51

Capítulo 68

The bamboo grove, where people hanged themselves every year, became a little more peaceful after that.

I agree, the bamboo spirit needs to live too. She didn't do it herself, but rather lured those who wanted to die. But sorry, I'm still in these mountains. If you have the guts, uproot yourself and move away, otherwise, prepare to let the desolate calamity burn you to the ground.

If you don't want any of that, since I've already shown courtesy, don't provoke me into fighting. Do you even respect the Empress Dowager? These little devils.

"Tsk, I haven't even made a move yet." Huang E proudly brushed his hair back.

"Oh dear, Your Majesty's power is enough; there's no need for any action," I quickly seized the opportunity to flatter her.

She proudly held her tail in the air and let out a high-pitched "Ohohohoho~~" laugh.

I'm really getting better and better at dealing with her. As they say, experience makes perfect.

Everyone in the village calls me Ah-Chih, but the Taiwanese pronunciation sounds like "Ah-Chih" (older sister). Even the elderly people in their eighties and nineties call me Ah-Chih, and the children call me Auntie Chih.

It's actually quite interesting. In folk beliefs, there are twelve "Po Jie" (婆姐), who are said to be guardian deities of children. "Po Jie" is also sometimes called "Yi Jie" (姨姐) or "Zi Yi" (姊姨).

There are also female spirit mediums, who are called "Red Auntie". Some people also call them "aunts and gossips".

Although it was a coincidence, I still found it quite funny, but after laughing, I felt sad. Even the term "coincidence" points to the path of charlatanism; how can I bear this?

I've been pondering what Shuo meant by "following my own great path." But I've never intended to follow any particular great path or not.

I'm just an ordinary person, even my cultivation is problematic. What I've learned is a hodgepodge, like dealing with bamboo spirits, the herb braid is an exorcism spell from the Indians, and the talisman is one of the few restrictions I can use freely among the Taoist talismans taught to me by my uncle. But writing the water talisman backwards is a method I came up with while chatting with the old demon, and pressing it on the bamboo was an inspiration I got from a seal.

Look at this! What a mess it looks like! It's utterly disorganized.

I'm just going with the flow. Since I'm protected by the old man, I'll do my best to maintain peace and quiet at school. Since I'm protected by the Empress, and she entrusted this lower house to me, then patrolling and conducting undercover investigations is what I need to do—just doing my best to repay her kindness.

I dare not let anyone know. You know, the world has a deep-seated hatred for witches. So many people with some ability have tarnished the reputation of witches in the past. Luckily, I don't live in the West during the Dark Ages, otherwise I would have become Baby Q long ago, even if I'm such a weak witch.

But I have to admit, I really am a witch. Even now, ghosts and spirits occasionally visit me, respectfully calling me "Commander-in-Chief Witch".

Look, I'm still living off the old man's legacy.

The visits from ghosts and spirits were all fine, except for that one brainless dragon, which was quite troublesome. The Holy Empress took him in as a messenger of benevolent rain, and would occasionally send him to deliver messages. He was pampered by the Holy Empress and was so happy that he was lawless. Unlike other ghosts and spirits who preferred to visit at midnight, he would come in broad daylight in human form.

Every time I see a girl with dyed blonde hair, four piercings in her left ear and seven in her right ear, a nose ring, and a leather jacket, calling me "Yoyo~ Hengzhi baby~", I feel a pang of sadness.

I find the cultural poisoning in the world truly terrifying. In less than ten years, my goodness…

Last time I asked the prince to host a banquet, it ended up being a gathering of deities, even the auspicious god Tai Feng (…) came. I didn’t recognize him at the banquet, I just found it strange that the Holy Queen would choose a blond ABC as her attendant, and this ABC kept grinning at me like an idiot.

It wasn't until I started working here that He sent the Holy Queen to plead for the few unruly brats I had caught. I was shocked to discover that the once pedantic dragon had become like this.

He even gave himself a very majestic earthly name, called…

Long Batian. (Covering his face)

This creature, theoretically a golden-haired dragon who should be a biker gangster, is actually an environmentalist. He told me that he was afraid of suddenly transforming into human form and startling people, so he obediently rode a mountain bike from the remote mountains.

…A mountain bike traveling at 60 km/h could really be included in the list of paranormal events.

"What imperial edict did the Empress Dowager issue?" I asked weakly.

“Mother didn’t say anything, she just asked me to come and visit you on my way.” He grinned, his nose ring sparkling.

"It's all fine, it's just been a bit dry lately," I replied casually. "The auntie is complaining that her vegetable garden has all withered."

“As easy as it gets.” He snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, dark clouds gathered, lightning flashed across the sky, and a torrential downpour began. Within seconds, I was soaked to the bone, my hair plastered down, covering my face.

