Having worked for so long, no one had ever accompanied her during overtime. Song Jianan raised her head and glanced sideways at Xi Luoyu, who was reading a newspaper at the next table. He wasn't wearing glasses, and perhaps because the lighting wasn't very bright, he squinted slightly, trying hard to decipher the words on the newspaper. His profile was handsome, but not overly delicate or effeminate.
Moreover, he seemed very focused on reading the newspaper, unaware that she was absentmindedly peeking at it. Song Jianan suddenly remembered that such men were generally resolute and steady in their actions. Many years ago, under the milky white light, that boy had also been sitting quietly five meters away from her, focused on his studies without any distractions.
A slight pang of pain shot through my heart, and I quickly averted my gaze, typing out some words I didn't even understand, before slowly deleting them.
Su Li, Su Li, he must not know that she once visited the university of her dreams, the one he was studying at. She never knew she could be so secretive and courageous. At that time, she came from the damp and cold Guangzhou to the icy and snowy Beijing, a train journey of more than twenty hours, which felt like the long wait of so many years, and then slowly exhausted all the feelings of her life.
Longing is something that grows stronger with each passing day.
That night, she watched "Letter from an Unknown Woman." The story of such a brave and resilient woman, whose love was so private and resolute, brought tears to her eyes. Perhaps the more silent a child is, the more self-centered their love will be.
Her longing and tears flowed like a dam breaking. She didn't want to do anything but see him, just one more look would be enough for her, to fulfill all the regrets of her youth. Then she would keep all her love in her heart and silently fall in love with someone else. Until her death, when she thought back, she truly felt no regret.
So she stood in the snow-covered campus, walking past Mingde Building, Xuan Garden, Yifu Building, and the library. She hoped to meet him in this ancient campus, but she didn't expect to actually meet him. She just wanted to walk these paths, see these landscapes, and walk with the youthful, pale boy in her mind.
By sheer coincidence, I saw him in the study room on the second floor of the teaching building. His gloomy aura suddenly entered my field of vision. Although he had changed a bit, he overlapped with the person I remembered, which made the memory even more vivid. His profile was still very delicate. He sat quietly to one side, and no one came up to talk to him. He was all alone, with a few books and a water cup.
From the window to the seat, a distance of five meters, she had no right to walk in, regardless of her status.
She was nothing to him, not anyone he knew.
She fled in panic. That night, the snow fell heavily, as if trying to conceal something, burying all the unspeakable deception and all the love under the cold reality.
That night was very long, seemingly endless. The next day, she left with a smile, telling herself that it was all a dream.
The rustling sound of newspapers turning beside her ears suddenly brought her back to reality. Xi Luoyu's voice came softly, "Have you finished writing the manuscript? Are you hungry? Do you want me to go out and buy something to eat first?"
She hurriedly tapped the word count, and her voice trembled slightly, whether from the cold or from being startled. "Just a little bit more, almost finished. I'm fine. If you're hungry, go buy something. You don't need to bring me anything."
"Let's wait until you finish writing before we go eat."
Song Jianan smiled politely, "Yes, thanks to you today. You're keeping me company while I work overtime so late. This meal should be on me. I'm really sorry about today."
In an eerie silence, the keyboard clicks abruptly stopped. Song Jianan looked up and saw Xi Luoyu standing in front of him, the darkness behind him pressing in through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows. He frowned slightly, his voice cold and hard, "Song Jianan, I really don't understand you. Why are you always so unpredictable?"
She was surprised, but Xi Luoyu continued, “Sometimes I feel like I need to rely on others, but the next second I feel like I owe them something and push them away. I’m not even polite to them. If someone is nice to you, it seems like you have to repay them double. If you can’t repay them, you simply don’t give them a chance.”
"I really don't understand, how can a girl like you have such a sensitive heart?"
The author has something to say: Song Jianan should find someone she can rely on without feeling guilty. Uh, who is it?
After the exams, I need to look for a job. I have an interview in Shanghai on the 29th. The job market this year...sigh, I'm not going to say anything more.
I'm so sorry for not updating for so long. I felt really out of sorts when I started writing, and it wasn't until the second half that I started to feel a bit more comfortable. My hands have definitely gotten rusty from not writing for so long.
Thank you all for sticking with me. Thank you so much!
Chapter 19
The meal was utterly tasteless. Even though she was starving, the juicy and delicious beef with oyster sauce tasted like wax in her mouth. Song Jianan's mind was filled with mixed feelings because of that sentence, but she didn't think much about it and was just very absent-minded.
Xi Luoyu saw this but didn't show anything. The atmosphere between the two was quite heavy until they went to pay the bill. The waiter was stunned when the two handed over their banknotes at the same time, his hand hanging in mid-air, not knowing which one to take. Xi Luoyu laughed, pushed Song Jianan's hand back, and joked, "I was already in a bad mood, so don't add to my bad mood."
