Чистая вода и прекрасные горы

Глава 77

"Did you do this just to show me?" He suppressed his anger, trying his best to keep his words devoid of any emotion.

"Isn't this enough? Isn't this what Master wants? It's just for her status as the legitimate wife. This is all I can do now. I can give her the face of a legitimate wife. If Master wants more, I can't afford to give it to her!" I brushed past his shoulder, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his face darken. There was something I held back from saying: I am willing to acknowledge her status and her importance to you, but I cannot demean myself.

Back in the courtyard, I felt even more depressed, as if this once peaceful courtyard would never be quiet again.

Two days later, Consort Ding fell ill, so I asked to go and take care of her. Although the Emperor had decreed that he did not wish to see me again, he probably didn't hold much resentment towards me after all these days, so he said nothing and allowed me to serve Consort Ding. After receiving the decree, I was packing my bags to enter the palace when I felt a dark shadow fall behind me. I pretended not to see it, and the shadow did not move.

I knew what he was thinking. I hadn't told him about my plans to enter the palace. He'd gotten the news from Consort Ding during the day and now he wanted to ask me. Just as I was wondering whether to turn back, I heard footsteps outside the door. The person who entered sounded very happy. "My lord, the imperial physician just came and found out that Master Qin is pregnant. He says she's been pregnant for over two months."

I smiled inwardly, thinking it was better not to turn around, because the dark figure would definitely disappear in a moment.

Just then, a labored voice came from behind, "You..."

I stood stiffly, waiting to hear what he would say next, but in the end I only sighed softly and said nothing. The dark figure turned to leave.

"Stop." I quickly turned around and rushed to meet him. Seeing his indifferent face, my heart clenched painfully. What was wrong with me? Did I still have some hope? Wake up! I'm not Rong Zhaozhi anymore. What kind of damned Princess Ning is this? I'm not the legitimate wife anymore. What do I want? What do I have? That person is dead, and that heart died long ago…

Lu Li looked at me, frowning, seemingly unaware of my struggle. After standing there for a long time, I smiled slightly and bowed respectfully to him, "Congratulations, Master, our household will soon have another member."

Upon hearing what I said, Lu Li trembled violently, speechless for a moment, and finally gave an awkward smile before turning and leaving.

I was a little confused. Why did I call him? Why did I stop him? And what was it all about?

By the time I arrived at Qin Lanruo's place to offer my congratulations, I was incredibly sleepy. But I was thinking to myself that I was getting better and better at my job as a servant, carefully exchanging polite words with Qin Lanruo while simultaneously trying to hide my drowsiness. Finally, Qin Lanruo relented and told me to go back and rest. Only then did I begin to walk towards the door, only to see that figure hiding in the darkness. I smiled, gave a curtsy, and brushed past him.

Qin Lanruo's voice came from the house behind them, "Master, is Lanruo dreaming?!"

That gentle voice chuckled softly, "I told you long ago, don't be so discouraged. You see, fate has been kind to both of us. What's meant to come back will eventually come back."

“Master, Lanruo really thought she would never have her own child in this lifetime. Now that I think about it, it is a blessing from heaven that I can give birth to a child for you. It has been Lanruo’s long-cherished dream.”

Lu Li sighed softly, "Look at you, talking nonsense again. Now that you've recovered, it's only natural. This isn't a dream, it's reality!"

I hurriedly moved away. Back then, it was because of his words that Qin Lanruo would probably be infertile for life that I lost my newborn daughter. Now, what was bound to happen has finally happened. Where is my daughter? My Zhi'er... will I never be able to bring her back?

It was late at night. After washing up, Jingrui, who should have been asleep, was brought over by the nanny. Because of the thunder and constant commotion during the night, Yiling's place was never safe to stay, let alone Yao Shi, who wouldn't even look at the child. Now that Qin Lanruo was pregnant, she naturally couldn't be disturbed, so she brought him here. Without saying a word, I had the nanny take the sleeping Yin'er to Siliang's room to look after her, while I let my hair down and held Jingrui, singing a little tune to lull him to sleep. Jingrui gradually succumbed to sleepiness, his smiling eyes curving into a beautiful arc, and he fell into a deep sleep, his hand wrapped around my hair, tightly gripping it, refusing to let go even in his sleep.

