But now he's saying this... These days, no matter how busy he is, Prosecutor Zhao always makes time for her, often comforting her and arranging everything properly. If it weren't for Prosecutor Zhao, she would probably be in complete chaos.
Thinking of this, Song Shu's kindness softened. She leaned against Zhao Jian's chest, not looking at him, but feeling his hand tightly clasped, she whispered, "My husband has worked hard. My mother has passed away, and I have no one to rely on but you."
Zhao Jian did not respond. His silence made Song Shuhao feel uneasy. After a moment, she heard him speak again, saying, "Is your father buried in Lin'an? When you have the opportunity in the future, go to Lin'an and bury your father and mother together."
Song Shuhao hadn't expected that Zhao Jian had even considered this. She looked up and was instantly met with Zhao Jian's doting gaze. Song Shuhao's heart stirred, and she lowered her eyelids, tears streaming down her face. She buried her face in Zhao Jian's chest and said in a muffled voice, "Okay, husband, remember to stay with me."
Zhao Jian raised his hand and gently stroked Song Shuhao's head, responding to her words.
·
They had promised to bring Xu's ashes back to Lin'an, but because they hadn't returned, this matter remained unfulfilled. Year after year passed, and time slipped by. Four years after marrying Zhao Jian, Song Shuhao had not conceived, fueling rumors that couldn't be silenced.
Zhao Jian gradually dismissed all the concubines in the backyard. Song Shuhao had secretly advised him several times, but Zhao Jian wouldn't listen, so she could only let him go. She had once overheard the servants gossiping, saying that she was a barren hen who monopolized the young master and wouldn't allow him to go anywhere. They also said that she was throwing a tantrum and forcing the young master to send all the concubines away.
These were all just conjectures, and Song Shuhao didn't take them to heart, nor did she feel hurt or anything. She didn't know how Inspector Zhao had also found out about these things. He had sent away those gossipy servants but hadn't mentioned it to her. She only found out later.
In the fourth year of her marriage to Zhao Jian, near the end of the year, Zhao Jian finally mentioned that the emperor had issued an edict that they could go to Lin'an. Song Shuhao was aware that there had been continuous fighting on the border for the past few years. Later, she also heard that Prince Ning had been sent to the border by the emperor.
Song Shuhao knew that Prince Anping had earned His Majesty's favor through his outstanding military achievements, and that Zhao Jian had also followed Prince Anping to the battlefield. She had previously thought that Zhao Jian might also be sent to the border.
Although she had her own thoughts, she never asked. Instead, Zhao Jian subtly mentioned that because the Emperor was wary, the matter might not happen. Song Shuhao believed Zhao Jian's words. It was true that the Emperor was wary of Prince Anping; otherwise, the Empress Dowager wouldn't have spoken to her in those ways.
This is precisely why her position by Zhao Jian's side was always awkward. Even if she knew the truth, she always had to pretend not to in order to continue living together. She was honest and upright, and no matter what Zhao Jian thought or how he viewed things, she ultimately insisted on following her own heart and doing what she believed was right.
Several years later, Zhao Jian returned to Lin'an. He remembered his promise to Song Shuhao to bury her father and mother together, and he accompanied her there. Looking at the graves of her father and mother, which were close together, Song Shuhao was filled with emotion and finally felt relieved about this matter in her heart.
Prince Anping and Zhao Jian entered the palace to meet the Emperor. Song Shuhao, as the Crown Prince's consort, also saw Empress Dowager Feng again. Four years was not a short time, and Empress Dowager Feng seemed to have aged somewhat. After exchanging pleasantries, Empress Dowager Feng ordered someone to invite Xue Liangyue to meet her. Song Shuhao then learned that Xue Liangyue had successfully stayed by the Emperor's side and was now a Consort Xue.
Using the excuse that they hadn't seen each other for so long and that she wanted to have a good talk with Song Shuhao, Empress Dowager Feng kept her there for a long time, not allowing her to leave even after nightfall. Song Shuhao sensed something was amiss, and when she heard Empress Dowager Feng talk about what happened back then and ask if she remembered when she was nine years old, she understood Empress Dowager Feng's intentions.
