glance at Yunyan and, as I had hoped, saw her expression change slightly. I continued to look at Buying and said, "Yunyan and I grew up together and are like siblings. In this world, only she is willing to be a couple with me in name only, even at the cost of hiding her true feelings."

Busing's expression froze for a moment, and even her originally chilling demeanor took on a hint of foolishness: "You're saying... you're a fake couple?"

I coughed twice to hide my laughter, and grabbed Yihan's hand. He leaned in and hugged me back. I looked up and caught a glimpse of the amusement in his eyes, and almost burst out laughing. I quickly composed myself and said, "Of course. Buying, you don't know who Yunyan likes, do you?"

"Qin—Lin—Yu—!" Yun Yan shouted, casually sprinkling a handful of powder at him. "Say it again, and I…I…"

It was a sleeping potion. I could have avoided inhaling it, but I was sleepy anyway. I yawned and looked at the completely dazed Bu Ying, saying in a daze, "Your first child will have to recognize me as their godfather."

After saying that, ignoring the extremely eerie atmosphere in the room, she nestled her head on Yihan's arm and fell into a deep sleep. But in her dream, that chubby, smiling face still appeared, constantly calling out, "Lanlan... Lanlan..." and that handsome face twisted and contorted in blood. What to do? I silently asked myself in my dream, what if this dream could never disappear?