I watched the figure standing there under the window for quite a while. Now that the child was fast asleep, I decided to make a sound.

"Is there anything else you need, sir?" I didn't know what else to say to him besides that.

The door opened, and I counted his footsteps, one after another. He stopped behind me, gently placing his hands on my shoulders. I sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, not moving. He gently pulled me into his arms from behind, and I rested my head against his chest, but I still refused to turn around and look at him.

I know you're annoyed.

I felt nothing, I just shook my head: "I'm not angry, I'm just confused. You told Lan Ruo that what's meant to come will come... then what about mine, will it ever come back?"

He tightened his grip on my arm, but remained silent. I felt like I was about to suffocate in the silence, so I reached out to pull his hand away, but no matter how much I struggled, he wouldn't let go.

"Besides this, what else do you want..."

He finally spoke, but what reached my ears sent a shiver down my spine. Tears inexplicably streamed down my face. His hand trembled at the coldness of my touch, and he hurriedly released me.

“I don’t want that. I only want this. I only want my daughter to call me ‘Mother’ instead of timidly calling me ‘Auntie’.”

My voice was hollow, and I felt as if my whole body was no longer real. He didn't answer a word. I remained sitting with my back to him. He stood there blankly for what seemed like an eternity before finally dragging his feet away, his figure etched with weariness and an indescribable helplessness…

I sat there blankly all night, staring at Jingrui's little face, desperately trying to recall that rosy, smiling face...

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Variables

For over ten days, I stayed by Consort Ding's side, mostly drinking tea and reading Buddhist scriptures. Consort Ding often stayed at the ancestral hall for several hours at a time, so I had quite a bit of free time. Several princes often came to visit me while I was ill. One day after court, the Fifth Prince came to visit me by imperial decree, so I quietly slipped away and tended to the flowers and plants in the backyard. Just as I was sculpting a potted peony with great care, I heard a soft laugh behind me, "I say, Madam, at this rate, the Emperor's beautifully gifted potted plant will be ruined."

The voice was so familiar, I knew it by heart. I immediately saw Liu Shang carrying an empty basin and placing it beside me. "You're just like our princess, wasting such a precious thing."

I chuckled. This Liu Shang, he even arranged for me to handle all my old messy affairs.

I handed him the scissors. "Has Fifth Master left?"

"Are you just going to avoid me like this?!" An extremely refined voice came from behind, sounding neither like Lu Li's indifference nor like the Fourth Master's coldness, but with a touch of gentleness. Its subtle magnetism could often make one's soul tremble, just like it did right now.

He chuckled dryly, then spun around to meet Fifth Master's warm smile, "How dare I?!"

Fifth Master stepped forward, waved for Liu Shang to leave, and turned to stand in front of me. "You couldn't even stand going back to the palace after only a few days with Seventh Prince?"

I nodded. "Who told me I was born to serve others? I can't stand having nothing to do."

Fifth Master shook his head and chuckled, "I think you just can't stand the tigress in their household. There have been a lot of rumors about you lately, saying that you didn't go to pay your respects to the tigress and that's caused a stir."

"That's right, that's why I came out to hide for a while." I smiled again, but as I looked at him, I suddenly turned my gaze back to the bonsai and pointed at it, "Fifth Master, what do you think of this one?"

"She's good-looking, but the cut was a bit too much."

A smile played in my eyes. "Yes, I understand the principle of moderation."

Fifth Master was smiling at first. Then his smile faded as he looked at me, staring at the bonsai. After a while, a knowing smile spread across his face. "You weren't avoiding me, you were just deliberately waiting for me here with this bonsai."

"I told you I wouldn't dare hide from you," I mumbled.

Fifth Master frowned slightly. "You just wanted to show me this potted plant. Too much of a good thing can be bad."

"You're a smart man. I don't need to spell it out. You understand what I mean."

Fifth Master took a breath. "I was foolish this time. Can't you even offer some pointers?"

“Even the smartest people in the world will pretend to be stupid once in a while, so I’ll be smart for once.” I smiled and looked at Fifth Master. “You actually have the ability, so you don’t need to put your mind to it or use any tricks.”

