Manlu tossed and turned in bed, racking her brains. She traced back to when Hongcai's attitude towards her had started to deteriorate. It was that day when her sister came to visit her in the hospital, and later that night, Hongcai returned drunk and, taking advantage of the situation, expressed his ambition towards her sister. She scolded him for it.
If he could really get what he wanted, he might actually stop causing trouble and become a better person. Although he is fickle, he seems to be deeply in love with her younger sister.
She felt a surge of hatred, a hatred that made her grit her teeth. But regardless, when she married him, she was determined to stay with him. She was prepared to live a simple life, never expecting him to become rich. Now that he was rich, it was as if she had won the lottery—was it all for nothing in the end?
Something cold was pressed against the back of my foot. The hot water bottle had gone cold, which meant it was late at night, and the night was even quieter. A train was passing by on a nearby railway line, its whistle sounding mournfully.
She suddenly realized that her mother's "motherhood philosophy" wasn't entirely without merit. Having a child would be wonderful. Having a child through someone else's womb. Ideally, the person would be her sister—firstly, because Hongcai had chosen her, and secondly, because she was her sister, making her easier to control.
When her mother gave her advice, she probably never imagined that she would think of her second sister. She couldn't help but smile. Her smile had a slightly sinister undertone, but she couldn't see it herself.
Then she suddenly thought, "I'm going crazy. I said Hongcai was crazy, and I'm almost crazy too!" She tried her best to get rid of that absurd thought, but she knew it would come back, like a shadow, the shadow of a wild beast. It had come once and knew the way, sniffing around to find its way back to her.
She found it terrifying.
Eighteen Spring Eight
In most families, two or three o'clock in the afternoon is the quietest time of day. Children are at school, young people are at work, and only the elderly and infirm remain at home. This was the case in Manzhen's family; only her mother and grandmother were home. That afternoon, a knife sharpener came to the alleyway. Mrs. Gu heard him calling out and went downstairs with two kitchen knives. A little while later, she came back upstairs and called out loudly, "Mom, guess who's here? Mu Jin is here!" Mrs. Gu couldn't immediately remember who Mu Jin was and vaguely asked, "Hmm, who is it?" Mrs. Gu led the guest inside. Mrs. Gu recognized him as Zhang Mu Jin, the son of her niece, who had previously been engaged to her eldest granddaughter.
Mu Jin smiled and called out, "Grandma." Grandma Gu was overjoyed and said, "You've lost weight! How is Mom?" Mu Jin paused, before she could answer, Mrs. Gu said from the side, "My cousin has passed away." Grandma Gu exclaimed in surprise, "Ah?" Mrs. Gu said, "I was startled when I saw the black gauze wrapped around her sleeve!"
Grandma Gu stared blankly at Mu Jin and asked, "When did this happen?" Mu Jin replied, "It was in March of this year. I didn't send a notice of death; I was thinking of telling my great-aunt myself when I came to Shanghai." He briefly recounted how his mother had fallen ill. Grandma Gu couldn't help but burst into tears, saying, "How could I have imagined? People as old as us are still alive, but she died so young!" In fact, Mu Jin's mother was already in her fifties, but in the old lady's eyes, her younger generation would always be children.
Mrs. Gu sighed, "My cousin is truly blessed to have such a good son as Mu Jin." Old Mrs. Gu nodded, "That's true! Mu Jin, I heard you've become the hospital director. So young, truly remarkable." Mu Jin smiled, "That's nothing. People say, 'First in the countryside, seventh in the city.'" Mrs. Gu laughed, "You're too modest. Back when your uncle was alive, he always spoke highly of you, saying you'd definitely amount to something. Mom, do you remember?" It was because her husband greatly admired Mu Jin that he arranged for Manlu to marry him.
Mrs. Gu asked, "What brings you to Shanghai this time?" Mu Jin replied, "I came to Shanghai to buy some things for the hospital." When Mu Jin mentioned staying at a hotel, Mrs. Gu immediately said, "Then you should move in here. Staying in a hotel isn't very convenient." Mu Jin said, "Wouldn't that be too much trouble?" Mrs. Gu laughed, "It's alright—we won't stand on ceremony! Didn't you used to live with us?" Mrs. Gu said, "What a coincidence, there just happened to be an empty room, and the family downstairs just moved out." Mrs. Gu then explained to Mu Jin, "Last year, Manlu got married, and because we didn't have many people in our family, we rented out the two rooms downstairs." Up until now, they hadn't mentioned Manlu. Mrs. Gu then said, "Manlu got married, you knew, right?" Mu Jin smiled and said, "I heard."
