Lan Yin Bi Yue

Chapitre 35

With a loud crash, the bowl in Lin Suyang's hand fell to the ground, startling the woman who screamed.

"What...what did you say? Pregnant? What pregnant?" Lin Suyang's face turned deathly pale. Her eyes widened as she asked in a trembling voice, "Tell me, who's pregnant?"

The woman was terrified, but seeing that Lin Suyang seemed unaware of her situation, she replied, "Don't you know, Madam? That day, your husband carried you to my house saying you were sick and begged us for help. My husband rushed along the mountain path to fetch the old doctor from the nearby village. The doctor said you were nearly a month pregnant and had fainted due to insufficient blood and qi because you hadn't been eating well. Your husband was extremely worried and has been going out every day to find wild game to nourish you. Didn't your husband tell you?"

After hearing the woman's words, Lin Suyang felt as if he had fallen into an ice cave. So he already knew, but why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he ask? And...

Seeing her husband's frightened expression, the woman stammered, "Madam... what's wrong?" Could it be that she didn't want the child? But the couple seemed so loving. The woman's expression was off; she couldn't let her do anything foolish. The woman decided to immediately call her husband back. Fortunately, there was an orchard not far behind her house; her husband must have gone there. Having made up her mind, the woman, while keeping an eye on the still-dazed Lin Suyang, quietly went out the door and ran towards the back mountain.

Si Junxing climbed the tree branch, picking out the ripe, red crabapples one by one. The doctor had said that pregnant women crave sour foods, and these fruits were a perfect balance of sweet and sour; she should like them. She counted the fruits in her bag—about thirty—not enough. She'd pick more to keep on hand.

Just as he had almost finished picking all the fruit in the area, he saw the peasant woman from the house he was staying with running over breathlessly. His heart tightened, and he heard the peasant woman shout loudly, "Quick, quick, go back and check on your wife! Something's wrong with her!"

"Something's not right?" he asked urgently, grabbing her arm.

"I...I told her. She's...pregnant..." Before he could finish speaking, the fruit in Si Junxing's hand tumbled to the ground with a "crash." He didn't even look at it. He hurried back.

He rushed into the courtyard. He found the doors open, but Lin Suyang wasn't there. He searched every room but couldn't find her. He rushed outside again, knocking down a peasant woman who was running in. Ignoring her cries, he ran outside like a madman. It had rained lightly last night, and the road was still quite muddy. This allowed Si Junxing to clearly see the footprints on the ground. The footprints weren't pointing towards the path leading out of the mountains, but rather towards... a cliff!

This discovery left him completely disoriented. Though he was running, his body felt like it wasn't his own. Looking at the vibrant flowers blooming along the way, only one thought chilled him to the bone: Find her. Find her.

Lin Suyang stood on the edge of the cliff, dazed and confused. He gazed at the distant mountains, their peaks shrouded in mist and wisps of smoke. So beautiful. Beautiful as a painting. He reached out and grasped at the air. He opened his hand. Nothing there.

Fate really knows how to play tricks on people. The scenery is so beautiful, why is it still gloomy and threatening rain? Lin Suyang smiled, looking down at the bottomless, misty clouds. He longed to step onto them, to float and drift, going wherever he pleased. He slowly stretched out his foot, about to step into this fairyland-like world, when someone pulled him back.

Si Junxing hugged her tightly from behind, trembling as he said, "No, don't go." He turned her around, looked at her, and shouted, "Did you hear me? I told you not to go!"

Lin Suyang's unfocused eyes gradually returned to their senses. Looking at Si Junxing's almost crazed expression, who was always smiling, she muttered, "It's you? What are you doing here? Get away, I don't want to see you, get away from me." She struggled to get away, but Si Junxing held her even tighter. Unable to win, she opened her mouth and bit his arm.

The bite went deep, and crimson blood soaked through the clothes and dripped onto the ground, like blooming flowers, alluring yet tragically wounded.