"Oh? Go on."

"This time, secretly following Seventh Master and then having Consort Lin whisper sweet nothings in the Emperor's ear, it was all Fifth Master's idea, wasn't it?"

Fifth Master looked at me thoughtfully, and after a long while, he asked with a smile, "Did I leave any leverage over you?!"

"No," I shook my head. "It's just that I've done some things."

What does that mean?

"Well! Seventh Master has been convicted, and Fourth Master pleading for him is a matter of brotherly affection, so there's nothing to say about it. But Fifth Master has always been distant from Seventh Master, so this sudden familiarity is a bit suspicious."

Fifth Master habitually masked his inner panic with a smile, "Interesting, it seems you really did remind me."

I didn't laugh, but looked at him seriously. "Fifth Master, there are many paths to that position. Stepping on others to get there is certainly the most convenient, but it is also the most unstable. How do you know if what's under your feet is solid or hollow?! I advise Fifth Master to put more effort into the right path."

Fifth Master pondered for a moment, "Why don't you tell the Emperor about this? Wouldn't that be beneficial to Seventh Prince?"

"What's good for him doesn't necessarily mean it's good for me." I smiled. "He is him, and I am me..."

Fifth Prince stared at me, somewhat dazed, and then, as if in a trance, pulled my hand to his cheek. His face was cool and refreshing, quite comfortable in the slightly sweltering weather. Surprisingly, I didn't blush or panic. Instead, I quietly admired his face, which wasn't particularly handsome among the princes, and felt its unique allure.

We stared at each other for a long time before Fifth Master finally sighed and released my hand. "You're becoming more and more interesting to me, or rather, I'm becoming more and more curious about you. If I had known this would happen, I should have gritted my teeth and taken you with me. With you by my side, perhaps... I wouldn't be so worried now."

I laughed, "But I'm even more afraid of your tigress."

His eyebrows curved into a smile. "Who says otherwise? I'm even more afraid than you are."

While smiling broadly, I glanced casually at Lu Li behind Fifth Master. When I met his gaze, he had already turned his head indifferently and walked eastward along the corridor of the back pavilion. I sighed softly in my heart; perhaps, to him, I was also a burden.

When I walked back to Consort Ding's place, I saw her coaxing Zhi'er. I went over and was about to ask why Zhi'er was there when Consort Ding pulled me to sit down. "Well, the seventh prince just brought him here. He said he wanted the child to keep me company so I could relax. I was thinking it would give you two a chance to spend time together."

I reached out and touched Zhi'er's forehead, recalling the pain in his eyes when I asked him so resolutely that day, and the endless weariness and difficulty he showed when he left. Perhaps he tried his best, tried his best to give, tried his best to make amends, tried his best to satisfy me. A faint smile touched my lips, but the image of his deliberately evasive gaze flashed back in my mind. Perhaps, our relationship will always be this entangled.

I took Zhi'er's hand, and then I heard Consort Ding say calmly, "The Emperor just sent someone to invite you to come tomorrow morning."

My heart sank, and the hand I was holding suddenly went cold.

Early in the morning, I lingered outside the Chaoyang Palace for a long time, hesitant to step inside. It wasn't until Eunuch Chang emerged from the inner room that I saw him and, with a smile, hurriedly led me inside. The Emperor was sitting at his desk, as always, looking weary as he reviewed memorials. I knelt down quietly, thinking he hadn't noticed my arrival, but then I heard a soft voice in my ear, "Before me, you don't need to perform such formalities."

I then stood up, took the tea tray from the palace servant behind me, and stepped forward. The emperor took it as usual, sipped the tea, and smiled, "It's been a long time since I've tasted the tea brewed by you, girl."

I remained silent, and those eyes finally shifted from the memorials to me. "What, are you afraid of me?"

I gave a weak laugh. "Yes, this servant is afraid."

The Emperor gasped, his gaze unreadable. "Does she resent me? What I said that day..."

I lowered my head, but then I heard the Emperor beckoning me to come closer.

