51

Capítulo 32

Later, when some issues arose in the faculty dormitory, I unknowingly resorted to absurd methods. I don't know if it's because I'm too easily influenced, or if it was due to a gradual, subtle process.

A teacher complained to me that he gets sleep paralysis when he sleeps. I went to his room and found a tearful female ghost curled up on the bed, tears streaming down her face before she could even speak. "This is my sleeping place! I was here first... I kindly offered him my spot, and he chased me away! What kind of world is this?! I'm a virgin too! I'm already being kind by sleeping with him without asking him to marry me..."

What they said makes a lot of sense. But the problem still needs to be solved, right?

I coughed and said, "Teacher, the position of your bed is a bit off. It's not some kind of sleep paralysis."

I suggested he move the bed to the other side, and in the place where the bed used to be, I recommended he build a wardrobe. However, for "feng shui" reasons, he should not put anything under the wardrobe where the clothes are hung.

When it was finished, I said to the female ghost, "Is this alright now? You have your own 'room' now."

She was very satisfied, and for a while, things went smoothly.

Later, the teacher came to find me again, "...it's not pressing on the bed anymore...but there are always strange noises coming from the wardrobe..."

With its mouth agape, what would it do if it were a desolate place?

"Actually, that's a Zashiki-warashi." I lied seriously and calmly.

"What? Isn't that something only found in Japan?" The teacher was startled.

Oh right… “It’s just a different name; here we call it the Earth God.” I quickly continued, “Teacher, you are so blessed! That’s why the Earth God has come to live with you! If you have a devout heart, he will surely bless you!”

The teacher looked enlightened and went home relieved. That month, when the lottery results for the unified invoice were announced, he happily treated me to a meal. "Mo Niang... I mean, Heng Zhi, you were absolutely right! I almost let good fortune slip away... I prayed every day, and this month I won the unified invoice! It's only two hundred yuan... but everything is really going smoothly. You're truly amazing!"

I chuckled awkwardly. "Teacher, that has nothing to do with that… You just have confidence, so of course you'll achieve twice the results with half the effort…"

"A charlatan," Huang E mocked me.

"It's all thanks to your excellent teaching!" I replied irritably.

…This can't go on. I think I should quit my job.

I wanted to quit my job, but the principal tearfully begged me to work hard for a few more months, at least until the summer vacation.

"I've never had such a peaceful period since I became the principal of this school! Ms. Mo, at least try to uproot the problem first!"

I said, Principal, do you know what it means to have something that's been frozen for a long time? This is a centuries-old cemetery! There are more ghosts than people in this place, what kind of roots are you trying to uproot?

But he was the principal, and I was just a student. I could only mutter that I would think about it and then went home dejectedly.

At the beginning of this semester, the school finally reached an agreement with the bus operator, and two buses will run down the mountain in the morning and evening. Otherwise, if I had taken this job, I really wouldn't know what to do with Tang Chen. He's really good-natured; he doesn't mind my nagging and obediently takes the bus home. Although there have been a few minor incidents, he's mostly safe. Perhaps this kind of public transportation, which evens out the risks and benefits, is the most suitable for him.

By the time I get home, it's usually late at night. But he'll be waiting for me at the coffee shop with a lamp on, and I'll tell him about my day's work, which usually makes him laugh heartily.

Since his breakup with Yuzheng, he's rarely truly laughed. His classmates are all oblivious and didn't notice, thinking he was acting normally. But his smiles always carried a hint of bitterness. It wasn't until I came to do this absurd job that he genuinely laughed, and even compiled what he'd heard into a book titled "Modern Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio."

When I was dealing with it, I felt helpless and on the verge of tears, but after he wrote it down, even I laughed.

I think I should keep doing this job. Even if I don't care about the money, I'll do it for Tang Chen's smile. If these absurd experiences can help him temporarily forget his pain, then it's all worth it.

Anyway, I can't help with anything else.

Under the warm yellow light, he laughed heartily, and whenever he heard something happy, he would reach out and stroke Huang'e.

I propped my chin up and said to him, "Actually, you really like being close to people, right? Every time you want to pat me, you go and touch Huang'e."

