51

Capítulo 37

He loves to travel so much, he must have a deep impression of his unique overseas trip, right? He described it so vividly that I felt like I was on that beautiful ranch in California full of apple trees with him.

He made two perfume candles, but their styles were quite different. One was like the unrestrained, rippling sea, while the other was rich and intense, the kind of scent one would expect from someone in a wealthy and affluent setting.

“This is Aunt Wu’s,” he said, pointing to the sea-colored perfume candle. “The other one is Auntie Xiao’s.”

That evening, I saw Tang Chen's two aunts.

My aunt is indeed a remarkable woman, with thick eyebrows and large eyes. She's completely different from her delicate and gentle younger sister.

But that refined and elegant "little aunt" plunged me into extreme panic and hunger. My heart was so full it felt like it was about to explode, yet it was also so empty it was nauseating.

After the initial shock subsided, a deep resentment slowly rose within him, far more terrifying than the raging fire of the desolate wilderness.

Suddenly, a vengeful spirit, seemingly abhorring this family of virtuous deeds, appeared on my shoulder, its gaze intense. "Once she walks out of this door, we'll kill her."

"Hengzhi, no!" I cried out in my heart.

After calling out, I was caught between laughter and tears. It should be "Don't want the desolate land," not "Don't want the fragrant herbs," right? But after thinking it over, a sudden wave of sadness washed over me... I gave a bitter smile.

I don't know now whether what I blurted out was correct or incorrect.

The desolation seemed to be staring several large holes into "Little Auntie," saying, "You can change your mind at any time."

But Huang E, who so detested the spirit of accumulating good deeds, patiently stayed by my side all night.

Having been a "liar" for one or two decades, I wasn't going to deny it. I greeted them casually as Tang's mother introduced me, "This is Xiao Chen's good classmate. Xu Bai even took her as his apprentice! Hengzhi, these two are Aunt Wu. This is the eldest aunt, and that one is the youngest aunt."

“…My surname is Lin, Lin Hengzhi,” I said cautiously, secretly observing my aunt’s expression. “Hello, Auntie.”

"Why is Xu Bai taking on disciples if he doesn't renounce his vows? He's just wasting the young girls' time playing these tricks on them." The aunt laughed. "In my opinion, he'd be better off sticking to being a heartthrob. What's the point of being a Taoist priest?"

The young aunt smiled but didn't say anything, and nodded at me.

My heart, which was already throbbing with pain, is now bleeding drop by drop.

“She’s not faking it,” Huang E said coldly. Of course, I knew her coldness and disgust weren’t directed at me. “She doesn’t remember anything at all, not even a little bit!” Her claws had probably left a bruise on my shoulder.

But I couldn't feel any pain at all. The more intense pain had already overshadowed it.

I know "Auntie Wu." I know she's thirty-six years old and her name is Wu Fengqing. Whether I want it or not, she's listed as my mother on my ID card.

My life and my name are all she gave me, but she remembers nothing about them.

He was in so much pain that he was sweating profusely and bent over.

"Hengzhi!" Tang's mother came over to help me up. "What's wrong?"

I mumbled an excuse, "...I'm sorry, Auntie...I think my period is about to start..."

"Ouch, it must hurt a lot, right?" She helped me up. "Aunt Tang will take you to see a doctor."

I quickly waved my hand, "It's nothing, it's nothing. It's an old ailment, the doctor said it's nothing serious." I forced a smile, "I'll be fine after a nap... I'm sorry, I'm leaving now."

"What are you saying? How can you stand it if you're not feeling well?" She turned and instructed Tang Chen to help me into the room, but he wanted to stay and take care of me, so I chased him out.

I need to be alone.

"Only by killing her will you find true peace," Huang E said gloomily, squatting by the bedside.

"Killing won't solve anything." I was very upset.

"But you had murderous intent."

Facing Huang'e, my tears fell drop by drop. Huang'e was right. If she had panicked and tried to cover for me, I might have let it go.

But she completely forgot me. I was like a piece of dead flesh she had discarded, with no memory of me whatsoever.

I know I shouldn't hate, I shouldn't resent. But I'm not a saint. I'm just... a very ordinary girl, I just turned twenty. I had no childhood, no youth, I have nothing. Ultimately, could she really say, "It has nothing to do with me"?

She repaid all my misfortunes with "forgetting".

“Let’s go kill her. I don’t care if she’s from a family that has accumulated good deeds,” Huang E said in a low voice.

