Les plus fous du monde

Chapitre 1

Laba porridge

Ever since Master Dou sent Dou Akou to Qingyong City, Dou Akou has fallen into Fu Jiuxin's hands.

Fu Jiuxin is the Dou family's accountant, in charge of Dou Akou's white rice and braised pork; Fu Jiuxin is also the Dou family's tutor, in charge of Dou Akou's etiquette, manners, and skills in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting.

— Fu Jiuxin is Dou Akou's Achilles' heel; a single touch will send her into a state of ecstasy and near death.

This fatal flaw occurred a month ago when Dou Akou left Qingyong City to collect debts south for Master Dou. Dou Akou, now in control, looked up and saw a bright, clear sky over Qingyong City, which she greatly admired.

Overjoyed, Dou Akou stopped studying and writing. Occasionally, she would practice martial arts and wield a knife. This small amount of exercise couldn't stop her from gaining weight. So, after Fu Jiuxin left for a month, Dou Akou had gained a lot of weight.

On the morning of Laba Festival, Dou Akou was drinking Laba porridge in her dream, drooling all over her pillow. Suddenly, she jolted awake, her body trembling in bed.

Dou Akou's intuition for bad news has always been very accurate. It was the same three years ago, the night before she was to be sent away by Master Dou. And it is the same now.

She got up nervously, straightened her clothes, and ran to the gate of Qingyong City to inquire about the situation.

Today, her senior brother Gu Huaibi is guarding the mountain gate.

Gu Huaibi set up a reclining chair under a large pine tree at the mountain gate, crossed his legs, and ate a blade of grass. A thin Autumn Water Blade nimbly twirled between his fingers. As soon as he saw Dou Akou, he quickly sheathed the dagger, raised an eyebrow, and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Are there any distinguished guests coming to Qingyong City today?"

"Hmm? I haven't heard of it, I don't know..." Gu Huaibi said halfway, then suddenly squinted at the thousands of stone steps below Qingyong City, "Oh, maybe someone is coming."

Dou Akou followed Gu Huaibi's gaze downwards. Her martial arts skills were not proficient, and her eyesight was not as sharp as Gu Huaibi's. She could only vaguely see a figure dressed in black, but the aura emanating from that person could reach Dou Akou from thousands of miles away.

With a "crack," Dou Akou's fragile heart and the bright sky above her collapsed at the same time. Terrified, she turned around and ran away, fleeing in a panic to the Dance Elephant Stage.

On the dance platform stood several plum blossom stakes taller than Dou Akou. Dou Akou swiftly climbed up one of them, stood on one foot, and pretended to be diligently practicing.

Perhaps because she had been breathing heavily for the past month, she didn't feel as light as a swallow when standing on the plum blossom stakes as before. Fortunately, after swaying a few times, she managed to stay steady.

Dou Akou may not have much else, but she has plenty of self-righteous cleverness.

To hide the weight she had gained from a month of eating and being lazy, she took off a belt and wrapped it tightly around her stomach.

Just as all this was done, the man leisurely found his way here.

Dou Akou secretly opened her eyes a crack and peeked at Fu Jiuxin. She was standing on a plum blossom stake that was more than a meter tall, while Fu Jiuxin was standing on the ground. So from her angle looking down, she could only see Fu Jiuxin's slanted eyebrows and high nose bridge.

Dou Akou quietly closed her eyes again, pretending to be completely unaware.

"Miss, you practice martial arts very diligently." Fu Jiuxin looked at the misty peaks high above Qingyong City.

Dou Akou suddenly opened her eyes and exclaimed in surprise, "Oh my! Sir, you're back! Why didn't you let me know beforehand? I could have gone to the mountain gate to welcome you back."

"Oh. Does Miss practice her calligraphy diligently? Have you finished reading your books? Have you thoroughly studied the chess manual?"

"...Sir, I'll stand on the plum blossom stakes to show you."

Upon hearing this, Fu Jiuxin looked up at Dou Akou, and their eyes met. Dou Akou looked guilty.

