It was as if everything had been severed from that day, like a phantom or a shadow, and he couldn't recover for a long time.
Su Jinning told him to wait, so he waited, even if it seemed like it would never happen.
Author's Note:
Love can make people timid, without exception.
Chapter 95 Snowy Night
The days without Shen Moyu seemed to pass exceptionally slowly; every minute and second felt like a slow, agonizing torture of his mental defenses.
So this is what it feels like to not be able to see the person you love. Like a headless fly, unable to see or hear, not knowing where the exit is, yet only able to fly forward aimlessly.
He's a complete liar. The easier he said "wait for me" is, the harder he's having to live now.
He thought that as long as he hid in a dark space, in his own room, he could escape.
But when he woke up from that dream filled with the chirping of cicadas in summer, his eyes were still red.
He didn't know when it started, but the only way he could see Shen Moyu was in his dreams.
I dream of him again and again, and wake up in fright each time. He is so close to me, but when I reach out my hand, all I touch is emptiness.
When I woke up, there was a faint moonlight shining through the window, and I was in complete darkness in the room, with a pillow soaked with tears.
But they were so happy in my dream, so why did I still cry?
Perhaps the vines of reality were binding him too tightly, and he couldn't break free even in his dreams.
Or perhaps it was a punishment, a punishment from heaven for his cowardice.
Gradually, sleeping became his way of escaping reality, because at least in his dreams, he could openly love her.
Su Jinning got up; his whole body ached from lying down for so long, and he could barely straighten his back. He walked with difficulty to the door and turned on the light.
The room lit up instantly, and after a sharp pain, he managed to open his eyes.
I never noticed before that his room was so empty.
Walking to the window, the city wasn't completely dark yet at six o'clock. The streetlights downstairs were already on, casting a warm glow on the empty stone pavement, creating a sense of lonely warmth.
He pressed his forehead against the glass and let out a long sigh. Holding his phone, he habitually tapped into Shen Moyu's chat window and refreshed it twice.
He seemed to be eagerly anticipating that message, but if Shen Moyu actually spoke first, would he have the courage to take him away?
The two people, separated by their phone screens, refreshed each other's pages again and again; one searched for hope in despair, while the other was filled with fear in anticipation.
Living like this for too long makes you feel like a walking corpse.
"bite--"
Su Jinning trembled at the WeChat notification sound, then refreshed the page again. The little circle spun for a very long time, so long that he started to shake.
Not a fish: I knitted you a scarf.
Three seconds later.
Not a Fish: I knitted this for a long time and wanted to give it to you.
Su Jinning stood still, her gaze sweeping over the incoming messages.
Not a Fish: The snow has stopped, let's meet.
——
I knitted until the snow stopped, but you still didn't come. I thought winter was short, but I was often freezing cold.
Let me warm myself in your arms, even if it's just for a little while.
That was the first time he had come downstairs in a week. The living room seemed a bit warmer than upstairs. Zhou Xingqi was sitting downstairs watching TV when he saw Shen Moyu. It was as if he had seen some kind of tale from the world, and it took him a while to recover.
"Brother? Are you... hungry?"
Shen Moyu didn't answer him. Clutching the scarf he had just knitted, she headed straight for the entrance.
Zhou Xingqi then realized something was wrong and practically jumped off the sofa to stop him: "Brother! What are you doing? If you want to go out, I'll send a driver..."
"Get out of my way!" Shen Moyu shoved him away fiercely, so hard that he fell to the ground.
"Are you going to see Su Jinning again?!" Shen Donghai's voice came from behind, and then he grabbed Shen Moyu's shoulder and pulled him back.
Shen Moyu didn't move, but simply closed his eyes tightly, and finally said, "Deliver the things."
"Giving him something?" Shen Donghai sized him up, then grabbed the white scarf from his hand and said angrily, "So it turns out you knitted this for him! You fucking want to go with him, don't you?!"
Hearing his words, Shen Moyu nodded without hesitation: "I want to, every single second." He pursed his lips slightly: "But he won't take me with him anymore."
"You!" Shen Donghai wanted to get angry, but felt he had nowhere to vent. In the end, he lowered his hand: "You go back upstairs right now and stop thinking about seeing him. Give up on this idea as soon as possible."
Shen Moyu stared blankly out the window, a hollow longing in her eyes: "Can't I even just see him?"
He didn't ask for anything more; he just wanted to say goodbye to the person he loved. Was that not allowed?
"No way! I'm telling you, Shen Moyu, you'd better cut ties with me cleanly as soon as possible, you hear me?" Shen Donghai roared.
"Okay." Shen Moyu turned her gaze away from the window, her calmness throughout making Shen Donghai unable to believe it.
Zhou Xingqi was also stunned.
He turned and went upstairs without pausing. Opening the door to his room, he looked at the glass window covered in his breath and closed his eyes tightly.
He turned around and locked the door.
The bay window still has wisps of cold wind, and you can't help but shiver when you get close.
After repeated disappointments and waiting, he thought he had given up hope and no longer had any expectations for that relationship.
But when longing permeated his mind and body, he seemed unable to sit idly by and wait for death any longer.
Shen Moyu gently clenched her cold right hand into a fist, while her left hand repeatedly stroked the smooth glass surface.
Since he said he wanted to see him, he definitely would. How could someone you've loved not say goodbye?