Deuxième type de décès

Chapitre 1

My Savage Ghost

Chapter One: Getting Ready to Explore a Tomb!

Ding... The hoarse school bell rang, waking countless sleeping souls. Students began packing their bags, and some were wiping drool from their desks. In short, the classroom was a scene of bustling activity.

Actually, it wasn't just the students who were exhausted; I was also very tired. I sang a monologue for half a day until my throat was dry, and I don't know how many people actually listened. Anyway, they all expected me to highlight the content they needed to memorize a few days before the exam.

Oh right, I almost forgot to introduce myself. My name is Lin Yugui. I'm twenty-five years old. I came to T City a year ago to become a proud middle school history teacher. I'm still unmarried...

However, I already have someone I like, and I'm gathering my courage to confess my feelings to her in the near future, if she hasn't been taken away by someone else yet...

"That's all for today's class, get out of class dismissed..." I was really tired. I had been standing on the podium from the Spring and Autumn Period to the Three Kingdoms Period, and my legs just couldn't take it anymore.

"Teacher! I have a question..." Okay, finally a student asked a question after class. I looked at her with gratitude. It's pitiful for a teacher to go to such lengths.

"Oh? Feel free to ask me any questions..."

"What did Zhou Yu mean by 'Since Heaven gave birth to Yu, why did it also give birth to Liang?'—I'm wondering..."

"Well, this is a problem..." I was about to explain when I suddenly saw the class monitor walk past me. Fine, let him establish his authority among the other students. "Chen! Come here for a second!"

"Is there something you need, teacher?" The class monitor walked over with a suspicious look on his face, and he seemed a little nervous.

"You tell this student what the meaning of 'Why did Heaven create both Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang?'"

"Oh! I thought it was something serious! Listen carefully..." He turned to the other person with confidence. As expected of the class monitor, impressive!

"The saying 'a chicken gave birth to Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang' reveals their tragic origins. Zhou Yu was born of a chicken, while Zhuge Liang's father was a monk! Do you understand?"

"Oh...is that so? It seems that heroes all come from humble backgrounds..."

Oh no! My legs gave way... thud! Later I heard that classmate Chen was the homeroom teacher's nephew, no wonder! It seems this world has truly degenerated... 555... I have such a heart full of concern for the country and its people, but who can understand...

"How was your day?" Geography King asked me in the preparation room.

"Yeah! Sometimes students say things that make you both laugh and cry..."

"It's precisely because they are young and ignorant that they need our guidance. Remember, teachers should never call students stupid..."

You keep spouting pointless, pretentious nonsense. Everyone knows you, the Geography King, love to pick pretty girls to answer questions. You received the fewest gifts from students on Teacher's Day—someone even sent you bullet casings! What's so great about that?! Stop pretending to be so innocent in front of me! You're always trying to be a role model for students, so I can only vent my frustration by cursing you in my heart—it's so satisfying!

A long skirt fluttering... a long skirt fluttering... Wow! My goddess has appeared! I immediately abandoned the Geography King and ignored him completely!

"Teacher Ye!" Damn it, that PE teacher Zhang beat me to it! That bastard, doesn't he worry about scaring away women with his stinky, bumpy body? 5555… I looked at my own body, which coughed incessantly after just a couple of pats on the chest, and my head drooped even lower than a willow branch by the river…

"Teacher Ye... Xixi..." Look at the PE teacher's gorilla-like face, just say what you want to say, stop being so dramatic!

"I...I have two movie tickets, Xixi...it's...Zhang Yimou's Hero. I heard it's super popular, and I had to squeeze through a lot of people to get them...Are you...free?"

Damn! This 1.8-meter-tall man acting all effeminate is giving me a pregnancy reaction! I want to throw up!

"Really?" Teacher Ye Lian's voice is so beautiful; even the most skillfully crafted tongue couldn't match it. Hey! It's naturally melodious! "You're not as good as my friend; she got tickets on premiere day! I've already seen it!"

Suddenly, dark clouds gathered over the sky above Zhang's head, a meter in diameter, and rumbled thunder... His face looked like a kaleidoscope of fragmented images! Haha! Well, serves you right, daring to act before me!

"Is...is that so? I was originally going to show it to you and Teacher Li, what a pity..."

"Oh? It's alright. Teacher Li was upset yesterday that I didn't invite her to go see it together. You probably didn't see it either, right? I'll go tell her you two should go see it together. She'll be jumping for joy! I'm going to find her now!"...