I walked over and saw my name on the Xuan paper. I couldn't help but look up at him. The Emperor looked at me with a smile and said, "What kind of title do you want? You can't just stay in the Seventh Prince's mansion without a name or status."

Seeing that I remained silent, he asked again, "The first concubine of the Prince of Ning's residence... how about this one?"

I smiled and shook my head. "Is having a formal title really that important?"

The Emperor was taken aback. His subordinate hesitated for a moment before finally putting the weapon down. He gave me a deep look and asked, "Were you not having a good time there?"

“Very good,” I replied.

As I walked out of Chaoyang Palace, I was both puzzled and extremely tired. I looked at the increasingly faint moon on the horizon and smiled faintly.

As that figure in the gray robe walked towards me in the distance, my thoughts were transported to many similar scenes from the past.

The figure paused slightly upon seeing me, seemingly taken aback. But even a few steps away, those dark eyes, just like when we first met, seemed intent on capturing my gaze without warning. The maid beside me curtsied and called out, "Your Highness!" I trembled, quickly bowing my head in return.

But then I heard the Fourth Prince's voice: "No need." His tone was utterly cold. Dewdrops dripped from the eaves, their coolness seeping into my skin. I could feel those two gazes fixed on me, as if trying to see right through me, and I felt an increasing emptiness in my chest. My head drooped even lower, staring intently at the lightly pleated skirt, the white satin tassels at the hem swaying in the wind. I watched them turn and turn, when suddenly someone nudged me: "The Prince has already gone far away, what are you still doing here?"

Suddenly I woke up with a start, only to find that everything in front of me was empty. I couldn't help but raise my hand to touch the top of my head, and that gaze seemed to still be there.

After passing the flower hall, I didn't see Zhi'er, so I walked into the courtyard. In the distance, I saw Fourth Brother playing with Zhi'er. The two figures, one big and one small, looked quite charming in the pavilion. Fourth Sister-in-law was sitting at the table watching with a smile. I thought to myself, what a beautiful picture this was.

She walked over and scolded, "Zhi'er, you have no manners at all. Get off your fourth uncle's back!"

Fourth Sister-in-law pulled me aside, "Let them fight like this. He spoils Sangsang just the same way back in the manor."

Fourth Master's smile faded, and he glanced at me slightly. "This child is naturally lively, unlike Seventh Master who is quiet."

“Absolutely, even she gets annoyingly noisy when she's being difficult,” I chuckled. “Seventh Master can never handle her; he says she's definitely inherited that willful streak—”

Fourth Master's expression suddenly changed, and I snapped out of my daze and smiled, "She said she took after her biological mother."

Upon hearing this, Fourth Sister-in-law lowered her eyes, a hint of sadness in her expression. Then she glanced cautiously at Fourth Master, and seeing that he remained unmoved, she looked up and added calmly, "It seems that Seventh Brother's ability to say these words means that most of his inner turmoil has been resolved. Before, not only he himself, but even we dared not utter a single word about that girl. Even now, thinking about it still makes us feel unbearably sad."

I tactfully agreed and pulled Zhi'er down. Zhi'er tugged at my sleeve and said, "Auntie, Auntie, I want to eat milk cake."

Just as Zhi'er called me "Auntie," Fourth Master finally couldn't help but look up and scrutinize my expression. Fortunately, I remained expressionless, simply picked up Zhi'er, bowed to Fourth Master and Fourth Sister-in-law, and slowly withdrew.

Back in the inner room, I felt something was off, so I told the maid to take Zhi'er away. After checking the room, I noticed someone who had been hiding outside the window for a while. I walked over while closing the window, casually saying, "The tea's cold, I'll go to the back room to boil some water."

I pushed open the small door to the back room, and there was someone waiting by the stove, hiding outside the window. Seeing that Qiu Ming wasn't his usual carefree self, my heart tightened, and I quickly went to his side. "Has something changed?"

Qiu Ming glanced at me. "The Third Prince has returned to the capital."

"How is this possible?" This step was indeed far beyond my expectations. "How could Lu Hong not even keep an eye on Third Master?"

"He's got some skill to steal someone right under Lu Hong's nose."

"When did this happen?" I sat down, feeling my way along the chair, before I finally calmed down.

"It's been half a month."