Si Junxing remained motionless, letting her bite and hit him, but said softly, "You promised me you would stay with me for a lifetime. Why do you always break your promises? You did before, and you do now. Am I just a puppet that you come when you want and leave when you don't?"

The taste of blood in her mouth made Lin Suyang vomit again. She looked up at him and smiled bitterly: "Then what do you want me to do? I'm pregnant with someone else's child, the child of someone I hate. I don't want him, but I can't bear to kill him either. A life! I don't want to kill him. Tell me, what should I do? What should I do?" She cried, her tears falling onto Si Junxing's body, soaking him like rain from the sky.

Si Junxing held her in his arms: "Give birth to him, and I will take care of him. I will treat him as my own child. From now on, our family will roam the world together, you and me, and our child, we will be together and never be separated."

Lin Suyang burst into tears, shaking her head repeatedly: "No, no, if he finds out I'm pregnant with his child, he will never let me go, he will never..."

“No,” Si Junxing interrupted her, “the child is mine, listen carefully, the child is mine, you know? No matter who that person is, he has nothing to do with you, and he has nothing to do with my child!” As if witnessing his vow, a thunderclap suddenly struck, followed by a torrential downpour.

Gradually, Lin Suyang loosened her grip on Si Junxing's chest. Si Junxing thought she had come to her senses and relaxed his hold on her, but unexpectedly, she suddenly pushed him away with all her might, causing him to stumble. She then retreated backward until she stood on the edge of a cliff. Si Junxing immediately went to pull her up, but Lin Suyang shouted, "Don't come any closer!" Si Junxing stopped, looking at her with sorrow: "Don't you believe me?"

Lin Suyang shook her head and said, "It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I trust you too much. I trust that you can take care of me regardless of your own safety, that you can take me to the ends of the earth regardless of others, that you can do anything for me. But I don't want to, you know, I don't want to. I'm no longer a virgin, and I'm carrying another person's child. Even if you don't care, I do!"

Seeing Si Junxing take another step forward, she immediately said, "Don't come any closer. If you take another step, I'll jump. Please let me finish what I have to say."

Si Junxing indeed stopped in his tracks, but looking into her eyes, he saw nothing but sorrow. He said, "I don't want to hear it. No matter what you say, I don't want to hear it. You know, from the first moment I saw you, I put you in my heart. I can't forget you no matter what. I chased after you again and again, even though you never cared that I existed. Lin Suyang, how cruel you are! For you, I agreed to hand over the Demonic Sect to Han Yufeng. For you, I fought against the righteous path and lost my sight. For you, I gave up everything. But you should know that I never asked for your reward, never asked for your pity. Why? Why do you always give me hope only to give me despair? Lin Suyang, don't you think you're cruel? Every time, I wait for you with unrealistic fantasies, waiting for you to abandon me and then come looking for me again, waiting for you to approach me when you want to, and leaving me when you don't. You want to jump? Fine, jump then. Without you, my life has no meaning."

Lin Suyang didn't understand what he meant. He was shocked by the deep despair in his eyes. Suddenly, a white light flashed before his eyes, and a short sword that appeared out of nowhere pierced Si Junxing's chest. Then he slowly fell down.

"No..." Lin Suyang cried out and rushed towards him. Soon, scalding blood mingled with the rainwater, forming a small stream around Si Junxing, some seeping into the ground, others flowing away. Lin Suyang lunged forward, drew her sword, and pressed her hands tightly against his wound. "Don't do this! I won't jump anymore, okay? Please get up!"

The glaring red still seeped from between her fingers, large raindrops washing away the red on the back of her hand, only to be drowned by another stream. Si Junxing's face was as white as a sheet of paper. He raised his hand to touch Lin Suyang, "I don't ask to live together, but I ask to die together. I won't watch you die in front of me, so I will die before you. That way, I can finally say that I have done something I decided for myself."

Lin Suyang cried, and whether it was tears or water, it flowed into her mouth, salty and painful.

“Now… I… can finally… say… those three words…” Si Junxing coughed violently, the wound on his chest was torn open by the force, and the blood flowed even more heavily.

