Чистая вода и прекрасные горы

Глава 87

I quickly turned my head away. "Yiling, you've been indifferent for a while now. I advise you to go see her more often. After all, she gave birth to Zhen'er for you, and there's also Jingrui, isn't there?"

He frowned and looked at me. "I know. I'll visit her whenever I have time."

I sat up, turned around and smiled at him, "Just remember that. I'm going back now, I won't bother you with your business."

As I left the study, I saw a little figure standing guard outside the corridor, enjoying the breeze. When he saw me come out, he came over and hugged me.

"Didn't I tell you to go back first?" Looking at his little face, red from the wind, I felt a pang of heartache.

"My son wants to go with his mother." He said earnestly.

I pulled him along, "Then tell your mother, why wait here like an idiot?"

Yin'er kept her head down, "Son is scared..."

I laughed. "Afraid of your father?"

He didn't answer, but simply nodded emphatically.

After a long while, he raised his head innocently and said, "Mother, if I study hard, Father will be satisfied. Will he treat you better too?"

I stared at him, bewildered, "Yin'er..."

"My master said that in the palace, a mother's status depends on her son, so the son wants to become his mother's pillar of support."

I knelt down and gently hugged him. "Son... as long as you live a peaceful and happy life, that will be my greatest blessing."

Chapter Five of the main text: A Child?!

On the third day of the second month of the twenty-fifth year of Tianyou, Qin Lanruo was supposed to give birth, but her child was late. Lu Li stayed by her side in the courtyard for three days and three nights. On the fifth day of the second month, I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up. I had a premonition; it was the same with Zhi'er, who was born prematurely years ago. At first, it was just bloating. I called someone in, and as soon as I said that I thought I was going into labor, the person ran out. Soon after, the midwives and nannies came into the room. Looking at the people all over the floor, I felt a sudden, inexplicable panic.

The pain flared up intermittently, making me feel uncomfortable all over while lying in bed; even the slightest movement would cause me to break out in a sticky sweat. The imperial physician came in every now and then to check my pulse, but each time he said it was still a long way off. Lu Li was nowhere to be seen, and I vaguely heard someone say that Master Qin had also started to feel pain.

Seeing the gushing blood, Liu Shang turned pale with fright and quickly turned and rushed out. When I woke up again, I only saw Liu Shang lying on my bedside, her face wet with sweat or tears. "Master, the Prince is with Master Qin. Master Qin is also in pain today and is probably about to give birth. The people in that room are blocking me from going in to see the Prince." I closed my eyes, enduring the excruciating pain. Xiao Yu came to keep me company after hearing the news. When I was in too much pain, I would chat with her about random things.

As night fell, the truly excruciating pain began to strike in waves. My vision was blurry, and I could hear people moving around the room, offering words of encouragement. Xiaoyu reached out and gripped my hand tightly; in my daze, I could only hear her talking to me incessantly. The midwives huddled together, whispering for a long time. The surrounding sounds grew increasingly indistinct. I longed for it to end, but the pain only intensified, seemingly without end, until everything before my eyes gradually merged into darkness.

When I woke up again, I felt as if my throat was blocked, and I had no strength left to make a sound.

"You're finally awake." Turning around, I saw Xiaoyu sitting by the bedside, looking haggard.

I gave her a reassuring smile, feeling utterly exhausted. I closed my eyes, wanting to fall asleep again, but then I suddenly realized something and pulled Xiaoyu close, asking with difficulty, "Where's the baby?"

Xiaoyu smiled and said, "Don't worry, I've seen it, it's very beautiful. It's a boy."

Before I could react, Xiaoyu had already helped me sit up. She turned around and gave me a few instructions, and then a nanny brought in a tiny swaddled baby to my side. Instinctively, I reached out to hold the baby, but looking at him sleeping peacefully, I suddenly felt that everything that had happened in the past was worthwhile. The nanny smiled and carefully placed the baby in my arms. His soft little body rested on my arm, and I didn't dare to move.

“Seventh Master actually came while you were unconscious. He saw that you and your child were safe and sound, so he left in a hurry.” Xiaoyu sighed as she spoke, “He said that Qin Lanruo couldn’t give birth.”