No!! — These two words must be Zhang's inner monologue right now. His head is practically covered in hailstones...

Oh, I forgot to mention, Ms. Li is the oldest single woman in our school, in her late thirties and still unmarried. Why? Don't worry, I'll explain it to you:

Teacher Li's Top Secret X-Files! CAUTION: Please read on an empty stomach. Not suitable for those under 16 years of age or pregnant women. Please destroy immediately after reading, otherwise you will be responsible for the consequences!

Li Yinhua, female, Han ethnicity, unmarried, 153cm tall, born on Valentine's Day, February 14, 1967, blood type unknown. Hobbies: singing and swimming. Motto: "A scholar dies for one who understands him; a woman adores herself for one who appreciates her!" Idol: Clinton. Distinctive features: buck teeth, shaving head, body odor, and bowlegs… Notable deeds: While karaoke with colleagues, customers from other rooms complained that the establishment prohibited keeping donkeys! While swimming in the summer, she was mistaken for an otter by children, resulting in five swimmers drowning that day, setting a new record for the swimming pool…

---janeadam

Reply [2]: "Sigh..." Looking at Ye Lian's back, I felt so far away from her. She was so smart and beautiful. We were like people from two different worlds. My inferiority complex grew stronger and stronger... 555... such a big fog of inferiority... She looked so distant.

When I got home, I turned on the TV, then took out my diary, opened it, and started writing...

"Dear Diary Brother, I saw her again today, wearing a beautiful pink dress, so pretty! q(*_*)p She's been at our school for two months now, but I still don't have the courage to talk to her. I'm afraid she'll ignore me, and that would be so embarrassing... If God had given me Jerry Yan's looks, Chow Yun-fat's charisma, and Takuya Kimura's charm, maybe... I'd have the courage to pursue her. Don't misunderstand, I'm actually very grateful to you, because thankfully you didn't bestow upon me the looks of a model, the charisma of a stunner, or the charm of a cunning woman..."

"Here's a news report from the city: This afternoon, a farmer in Luojia Village on the outskirts of the city accidentally discovered a sizable ancient tomb while digging a well in front of his house..." I rushed over and turned up the TV volume.

"...According to preliminary expert speculation, this tomb belongs to the Han Dynasty. Judging from the scale of the discovery and the burial objects, it may be the tomb of a very powerful and influential prince or nobleman...The tomb is currently sealed off, and people are patrolling it day and night..."

An ancient Han Dynasty tomb… I was incredibly excited. You see, my greatest interest is collecting and learning about ancient artifacts and historical events, which is why I chose to become a history teacher. Han Dynasty tombs, the Xianyang female corpse… I'm interested in them all. I took out a black outfit from the closet—my favorite adventure suit. Tonight is the first night the tomb was discovered; not many people know about it yet, so I can try my luck. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a tomb raider, nor do I have Lara Croft's physique. I just want to go and see for myself, to satisfy my thirst for knowledge.

What? Ghosts? I'm not afraid. There are no ghosts in the world. They are just outward manifestations of people's inner fears. I am a believer in ghosts!

Sigh... If I had even half the courage when pursuing girls, I'd probably have a harem and a ton of children by now...

---janeadam

Reply [3]: Chapter Two has already reached the grave!

EVERYTHING'S OK! Everything was ready, and I excitedly ran out the door and hailed a taxi. "Driver, to Luo Family Village!"... Taking a taxi to rob a tomb—I'm probably the first person in history to do that.

Luo Family Village is a medium-sized village. From the moment I entered, I heard dogs barking, and it never stopped. These stupid dogs, so skinny, their owners treat them so badly, yet they bark so loudly! Perhaps this is the difference between humans and dogs; humans are always ungrateful yet insatiable, always taking advantage…

I see it… I see it! The place illuminated by the sun lamps is the paradise I've been searching for! Perhaps describing the cemetery as hell would be more fitting. 6()9``

After paying the price of being bitten by three female mosquitoes, startled by two male field mice, and viciously bitten by a snake of unknown sex, I finally observed the patrol pattern of the three tomb keepers: they stood at the tomb entrance without moving an inch!

Damn! That's some serious dedication. I got bitten for nothing... 555...

I don't believe you're all human, and there's no flaw to be found. After persisting for three hours, there was finally progress. One of the guards' wives came to bring him a midnight snack.

"Ah! Wife, what brings you here, out in the middle of nowhere..."

"They were worried you were hungry, so they brought food for the three of you..."

"My sister-in-law is so virtuous!" "Haha, I'm really hungry..."