I spat out a mouthful of rainwater. I shouldn't have looked up... It was my fault, my fault. I knew He was a bit slow-witted, too straightforward to think clearly. How could I have talked to such a stubborn, stupid dragon about drought?

They shouted and begged at Him, pleading and pleading, almost kneeling down to beg for mercy, before He finally stopped, still not satisfied.

“I still have three feet of rain to fall,” He said, tilting his head to look at me.

…After the three-foot-long downpour, won't there be a huge flood?! Do you even have a brain?!

I brushed my wet hair aside, took a few deep breaths, and said as calmly as possible, "...That's enough, thank you."

You can't split His head open, absolutely not. Even if you did, He wouldn't become smarter, and the Queen would be unhappy. Although I really want to do it, at least let me beat Him a couple of times with a bamboo broom.

“…Ah Long!” Huang E, who had transformed into human form, rushed over. “I knew it was you as soon as I saw the heavy rain from afar!”

“Oh~yeah~my dear baby bird~” The dragon opened its arms and hugged her.

The dragon and the demon became acquainted through a fight. Once, they had a great battle, and the mountains were filled with red light and lightning all night. After the fight, they admired each other greatly and almost burned yellow paper to become sworn brothers.

As you know, birds of a feather flock together. The brainless dragon and the immature golden-winged roc naturally became fast friends. They were shouting and jumping around there when the old ladies, frightened by the sudden downpour, came out from their shelter and whispered among themselves, "My sister's naughty cousins are here again."

For some reason, Huang E has been quite interested in being human these past few years, and he often transforms into human form to wander around. Since the dragon loves to come and play with him, I have to help them fabricate identities.

The result was that both of them were "cousins" who dropped out of school and didn't study hard.

Otherwise, how do you explain these two teenagers skipping school, running around all the time, and often behaving and behaving strangely? I had good intentions too.

"Hengzhi, I'm going to play with Along!" Huang'e called out and jumped onto Jiaolong's off-road bicycle.

"Hengzhi baby~ See you later~ Artios~" The dragon overtook the small agricultural truck and sped away at a terrifying speed.

The older women stared wide-eyed, and I chuckled awkwardly, "Young people have such great stamina."

I'll definitely go to hell for having my tongue pulled out someday for telling so many lies. But then I think about all the politicians and authorities who have registered ahead of me, and I feel a little more at ease.

Who knows when it will be my turn to be selected? Maybe before it even reaches me, I'll be granted a general amnesty. No need to worry, no need to worry.

Seeing them come back chattering away, joking with each other in such a childish way, yet showing such a close relationship, made me a little annoyed.

Our Bird Queen is indeed a self-made Golden-Winged Roc; she only resembles it in appearance, lacking its true nature. Theoretically, the Golden-Winged Roc should be the mortal enemy of the dragon, as it preys on dragons or snakes.

But this childish golden-winged roc's best friend is actually a dragon with a somewhat malformed mind, and her favorite is Tang Chen, the golden dragon's primordial spirit. I heard that her closest confidante is also a white snake, who always corrects me to call her Lady White Snake.

…I don't want to ask if the White Snake Lady who vanished without a trace after the Leifeng Pagoda collapsed was the same white snake. I also don't want to know why she would want to come to this island.

This is my basic attitude. I'll take care of things I should know, and I'll manage them if I can. But I will absolutely not ask about things I shouldn't know.

As for the origins of figures like Guan Haifa or Shuo, if they don't want to talk about them, I'll pretend I don't know. If they wanted to, they would have told us themselves; why keep asking? It's so disrespectful.

Just like I don't want to know what exactly this strong wind that my uncle guards is. If my uncle wanted to hand it over to me, he would explain it in detail, but he doesn't want it, there must be a reason.

Some might say I lack curiosity... But I would say that most disasters come from pointless curiosity.

Everyone has their proper place. For me, my place is probably here, as a village shaman, walking a "great path" I myself don't understand. I'm quite content with this life and don't really want to change it.

I love these people who are not related to me by blood, but they are certainly entitled to keep their own secrets; that's the source of my love and trust in them. I don't quite understand why telling all secrets is considered being completely open and honest; isn't that offensive?

Sometimes, I really wonder.

Pilgrims and believers coming and going often nervously draw lots to ask for interpretations of the divination poems, usually asking about the same few things: family, health, career, and love.

Female worshippers especially love asking about love. Sometimes I feel like I'm not interpreting fortune slips, but acting as a psychological counselor, which made me buy a stack of psychology books to cram.

Perhaps I've never truly been in love, but after listening to Huang E talk about it for so many years, I've practically gone deaf from it all. By now, I should have learned it all. And in recent years, as a village shaman, my understanding has deepened even further.