However, in the four years she spent by Zhao Jian's side, she had never been exposed to anything outside of his daily life. All she heard were trivial matters. Zhao Jian never told her what he was busy with or any other important matters. She told him the truth, not knowing whether Empress Dowager Feng would believe her or not.
It wasn't until Zhao Jian came to Changning Palace to fetch Song Shuhao that Empress Dowager Feng finally let her go, but she became preoccupied. She always understood that no matter how good Zhao Jian was to her, there was still a distance between them; otherwise, he wouldn't have often sent contraceptive soup to her and watched her drink it all before leaving.
Back at the inn, Zhao Jian seemed to know her thoughts and what Empress Dowager Feng had said to her. As usual, he held her as she fell asleep, saying many comforting words. Finally, he sighed softly and said, "I know you must still be concerned about the child, but now... you should also know that many things are uncertain. I'm worried that you and the child will suffer."
Song Shuhao didn't respond, so Zhao Jian simply hugged her and whispered in her ear, "I thought you wouldn't be happy. You've never told me your thoughts, and you've never objected... Shuhao, trust me. If you're willing, let's have a child now."
Over the course of four years, Zhao Jian had said countless sweet words to her, and she had witnessed everything he had done for her. He wanted her to trust him, but did he deny harboring ambitions to usurp the throne? Yet, many of his actions remained elusive and unpredictable.
Song Shuhao looked at Zhao Jian quietly, and finally said, "If my husband trusts me, then I will trust him too." Zhao Jian seemed satisfied with this answer, and smiled as he kissed her lips, saying, "Of course I trust you..."
·
His Majesty the Emperor hosted a banquet in the palace to welcome them, and Song Shuhao accompanied Zhao Jian to the banquet. During the banquet, Song Shuhao was given quite a bit of wine, and her head began to spin. She wanted to change her clothes, so she asked a palace maid to take her there. She intended to tell Zhao Jian, but found that he was not at the banquet.
Song Shuhao didn't think much of it and left her seat temporarily. After coming out, she found that the palace maid who had led the way to her was gone. Although she found it strange that the palace maid had disappeared without a word, she was familiar with the palace and decided to find her way back on her own.
Still feeling a bit dizzy, Song Shuhao found the cold and windy outside quite sobering, so she decided to stay outside for a while before going back. Having served Empress Dowager Feng in the past, she was used to walking lightly, almost silently. Alone, Song Shuhao took a shortcut and didn't encounter any other palace servants.
Seeing the two figures embracing, hidden by the bamboo groves from a distance, Song Shuhao couldn't bear to witness this scene and hurriedly tried to slip away unnoticed. Suddenly, she seemed to hear Zhao Jian's voice. Even if it wasn't four years, it was at least three years of living together day and night, and she was extremely familiar with Zhao Jian's voice, even to the point of being sensitive to it.
Having sobered up considerably, Song Shuhao thought she hadn't misheard, yet she couldn't quite believe it. Even knowing it was wrong, she still hid in the shadows to eavesdrop on their conversation. But what she heard left her both surprised and bewildered, and utterly incredulous.
"Prosecutor, when can you take me away from here? I feel like my body can't hold on anymore... After this New Year, it will be another year..."
Song Shuhao vaguely heard these words, trying to recognize the voice. When she realized the speaker's identity, she covered her mouth in shock. Xie Zhaoyi? Song Shuhao didn't understand what was going on, but she couldn't mistake the voice.
The person with Xie Zhaoyi remained silent for a long time before finally speaking, "Next year, just bear with it a little longer." Song Shuhao was even more certain of that voice. She was even more confused, but the scene before her—Zhao Jian and Xie Lanyan embracing each other—left her with no choice but to face the reality.