His face flushed red. "...Um, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know." After spending so much time with him, I should know by now. I'm not an ordinary person. "Huang'e is someone you can trust to get close to and love... uh, a demon."

He stroked the desolate landscape, his eyes filled with tenderness. "Isn't this very abnormal? I... really enjoy physical intimacy. But I don't want to go all the way. But physical intimacy... is very impolite."

He's a very polite person, I know. Several times he almost hugged me or Shuo in a moment of passion, but he always turned back to hug Huang'e instead. He's very affectionate towards his classmates; sometimes he almost put his arm around a male classmate's shoulder, but he turned back to stroke Huang'e's hair.

“My real flaw is this.” He smiled and lowered his head. “I really enjoy the feeling of close embraces… but that’s all. Breaking up with Yu Zheng was actually my fault… I thoroughly enjoyed hugging and being close to her, I adored her, my heart would race whenever I saw her… but I could only be captivated by her beauty, I didn’t find anything interesting about ‘flirting.’ Only a very few times…”

He couldn't speak, and turned his head away, his face flushed.

…It’s really not appropriate for me to discuss this with you.

She cleared her throat. "Since there are people who are in heat all year round, there must also be those who are like lions. People are all different, and there's no right or wrong... it's just that we're not compatible." As a result, she blushed herself.

After a moment of silence, he wiped his nose. "...Maybe I'm the most lewd kind of person at heart."

I stared at him, and he stared back at me. For some reason, we burst into laughter, patting each other on the shoulder, laughing until tears streamed down our faces.

Those who are without desire are actually the most licentious. What a brilliant observation.

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping away my tears, "I'm not someone who really enjoys physical intimacy."

“It’s alright,” he handed me a tissue, “thank you for being so patient with me.”

I hugged him, trying to suppress the goosebumps, before going to sleep.

"It looks like you've got hives again." Huang E wouldn't miss an opportunity to mock me.

"I still have some incense ash from the old man," I said, shaking the paper packet. "Would you like to try some?"

We fought again that day; it's almost become a routine.

He just kept doing this job.

Did I actually help in any way? Very little. Even if I didn't work, I would still be perfectly fine. Most of the time, it's just human beings worrying unnecessarily; it's really nothing.

But the principal felt at ease as long as he saw me walking around the campus at night, regardless of how little I had accomplished.

The original residents, however, were very unhappy with me, calling me a "new cop." I was the one who asked Huang'e about this term; I didn't know the original residents read PTT (Taiwanese online forum).

Originally, the details of my part-time job were kept secret, except for the teachers who knew more about it. But I didn't know that teachers these days are so gossipy; they actually boasted to others that our school had a miraculous "spiritual girl, Lin Moniang." This caused students from other schools to come looking for her out of curiosity, and I could only point to my student ID and vehemently deny it.

But after a while, trouble ensued.

That noon, Tang Chen and I ate lunch together, and everything was the same as usual. Xiao Lian clung to Tang Chen, and Huang E squeezed against me; both of them were equally noisy. I had been trained to eat without changing my expression, and I could also look down at the notes I had been working on.

A chill ran through me, and I looked up, as if some big shot had arrived in broad daylight.

A beautiful young woman with striking eyebrows and bright eyes walked into the student cafeteria, her gaze locking onto me like lightning. When I saw the Stegosaurus on her shoulder, I couldn't help but gape.

…Arlene?

I jumped up immediately, and Huang E also snapped into battle mode. She charged over with overwhelming force... and knelt down from a distance, gracefully sliding to my side, and immediately called out, "Master! Your disciple greets you!" and then kowtowed.

The entire student cafeteria was eerily quiet; Huang'e's claws were almost digging into my shoulders. "...Master?" she asked, puzzled.

"You're asking me? I also..." Looking around, I realized something was wrong. It was lunchtime, and most of the teachers and students were eating here.

"Get up quickly!" I stammered, trying to help her up. "What are you doing? Don't mess things up..."

"If Master doesn't agree to accept me as a disciple, I won't get up no matter what!" she shouted, showing no embarrassment whatsoever.

Have you been reading too many martial arts novels? Don't confuse reality with fiction, okay?

"Get up first!" I yelled at her.