"Is she alright?" Old Mrs. Gu said, "She's lucky to have met this man; he treats her quite well. Her husband is quite good at business; they've built their own house on Hongqiao Road." Old Mrs. Gu always considered Manlu's marriage to a wealthy man a miracle, arguably the proudest thing in her later years, so she went on and on about it. Mu Jin listened, saying, "Oh. Oh. That's good." Mrs. Gu noticed his somewhat unnatural expression, as if he still couldn't forget Manlu. If he hadn't known she was married, he probably wouldn't have come here, to avoid suspicion.
The knife sharpener was shouting outside the back door that the knife was sharpened. Mrs. Gu hurriedly got up and went downstairs, and Mu Jin took the opportunity to stand up and say goodbye. The two women insisted that he come and stay, and Mu Jin smiled and said, "Okay, then I'll move my luggage over tonight. I have something to do now and need to go somewhere else." Mrs. Gu said, "Then come early and have dinner."
That evening, Mu Jin carried two pieces of luggage from the hotel to the Gu family home. Mrs. Gu had already prepared the room downstairs. She smiled and called to her two sons, "Weimin, Jiemin, come help me with these things." Mu Jin smiled and said, "I'll carry them myself." He carried the suitcases into the room, and the two children followed, standing at a distance watching. Mrs. Gu said, "This is Brother Jin. Jiemin was too young before, so he probably doesn't remember. Weimin, you should remember. You liked Brother Jin very much when you were little. When he left, you cried for a whole day and night, and later you even got a beating from your father—he kept you up at night because of your troubles, and you got angry." Weimin was now a fourteen or fifteen-year-old boy, as tall as his mother. Hearing this, he couldn't help but feel embarrassed, blushing and remaining silent.
Grandma Gu entered the room at this moment, smiling, "We can tidy up later, let's go upstairs for dinner first." Mrs. Gu went to the kitchen to get the dishes, while Grandma Gu led Mu Jin upstairs. They ate dinner particularly late today because they were waiting for Mu Jin. Manzhen had to go out to teach after dinner, so she couldn't wait and served herself a bowl of rice. Mu Jin walked in and was stunned when he saw her. For a moment, he mistook her for Manlu—Manlu from six or seven years ago. Manzhen put down her chopsticks, stood up, and smiled, "Brother Jin, don't you recognize me?" Mu Jin was embarrassed to say that it was precisely because he knew her so well that he stared at her in a daze. She smiled and said, "Is this Second Sister? If I saw her elsewhere, I really wouldn't recognize her." Grandma Gu said, "Well, when you first saw her, she wasn't even as old as Weimin."
Manzhen picked up her chopsticks again and smiled, "I'm sorry, I'll eat first, because I have to go out after I finish eating." Mu Jin felt bad seeing her eat a bowl of white rice and two pieces of salted cabbage. By the time Mrs. Gu brought in the dishes, Manzhen had already finished eating. Mu Jin said, "Second sister, have some more." Manzhen smiled and said, "No, I'm full. Mom, let me offer you a seat." She stood up, poured herself a cup of tea, and leaned back in her mother's chair, slowly sipping it. Seeing her mother put a piece of stir-fried pork with chili peppers into Mu Jin's bowl, she said, "Mom, you forgot, Brother Jin doesn't eat spicy food." Mrs. Gu laughed: Oh dear, really, I forgot.
Grandma Gu chuckled, "This child has a good memory." They never imagined that the reason she remembered was because, as a child, she resented Mu Jin for taking her sister away. Knowing he didn't eat spicy food, she would insist on serving him rice, smearing chili sauce at the bottom of his bowl. He always knew it was a prank, but he hadn't taken it to heart, and of course, he'd forgotten it completely now. He was only surprised that Manzhen, after all these years, still remembered what he didn't like to eat. Her voice, her smile, every gesture and movement—all so familiar to him, things that had haunted his dreams all these years, were now right before his eyes. Fate was truly cruel, yet, beyond the pain, those who suffered it might find a touch of sweetness within it.