Dou Akou saw the face slowly rising at her feet. In addition to his usual handsome features, he also showed signs of the hardships he had endured while traveling, which gave him a sharper look, much like a gleaming autumn blade.

Dou Akou was startled and almost collapsed. She stammered, "Sir, today is Laba Festival. Why don't you go and have some porridge to cleanse yourself? I'll stand here a little longer, just a little longer, hehehehe."

Dou Akou was quite pleased with herself for knowing that Fu Jiuxin wouldn't be able to get her off the plum blossom stake.

Fu Jiuxin glanced at Dou Akou again, silently drew a sword from the weapon rack beside him, and slapped it down at Dou Akou's feet, causing the wooden stake to sink several inches into the ground.

Dou Akou screamed and jumped up and down, howling like a banshee as she squatted down on the stake, hugging it tightly and weeping in the wind.

Fu Jiuxin patiently peeled Dou Akou off the wooden stake, then casually weighed her in his hand: "She's gotten heavier."

Dou Akou retorted, "It's not heavy. Sir, look at my waist."

They both looked down at Dou Akou's waist. Dou Akou secretly held her breath and tucked her stomach in. Fu Jiuxin wrapped his arms around Dou Akou's waist and touched her waist. Dou Akou couldn't help but feel ticklish and burst into laughter.

With a smile, the results of her month of indulging in food were revealed. Fu Jiuxin pointed to her waist and slowly spread two fingers to indicate that it had gotten a little thicker.

Looking at Fu Jiuxin, Dou Akou seemed to see her own bland breakfasts, lunches, and dinners from now on, and tears streamed down her face.

Unexpectedly, Fu Jiuxin suddenly withdrew his hand and calmly walked forward: "Miss, practice calligraphy three times today."

Dou Akou followed behind him, bargaining: "Sir, today is Laba Festival, can you skip practicing one character?"

Fu Jiuxin didn't even turn his head: "One hundred copper coins for each character you practice."

"Ten words?"

"Ten hundred copper coins."

"What about a hundred words?"

"One hundred copper coins."

Fu Jiuxin was the Dou family's accountant. He had a very sharp mind and could calculate money and accounts very clearly. One word was worth one hundred copper coins, ten words should be worth one thousand copper coins per string of cash, and one hundred words should be worth ten strings of cash per tael of silver. In the end, one hundred words were still worth one hundred copper coins.

Dou Akou was a fool. She counted on her fingers and then happily went to carry paper, ink, brushes, and inkstones.

The people of Qingyong City were already used to this scene, and they all passed by, nodding to Fu Jiuxin: "Young Master, you've worked hard."

It was indeed very difficult to educate Dou Akou, that silly girl.

After watching Dou Akou finish practicing calligraphy, Fu Jiuxin finally had time to go back to his room to wash and change. He had traveled a long way from Ziwei Qingdu back to Qingyong City, and before he could even have a sip of water, he was already annoyed by Dou Akou.

He was originally the Dou family's accountant and didn't need to come to Qingyong City with Dou Akou. However, Master Dou felt that his daughter without Fu Jiuxin was like pork without salt—she wouldn't even know how she died. So he begged Fu Jiuxin to come to Qingyong City with Dou Akou, and the two became disciples of the city's wandering wine and meat hermit.

Just like his name suggests, the Wine and Meat Hermit was a man who couldn't live without wine and meat. He spent his days wandering around the Huang Dynasty and rarely returned to the city. Even his master didn't care about him anymore, so no one in the city paid any attention to Dou Akou. If it weren't for Fu Jiuxin, Dou Akou would have truly earned the reputation of being a parasite.

On this day, dinner in Qingyong City was naturally Laba porridge. According to the city's rules, disciples were not allowed to eat in their rooms; they had to gather at Xianfang Hall in the city for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Fu Jiuxin changed his clothes and went to Xianfang Hall with Gu Huaibi.

He returned to the city and resumed his status as a disciple. Naturally, he no longer wore the loose-fitting blue robe with wide sleeves, but instead changed into a black tight-fitting outfit, looking as tall and slender as a bamboo stalk.