"Promise me first, Master!" she said firmly.

More and more people are gathering around, please... I'm getting a headache. I feel like the dead and monsters are more reasonable... Maybe I'm better at dealing with the supernatural than humans.

Why isn't she dead...?

“There should be a ceremony for becoming an apprentice! Come with me…” I grabbed her and ran.

Huang E was laughing so hard he was almost breathless on my shoulder. "This...this is too funny...Heng Zhi, not only have you been a master, but now you're going to be a grandmaster too! ☆"

"Shut up!" he yelled angrily, and quickly dragged Arlene to the principal's office... I really couldn't think of any other place where no one would dare to follow.

The principal was startled by me, and I was also helpless. "Excuse me... Principal, could I borrow your small meeting room for a moment... It'll be quick." I quickly pulled Arlene inside.

Leaning against the door, drenched in sweat. "What are you doing, Arlene? You knelt down without even considering the occasion…" How am I supposed to explain this later? Isn't my college life chaotic enough?!

I can't handle ghosts and spirits, and even humans are making things worse for me!

“Master, I’ve been looking for you for so long! If our professor hadn’t told us this as a joke, I still wouldn’t have been able to find you…” she shouted incoherently.

"Who's your master?!" I'm so angry I could die.

Arlene said that the "rescue the dragon" operation left a deep impression on her, but she was taken away by the dragon and no one knew her identity, which made her very distressed.

After careful investigation, she learned that her professor had told her the story of "Lin Moniang, the supernatural girl," as a joke. The professor's appearance and age seemed similar to hers, so she decided to give it a try.

"...How did your professor know?" I was dumbfounded.

"I heard it was some kind of academic conference, something your school's teachers said." Her big eyes were full of innocence.

…Great! These days, teachers are gossiping just like students, even extending their gossip outside of school. How am I supposed to live?!

"Didn't you say I was a ghost keeper?" I said irritably.

"I was blind and didn't recognize your greatness..." she pouted, feeling wronged. "They couldn't see it anyway."

"Where's your Ah Qiang?" I had a headache.

"She said she wanted to be an ordinary person." She said angrily, "I'm never talking to her again."

If I could, I'd like to be an ordinary person!

I tried everything to reason with her, but she remained stubborn. After a while, I lost my temper. "Don't you know that not being able to see it is a blessing?!"

"Slaying demons and monsters is my duty..." she said resolutely. "I have a Stegosaurus, I can..."

The Stegosaurus that I used to fear so much now seems like nothing more than a toy after all this training. Relying on its meager strength, it hasn't improved at all.

“You’ve never actually seen ghosts or gods with your own eyes.” I sighed heavily.

"That's why I've come to become your apprentice!" she answered very seriously.

I rubbed my temples, feeling very tired. Although I never do this, I felt I should teach her a lesson. So that she wouldn't one day recklessly throw her life away.

Although she was very unfriendly to me... I'm not the kind of person who holds grudges. Besides, it's not like I don't know her; if I found out one day that she died because of this, my conscience wouldn't allow it.

"Tonight at midnight... I mean, eleven o'clock, I'm going to patrol the campus." I said calmly, "If you can patrol the campus with me without regretting it, I'll take you as my apprentice."

She was excited, but Huang E was even more excited. She immediately rushed out to chatter and spread the big gossip. The local residents, who had been bored out of their minds by my harassment, were all invigorated and eager to get started.

Actually, you don't need surgery or any special abilities to "see ghosts." There are many ways to do it if you just want a brief glimpse. Besides, I just wanted to teach her a small lesson; I didn't want her to live in fear for the rest of her life.

I used the simplest method, the one only I could do: I used a feather from the desolate land to wash her eyes.

As a result, this chivalrous and heroic woman, who was so righteous and imposing, ran away from the campus screaming as soon as she reached the big tree near the girls' dormitory. She even forgot to use her sword dragon and never came back.

"What? That's it?" The native was disappointed. "We haven't even made a move yet."

This job isn't for everyone. The psychological impact of suddenly meeting someone you've never seen before is immense.

That's what a normal person is like.

But I... I spend all my time dealing with ghosts and spirits. I want to be a normal person...