Manzhen finished her tea and left. Mu Jin, however, remained somewhat lost in thought. He used to be a frequent visitor to the Gu family. They used to serve guests a special kind of old-fashioned bone chopsticks, round at the bottom and square at the top, which were exceptionally long and heavy to hold. He had always used these chopsticks at their house. Now, he was eating at the same table with the whole family, young and old, except for Manlu. He couldn't help but feel a sense of melancholy under the dim yellow light.
Mu Jin had developed a habit of going to bed early in the countryside, and went to sleep at 9:30. Mrs. Gu waited there for Manzhen to return. Grandma Gu wasn't sleepy today either, sitting and talking with her daughter-in-law, reminiscing about her niece's life, and shedding tears as she spoke. Then they talked about Mu Jin, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law said in unison how good he was. Mrs. Gu said, "That's why Manlu's father chose him. — Sigh, we're just unlucky; we shouldn't have such a good son-in-law." Grandma Gu said, "These things are all predestined."
Mrs. Gu said, "How old is Mu Jin this year? Is he the same age as Manlu? He's still not married, and I feel so bad about it." Old Mrs. Gu nodded, "That's right! He's her only son, and he's over thirty and still unmarried. She's sure to blame us; she won't even have a grandson to wear mourning clothes when she dies!" Mrs. Gu sighed, "Mu Jin is such a devoted boy."
The two women were silent for a while, their thoughts both heading in the same direction. It was Old Mrs. Gu who spoke first: "Actually, Manzhen and he are a couple too."
Mrs. Gu chuckled softly, "Yes, if we could give Manzhen to him and repay his kindness, that would be perfect. It's a pity Manzhen already has Mr. Shen." Old Mrs. Gu shook her head, saying, "As for Mr. Shen, I don't think it's certain yet. They've known each other for almost two years; if things continue like this, he'll be wasting his time!" Although Mrs. Gu was somewhat dissatisfied with Shijun's attitude, he was, after all, her daughter's boyfriend, and she felt she couldn't not defend her daughter. She sighed and said, "Mr. Shen is a good man, but he seems to have a bit of a temper." Old Mrs. Gu said, "To put it bluntly, he's like someone who occupies a position without doing their business!" (laughs)
On the third night after Mu Jin moved into their house, Shi Jun came. It was after dinner, and Mu Jin was in his room. Man Zhen told Shi Jun that there was a doctor staying with them, practicing medicine in a small town in his hometown. She said, "How many doctors are willing to work in such a hard place? I admire his spirit. Let's go talk to him." She and Shi Jun went to Mu Jin's room, and she asked him many questions about the countryside and the town; she was interested in everything. Shi Jun couldn't help but feel a surge of instinctive jealousy. He listened silently, but he was never one to speak much in front of strangers, so Man Zhen didn't notice anything unusual about his attitude.
As he was leaving, Manzhen saw him off and told him about Mu Jin and her sister's history, saying, "That happened seven years ago. He hasn't married yet, probably because he can't forget her." Shijun laughed, "Oh, this guy is so sentimental, he's practically a romantic!" Manzhen laughed, "Yes, it sounds a bit silly, but I think that's his good point. If someone wasn't a little silly, they wouldn't go to such a remote and impoverished place to run a hospital and do such a thankless job."
Shijun didn't say anything. When he reached the entrance of the alley, he nodded to her, said briefly "See you tomorrow," and turned to leave.
After that, whenever Shijun came to her house, Mujin was always there. Sometimes, when Mujin was in his room, Manzhen would pull Shijun into his room, and the three of them would talk together. Manzhen actually had ulterior motives. Lately, she felt that if the two of them were always together, their passion would only grow stronger day by day, and one day they would disregard everything and get married prematurely. She didn't want that to happen, so she welcomed a third party to be with them. She could be said to have good intentions, but Shijun, of course, didn't understand. He felt very unhappy.