The guard's eyes darted around, and he said, "You two eat and keep watch. Your sister-in-law and I have something to say, we'll be right back!" Then he led his wife behind a small hill...

"Hey... what secrets do they have to tell each other that require them to come all this way?"

"You're usually pretty clever, how come you don't understand this! They're talking to their spouse!"

"What's the difference between what husband and wife say and what they say in everyday life? What kind of talk is that?"

"Damn! I don't know if you're innocent or stupid! It's that 'ah oh ah oh oh yeah'..."

"Huh? Could it be that they went to do *that*..."

"Haha! That's right!"

After a brief silence...

"Hey..." "What's wrong?" "I feel like I'm not getting along with anything..." "What?" "How about we go eavesdrop?"

"No!" "Why?" "Of course I'm not going to eavesdrop, but I might consider peeping!" "Okay! Then let's go peep!"

...

"Hey..." "What is it now?" "I suddenly feel... isn't it incredibly shameless for someone to do something like peeping?"

"It shouldn't be considered shameless, right? Because there are two of us!" "Yeah..."

...

"Hey..." "What is it now?" "Is it okay if the tomb entrance is left unattended for more than ten minutes?" "Don't worry! That guy doesn't need more than ten minutes. He's the Lewis type, not the Wang Junxia type!"

"What do you mean?" "It means he's a sprinter, not an endurance type. I think he'll reach his limit in five minutes!"

"Haha...Really? Don't worry, no one should come for five minutes..."

Idiot! Hehe... I've been waiting here for hours, so it's really a blessing that God has granted me five minutes! I dashed into the tomb in one swift motion! Great! Actually, I could have run even faster, but I was afraid the sound of the wind I made would alert them.

(Narrator: Come on! The little cow doesn't care about falling into the wine vat—you're the most awesome one!)

But then I suddenly regretted it. How would I get out of here? Should I pretend to be an ancient corpse, stage a zombie resurrection, and escape before they're even fully terrified? That seemed too naive. Oh well, what's done is done. There'll always be a way out. Things will work themselves out! There's always a way out, and where there's a way, there's a tollbooth… (>_<)``` It's so dark in the tomb! (Duh!) I turned on my flashlight. Ahead was a long tunnel. I took a deep breath… but exhaled it all after a few steps… No way, it would be a lie to say I wasn't scared. Looks like I'll have to rely on this!

I took out a small bottle of baijiu (Chinese liquor) and took a sip! It's a pity there were no peanuts... and no close friend to drink with...

---janeadam

Reply [4]: Going deeper and deeper, damn it, who is it that digs so deep for no reason! I hummed a little tune, and the vibrato I made would make Pavarotti feel ashamed.

Finally arrived! I breathed a sigh of relief. What a huge tomb door! Above it was a mural of nobles hunting—so beautiful! I put on my gloves and couldn't resist reaching out to touch it… Hmm? What's that woman's crying sound? How terrifying! m(@_@)m Haha… You fooled me, didn't you? Hehe, actually there was no sound at all. I was just being mysterious. I've been staying up late preparing lessons lately, and I have a bit of tinnitus…

But how do I open this door? I can't push it open, there's no handle, and no doorbell! (Sweat) Even if there were a doorbell, I wouldn't dare press it...

I suddenly noticed something strange about the eyes of the hunted deer in the painting. I reached out and touched them—wow! They had a three-dimensional feel. Without thinking, I pressed down on them, closing my eyes at the same time: "May God and Allah protect me, please don't let it be a trick..."

Then there was a loud "boom"...

---janeadam

Reply [5]: The female ghost in Chapter 3 is a bit chilling!

After the noise, the door opened only a crack, and a gust of cold wind blew in. It felt eerie; the silence was so profound that it made me want to relieve myself right there. But then again, using the toilet in someone's grave would be disrespectful to the deceased. However, urinating, surely, is permissible…

...buzzing... Hmm? So much foam! Even my pee is turning yellow from the shock.

I examined the crack closely, and damn it! It's only big enough to put my hand in! Do I need to use some kind of incantation to open it?

"Open Sesame..." No response.

"Watermelon, open the door..." but there was no response.

"Open the door, Radish..." Still no response.

"Open the door, Artemisia..." Still no response.

"Open the door to the Manchu Han Imperial Feast..." Still no response.

I was furious! "Damn it! I'm done!" I slammed my fist on the door. Boom... the door opened a little wider.

Oh? I looked at the spot where it was hit, and it's still that doe eye... Could it be...?