I nodded, my eyes glued to the child in my arms, unable to look away, oblivious to the words around me.

Xiaoyu smiled as she looked at my daughter and me. "When Seventh Master left, he said he had already thought of a name for this child. It's Jing'ai. Seventh Master really treats him like a treasure."

"Ai...does it mean beautiful jade?!" I smiled faintly. I placed a gentle kiss on my son's forehead.

I handed the child over. A wave of weariness finally washed over me. Finally, I could sleep soundly for the night. In a daze, I fell into bed and drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

"You'd be better off scaring me to death." Before she even opened her eyes, she heard Lu Li sitting on the edge of the bed, beginning to "scold" her. "You were born more than two months premature again. I neglected you, and you've let yourself grow up like this."

"Have I been asleep for a long time?" I asked.

"It's been two days." Lu Li looked at me with a helpless expression. I looked around, wanting to see that rosy little face again.

He beckoned the wet nurse over, and showed her the baby in his arms: "Look, our Ai'er."

I peered into the swaddling clothes at the baby's face, then suddenly my expression turned blank, and a chilling unfamiliar aura washed over me: "Who is he?"

"What's wrong with you? He's your child." Lu Li looked at me and smiled incredulously, but the smile was too bright, unlike his usual calm smile.

"Really?" I stared straight at him, feeling a surge of emotion welling up inside me.

"Really." He affirmed it as strongly as possible, perhaps even forcing himself to believe it.

"Really?" I asked again.

"What's wrong with you?" Lu Li's eyes flickered, but it was as if a steel needle was firmly driven into my heart.

"..."

"Are you out of your mind? There are people who don't even acknowledge their own sons."

"Get out." My voice was hoarse, piercing straight to the soul. "Get out!"

He froze, staring at me, speechless for a long time. The child in his arms burst into tears, and he felt as if his heart had shattered into pieces.

"I've held our child before, and even if I'm confused, I'll still recognize him. Even if it's just empty talk, at least say it nicely, right?"

Lu Li hugged me tightly, and I felt his chin pressing down on my head, causing a sharp pain: "He is our child, our Ai'er, don't do this."

"What's wrong with my child?" There was no sobbing, no agitation, not even resentment, just utter exhaustion and helplessness. "Just say something, and I won't make a fuss or get angry. Can you just tell me the truth?"

“Child…” He was in a daze and could not say anything else. He just looked at the child in his arms. “Lan Ruo is gone. He is Ai’er now.”

“Our…Jing Ai?!” I laughed, staring blankly at the baby, tears streaming down my face. “My child…is he gone?!”

Lu Li stared at me, his face pale, his lips trembling. I shoved him away abruptly, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm asking you, was my child murdered? Was he executed by your royal father—"

A lump formed in my throat, and I slumped to my chest. A mouthful of blood splattered onto the sheets, spreading a vivid color. Then, uncontrollably, more blood dripped onto my chest and hands. I slumped down, feeling dizzy and disoriented. A voice echoed in my mind: My child is gone. The Emperor will not let my son go. No, he won't even give my aunt a child, let alone me…

Winter came exceptionally early in the twenty-sixth year of Tianyou's reign. Lying by the window, the hangover from the previous night still lingered, my body weak and limp. I reached out and accidentally knocked over the wine glass beside me, spilling the last drop of wine, adding a rich aroma to the air. Siliang got up from the bed in the outer room, her unwashed face and disheveled hair rubbing against me as she entered my room, "Auntie, Auntie..."

This girl has probably been spoiled by me too much. She's almost ten years old now, but she's not as steady as other children. In front of me, she's just like that headstrong, sweet-talking little girl who could make you happy but also annoy you.

Liu Shang brought a bowl of vegetarian noodles from the kitchen. I've never liked noodles, so I couldn't help but frown: "Why did you decide to make this?"

"Has Your Highness forgotten? Today is the Prince's birthday, and this is what the entire manor is supposed to eat."

"I knew it." He smiled calmly and picked up a piece of food with his chopsticks.

"Master, will the master be able to return by the end of the month?" Liu Shang asked.

