Чистая вода и прекрасные горы

Глава 50

I laughed sadly, a laugh that was laced with tears.

That year. I was seventeen. You were nineteen. I had cherished that dream for ten years. Finally, on that day, it shattered completely.

You did indeed throw a lavish wedding banquet. But the person who walked down the aisle with you wasn't me.

What I want is not a legitimate wife, but that promise.

You told me to wait, and I did, but all I got in return was you telling me not to wait anymore.

Li... tell me, are you in pain? I am in pain, the pain goes right to my core.

But I will not give up, because of my desperate persistence.

I said, I will wait. I don't want any title or position, I just want you to fulfill your promise and take me back to your mansion. I am willing to be a worthless concubine, just because the person beside me is you.

I saw the shock in your eyes, and you said I was the first woman to shock you.

I went to great lengths to get close to your wife, repeatedly seeking opportunities to be near you. I saw her embroidering with fluorescent thread; I was so moved, because of you, because you haven't forgotten…

I finally entered the palace through her, and stood before you. At that moment, did you see the tears I had held back for so long in my eyes?

I have so much to say to you, but you remain silent. Even when she's not around, you prefer to sit silently at your desk, ignoring me watching you quietly from a distance. I know you can't understand why I came to you this way; I just want to tell you that I'll fulfill the promise you couldn't keep.

I brought the tea to your side, and all my hopes and waiting were summed up in just one sentence from you: "Don't hurt her."

My thousand words froze on my lips. I laughed, then knocked over the teacup, and the scalding water burned my hand.

If you won't hurt her, then come and hurt me.

You looked at my hand in alarm, and I looked with satisfaction at the hint of heartache in your eyes.

The woman outside the door watched with a smile as I put on this performance.

I left her hints time and time again, deliberately burned my hand, and even brought my mother. All I did was to let her know my place in your heart, our past, and to make her back down. I wanted her to confront you with all the evidence. I knew our past was the deepest pain in my heart, and once it erupted, the two of you would be completely estranged.

But to my surprise, she concealed the whole truth and treated me as before. I even thought she was numb and unaware.

When she disregarded all obstacles and married me as I wished, I suddenly regretted it, regretting my sinister intentions. She was such a magnanimous person; her composed demeanor and all-knowing eyes instilled a sense of awe in me. I dared not reveal any more of my true intentions. I even thought for a time that she was unaware of my true nature, and only by comforting myself with this thought could I appear somewhat virtuous.

We've finally reached this day. Your smiling eyes, separated only by a red veil, are so close to me.

You looked at me with surprise as my red veil was lifted, my face streaked with tears, but then you gently wiped away the glistening tears with your hand.

You are my long-held dream, and to be with you is the greatest luxury of my life.

I was willing to give everything, to forgo titles and honors, to forgo favor and power, only asking that your heart be with me, only asking that I be the one to melt away all the indifference in your eyes. But alas… it is no longer me.

As you led me through the side gate into the palace to the sound of suona horns, and gazed intently at her laughing and talking with Xiwen not far away, did you know how heartbroken I was? When you married me, your eyes were filled with another woman.

I finally understand that your discord with her is not because of your indifference, nor because you care about me, but because... you resent that she doesn't see you, and how much you long to be a part of her life without missing a single detail.

Just as you have been a long-held dream of mine, she seems to have become an unattainable dream for you as well.

I once thought her arrival was just taking away a place in this palace, but I never expected that I would just be occupying a place vacant. The sky of this palace belongs to you, and the land belongs to her. You two are each other's heaven and earth, and you are such a perfect match.

I never knew you could be so angry. Because of her, I saw your eyes red with rage. You loudly rebuked those who spread rumors and slanders about Yiling's childbirth in the manor. I may only see you so enraged once in my life. You, always calm and composed, never losing your composure, always with a gentle and serene expression, lost your senses because of a woman. That wasn't an ordinary woman; she was a woman you felt was both unattainable and yet so close.

She will never know that a casual gesture of hers can draw all your attention, and that she can effortlessly influence your emotions.

During those days, you obeyed the Emperor's request to stay in my room every night, yet you would often gaze thoughtfully at the lights in the main courtyard. Did this mean that I had lost my purpose? The Emperor wanted me to be a wall between you and her. But she had already become that insurmountable wall between us.

That night, I was in tears but couldn't utter a single word.

You were moved. After a long silence, you looked up at me and gently asked, "Lan'er, what do you want? Tell me, and I'll give it to you."

I laughed. Li, what hope do I have besides you?

But I compromised with you. I know that I can't keep your heart, and I can never win it back.

I pointed to the main courtyard, and with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, I asked you, "What...did she ask you for? I...want it too."

You were stunned, lost in awkward contemplation, and reluctantly agreed.

Losing you while having a child is the biggest compromise I can make for you.

That night was the only time you touched me.