The thunder roared even louder, and the rain poured down like a torrential river. Amidst the thunder and rain, three words could be faintly heard: I love you.

The mountains and fields are covered with flower buds waiting to bloom in spring. Suddenly, they burst into bloom, colorful and radiant. The rain moistens and washes them, and they sway all over the ground. Petals fall from the sky, forming a colorful carpet that flows through the blood-red stream. It is absolutely beautiful and stunning.

Volume Three, Heartbreak, Chapter Eighty-Three: Spring Comes Silently

The best thing is to never meet, so that we won't fall in love.

The second best thing is to never know each other, so that we won't miss each other.

Thirdly, it's best not to be together, so that there's no debt between us.

Fourthly, it's best not to cherish each other, so that we won't remember each other.

Fifth, it's best not to fall in love, so that you won't have to abandon each other.

The sixth best approach is to avoid each other, so that we may never meet.

The seventh point is that we should not make mistakes, so that we will not let each other down.

The eighth best approach is not to make such a promise, so that the relationship can be broken.

The ninth best thing is not to rely on each other, so that we won't have to cling to each other.

The tenth best thing is not to meet, so that we can avoid having to part ways.

But once we met, we became friends. How can meeting be better than never meeting at all? How can I sever my ties with you, so that we may not suffer the pain of longing for each other even in death?

The Buddha said, "Life has eight sufferings: birth, old age, sickness, death, separation from loved ones, enduring resentment, unfulfilled desires, and inability to let go. All phenomena and all beings have past causes and conditions; they arise and cease due to causes and conditions; they are born and then vanish." The Sixth Dalai Lama understood this clearly, which is why he wrote such a love poem. It's a pity that not everyone wants to become a Buddha. One can understand the truth, let go, and ultimately achieve supreme liberation. Even the wise Tsangyang Gyatso could not sever the threads of emotion, yet he could not connect them to the earth.

That day, Lin Suyang experienced true despair. A sorrow that pierced to the very core. As she felt the warmth in her hand slowly fading, the world spun around her. It was as if the entire world was shrouded in a cold, dark aura. Consciousness gradually faded. The last vestige of clarity in her mind remained fixed on the hand she never wanted to let go of.

In a hazy state, she heard someone whispering in her ear. Then, it felt like she was being placed into a carriage. The rumbling sound rose and fell. She couldn't open her eyes no matter what she tried. Not that she couldn't, but that she didn't want to.

The long slumber eventually came to an end. Ten days later, the first person Lin Suyang saw when he woke up was none other than Chen Xiao, whom he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Sister Su Yan, you're finally awake." Shen Xiao looked at her with red eyes, delighted.

She stared blankly at Shen Xiao. Tears fell silently. "Si Junxing...where is he? Xiao'er. Tell me. Where is Si Junxing?" A tightness gripped her chest. Another wave of dizziness washed over her.

"Sister Suyan, don't worry, Brother Si Junxing, he's alright," Shen Xiao said anxiously.

"Where is he? Take me to see him quickly, I need to see him." She said, getting up to get out of bed, but Chen Xiao quickly stopped her, saying, "Sister Su Yan, Brother Si Junxing isn't here!"

"Not here? Why not here?" Lin Suyang grabbed Shen Xiao's hand and asked repeatedly, her voice filled with fear. "You're lying to me, aren't you? Si Junxing is gone, isn't he? No, no, I have to find him, I have to find him." Lin Suyang hurriedly got off the bed and stumbled towards the outside. Seeing that she was out of her mind, Shen Xiao raised her hand and struck her on the back of the neck. Then she stepped forward, hugged Lin Suyang's limp body, and helped her back onto the bed.

Yan Muqing opened the door and came in just in time to see this scene. He walked a few steps to Shen Xiao and shouted, "Nonsense! Do you know how weak she is right now? You even knocked her unconscious! What are you going to do if something happens to her?"