I nodded. "It seems so."

In the autumn, the Emperor sent him to the south of the Yangtze River to handle a case. I had Yao Shuhuan go with him to take care of him. He was gone for several months. The letters were delivered on time, and I usually had the servants deliver them directly to Yiling. Pushing aside the bowl beside him, I instructed Liushang, "Go and wake up Yin'er and Zhi'er. It's getting warmer every day, so they can't stay in bed too long."

Having said that, he got up and walked to the bedside. Liu Shang hurriedly said from behind, "The messenger sent by the Prince yesterday is still waiting for the Master's reply!"

I stopped, a strange gloom creeping into my heart. "You can go back for me then." I was too lazy to turn back and left. Suddenly I remembered something and said, "By the way, see what he sent this time. Keep some of the fun things and prepare the rest for each room."

As I spoke, I walked to the bedside and saw Jingrui sitting up with sleepy eyes, reaching for his clothes with one hand. I quickly took his hand and helped him put on his shirt. "How many times have I told you?! Let the maids take care of this kind of thing. It's not good if you catch a cold."

Although Jingrui is shorter than Yin'er, he is thoughtful and meticulous. Perhaps because I have always doted on him since he was little, he is very attached to me, so I have always taken care of him.

After tidying Jingrui up, I picked him up from the bed and tapped his little head. "You've gotten quite chubby, haven't you? It's hard for me to carry you now."

As we were talking, Yin'er and Zhi'er came in, and I started preparing breakfast. I took Jingrui's hand and led him to the table.

Yin'er is gentle and kind, much like my second brother. Over the years, I've grown increasingly fond of him, feeling that he's not my second brother's child, but my own flesh and blood. After Lan Ruo's death, Lu Li had Zhi'er acknowledge me as his mother. Although my daughter has returned to my side, I sometimes deliberately avoid her, avoiding everything from the past, avoiding the fact that she grew up with Lan Ruo. Now, with my daughter sitting peacefully before me, calling me "Mother" in her sweet, childish voice, I don't know how to cherish her. I feel less affection for her than for Rui'er and Yin'er, who aren't my biological children. Fortunately, Lu Li dotes on this girl the most. Although I haven't been a good mother to her in the past two years, she has at least emerged from the shadow of losing Lan Ruo, and often brings smiles to our faces.

"Everyone, start eating." I nodded gently to the children at the table, then habitually picked up the bowl in front of Jingrui and fed him bite by bite.

Zhi'er looked up and glanced at it, then pouted with a hint of jealousy before burying her head in her porridge.

I wiped Rui'er's mouth with a handkerchief. Outside, the wet nurse led Jing'ai, who was running and playing, into the room. Jing'ai was at that age where he loved to run and play, and he stumbled and clung to me. Every time I saw him like this, I would be in a daze for a long time. For almost two years, this child had lived under my nose in this unique way, residing in my side room. I had given him the love of a mother. But why did my heart ache uncontrollably when I looked at him? A voice inside me said, "This child has stolen my child's name, stolen my love for my own flesh and blood..."

It is said that on the day Lanruo was buried, the one who cried the most movingly was none other than Jing'ai, an infant too young to understand the world. Perhaps this is an innate connection with one's mother. I cannot look at Jing'ai calmly now, and what's even stranger is that whenever I hear his desperate cries, I can't help but tremble. I drift into thought, wondering if my own Ai'er cried even more bitterly when he left this world.

I awkwardly and naturally held Jing Ai in my arms. He had large, round, full eyes, inherited from his mother, Lan Ruo, and they always held a kind of sadness, even in his innocent gaze. I instinctively reached out, but he suddenly grabbed my fingers. My heart skipped a beat. I hesitated for a moment, then pulled my hand away. I was being stingy… stingy in being a mother.

Qin Lanruo, you stole my daughter away back then. Now, you've closed your eyes and left so gracefully, leaving me with a debt I can never repay...

Chapter Six: The Grief of Losing a Child

"Mother, are you lost in thought again?" Yin'er's voice rang in her ears. Yin'er smiled and said, "But I love my little brother so much that I always stare at him for a long time."