Do you know how happy you were when you found out she was pregnant? You would see her in every dream. When I was awakened by your laughter and went to the outer room to see your satisfied smile, and heard you whispering her name over and over again, do you know how much my heart ached? I finally realized how foolish I was. I thought I could prove to her that I was the one who walked into your heart, but in the end I found that my existence was only to prove that she was the one who walked into your heart.

I was deeply moved when she came up to me and told me those old stories.

I could no longer see any restraint in her eyes, only something very faint, as if she no longer cared about anything in the world.

I finally realized that I was nothing more than a withered blade of grass barely surviving under her tolerance.

She said she would give you back to me, but can you really come back?

Seeing you so distraught for five days because of her passing, I knew you would never come back. Even if she returned everything to you, you would only stay by her side.

The day she left, Zhi'er cried so hard, it broke my heart, but you... you hurt me even more...

Five days later, you did indeed return to normal. On the surface, you were still the same Prince Ningshuo, who was both glorious and indifferent to honor and disgrace. But do you know? You were spacing out more and more often, often sitting in the main room for a whole day. You would always stare at the same thing for a long time until I wiped away the cold, wet tears from your face.

You will sit in front of the cradle all night, watching your baby sleep sweetly. You will smile gently, and as you smile, tears will well up on your cheeks.

When I handed you that white silk handkerchief, letting you know that she knew everything about us, I saw a sorrow in your eyes I had never seen before, as if something was about to be torn apart. At that moment, you were shaken by her, and I understood... that I was not the only woman in this world who could move you so deeply.

You would be talking to me, then suddenly stop, close your eyes, and fall asleep. After some time, you would suddenly wake up in your dream, not even looking at me who was guarding you, but just indifferently ordering out the window, "Xiao Si, go to the palace and see if it's time to bring the Princess back."

Now, you are nestled in my arms, silently shedding tears, but I know... in your eyes, in your heart, in everything you are... it is not me, but that woman lying quietly smiling in Xiling.

Chapter 1 of the main text

Winter of the 23rd year of Tianyou

The Prince Ningshuo's mansion is taking another concubine.

This was no longer unusual in the capital. In the past two years, the position of Crown Prince had been vacant, and the power in the court was scattered. Several princes who were expected to inherit the throne had each set up their own camps and won over many people's hearts. Naturally, it was a good job to build connections through marriage.

The only surprising thing was that the usually calm and detached, uninterested Seventh Prince Ning Shuo was also among them.

People in the court were puzzled, the royal brothers and noblewomen discussed it among themselves, and even the common people were eagerly watching.

Currently, four princes are vying for the throne. After the crown prince was deposed two years ago, the emperor declared that he would not appoint another crown prince, making the situation even more unpredictable.

The Fifth Prince, Lu Huan, was backed by his favored mother, Consort Lin, and his powerful maternal uncle, Grand Secretary Lin, who wielded considerable influence and recruited many civil officials. Their power was not to be underestimated. Furthermore, this prince was described as kind, courteous, and without any airs of royalty.

The Third Prince, Lu Qi, though lacking a favored mother, saw his power surge after marrying the daughter of the Prime Minister. With the support of his father-in-law, the Prime Minister, and his martial prowess, he had led troops into battle for the past two years, achieving numerous victories. The former reckless man, having received guidance from his father-in-law, now carried weight in the court and among the people.

The Seventh Prince, Lu Li, became famous in the capital three years ago for his glamorous marriage to the daughter of the Prince of Huainan. Two years ago, the Huainan regime was destroyed, and even his wife died mysteriously. Instead, he gained a stronger foothold in the court, taking charge of the Ministry of Revenue and the Ministry of Personnel, and holding military power in the capital, sharing command of the capital's imperial guards with his brother, the Fourth Prince.

In the past two years, three women have entered the Ning Prince's mansion, all daughters of powerful officials bestowed upon him by the Emperor. Lu Li calmly accepted them all; his Ning Prince's mansion was large, but not very populous, so a few more wouldn't be a problem.

The vacant position of heir apparent was the object of intense anticipation among powerful officials. Rumors circulated that the only daughter of the Pang family would fill the vacancy, though this remained unconfirmed. Prince Lu Li's composure only fueled further speculation, and the rumors quickly spread throughout the capital, claiming that the Seventh Prince's marriage to a Pang daughter meant he had one foot in the crown prince's seat. The Pang family's power seemed to rival that of the Rong family in their heyday.

This time, the concubine who married into the Prince of Ning's household was the daughter of the Grand Commander. It is said that the Grand Commander's only daughter being made a concubine moved him to tears of gratitude for the imperial favor. This shows how luxurious the Prince of Ning's mansion truly was, a golden palace that many could only dream of but never attain.

The Ning Prince's mansion is bustling with activity once again. The concubine, Qin, who is now in charge, was once a renowned and talented woman. Now, she has become a dignified and virtuous housewife, managing all the affairs of the mansion, young and old, and relieving the prince of much of the burden of his busy schedule of court affairs.