Their office has changed its rules and now provides lunch. They used to go out to eat at small restaurants together every day, but Manzhen advised him to save some money, so they've been eating at the factory all the time, which means they have even less opportunity to talk. Manzhen thinks this is for the best, to maintain a slight distance in appearance. She doesn't realize that feelings are difficult to manage; you can't just put them in the refrigerator and assume they'll stay fresh for a while.
On Saturdays, Shijun would always come to her house as usual, but this Saturday he called and asked her to go out. Mrs. Gu answered the phone. She called out to Manzhen, "It's Mr. Shen." They were eating, and Mrs. Gu returned to the table, casually covering Manzhen's plate with her rice bowl to prevent the food from getting cold. She knew that when the two of them talked on the phone, they would talk for ages.
Manzhen had indeed been gone for quite some time and hadn't come back in. Mu Jin had been wondering about the extent of her friendship with her colleague surnamed Shen, and now he knew. He felt a sense of relief and disappointment, realizing how foolish he had been to allow himself to have such wild thoughts after only meeting her for a few days, when in fact she already had a lover.
Jiemin always loved to chatter on about school at the dinner table, whether it was someone being kept out of school at night or who got into a fight. He would excitedly and angrily tell his mother a whole string of stories. Today, he was saying that they were going to put on a play, and he would be playing a role in it—an old doctor. Mrs. Gu said, "Good, good, let's eat. It's very meaningful. It was your husband who picked out this script for us. It's excellent, famous all over the world!" Mrs. Gu ignored everything he said; she just looked him up and down and said, "You have a grain of rice stuck to the corner of your mouth."
Jiemin felt extremely deflated and unhappy, lazily wiping his mouth with his hand. Mrs. Gu said, "It's still there." His brother, Weimin, then said, "He's saving it as a snack." Everyone at the table laughed, except for Mu Jin, who was standing there in a daze. Their laughter made him a little confused, wondering if he had acted inappropriately or done something ridiculous. He looked at each of their faces, but couldn't figure it out.
That afternoon, Mu Jin had some business to attend to, so he left early and didn't return for dinner. Meanwhile, Shi Jun and Man Zhen had also eaten dinner out and had just returned together; Mu Jin had only been back a short while earlier. As Shi Jun and Man Zhen passed his room, they heard laughter coming from inside. It turned out that Jie Min was forcing Mu Jin to demonstrate how to act as a doctor. Mu Jin was teaching him how to use a stethoscope and how to take blood pressure. Man Zhen and Shi Jun stood watching at the doorway, but Mu Jin couldn't continue and laughed, "I only know these two tricks, and I've taught them both." When Shi Jun taught them to ride bicycles, they were very close to him, but now that Mu Jin was around, they were much colder towards him. Normally, Shi Jun might not have noticed, but now he was particularly sensitive, even feeling a little jealous of the children's affection for Mu Jin.
Caught off guard, Mu Jin yawned. Manzhen said, "Jiemin, let's go upstairs, Brother Jin needs to sleep." Mu Jin laughed, "No, no, it's still early. I haven't been sleeping well these past few days—I've practically become a country bumpkin, the noise of cars and trams keeps me awake." Manzhen said, "And that radio next door, it's so annoying, it's on all day long." Mu Jin laughed, "I'm just not used to it. I'd like to find a couple of books to read; if I can't sleep, reading will help me fall asleep." Manzhen said, "I have some. Jiemin, go upstairs and get them, bring a couple more."
Jiemin came in carrying a large stack of books, all from her bookshelf, including two that Shijun had given her. She examined them one by one, then handed one to Mujin, smiling, "I wonder if you've read these?" Mujin laughed, "I haven't read any. Let me tell you, I'm a complete country bumpkin now, working all day long, where would I find the time to read?" He stood under the lamp, flipping through the books, when Manzhen said, "Oh dear, this light bulb isn't bright enough, we need to get a bigger one." Although Mujin tried his best to stop her, Manzhen still went upstairs to get a light bulb.
Shijun was getting restless and wanted to leave, but then he felt a little reluctant. He picked up a book and started flipping through it. Jiemin was chattering away, telling Mujin about his play.
Manzhen brought over a light bulb and said with a smile, "Shijun, can you help me lift the table?"