I smiled, handed Jing Ai to Liu Shang behind me, and put some glutinous rice cake on Yin'er's plate. "When you were this age, I would stare blankly at you even more."

After saying that, she looked at them and said, "Eat early, you're going to see your royal grandmother today."

At Yonghe Palace, Consort Lin specially brought Xiao Yi's daughter. Early in the morning, she and Yu Ning sat in the hall and chatted amicably with Consort Ding.

I sat beside Jing Ai, half-embracing her, while Yin'er kept trying to snuggle into my arms, vying for space with Jing Rui. Rui'er, unable to see, was at a disadvantage, blocked by her brother, and after crying for a while, her nose was running. Zhi'er, on the other hand… that girl had a strong interest in Consort Ding's snacks, constantly stuffing them into her mouth. Lu Zhen sat beside me, silent. This child has grown up; having spent so much time with Yi Ling, he seems increasingly distant from the person he was as a child.

Consort Ding smiled as she wiped Rui'er's snot, "Is our Rui'er's heart made of water?"

Rui'er pouted, "Brother bullied me."

Consort Lin couldn't help but laugh out loud, "Who told you your brother to be so shrewd?"

“Seventh Sister-in-law’s children are all extraordinary,” Yu Ning said with a smile, holding her daughter, who was not yet two years old, in her arms.

Consort Ding nodded, "That's right. Yin'er is gentle, thoughtful, clever and quick-witted, Rui'er has the best heart and knows how to care for others, but little Jing'ai is still unknown what she will grow up to be, and it's best if she inherits all the strengths of her brothers."

“Jing Ai and Seventh Brother seem to be cut from the same mold. I think she will resemble Seventh Brother more,” Yu Ning chimed in.

"And what about your granddaughter?" Zhi'er, her face covered in crumbs from eating, snuggled into Consort Ding's arms. "Grandma hasn't said anything to me yet."

"You... are the most unpredictable and mischievous person in the world. No one can subdue you. Even your father and your emperor are at their wits' end with you."

Everyone laughed. I took the child from Yu Ning's arms and said, "This little girl really looks like Prince Yi." These past two years have been tough for Yu Ning. She had just become pregnant when Xiao Yi led his troops into battle and hasn't returned to see the mother and child since.

Yu Ning smiled. "Not long ago, Yi wrote a letter saying he had chosen the name Siyu."

My heart skipped a beat. Was it Yu Chang's words? I dared not ask further. I could only smile. "I see this child has a warm smile. Why not give him the nickname 'Kind and Happy'?"

Yu Ning smiled. "Seventh Sister-in-law can give him a nickname. Yi will probably be overjoyed when he finds out."

"Let's call her Nuannuan. I love this child's warm smile." Yes, this child's smile is as warm as Xuan's.

"Seventh Sister-in-law is just different. Her warm words make me feel comfortable."

As we were talking and laughing, Yin'er suddenly ran away from my feet. I was about to ask what was wrong.

Rui'er whispered in my ear with a smile, "Brother's favorite little crybaby is here."

I peered curiously into the outer hall, but my gaze fixed on Fourth Sister-in-law as she walked into the hall. She was holding a little girl's hand, with Jing Qing following behind. That girl, must be Sangsang? She's said to be Fourth Master's beloved daughter. She's already so big. Yes, she'll be four years old in four months.

"Greetings to both Your Highnesses," Fourth Sister-in-law said humbly, bowing.

My heart skipped a beat. The little doll in Fourth Sister's arms stared at me with captivating eyes, its expression so much like Fourth Master's. I sighed inwardly. I took the child from Fourth Sister and placed it on my lap. "Is this Fourth Sister's little darling, Sangsang?"

Yin'er clearly adored the delicate little person in my arms, and would occasionally lean closer to me to tug at Sang Sang's chubby little hand.

Zhi'er, her face filled with jealousy, abandoned the mess on the dining table that she had made, came over, pushed Yin'er aside, and looked at me seriously.

"Mother...do you like Zhi'er more, or Sang Sang?" Her almost defiant words made me want to laugh.

"Zhi'er, you're being rude again." I tugged at her sleeve.