When he stepped into Xianfang Hall, the female disciples exchanged a knowing glance, their eyes sweeping over Fu Jiuxin's figure as if they were looking at a tempting chicken leg.

Dou Akou noticed this unusual situation and felt a little unhappy. She felt that her husband should be her husband and had nothing to do with anyone else; his waist was also her waist, and no one else should be looking at it.

Her husband looked around the room and found the round table where Dou Akou was sitting. He then picked up a porcelain bowl and sat down in the empty seat next to her.

Dou Akou didn't have many close friends in the city. The only people she could talk to were her senior brother Gu Huaibi, her senior sister Tang Xunzhen, and her husband Fu Jiuxin. Unfortunately, Gu Huaibi and Tang Xunzhen were not disciples of Jiurou Sanren, but rather the personal disciples of the city lord Mingkong Sanren, so they couldn't always be with Dou Akou.

They had just sat down when Tang Xunzhen arrived, and the four of them filled the table. The three of them, six pairs of eyes, were staring intently at Fu Jiuxin. Under the fierce gazes of the three gluttons, Fu Jiuxin calmly took out a food box from his bundle: "Here, this is the Laba porridge that your father specially instructed the cook to make for you. I just heated it up."

"Oh my!" Dou Akou watched with delight as Fu Jiuxin distributed food to the four people present. When it came to her bowl, Fu Jiuxin was clearly biased. With a subtle flick of his wrist, Fu Jiuxin made sure there were extra ingredients in Dou Akou's bowl of porridge.

The Dou family were imperial merchants, and they were wealthy. This Laba porridge was different from the common porridge that only contained dried fruits and grains; instead, it was specially made with high-quality cream, hawthorn cake, candied fruit peel, and other ingredients, making it soft, sticky, and melt-in-your-mouth.

Dou Akou wanted to bury her face in the bowl, but Fu Jiuxin tapped her hand with his chopsticks: "Miss, appearance."

Dou Akou, tears streaming down her face, had no choice but to put on airs and sip her porridge politely. Before long, the sounds of people slurping porridge filled the entire Xianfang Hall.

Amidst the cheerful sounds of people enjoying their porridge, the sound of the door being kicked open seemed particularly discordant.

Xianfang Hall was full of martial arts practitioners. As soon as the door opened, everyone quickly dropped their bowls, put their hands on their waists, some drew their swords, some threw hidden weapons, some wielded whips, and some even stole red dates from other people's bowls while everyone was looking outside... Hmm? Oh, that's Dou Akou.

The person outside the door clearly didn't care about the menacing stares of the crowd. He chuckled to himself and called out to Dou Akou and Fu Jiuxin, "My disciples! Look what your master bought back!"

The disheveled, seemingly deranged old man outside the door was none other than Jiu Rou Sanren (the Wine and Meat Hermit).

He rarely goes back to the city. If he does, it's definitely because he bought some strange or unusual things to keep there. Last time he brought back a crab, the time before that he bought a box of miracle pills, and this time…

Those familiar with the habits of the carefree, wine-drinking man all looked behind him, and upon seeing what he was looking at, they gasped in shock.

Even Dou Akou, who was stealing red dates from Fu Jiuxin's bowl, stopped eating, stretched her neck to look, and then her eyes widened.

Outside the door stood a man with an extremely strikingly beautiful face.

Xu Liren

Outside the door stood a man with an extremely handsome face. His clothes were tattered, unable to conceal his naked body. He did not appear destitute; rather, he seemed to have just withdrawn from lust, exuding a languid, bewitching charm.

Dou Akou blushed and couldn't help but want to take another look, but suddenly her eyes were covered by a pair of hands, and Fu Jiuxin's voice sounded softly in her ear: "Miss, do not look at what is improper."

The carefree man excitedly dragged the other man to Fu Jiuxin's table: "Disciple, this is the musician I bought at the market. You can have him play for you when you practice martial arts."

Gu Huaibi and Tang Xunzhen exchanged a glance, then buried themselves in their porridge, ignoring each other.

