He said he was leaving, and this farewell might truly be the last time they would meet.
At the side entrance of the hospital, the ground was covered with a thin layer of snow. On that coldest evening, the streetlights cast long shadows of them. They stood holding each other's hands under the shade of the trees, neither of them speaking, until the boy's burning tears bloomed into a colorless rose on his palm, so hot that his eyes stung.
Su Jinning paused for a long time, as if that tear really pierced his heart, before he finally turned around, his face already streaked with tears: "Why did you come out? Go back inside, outside..."
Before he could finish speaking, Shen Moyu raised his hand and draped the blood-stained scarf around his neck. A faint smell of blood filled his nostrils as he met Shen Moyu's beautiful peach blossom eyes.
"I've already knitted it... I can't just leave it unsent," Shen Moyu said calmly, extending her only intact hand to straighten the scarf for him. But then she burst into tears: "It's all dirty..."
Su Jinning shook her head, her hand hovering in the air for a long time before finally touching the scarf and grinning: "It's not dirty..."
He dared not take his hand, as if he were covered in thousands of thorns, and every time he got close to him, he would be pricked and wounded all over.
After all this entanglement, Shen Moyu must have been in a lot of pain waiting.
He didn't want to see that thorn go deeper and deeper.
Su Jinning opened her mouth, but in the end only said, "Go back quickly. Don't catch a cold..."
He still didn't dare to say the words "break up," as if as long as he didn't say them, in his memory they hadn't broken up, they had just had one argument... a very long one.
Shen Moyu's eyes were red-rimmed, and she unconsciously pinched her knuckles. Like a kitten that knew it was about to be abandoned, this time she truly stopped crying and making a fuss, only waiting for his answer. "If we go back, we'll never see each other again...right?"
"How could that be..." Su Jinning feigned strength: "How could we not see each other? We will meet..."
They will meet again, after they have each gone their separate ways in life.
What will Shen Moyu be like many years from now? He doesn't know, but she certainly won't love him anymore.
Shen Moyu nodded this time, as if he would believe whatever he said unconditionally.
Finally, he smiled, his last bit of tenderness dissipating in the wind, warming the moon tonight: "Next time we meet... can I say I missed you?" He paused for a moment: "Or 'It's been so long'?"
But what's the cruelest thing is that two people who love each other so deeply can only turn away and leave, saying one thing but meaning another, and then have to keep quiet about their feelings for each other in the days to come.
Su Jinning hesitated for a long time before slowly cupping that face in her hands. Shen Moyu bit her lip restrainedly, and as soon as she let go, tears streamed down her face.
The two gazed at each other for a long time, their eyes filled with reluctance and deep affection.
Time flashes back to the height of summer, then flashes back again, but it seems all the vows were made yesterday.
Su Jinning lowered her head, watching him clutch his sleeve, but she couldn't bring herself to embrace him.
Some flowers are destined to bloom in their own garden, and roses should not be kept by anyone.
Therefore, his roses should naturally bloom grandly and brilliantly, and he should not be an obstacle to all of this.
He remained silent, and Shen Moyu simply stared at him. The two looked at each other in silence, but the answer was already obvious.
Even though their eyes were kissing, the silence between them was more hurtful than anyone else's.
"Then...can I hug you..." Shen Moyu forced back her tears.
It seems... they won't make it to the end.
Su Jinning gritted her teeth, brushed past his warm breath, and kissed his salty eyes.
She licked his tears again and again, but it seemed like she could never finish kissing them.
Shen Moyu finally couldn't help but sob. Su Jinning wanted to ask him why he was always crying lately, but the words wouldn't come out.
Shen Moyu is sentimental, sharp-tongued but kind-hearted. He doesn't say much, but he proves things with his actions, sometimes even doing crazy things. Su Jinning often said he was calm, but now he realized that even someone as calm as Shen Moyu could be so anxious about missing someone that he wanted to cross mountains and rivers.
He was very smart, but he made a fool of himself only once, when it came to Su Jinning.
“Su Jinning…” Shen Moyu began, his voice so fragile, “I actually… never thought of giving up on you.”
I've always been standing behind you, someone you could reach out and touch. Why did you run so far away, widening the distance to an irreversible point?
"Yes, it's my fault for being so useless."
He stared at him silently for a long time without saying a word.
Shen Moyu's peach blossom eyes always shone brightly when she looked at him. She would sob uncontrollably when crying, her hands would tremble when kissing him, and she would gratefully kiss his cheek when she bought him something he liked. She liked to bite her chopsticks while eating, twirl her pen while doing her homework, hug him from behind, hold his hand, and kiss him…
With so many little details, he can't let go of them once he starts thinking about them.
He lifted his head and kissed his hair, then leaned close to his ear and whispered, "Next time, love a brave person."
Don't let a withered rose cause you to miss the whole garden.
The step Su Jinning took as he turned around sank deep into the snow. In a daze, he felt that with that step, he was stepping into a summer filled with the clamor of cicadas.
He understood better than anyone that the next time they met, they would be in different capacities.
But he doesn't regret it.
He only hoped that the boy he loved could stand at an unreachable height, where everyone would look up to him, be able to move freely through wind and rain, easily escape from the sea of fire, be able to go to heaven and go to earth, and stand at the peak forever, unshakable by anyone.
He is so pure and free that neither love nor wind can bind him, and no one can possess him.
But between sobs, he also hoped that he was free from worries and carefree, that his eyes were always filled with starlight, that he kept his hot and clear heart moving forward, that his steps would not stop for anyone, that he was safe, happy and always loved, that he walked towards the evening breeze with a smile in his eyes, and that he would always be Shen Moyu.
So my dear boy, your future is bright, don't stop for me.
——
Su Jinning's figure disappeared into the snowy night; this time, she would never return.
When he turned away, he not only destroyed a bitter love affair, but also the passionate youth of the two of them.
Shen Moyu stared blankly as he walked away, watching him blend into the bustling traffic and disappear completely from her sight.
Only then did he realize that someone who can only love you with their back turned will eventually drift further and further away from you.
How can a truly loving person stay together until the end? What kind of unwavering love can overcome everything? Perhaps their pure and passionate love was missing something: courage. But the snow fell too heavily, and before they could find it, it was buried deep within them.
Shen Moyu felt a sharp pain in his heart, followed by a calm, which tormented him until he felt dizzy.
Finally, he turned around.
The cold wind severed their last connection, along with their suppressed breathing.
That was the end of the story, right?
His vision blurred; he couldn't tell if it was from the heavy snow or the scalding heat of his tears, but he suddenly felt dizzy.
"Just leave like this." The voice in his mind echoed again and again, urging him to go.
But he was helpless; he couldn't take a step.
Leaving here means the end of everything.
That lingering attachment clung to his ankles, from which he could never escape.
Cars with their headlights flashing whizzed past him, the wind whistling sharply against his cheeks. It stung intensely, like being slapped hard across the face, but the pain wasn't on his face.
The person he had loved for so long, with whom he had made so many vows of eternal love, so many kisses, and so many tender moments on snowy nights like this.