La vida de la gente del campo en la ciudad durante la dinastía Song

Capítulo 143

Zi Mo was silent for a long time, and when he spoke again, his voice finally carried a hint of compromise: "Galan, don't overthink it. Just remember your own decision."

I smiled slightly, regaining my composure and indifference: "I know."

I think my brother was probably afraid that Xu Lie might say something about me while he was drunk, and that it wouldn't be good for him and Zi Mo to hear it, so he left the two of us alone. After moving him to my room and setting the phone's speed dial to his own number, Zi Mo and my brother left.

But after they left, for a very long time, the small room was filled only with even, shallow breathing, warm, weak exhalations, and the noise of the air conditioner. That was all.

I sat bewildered on the edge of my bed, contemplating the agonizing choice of perhaps one day having to choose between two worlds. I didn't want to be separated from Yihan, yet I couldn't abandon my loved ones in this world. Alas! Can life truly offer both?

In a hazy, warm, and quiet atmosphere, I slowly drifted off to sleep. I didn't even feel my hand being held, nor did I realize that I was being held in someone's arms and wrapped up inside them, until I woke up with a murmur.

I've gotten used to waking up in his warm embrace, feeling his arm around me, and being awakened by his affectionate kisses.

"Yihan...?" I murmured to myself, "What time is it? Has there been any news from Yunyan?"

The hand holding me stiffened for a moment, and my heart skipped a beat. Just as I was about to get up, I was suddenly pulled into that person's embrace and held in place, unable to move.

My whole body stiffened, and I forced out a name: "Xu...Lie?"

Next update: Friday, April 18th

Thank you so much for Liaoyuan Lihuo's long review, and thank you everyone for your concern. I have now resigned and returned to Ningbo; it's a major decision. Then I'll look for a job. ^_^

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Chapter 23 Beloved (Part 2)

Chapter 23 Beloved (Part 2)

My whole body stiffened, and I forced out a name: "Xu...Lie?"

"Who do you think you are?" Xu Lie tightened his grip inch by inch, a kind of anger transmitting through the strength of his hand into pain. "And whose name were you calling out in my arms?"

I struggled desperately to barely manage to stick my head out to breathe. Strands of hair clung to my face, my brows furrowed, and my voice was icy: "Xu Lie, it's my freedom to call whomever I want. What right do you have to tell me?"

"I am your husband!" Xu Lie roared uncontrollably, his voice, hot with the smell of alcohol and deep anger, hitting my face.

I clenched my teeth, desperately telling myself not to be angry, not to be hysterical. This person in front of me was just a familiar stranger; I wasn't worth being angry at, not worth arguing with. The one who abandoned me back then has no right to say those words anymore. Because only the absence of hatred is the absence of love, only the absence of emotion is the absence of heart. I no longer love him… I don't love him anymore! I don't love him anymore!

“Galan…Galan…Don’t cry…” Xu Lie suddenly loosened his grip and tenderly stroked my face with his warm hand. “It’s my fault!Galan, I won’t yell at you anymore.”

I... I only felt one thing: coldness, as if all the blood in my body was freezing. Did I cry? Why did I cry? Why did I cry in front of someone I didn't care about or love at all?

I struggled to climb out of his arms and desperately tried to get away from him as if I were avoiding a plague. Xu Lie was touched in the wound, groaned, and let go. With a "bang," I fell off the bed.

"Galan—!!" Xu Lie shouted, and then, my wrist, which was still dizzy from the fall, was suddenly tightened, and he pulled me up.

"Let go!!" I shoved him away violently, feeling a stinging pain on my forehead. Warm liquid trickled down my temples, hot and pungent. Ignoring everything, I retreated step by step until I reached the door, as if that would distance me from that bewitching realm. I shook my head slowly but resolutely, blood flowing down my neck, dripping, dripping: "Xu Lie... Xu Lie! You no longer love me, and I will never love you again. Our persistence was nothing but a fleeting memory of the past. Our love ended on that day in May..."

"No!!" Xu Lie shouted, interrupting me. I heard him climb off the bed and walk towards me. My mind was in a panic; I just wanted to open the door and leave quickly, but he grabbed my hand before I could touch the handle.