Shen Xiao covered Lin Suyang with the blanket, turned around and looked at Yan Muqing, saying, "How come I didn't know she was weak? Can you really bear to tell her that Brother Si Junxing is currently unconscious and in critical condition?" Yan Muqing was speechless. As Shen Xiao said, if Lin Suyang knew about Si Junxing's current situation, it might be even more dangerous.

“I remember Uncle Lian’s words clearly: we must protect Sister Su Yan’s child, otherwise the consequences will be unimaginable. How did it turn out like this? I thought everything would be fine once Brother Si Junxing regained his sight, so why did this happen?” Shen Xiao scratched her head in frustration. She looked up at Yan Muqing and asked, “Brother Muqing, tell me, what exactly happened between them? Isn’t it good that Sister Su Yan is having a baby? Why are they making such a fuss?”

"Xiao'er!" Yan Muqing didn't know how to explain to her, so he could only say, "Xiao'er, there are some things that we outsiders can't understand. You don't understand now, but you'll understand when you truly encounter your own feelings, understand?"

"I don't understand, I don't understand. I'm almost eighteen years old, Brother Muqing, please don't treat me like a child every time. I only know that Sister Suyan loves Brother Sijunxing, and Brother Sijunxing loves Sister Suyan too. Since they love each other, what can't be resolved? You're not much older than me, but look how tired you are of your lives. Happiness is within your reach, yet you stubbornly push it away. Brother Muqing, you say I don't understand because I haven't experienced my own love. But what about you? Do you understand?" Shen Xiao looked as if she had suffered a great injustice, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Brother Muqing, you never care about me. I’ve grown up, grown up. Master can still treat me like a child, but you can’t. Do you know that? You’re the only one who can’t!” Chen Xiao wiped away her tears and rushed out the door, leaving Yan Muqing standing there dumbfounded. “You said I don’t understand because I haven’t encountered my own feelings. But what about you? Do you understand?” Chen Xiao’s accusatory words still echoed in her ears.

Do you understand? Do I understand? Yan Muqing shook his head with a bitter smile, looked at Lin Suyang lying on the bed, and thought, "So, none of us understand!"

Fortunately, Si Junxing's sword didn't strike his heart directly; otherwise, even a celestial being couldn't save him. Si Lian sighed and removed the golden needles that were stuck all over his body. Compared to outsiders, Si Lian probably understood him best. They both loved someone deeply, suffered greatly, yet could never let go. The difference was that Si Junxing won her love, but he left her with eternal wounds.

Ning Qingyao—how many years had it been since he'd thought of that name? If it weren't for her, he wouldn't have paid attention the moment he saw Si Junxing again, nor would he have arrived in time to save him when he took his own life. Fate is like that; after many twists and turns, the debts of gratitude and the tasks left undone will still await you.

Unexpectedly, this child loved even more madly than she had back then. All the martial arts she had painstakingly mastered were destroyed, and she gave away everything she had left him. Later, she even went blind, and now she has committed suicide. He... sigh, what a fool, what a fool...

Si Lian's eyes seemed to linger on the stubborn image of Xiao Si Junxing again. He practiced his skills very hard and was very tired, but he would never give up on anything he set his mind to. Even if he went into qi deviation and was in excruciating pain, he would not admit defeat. If he hadn't taken such a child away from them back then, the world would probably be very different now.

Brushing aside the hair on Si Junxing's forehead, Si Lian discovered that his face was exactly like hers. Why was it that the person she missed so desperately had someone else in her heart?

“Xing’er, you are luckier than Uncle Lian. Although you have suffered a lot, the person you love loves you too. Don’t worry, Uncle Lian will do everything in his power to save you. Even if it’s to atone for your sins or to repent, Uncle Lian will definitely let you be together.”

When Lin Suyang woke up again, it was already the evening of the second day. Shen Xiao was still sitting beside her. When she found out that she was awake, Shen Xiao immediately said, "Sister Suyan, don't think too much. Brother Si Junxing is really fine. He's just still unconscious and can't come to see you. But don't worry, Uncle Lian said he'll wake up soon."