She made a soft "hmm" sound, as if she was still lost in thought. "It should have been my treat, what's this?" But her weak tone had no intimidating power at all. The waitress, however, was quick-witted. She took the money from Xi Luoyu's hand and left, giving Song Jianan no room to back out.
"There's no need to be so clear about the distinctions between friends. Besides, it's only natural for a man to pay for a meal when someone invites you," Xi Luoyu said firmly. Song Jianan could only purse her lips and roll her eyes to show her dissatisfaction.
Her unconscious little movements were just like those of a child who had made a mistake but was too proud to admit it. It was so cute that someone so grown up could have such adorable little actions. Xi Luoyu saw this and smiled slightly, feeling a sense of satisfaction in his heart.
Xi Luoyu offered to take her home, but Song Jianan checked the time and said, "Just drop me off at the intersection of Changning Road."
"Are you going to buy something?"
Song Jianan smiled and said, "Go buy a new phone. I lost one, and I can't keep using my old mobile phone for work. I'm very allergic to mobile phones now. When it rings, I get goosebumps and am afraid that I will be assigned to an interview somewhere again."
"I'll go with you. A friend of mine works as a department manager at Suning and can get internal discounts."
There weren't many people on the winter night, but the sales assistants were very enthusiastic, constantly introducing the latest models to them. Song Jianan explained, "I just need a simple-to-use phone that can send messages and answer calls, and that's unbreakable."
The saleswoman gave him a strange look, and Xi Luoyu was also somewhat surprised. "You don't need any other functions, such as ringtones, sports mode, documents, music playback, games, candybar, flip phone, or slider phone, it doesn't matter?"
Song Jianan laughed and said, "Do you think I use my phone like a computer? I use it for work, so I don't need so many functions. Okay, just add a nicer design."
Finally, they picked out a phone for less than a thousand yuan, a classic model, and got a discount from the department manager, which was a really good deal. The two of them then went to the mobile phone store in the supermarket to get a SIM card. After trying several times, they still couldn't find a number they liked. Song Jianan sighed, "If only I could find my old number again."
The young man at the service center was very helpful. "It can be reissued, but the procedures are a bit complicated. Do you need it?" He was about to take out the forms when Xi Luoyu was about to take them when Song Jianan stopped him.
She pursed her lips, shook her head gently, and smiled, "Never mind, that's too much trouble. I need it urgently."
The young man smiled and said, "We manage phone numbers quite strictly here. Buying a number is troublesome, and getting a new one is even more troublesome. Many people would rather get a new one than replace it, unless the number has special meaning."
After remaining silent for a long time, Xi Luoyu suddenly asked, "A number with special meaning?"
Before she could finish speaking, a small, sharp sound was heard, and a ballpoint pen mark appeared on the business processing form. Song Jianan shook her hand embarrassedly, "It's too cold, my hands are frozen, I can't even write."
Her smile was open and honest, but her eyes were misty and she couldn't see into her heart. In an instant, a strange feeling welled up in Xi Luoyu's heart, and he couldn't help but look at her a few more times.
The young man from China Mobile eagerly looked at the computer screen displaying the number selection, pointed to it, and asked, "How about this number, 0908? It sounds a lot like our old dormitory room number, convenient and easy to remember."
Song Jianan stared at it silently for a while, then suddenly laughed, "Let's go with this one, it's really easy to remember."
The young man from the mobile company was very happy. He chatted with them while skillfully printing the service application forms. Song Jianan listened silently to the "creaking" sound of the machine printing. The forms went in blank and came out covered with writing, including her name, her new mobile phone number, and the last four digits, 0908. She sighed softly.
A brand new SIM card severed all ties with the past. Even the last clue Su Li could find about her was cut off by her own hand. It was as if the last glimmer of hope in her heart had been extinguished by her own hand. The unburnt ashes scattered in her hands were still faintly hot, but at the same time, she felt a desire for relief.
She wanted to choose the warmth of the present world, so she had to forget the past in reality, but she allowed herself to indulge in memories in another way.
Back then, Class 9 and Class 8 of the second year of high school were separated by only a wall, yet their eyes were always connected, and their feelings were hidden deep in their hearts.
She didn't know whether she had the opportunity to get to know him or the courage to speak up.
Ah, 0908, Song Jianan silently repeated the number in her heart and smiled.
The winter night was desolate. The car was well-heated, and Song Jianan's face was slightly flushed from the heat. Under the dim orange light, a faint blush appeared on her cheeks.
When they arrived at her building, the Buick came to a smooth stop. After the usual farewell, Song Jianan opened the car door and was about to get out when she felt her wrist being gently grasped. The grip was light but firm.