I just listened to a wife tearfully complaining about how her husband no longer loved her, how he cared less and less about her, and how he was unwilling to talk to her anymore. Then, because their daughter fell down, she turned around and launched into a furious tirade against her husband, hurling insults at him from the worst possible reason—from the fact that they shouldn't have taken the child on a trip to their endless nightly arguments.

...If a child falls down, just laugh it off, pat the dirt off the child, and it's over, right?

After scolding her, her husband silently took the child to wash her hands. The little girl imitated her mother and also bossed her father around.

...Silly child, you should cherish your father who has such a magnanimous heart, and don't try to follow his example.

"...Miss, how do you interpret this fortune slip?" Her transition was so fast that I couldn't react in time.

I coughed. "This, you mean family harmony?"

"Yes, yes," she said nervously, "My husband is flirting with a female colleague, but he absolutely denies it... What should I do? We just bought a house, and we've only just started paying the mortgage..."

“According to the fortune-telling poem, your husband is not having an affair.” I decided to start lying and use my charlatan skills. “But your relationship with your husband is indeed in crisis… You not only argue often, but your child is also becoming more and more unruly and lacking in manners.”

She was terrified. "It's true! What should we do? Is there any way to fix this? Our child is so young..."

"Yes, there is..." I pretended to hesitate, "but I'm afraid you can't do it."

"I can definitely do it! Tell me, tell me!"

"Please forgive me for talking such nonsense. "Look, this is to tell you that silence is golden," I pointed it out to her. "Before you talk to your husband in the future, count to twenty in your mind and think about whether it is necessary to say that sentence."

"...Huh?" She was completely baffled.

“If it can’t be done, then there’s nothing we can do,” I shrugged. “That’s what the fortune-telling poem says.”

She accepted the fortune slip with a frightened expression and left anxiously.

A month later, she prepared a very lavish sacrificial offering and added a large sum of money for incense oil. She kept saying that the Holy Empress was truly effective. She chatted with me for a long time, saying that her husband used to wander around outside every day, but now he comes home for meals, and the children are much more obedient.

"Yes, the Empress is reminding you. Don't forget to count to twenty next time." I earnestly instructed her, and she nodded vigorously, tears streaming down her face.

"You charlatan!" Huang E laughed loudly. "So you really did end up on this path!"

I discovered that even counting to two hundred wasn't enough to understand the desolation.

I dragged her to the bathroom and fought her to the death.

When Tang Chen comes every week, he loves listening to these things, and he always laughs so hard he's bent over. I like his laughter; it's like it washes away all his fatigue and makes him look exceptionally young.

The anger and frustration at the time can now be laughed off.

“I can accompany you on patrol too,” he said, sitting across the table from me as I brewed tea. I learned it from the old temple keeper, and I became addicted to it, even cherishing a purple clay teapot.

I filled his cup with tea. “Patrolling five days a week is too much,” I said. “Patrolling from Sunday night to Thursday is enough. You come when I’m resting.”

He looked at me with gentle eyes, and I looked back at him calmly.

My requirements are really few. I'm not thinking about forever or anything like that. I just hope Tang Chen comes on Friday nights and leaves on Sunday afternoons. During that time, I'll make him tea, and he can play the cello for me. We can go to the temple, do some small chores, or watch DVDs. Occasionally, we'll drive to the local movie theater to watch a movie we both want to see and eat popcorn together.

Work may be tedious and tiring at times, but as long as we're together, that's the best rest we can get.

He leaned closer to look at my necklace. "You changed your necklace?"

I chuckled twice and showed him the cross hidden behind the amulet. Tang Chen gave it to me; we each have one, and I haven't even taken it out of the shower all these years.

But one time the old temple keeper saw it and scratched his head, "...Sister, you're hanging a cross? You wouldn't happen to be a member of the Flour Cult, would you?"

"No, no." I quickly denied it. Our village also has a church, and the old temple keeper is getting old. He always calls Christianity the "flour religion" because in the past (about half a century ago...) priests would distribute flour when they preached. "This was given to me by Tang Chen."

“Oh, right…” He hesitated for a moment, then felt relieved. “God is a god too, it doesn’t matter. Mazu won’t mind either.”

I wonder what Christians would think if they knew their Lord was called "God"...

Although the old temple keeper said it was okay, I still thought it would be better to cover it up. That day, I immediately hung a Mazu amulet in front of the cross to block it, to avoid any misunderstandings.

Tang Chen laughed heartily upon hearing this, saying it was "all religions returning to one."

I didn't want to cause such a scene at the UN, but I had no choice when it came to it. Thinking about it now, I can't help but laugh; the old temple keeper's attitude was truly peculiar.