La vie parfaite sous la dynastie Song

Chapitre 122

Yes! My brother didn't know Xu Lie. He was already gone when my brother came back. And my brother, who always hated him for hurting me so badly, who was so clear about his love and hate that he was almost childish, probably avoids his name like the plague.

The aunt suddenly exclaimed "Huh?", her voice filled with disbelief and astonishment: "You are... Mr. Xu?"

The word "Mr. Xu" inexplicably calmed me down. I tugged at my brother's sleeve and said, "Brother, let's go back."

After a long silence, the older brother suddenly asked, "Xu Lie?"

He paused, then slowly and deliberately uttered the name as two syllables: "Xu...Lie?"

I heard the crunch of leather shoes on the remaining snow as he walked towards us, each step so forceful that the sound of his shoes hitting the ground was high-pitched and piercing.

My brother let go of my hand, and with a "bang," it was the sound of fists hitting each other.

I forced a smile; I could actually imagine what my brother would do. He roared furiously at me, "You dare come here! You still have the nerve to come looking for Lanlan! Get out! Get out of here!"

"Thump—thump—" It was the sound of leather shoes falling on the snow again, a little messy, but even more determined.

"Bang—" Another punch, followed by a kick—the sound of which defies description. My brother's voice grew even angrier, filled with a hatred that shouldn't exist in someone his age: "Didn't you hear me tell you to get out?! Get out! Get out!"

My brother can no longer utter any vicious words. He can only repeatedly say "get out" to express his anger at watching me cry, feel pain, bleed, and go blind back then.

What I didn't expect was that he still didn't stop moving forward, like someone who had lost their soul but had only a goal and a bit of obsession, forgetting their own pain and the pain of those around them, only wanting to achieve their own wish.

"Gaqi." The aunt's voice wasn't loud, but it seemed to echo in the quiet night. "Never mind, let's go inside."

"That bastard, that bastard ruined Lanlan's life..." the brother shouted in a distorted, hoarse voice, followed by the sound of a heavy punch, "You still dare to come closer! Even now, you still pretend like this..."

"Gaqi," Auntie said in a rare gentle yet serious voice, "Lanlan is still here, let's go back."

The violent atmosphere slowly dissipated; my brother had finally listened to my aunt. I let out a sigh of relief mixed with some depression, and, supporting Yufei's wheelchair, continued walking forward.

"What are you doing—!!"

My brother's roar rang out before my feet even touched the ground. Then, just as my feet touched the wet, sticky ground where the snow had melted, a huge impact slammed into me from behind, and a pair of stiff hands held me tightly.

"Galan..." He breathed hot air beside me, like someone with a fever, a hot and sickly breath. Then, in a voice so weak it seemed he might collapse at any moment, yet so resolute it wouldn't stop even if he fell, he called my name again and again, apologizing repeatedly, "Galan... I'm sorry...Galan...Galan..."

I closed my eyes, the darkness merging into darkness, and I couldn't describe my feelings at that moment. I couldn't break free from his embrace, so I wouldn't. I couldn't bring myself to say I forgave him, nor did I have the inclination to hypocritically claim that it wasn't entirely his fault back then, so I simply remained silent. In the boundless, cold darkness, I remained quietly still.

Actually, I've considered this scenario. I'm no longer the naive Lin Jialan I once was, so I think about many things. Firstly, I have plenty of time to think, and secondly, I'm a thoughtful soul. Therefore, I know that Xu Lie will one day learn the truth and be filled with regret, regardless of love or lack thereof, just pure remorse.

So, I once imagined, with this almost cruel attitude, how haggard, heartbroken, and remorseful he would be if he found me one day. But what I didn't expect was that such cruelty wouldn't make me happy; it would even bring a sadness of losing something precious.

It's a dramatic Christmas Eve, full of melodramatic plot twists, a reckless male protagonist, and a female protagonist who disregards everything, all leading to a tragic scene.

"Let go," I said. "I don't have the ability to fly or disappear again."

Perhaps it was my cold tone, or perhaps it was the chill of the gust of wind that had just swept by, that made him shiver. He slowly, inch by inch, loosened his grip, which inadvertently reminded me of the man in blue robes on Wangri Slope who had held me tightly but ultimately had to let go.

My eyes were a little wet. I reached out and helped Yufei into his wheelchair, saying, "Brother, let's go back."

My brother paused for a moment before saying "okay" repeatedly, and then stepped forward to support my elbow.