She immediately met Xi Luoyu's eyes. In the darkness, his eyes were obscured by his glasses, making it difficult to see clearly. Her face flushed instantly, and even her usually eloquent tongue was rendered speechless for a long time.
Give me your phone.
Before Song Jianan could react, her hand was suddenly empty, and the new phone was in his hand. The light from the screen reflected on his face, highlighting his distinct features and resolute handsomeness. Xi Luoyu smiled, his eyebrows slightly raised, his eyes curved, and his features were exceptionally vivid. It was a rare expression on his face, with a hint of playfulness.
"Song Jianan, what can I say about you? I accompanied you to buy a new phone and get a new number, and you didn't even ask for my number. Now I've saved it for you. Luckily, the phone book is still blank. Look, this is the first time I've sat on the sofa."
When she got home, she went online and changed her QQ signature, posting her new phone number. Soon, Fang Yanyan called her, and Zeng Shuyi and a group of others left her messages. Suddenly, the unfamiliar avatar "July in the Fields" popped up. She clicked on it and saw a sympathetic emoji: "Heh, quite a few people have lost their phones lately."
The tone was as if they were old acquaintances. Song Jianan smiled and replied, "Yes, it's almost the end of the year, and even thieves need to stock up on New Year's goods. Let's help them celebrate the New Year and achieve the standard of a harmonious society."
There had been no reply for a long time; they must have been busy with something. Song Jianan took out her phone and wrote down the number. But still feeling uneasy, she pulled out a small notebook and copied it down. When she got to Xi Luoyu's number, she paused for a moment. Besides his mobile number, there was also his home number and even his office number—a long string of numbers.
It's hard to describe the feeling. I remember a boy who gave her his phone number, dormitory number, and even the numbers of his roommates. He even told her with a smile, "If anything happens, remember to tell me first." He kept reminding her.
Song Jianan sighed deeply, put down her pen, and looked out the window. The winter night seemed to come quickly, and the cold wind rattled against the window. She suddenly remembered how long the winter was on the other side of the ocean.
Suddenly, a familiar knock on the door pulled her from her reverie. When she opened the door, she saw it was Song Rui, the little girl. It seemed she had just come home from school. Song Jianan found it strange. "Hey, why are you always running to my house? Did your conflict with your mother escalate again?"
"No, no, stop trying to sow discord between us." Song Rui casually tossed his backpack onto the sofa and rushed towards Song Jianan's bedroom. He pulled up a chair and climbed on it. Song Jianan quickly asked, "What are you doing? Ransom?"
Song Rui stood on tiptoe and struggled to reach the box on top of the cabinet. "I left a bunch of comic books here before the New Year. Now some classmates want to borrow them, so I have to take them with me."
Song Jianan sighed helplessly, "You little rascal, be careful not to fall."
Before she could finish speaking, Song Rui jumped down with a small box in her arms, grinning smugly. Song Jianan was both amused and annoyed. "You came all this way just for these comic books? If your mom knew you were still reading comics, she'd definitely yell at you."
"Oh, as long as she doesn't see them, that's fine. As long as you don't betray me, Sister Jia Nan." Song Rui carefully took the comic books out of the box. "Huh, where are the other comics? I remember last time I saw this box was relatively empty, so I just threw them in. So they were all your things."
Song Jianan smiled, turned around and was about to leave, "You can look for it yourself. I'm going to get some water."
The rustling of pages and Song Rui's muffled self-talk made Song Jianan feel dizzy.
"Sister Jia Nan, there are so many letters in this box: Renmin University, Su Li, Sun Yat-sen University, Xu Yan to Song Yiwen."
"Who is this Song Yiwen? Could it be you?!"
Author's Note: This is the last update before Shanghai, at midnight!!
I still remember that year, the profile of that pale, melancholy boy walked past the classroom window, and just one glance was enough to capture my eyes.
He had very fair skin, almost transparent white, and a clean smile. He was slender and not tall, just a delicate little boy.
But I was just a little girl back then, and I longed to see him every day.
To be continued...
The above is my true story from my senior year of high school. It wasn't exactly a crush, just a visual impulse.
Regarding the bug in the article, the phone issue, I basically started using a phone in my first year of high school. Back then, it was a Motorola T19? I can't remember if that was the model, but it was a classic one. Song Jianan should have already had one by then, if we're not too strict about the timeline.
Regarding unrequited love and high school, I think everyone has experienced it, so there shouldn't be anything offensive about what I'm writing. If you feel that my writing is similar to another piece, you can refer to any details.
(PS: I'm not stupid enough to even choose a name that makes you think I copied it at first glance.)
I'm too lazy to say too much, it will affect my mood for writing. Readers, just read the story. If you find it offensive, you can drop it. These are rules that Jinjiang has already established. Is it necessary to argue about it?
Chapter 20
Who is Song Yiwen? It is her, Song Jianan, but who is she?