Seeing her disbelief, Shen Xiao said urgently, "Really, Sister Su Yan, believe me. You should get some rest tonight, and I'll take you to see him tomorrow." At this moment, a glimmer of light appeared in Lin Su Yang's dim eyes, and she asked excitedly, "Really?" Shen Xiao nodded vigorously.

"But I want to see him right now." Lin Suyang looked at Shen Xiao anxiously. "Xiao'er, please, take me to see him, okay? I just want to, just want to see him, okay?"

Shen Xiao hesitated for a moment, then finally agreed. She carefully helped Lin Suyang out of bed and headed towards Si Junxing's room. Lin Suyang didn't have the mind to think about where they were or who else was there; her only concern was how Si Junxing was, why he hadn't woken up yet, and whether he was really alright. The moment she stepped into his room, she felt her heart calm down, and the panic and fear she had been feeling inexplicably lessened considerably.

After helping her into the room, Shen Xiao left, leaving her alone sitting by Si Junxing's bedside. Looking at his still pale face, Lin Suyang felt a pang of pain in her heart.

She trembled as she reached out and touched his face; it was a little cold, but still warm. She traced his thick eyebrows, his eye sockets, and his nose and lips with her fingertips, gently caressing his contours, then slid down to take his hand, their fingers intertwined tightly. She leaned down and kissed his cool lips, saying, "I still owe you a title, my husband."

Volume Three, Heartbreak, Chapter Eighty-Four: Sleepless Nights (Part 1)

A tall building stands before the Buddha, a lofty temple; why do tears fall, like wisps of smoke? The rain has ceased, the wind has died down, and all is quiet.

Peach blossoms fall lamenting beneath the branches, spring departs; several songs echo, sleepless with longing. A fool dreams of a fairy in a mirror.

"You are like a rock, I am like a reed; with no hope for each other, tears fall. We are like mandarin ducks, inseparable, laughing as birds chase each other. You admire the vast land, but I alone long for your return from the grass. The winding road leads to an empty alley; the high night is like a swift wind returning." Lin Suyang recited this poem repeatedly as if oblivious, holding Si Junxing's hand while wiping his face with a damp handkerchief.

After reciting the poem countless times, Lin Suyang finally stopped and sighed softly, "Why aren't you awake yet? Do you know how long I've been waiting? Si Junxing, as long as you open your eyes, I'll agree to anything you ask..."

"Really?" a hoarse voice interrupted.

"Really," Lin Suyang replied, then paused, and when she realized the source of the voice, the handkerchief in her hand fell to the ground.

"You...you're awake?" Seeing those clear eyes looking directly at her, she couldn't tell whether she was excited or trembling. All the words she wanted to say were stuck in her throat, unable to be swallowed or uttered, and in the end, she could only fall into silence.

"My wife, I'm awake." The word "my wife" shattered Lin Suyang's blank thoughts. She smiled and slowly leaned against him. "Yes, you're awake." Tears rolled down her cheeks, wetting Si Junxing's shirt.

Si Junxing reached out and patted her shoulder: "Wife, don't cry. It's not pretty to cry too much."

Lin Suyang looked up at him through her blurry, tearful eyes. "Okay, I won't cry. I won't cry as long as you're okay. But if you ever leave me like this again, I'll cry myself to death."

Si Junxing chuckled softly, raising his hand to wipe away the tears from the corner of her eyes: "When did the aloof and proud Grand Tutor Lin become like a shrew?"

Lin Suyang grabbed his hand. "Yes. I'm a shrew. And your shrew too. Right, husband?" She emphasized the last two words. Si Junxing's hand trembled. His eyes widened as he stared at her: "You... what did you call me?"

Lin Suyang sat up straight. She said, slowly and deliberately, "You are my husband. From now on. You are my husband. Do you understand?" Si Junxing seemed overly excited. His words became incoherent: "You...you...are you serious?" He suddenly stood up, but then his vision blurred and he fainted again.