Everyone knows that whoever makes the first move will be responsible for all the trouble. The carefree, reclusive man is never in the city, and any animals he buys on a whim end up being cared for by the people of Qingyong City. Cats and dogs are one thing, but this time it's a man.

Fu Jiuxin naturally ignored Jiu Rou Sanren.

Only Dou Akou moved Fu Jiuxin's hand away from her eyes, looked at the young man, and whispered, "Master, can he play the zither?"

The carefree, wine-and-meat-loving man was delighted that someone agreed with his taste: "That's right! My disciple, how about he gives it to you—"

"When did Master also learn to be pretentious?" Fu Jiuxin lightly interrupted him.

"I happened to see it while passing by the market, and the price was cheap, so I bought it on a whim, hehe." The wine-and-meat hermit chuckled, he had always been a little afraid of this apprentice.

While Jiu Rou San Ren and Fu Jiu Xin were exchanging barbs, the young man walked up to Dou A Kou and said, "I'm hungry. I want to drink your porridge."

Fu Jiuxin raised an eyebrow, speaking in a very imperious tone.

Dou Akou was completely unaware that, as a musician who had been bought, the young man's attitude was rather arrogant. She happily handed him the porridge: "Here you go."

The boy slowly finished the bowl of porridge and uttered two words: "Disgusting."

Everyone present was somewhat angry. What right did this person, whose origins were unknown and who had been bought from the market, have to point fingers? If it weren't for his handsome face, everyone present would have already smashed him with a brick.

Only Dou Akou lowered her head, genuinely feeling ashamed that her porridge didn't suit the boy's taste.

By now you may have realized that Dou Akou is a simple-minded person who accepts whatever comes her way.

Fu Jiuxin watched indifferently as the Laba porridge he had specially brought back for Dou Akou from the Dou family went into the boy's stomach, without saying a word.

Qingyong City is the largest sect in the martial arts world. Its size doesn't refer to its number of members or its scale, but rather to its unpredictable ways of doing things. Qingyong City's rule is that anyone willing to become a disciple of Qingyong City, regardless of their original sect or faction, can seek protection there.

Therefore, Qingyong City was a melting pot of all sorts of people. There were disciples of the cunning Gongsun Mo family, assassins from the infamous Seven Kill Linked Fortress, and wealthy young masters and ladies like Dou Akou; it was a place that welcomed all comers.

Therefore, Qingyong City has extensive connections in the martial arts world, and all factions have to give it face. Precisely because of this, the people in Qingyong City are knowledgeable and have a broad perspective. A small matter like the wine and meat hermit buying back an arrogant young musician was only discussed briefly during that meal, and then no one mentioned it again afterward, and it passed by in a lukewarm manner.

The wine-and-meat hermit led the young man back to his room to make arrangements. Dou Akou wanted to go with him, but Fu Jiuxin glanced at her and she took a bowl and lined up to wash it.

Fu Jiuxin stood behind her, looking thoughtfully at Dou Akou, who was bowing her head and remaining silent. Based on his understanding of Dou Akou, this simple-minded girl must have taken a liking to that boy.

Dou Akou was indeed thinking of the young musician. She had never seen such a handsome man before. Born into a wealthy merchant family, Dou Akou had never lacked for anything since childhood. Although her birth mother had passed away, her aunts treated her like their own daughter. At the age of twelve, her master sent her to Qingyong City to train in martial arts. Although she was away from home, Fu Jiuxin was always there to take care of everything, ensuring she never suffered. Even during martial arts training, because the ruthless Jiu Rou Sanren was rarely seen, she practiced only sporadically, living a very comfortable life. Three years passed by silently, like an oiled cartwheel.

In conclusion, Dou Akou's life is like a piece of highbrow art. The most handsome man she had ever seen was Fu Jiuxin, dashing and masculine, but he was the only one she had ever met. Now, a young musician has arrived, but he is a completely different type from Fu Jiuxin—bewitching, alluring, and with a touch of dangerous beauty.

—We must forgive a young girl's restless, yearning heart.