Mu Jin and Shi Jun quickly carried the table over and placed it under the light. Manzhen nimbly climbed onto the table, and Mu Jin hurriedly said, "Let me do it." Manzhen smiled and said, "It's alright, I can manage." Then darkness fell. In the instant before darkness descended, Mu Jin noticed Manzhen's ankles. He was standing right next to the table and couldn't help but see them. Her ankles were so slender yet strong, just like her character. These past few days, her mother had often chatted with Mu Jin about family matters. Mu Jin knew that their family of seven was now entirely dependent on Manzhen, and he found it truly remarkable that she could act so nonchalantly, without a trace of resentment. He discovered that her interests were different from most people's. She was truly full of vitality. Now he even had this feeling that compared to her, her sister was just a beautiful, dreamlike shadow.
The lamp came back on, its light shining on her face, held in her hands. Manzhen squatted down, jumped off the table, and laughed, "Is that enough? But you're going to read in bed, so I'm afraid it's still not suitable." Mu Jin said, "It's alright, it's the same. Don't bother anymore!" Manzhen laughed, "I might as well go all the way." She ran upstairs again and brought back a table lamp. Shijun recognized that lamp; it was the one by Manzhen's bedside.
Mu Jin sat on the edge of the bed, reading a book under the lamp. Did he also find the light particularly warm? Shi Jun had wanted to leave long ago, but he didn't want to appear resentful, because Manzhen would definitely laugh at him. Rationally, he also believed his jealousy was unfounded. After they got married, she might treat his friends with the same hospitality, and he certainly wouldn't object—he wasn't necessarily that old-fashioned or petty. But rationally speaking, he still found it unbearable.
What was particularly unbearable was that when he left, he walked alone into the dark street, while they still gathered under the lights like a family.
Mrs. Gu had always viewed Manzhen and Mujin with a cold eye, but she felt that the two got along very well, so she held a 70-80% hope in her heart. When she saw that Shijun was not coming around as often, she was secretly happy, thinking that Manzhen must be being cold to him.
It was another Saturday afternoon. After lunch, Mrs. Gu spread two newspapers on the table, laid out several liters of rice on them, and slowly picked out the weeds and sand. Mu Jin sat down opposite her and chatted with her. He said he would be going back the day after tomorrow, and Mrs. Gu felt very sorry for him, saying, "We also want to go back. We still have a few acres of land and two houses in the countryside. Our old lady always thinks about going back. I often tell her this, and when we talk about your mother, I say that if we go to the countryside, we can prepare some food and invite her over to play cards, so we old sisters can get together. Who knew we wouldn't see her again!" As she spoke, she sighed deeply. She added, "It's a pity there aren't any good schools in the countryside, making it inconvenient for the children to go to school. In the future, when they are older and can board at school, and when Manzhen gets married, I will really go to the countryside with our old lady!"
Judging from her tone, it seemed as if Manzhen's marriage was a distant and uncertain matter, so Mu Jin smiled and asked, "Second sister, aren't you engaged? But Manzhen might not be willing to marry into a family whose background is unknown." Mu Jin also understood from her tone that she clearly favored him. But what about Manzhen herself? Was Mr. Shen's affection for her entirely unrequited? Mu Jin had some doubts. However, people are like that; they tend to believe what they want to believe. Mu Jin was no exception. His mind started to race again.
His inner turmoil was no less than that of Shijun.
Shijun didn't come today, nor did he call. Manzhen suspected he might be sick, but perhaps something was wrong, which was why he was late. She stayed in her room, leaning against the windowsill and looking down. After a while, she walked listlessly into the next room. Her mother saw her and smiled, "Why didn't you go to the movies today? Brother Jin is leaving the day after tomorrow, why don't you treat him?" Mu Jin smiled, "I'll treat you, I'll treat you. I've been in Shanghai for so many days, and I haven't seen a single movie!" Manzhen smiled, "I remember you used to love watching movies, why do you seem less interested now?" Mu Jin smiled, "Watching movies can be addictive. The more you watch, the more you want to watch. Back in the mainland, there weren't any movies to watch, so I quit after a couple of years." Manzhen said, "There's one movie you absolutely must see—but I don't know if it's still showing." She immediately looked for a newspaper, searching and searching, but she couldn't find one with a movie advertisement.