Madam Qin carried the tea into the main room's study. Before the sandalwood desk stood the elegant and refined Seventh Prince, one hand behind his back, the other holding a brush, intently writing.

Madam Qin had long since figured out this man's temperament. She said nothing, put down her fragrant tea, and turned to leave. Seeing the Fourth Prince striding towards her, she hurriedly bowed and said, "Fourth Prince, you've arrived."

The words were spoken to the person inside the room.

The Fourth Prince was used to it. This sister-in-law of his was always excessively polite.

He nodded, and one foot was already inside the main room.

Madam Qin maintained a smile until the Fourth Master entered the house, then came out and turned to close the door for the two brothers.

Qin felt somewhat afraid of this man.

I heard in my early years that he had a bad temper, was easily angered and serious.

In the past two years, his temper has become increasingly worse. Before, you could still see the expression on his face, but now you can't see anything at all.

"She's becoming more and more like Seventh Master's indifference," Madam Qin chuckled to herself as she walked out of the main courtyard. For some reason, every time she came to the main courtyard, she felt less comfortable than in her own side courtyard; there was always a chilling fear that made her shudder.

The fragrant tea that Madam Qin had just brought was drunk up in one gulp by the Fourth Master, who was sitting at the table. In fact, the man at the desk had never tasted that fragrant tea before; he was used to Madam Qin bringing him tea at this time. He wasn't used to drinking something brought by another woman in this room. If he wanted some, he would go to the courtyard to ask her for a cup, not here.

"Is this what you told people to say—that I'm bedridden?" Fourth Master glanced at the person holding a pen, engrossed in writing.

The person writing did not respond.

The Fourth Prince sighed, “But why did you choose not to attend court today? You know perfectly well that the Emperor will not give me that position. Only you and the Third Prince are capable of leading the expedition. You used illness as an excuse to skip court, clearly handing over that position to him. Now the army is practically half of his domain, and even in the Ministry of Justice, which I control, there are several of his people.”

Lu Li changed to a different sheet of tribute paper, looked at the letter he had written, admired it for a long time, then put it aside, picked up his brush again, dipped it in ink, and asked, "Did Fifth Brother attend court today?"

The Fourth Prince was taken aback. He pondered for a moment and said, "He's here, but he looks like he hasn't woken up yet. When the Emperor asked him for some ideas, his answers were all ambiguous. He's acting a bit strange today."

The person holding the pen paused for a moment, then put down the pen and continued writing, "If Third Brother wants to go, then let him go."

This time, Lu Li truly put down his pen, walked around the desk, pushed open the nearest window, and looked at the pavilions and waterside terraces outside. The crabapple grove in the courtyard was a beautiful sight. It is said that winter plum blossoms bid farewell to winter, while crabapple blossoms welcome spring, but this year the crabapple blossoms bloomed exceptionally early.

The person by the window said calmly, "The manor is preparing for a happy occasion, so it is inconvenient for me to go on the expedition."

The Fourth Prince chuckled inwardly upon hearing this, probably thinking that the Prince Ning didn't even care about the name of his new bride. It was just an excuse; there were countless reasons why Prince Ning wouldn't do something, but this one was just too unconvincing.

Fourth Master stood up, walked towards Lu Li, and landed in front of the desk. He looked at the words Lu Li had just written and was momentarily stunned.

"We must not fight against the Great Mongol again, for another battle will surely lead to our destruction."

Fourth Master stood before the desk, stunned. He used to be able to barely understand his brother's intentions, but now he couldn't understand him at all.

Just as I don't understand why he would resolutely head towards the position of heir apparent.

Qin sat by the bed, staring blankly at her grandfather in front of the cradle. She had lost count of how many times this had happened.

"Xixiang Courtyard has been prepared today, and we will go to present the betrothal gifts tomorrow," Qin asked casually.

Lu Li was more interested in Zhi'er, who was twisting a handkerchief and playing in the cradle. He held out his index finger in front of Zhi'er's eyes, which indeed attracted Zhi'er's attention. The little thing tightly grasped the outstretched index finger with its soft hand and giggled.

Madam Qin sighed, then walked over to him, bent down, and asked, "Did you hear that, sir?"

"Oh." Lu Li's eyes didn't leave the child, and a smile even appeared on his lips. He casually asked, "When will you welcome the new bride into the manor?"

"The 28th of next month," Qin said, then added, "It's an auspicious day chosen by the Emperor."

The smile in Lu Li's eyes vanished instantly, and his brows furrowed imperceptibly. This subtle movement was noticed by Qin Shi.

“What an auspicious day!” Lu Li stood up. “If we have to choose that day, we might as well bestow it upon our brothers’ residences.”

"Li—" Lan Ruo called out, "You've endured for so long, can't you even endure one more day?"

"Whose responsibility is this household, yours or mine?" Lu Li turned around abruptly, his expression turning cold.

Qin was startled and stared blankly at Lu Li, whose face was full of anger. How long had it been since she had seen him angry? She felt a pang of sorrow in her heart, and tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them back.