"Huang'e, you should be happy. I'm so sad I'm almost going to fall into the demonic path." I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face.

“Before, you weren’t me, and I wasn’t you.” Her voice lowered. “Now you are me, and I am you. Your sadness is like a knife to my heart…” She cried.

I forced back my tears. Indeed, I am Huang'e, and Huang'e is me. Though I couldn't give birth to her, and she doesn't really need me to give birth to her anymore… our fates are still intertwined. I've thought it through carefully. She's ascending to a better, higher realm. I can't help her much, but can't I at least accumulate some merit? If she has enough merit, when I pass away, she can continue cultivating with that merit, and perhaps even have a chance to attain enlightenment.

If I truly fall into the clutches of my inner demons, what chance do you think she has? All things arise and cease according to fate; I am but a fleeting, desolate figure.

"You think I should be thinking about these things for you?!" she cried, hiccuping between sobs. "Let's become monsters together! Humans have all sorts of emotions and desires, but in the end, only impermanence awaits. What's the point? We ravenous birds have no parents or relatives; we're clean and carefree..."

I don't know if she was trying to distract me or to insist that being a monster was better, but she made an exception and told me about the origin of the Fiend Bird.

It turns out that the Li Bird is a kind of monster born from the bloody and violent energy of heaven and earth, and later formed its own race. When the male and female meet, they often fight fiercely, and only when both are exhausted but not dead can they mate. After mating, the female Li Bird lays an egg the next day and casually throws it on the execution ground or battlefield, a place filled with violent energy and flowing blood, and never looks back.

Those who are lucky enough to be born with a bloodthirsty and malevolent aura must survive their first seven days as infants without being eaten by other monsters before they can grow up. Hatching is difficult enough, but surviving the first seven days is even rarer. The malevolent birds also have a very strong sense of territory, and infighting among their own kind is commonplace, which is why this type of bird has always been very rare.

"Isn't this clean and efficient?" Huang E shouted. "We don't rely on any parents or relatives. We can eat whoever we want, kill whoever we want. If we can beat them, they're our food; if we can't, we can just run away. Why go through all this trouble, crying and wailing over emotions and desires? It makes me feel bad too!"

“Huang’e,” I stroked her head, “it’s better to still know what it’s like to feel pain than not to know what pain is.”

She forcefully turned her head away and ran a long way. "Just talk, don't lay a hand on me!"

"She loves you..."

With a whoosh, she flew away and disappeared without a trace.

I chuckled a couple of times, and I did feel a bit better. Huang'e really is my source of joy.

The next day, I made an excuse that I was sick and stayed in my room. My body is not strong. Even if it's not due to seasonal changes or catching a cold, I will feel weak if my emotions fluctuate too much, and in some cases, I will even have diarrhea.

I'm having terrible diarrhea now, and I'm so weak and powerless. Tang Chen took me to see a doctor, but the doctor couldn't figure it out either. He prescribed some minor medication and told me to go home and rest.

I have my own unspeakable suffering. It's true, the illnesses of beautiful girls are different from those of us mere mortals. They have leukemia or heart disease, and in more traditional cases, tuberculosis, causing them to cough up blood when they move.

As for me? I'm either blowing my nose until it's peeling, or I have diarrhea. When have you ever heard of a beautiful young woman getting this kind of illness?

She may not have the face of a beautiful girl, but she has the constitution of one. Tang Chen listened to me describe my diarrhea symptoms, which was extremely embarrassing.

"How could this happen? Your health... sigh." He sat worriedly on the edge of the bed. "Should we make some bird's nest porridge?"

I glared at him. "Have you ever seen Lin Daiyu with diarrhea?"

He tried to hold it in, but finally burst out laughing, which made me laugh too. "Don't squat here, you'll make a fool of yourself," I shooed him away. "Isn't Aunt Wu waiting for you to leave?"

"...I don't want to go," he said sullenly. "I'm worried about you..."

"A real man shouldn't be so fussy!" I pushed him out, my body trembling. "Guests are guests, why are you squatting here like this?! Diarrhea isn't cholera, it's not like you're going to die!"

After closing the door, I slid down the door panel to the floor, my stomach cramping in waves.

"Why can't you get rid of this old ailment of yours?" Huang E said impatiently, keeping his distance.

"You think I wanted to?" I retorted irritably, crawling to the bathroom... Luckily, it was a suite.