"Galan," Xu Lie called my name from behind, "I didn't sign the divorce papers."

My heart skipped a beat, and a cold smile crept onto my lips: "And then?" I asked him in an extremely calm voice, "And then?"

"Come back with me," Xu Lie said with difficulty. "Give me another chance... I will never let you suffer any more harm!"

You won't let me get hurt again? Ha, what a ridiculous promise that is to me, who is already being hurt! If you could make me stop getting hurt, I'd rather forget everything and go back with you. But, can you?

Can you bring my child back? Can you bring Zimo back to life? Can you let Yufei go back to the way things were? Can you... let Yihan and I fall in love again? You can't... you can't do anything, so what gives you the right to say you won't let me get hurt again?

I sighed, finding it somewhat amusing. Such a displaced anger was so childish, unlike anything I'd ever felt. I shook my head slightly and, with my brother's support, slowly walked towards the villa.

"Galan!" His voice suddenly came close, his hot, panicked breath hitting me. Because he moved so fast, I couldn't hear how he got to me. When I came to my senses, he had already grabbed my arm, as if desperately wanting me to look at him, yet he was also cautious and didn't dare to use force, gripping my shoulder in a contradictory way.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" he asked in a trembling, hoarse voice. "Not a single word?"

I frowned slightly at the intense masculine scent emanating from so close to me, then asked, "What are you saying?" I smiled silently. "What should I say? Merry Christmas Eve? Or 'Long time no see'?"

Besides, I can't even see your face, so what's the point of you making any expressions of regret, guilt, or even despair?

"Galan...don't do this." Xu Lie tightened his grip inch by inch, pulling me into his arms. His embrace was hot and suffocating, both familiar and strange. Once upon a time, this was everything I craved! Once upon a time, this was everything I deeply loved!

When did things start to change? Was it after experiencing the excruciating pain of being so close yet so far, unable to even shed a tear? Was it after Zi Mo's soul was scattered? Was it after watching him and Xue'er leave hand in hand at the airport? Or was it even earlier, long before that figure in green robes and silver hair planted a bright red mark in my heart with his blood?

"Xu Lie." This was the first time I'd called his name since we met, making him tremble slightly before he hugged me even tighter. That cautious joy, that apprehensive yet precious embrace, made me feel a pang of sadness for what I was about to say. "Xu Lie, we can't go back. I..."

"I love you!!" Xu Lie interrupted me loudly and frantically, "Galan! I love you! I really, really love you! Is it too late to realize how much I love you now?"

I remained silent for a long time, trying to break free from his embrace, but he held me even tighter. My brother and aunt seemed lost in thought, neither coming to pull us apart nor saying a word. I could only listen to Xu Lie's erratic heartbeat and sigh silently, "Yes, it's too late."

It's so late that I've almost forgotten you exist, so late that our initial feelings have faded away, so late that the once innocent, foolish, yet happy Lin Jialan has vanished without a trace.

I had no strength to blame him, no strength to resent him, not even the strength to listen to his feelings. The satisfying revenge I had imagined was just my imagination. His appearance, his guilt, his pain, were nothing more than laying that unbearable past bare before me. My breath fell on the wool scarf, making my chin feel damp and warm. I said calmly, "Xu Lie, let go. I'm going back."

"I won't let go!" Xu Lie roared with an almost willful stubbornness. "I will never let go again. Jialan, you are my wife, the only person I love! How could I let go of you? How could I have let go of you back then?"

"You're still as arrogant as ever!" I slowly raised my head, revealing a mocking sneer in the darkness. "Do you know what forever is? Do you know how heavy the pain of bearing forever is? No, you know nothing! You who so easily spoke of forever and so easily let go have no right to say that word."

Do you know what forever is? Forever is the unwavering devotion to protect even at the cost of one's life; forever is the pain of being together but unable to love. "Forever is one day longer than your life, my lord." The man who spoke to me about forever in that cold voice—what were his feelings when he gave up our love to stay by my side? Can you understand?

"Let go," I said in an extremely calm voice. "Brother, take me inside!"

"Okay...okay!" My brother seemed to suddenly realize something, and quickly regained his fierce demeanor. "Did you hear me telling you to let go? Now that things have come to this, what are you pretending to be pitiful for? No one can see through your act anyway." For some reason, I felt that my brother's tone had softened a bit, with a kind of anger at my brother's disappointment, but less of the hatred he had shown me as an enemy just now.

Xu Lie's hand stiffened for a moment, then slowly released. I took a step back and turned to leave.