They then shared many heartfelt words, and Song Shuhao remembered that Zhao Jian had held her and said many similar things. She became more lucid than ever before, and the thought that the night before, Zhao Jian had whispered in her ear that he wanted to trust her and wanted a child, filled her with an uncontrollable feeling of nausea.
After taking several deep breaths, Song Shuhao calmed herself, concealed her emotions, and quietly slipped away. On the way, she unexpectedly encountered the Emperor. Song Shuhao quickly bowed, but the Emperor simply walked away. Seeing him, and remembering Xie Lanyan and Zhao Jian, Song Shuhao stood there for a moment before continuing on her way back.
She didn't want to question Prosecutor Zhao or try to uncover any hidden secrets. Whatever the truth was, it was far from what she believed.
She almost became infatuated with Zhao Jian's kindness, almost believed that he might have genuine feelings for her, and always felt that she hadn't been good enough to him. But reality eventually made her see things clearly. His kindness to her might just be a deceptive illusion, and his so-called sincerity was given to someone else.
Being delusional was already shameful and embarrassing enough; questioning her would only make things worse. Their marital bond was ultimately a joke. But even if she was destined to be abandoned, she didn't want to become a laughingstock in the eyes of Zhao Jian and the person to whom he had given his heart.
Zhao Jian said he would take Xie Lanyan away next year... What was he planning to do? Was what Empress Dowager Feng hinted at true? Did he really intend to usurp the throne? Was the claim that the emperor was wary of him and therefore did not allow him to go to the border merely a pretext?
Song Shuhao kept thinking about these things. When she faced Prosecutor Zhao again, she thought she could pretend that she knew nothing and treat him as before, but it was all in vain.
Whenever she thinks about how she foolishly did things for him and was deeply moved, she feels even more naive, and she always feels that she can see Zhao Jian laughing behind her back at how easily she was fooled.
Actually, none of this really matters; her poor judgment of character was her own problem. She shouldn't have almost given her heart away, thinking that spending her life with him wouldn't necessarily be bad. If she hadn't cared at all, she wouldn't have these kinds of emotions now, no matter what she sees or knows.
However, it will soon be the fifth year of her marriage to him. After so long together, she is not a heartless person and cannot remain unmoved by his daily kindness.
Whatever happened in the past, knowing it now might not be too late. On one hand, there's the bond between husband and wife, and on the other, the debt of gratitude for her life. Even if the most difficult situation arises, she will no longer need to waver.
She was the only one who ever wanted to live a peaceful and quiet life.
The person who had been comforted the night before suddenly became cold and sulky again the next night, and nothing could soothe them. Zhao Jian, who was already somewhat irritated, eventually lost his patience. He frowned and made Song Shuhao look at him, slightly annoyed, and asked her again.
"What's wrong with you today? What did I do to upset you?" He couldn't remember that Song Shuhao would never have given him such a cold look in the past. He only remembered that Song Shuhao had been staring at Zhang Yu's back for a long time, and he didn't know what the two of them had said.
But Zhao Jian received no explanation, only Song Shuhao's cold reply, "It's nothing." He sat up irritably. He glanced at Song Shuhao again, then got out of bed and said, "So you're just annoyed by me? I'll go rest somewhere else." He put on his clothes and left the room.
The relationship between the two cooled down almost instantly.
Upon arriving in Lin'an, Zhao Jian became extremely busy, and Song Shuhao was far from idle. Empress Dowager Feng frequently sent people to invite her to the palace for talks, and even when she didn't go to the palace, she had no shortage of people to entertain. This situation was even more pronounced after the New Year holidays.
They seemed to have returned to the beginning. Prosecutor Zhao would not show up for five or six days, and she was only busy with her own affairs. The biggest difference was that in the past, when Prosecutor Zhao appeared, she would treat him kindly, but now she couldn't.
In March, Zhao Jian suddenly ordered people to keep a close watch on her every move. A few days later, she was confined to the post station. During this time, unable to escape despite her best efforts, she remained completely unaware of what was happening outside. When she finally managed to obtain some information, she heard only of the rebellion plotted by Prince Anping and his son.