Lin Suyang quickly helped him lie down, gently scolding, "Your injury isn't fully healed yet. You should rest for a couple more days." Seeing him just chuckling foolishly, she helplessly squeezed his hand. "You...you're such a silly goose." So silly, it was heartbreaking.

Under Lin Suyang's meticulous care, and after several days of recuperation, Si Junxing's injuries had finally almost healed. During these days, besides watching over him, Lin Suyang also learned from Shen Xiao that she had fainted from excessive grief after Si Junxing's suicide attempt. They were fortunately found and rescued by Si Lian, also known as Uncle Lian, who had followed them. It was said that Si Junxing was lying on the ground covered in blood, while Lin Suyang was on top of him. Both of them were soaked to the bone from the heavy rain. Even Si Lian, who had lived most of his life, was deeply moved by the scene.

During the more than ten days that Lin Suyang was unconscious, Si Lian summoned Shen Xiao and Yan Muqing. The three of them took the two unconscious women to a secluded place. Si Lian had exerted tremendous effort to save Si Junxing from the brink of death. Because Lin Suyang was pregnant, she couldn't withstand too much stress. Therefore, they dared not tell her about Si Junxing's condition as soon as she woke up. Fortunately, Si Junxing's condition later stabilized, and Si Lian and Yan Muqing finally agreed to let Shen Xiao take her to see him.

"How does Uncle Lian know you and Mu Qing? Haven't you never met before?" Lin Suyang asked with a puzzled smile.

Shen Xiao shook his head and said, "I'm not really sure either. When we arrived, we were terrified by your appearance and didn't think about anything else. Brother Muqing helped Uncle Lian gather and use the herbs, and I took care of you. Now that I think about it, it is indeed very strange. We had never seen Uncle Lian before, so how did he know?"

Could it be that Si Junxing told him? But he's always been with me, and I've never heard him mention it. Lin Suyang thought about it carefully and remembered waking up several nights without Si Junxing by his side. Could he have gone out to see Uncle Lian at that time? Then why would he hide it? Suppressing his doubts, Lin Suyang said to Shen Xiao, "Xiao'er, thank you so much this time. Si Junxing and I owe you so much."

Chen Xiao pouted and said unhappily, "Sister Su Yan, why are you saying such things again? I already said we are friends, why are friends thanking each other? If you say such things again, I will ignore you."

Seeing Shen Xiao's childlike demeanor, Lin Suyang couldn't help but smile. "Okay, we're friends. I'll never say such polite things again."

Shen Xiao then happily said, "That's right, this is the Su Yan sister I know. By the way, what are Su Yan sister and Brother Si Junxing's plans for the future?" Brother Mu Qing said we weren't allowed to ask about sister's past, so is it okay to ask about the future?

Lin Suyang's smile faded slightly, her eyes distant yet filled with determination. "I still have some things to take care of. After I finish these things, I will go into seclusion with Si Junxing."

"Really?" Shen Xiao exclaimed in surprise, "Then Sister Su Yan must come to Guigan Mountain. Guigan Mountain is the most suitable place for seclusion. Then we can be together every day, and I won't have to suffer from Brother Mu Qing and Master's scolding anymore."

Feeling the joyful atmosphere brought by Shen Xiao, Lin Suyang's suppressed emotions also eased. She pulled Shen Xiao aside and whispered, "Xiao'er, I need you to do me a favor..."

Si Junxing woke up early in the morning but did not see Lin Suyang. He was anxious and, ignoring the throbbing pain in his chest, ran all over the courtyard. He was relieved to find that Shen Xiao and Yan Muqing were not there either. He was relieved that he did not have to worry about her leaving alone. But where did everyone go so early in the morning?

Si Junxing went to Si Lian to inquire, only to be given a meaningful look and told to wait patiently. Si Junxing knew that his Uncle Lian must know something, and he was determined to get him to talk. In the end, Si Lian locked him in a room. Si Junxing was completely baffled. What was so important that he had to make such a fuss? But he decided to wait. It wouldn't make a difference if he waited a little longer. Remembering that Lin Suyang had called him "husband" that day, he started to grin foolishly again.