This ailment comes on quickly and goes away just as fast; the diarrhea stops on its own after a couple of days, no medicine needed. It's purely psychogenic diarrhea…sigh. I always said Tang Chen kept everything bottled up inside, causing health problems. At least he has a good constitution; what about me? My constitution is so poor, yet I'm always trying to improve my health.

Nestled in bed, I saw the slingshot on my desk. Perhaps my mother died long ago… but that's not entirely wrong. My stepmother is my true mother; what does blood relation matter? I'm not a motherless child; the only difference is I wasn't born from her womb…

"...After all these years, I've thought about whether I should keep it from you." Huang E said sullenly, "Your stepmother was afraid of you at first. It was precisely because she was afraid that she was good to you."

“I know.” He stroked the slingshot. “But humans are emotional beings. What started as feigned affection later became genuine. How can we dwell on it so much… She does love me, that’s for sure.”

"That's because you love her so much that you moved her," Huang E said irritably. "How boring."

"I think you don't understand the true meaning of love." I clasped my hands together. "Alas, my feelings for you..."

"No, no, no!" she screamed as she fled through the window. "Please spare me, please spare me!"

I laughed for a long time, but the laughter gradually faded away.

Is it really that easy to come to terms with it? If "coming to terms with it" were that simple, the global suicide rate would be at least fifty percent lower. But I don't need to keep pressing my finger on the wound and constantly relive the pain. I can ignore it, ignore it, and wait for it to scab over and heal.

Shuo once said that there is no illness that time cannot heal. Sooner or later, I will be free from pain; it's just that I suddenly saw it and can't think straight for a moment.

But when I heard they were leaving tomorrow, I breathed a sigh of relief. I made an excuse to go to the Central Library to read, firmly refusing Tang Chen's company, and quietly slipped away.

I can't live under the same roof as my "little aunt".

As I was looking up at the bus stop sign, I felt a tap on my shoulder. If I could, I wouldn't want to turn around.

Ever since the calamity poured its anger into me, my connection with her has deepened, to the point where I even have a slight ability to read minds. The stronger the blood ties, the easier it is to read someone's mind. That's why I discovered my "birth mother."

Stay calm and composed. I sternly reminded myself. I was a guest at the Tang family's house, and I had to at least show some respect to Tang's parents, who had been kind to me. Besides, my uncle had accepted me as his disciple.

I turned around casually, feigning surprise, "...Auntie?"

She smiled beautifully, a little shyly. "I've been wanting to talk to you these past few days, but you haven't been feeling well."

"I'm a bit weak." Actually, it wasn't as difficult as I had imagined.

She chatted with me for a few minutes, then asked somewhat shyly, "Hengzhi... Is Brother Xubai very busy? I wanted to visit him, but he said he doesn't have time to see guests."

“Uh…” I thought of staying at Uncle Shuo’s place for a while. I figured his city walls had probably collapsed to the ground, and he must be “very busy.” “I think so.”

She rubbed her shoulder, as if in great pain. "...Since you're his prized student, could you take a look at me?"

I was a little confused. "What are you looking at?"

She hesitated, struggling for a long time before finally asking, "...Do infant spirits really exist?"

I had barely uttered the words when a child's head popped out from behind me, right at the neck and shoulder joint, staring intently at me.

…That's my face.

I must have scared her; she was trembling all over. "...Really? What should we do? Hengzhi...can you think of something?"

My mind went blank, and it took me a while to understand what she was saying.

"I..." He only managed to utter one word when Huang E suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said sharply, "Ignore her!"

Forcing myself to calm down, I forced back all my tears. Taking a few deep breaths, I chuckled softly, "It's not good to ask this on the street... Let's go to the park and find a place to sit."

"You can go back to the Tang family first," she said, looking completely bewildered.

I shook my head vigorously, "...It's okay, it'll be quick."

There's a small park near Tang Chen's house. Tang Chen often teaches me to play badminton there... because I was once knocked unconscious by a tennis ball, badminton is much safer.

Thinking of Tang Chen eased the feeling of being completely lost and as if I had fallen into an ice cellar, and I felt as if I had found the courage to face it.

"Ignore her!" Huang E roared, but his voice held a hint of pleading.

I gently patted her, then sat facing "Little Auntie".

"Why do you think that?" I asked, adopting my most professional demeanor. I could really become a charlatan someday. "Tell me about it."