"I don't love you anymore!" I shouted at him in a hoarse voice, "And the person you love isn't the one you love now..."

"Galan!! Listen to me!" Xu Lie grabbed my shoulders, steadying my trembling and struggling body, and gently wiped the blood from my face with his sleeve. "Please listen to me, okay? Galan, I've thought about so many things this past day and night. You said you've changed, you're no longer the person you used to be; you said I was just searching for the shadow of the old Lin Galan in you. I've been thinking about your words all day and night, but I haven't gotten an answer. Until..."

Xu Lie wiped the blood from my face but didn't touch the wound. Instead, he pulled me into his arms without hesitation, his voice steady and resolute: "Until I just woke up and saw you sleeping next to me, I suddenly realized, Galan, that for the six months before I found you, I survived on my memories; but after finding you, all I see is you now—cold, angry, trembling, dazed… My mind is filled with you, not your so-called illusory memories."

"Galan, I love the feeling of you sleeping beside me, it's as warm as home; I love holding you in my arms, it's like having the whole world. Galan! I love you, I love all of you, there's no distinction between the past and the present. Call it a split soul or deep scheming, I... am willing to be schemed against by you for a lifetime."

"A lifetime?" I chuckled softly, my fingers moving lightly across the wooden door, making a slight but jarring sound. "Xu Lie, I have already given my entire life to someone else. I will never betray him in this lifetime."

Xu Lie's body stiffened, and he slowly released me. After a long while, he asked, "This 'him'... is the Yi Han you mentioned?"

I nodded, a slight smile playing on my lips. Just thinking of Yi Han's name makes me smile.

I searched for him a thousand times in the crowd, and suddenly, turning around, I found him where the lights were dim. In this life, I will never let go of his hand, the hand I finally managed to hold.

"Are you sure that's a real world?" Xu Lie suddenly asked me in a cold tone. "Are you sure you won't wake up one day and find that it was all just a dream?"

I frowned slightly, somewhat displeased, but ultimately didn't refute it. Those who haven't experienced it can only treat it as a dream, and even those who have can hardly express their feelings—as the saying goes, "You can't talk about ice with a summer insect."

A barely perceptible sigh escaped his lips. Xu Lie took my hand and led me to the bedside, applying medicine to the wound on my forehead. The stinging sensation suddenly became sharp, and I hissed as I gasped for breath.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked nervously, then a little embarrassed, "I... I still haven't learned how to apply medicine."

I couldn't help but chuckle as I recalled how he clumsily and awkwardly bandaged my wrist a long time ago.

"Galan..." Xu Lie suddenly called my name in a daze, his breath very close to mine, and I could almost feel the heat on my lips.

I was startled and jerked back, yelling angrily, "What are you doing?!"

"Galan, stop lying to yourself." Xu Lie's hand touched my face, his hot palm the same temperature as my face. "Galan, you still love me, don't you?"

“Xu Lie,” I paused, avoiding his hand, and laughed angrily, “Xu Lie, are you simply not understanding, or are you just too confident? The one I love is Yi Han, Feng Yi Han!”

"Then why do you feel anything when I kiss you?" Xu Lie asked me gently, almost seductively. "Why do you always soften first and then push me away when I hug you? Why do you stay by my side when I'm hurt? Galan... you know your own heart best. Even if you can deceive anyone else, can you deceive yourself?"

It was like a spring breeze blowing away a fog, only to reveal a bloody scene. I breathed slowly and heavily, unable to deny it, unable to utter a single word in rebuttal to Xu Lie's words.

Do I... still love him? Do I really still love him? I don't know, but whenever he appears, my heart flutters, however small or subtle, it's real. The thing I've always feared has finally happened, the feelings I've always refused to acknowledge have finally come to the fore. It turns out that those short two months, less than one percent of my life, are so deeply etched into my memory.

But then I suddenly calmed down, and a sense of peaceful relaxation finally eased my tense nerves. Life is inherently imperfect; you can't have it all. I desire fish, and I also desire bear's paw, but we are destined to be unable to have both.

Life is always spent in the process of giving up and gaining. It's not that giving up is painless or difficult, but rather that we clearly understand the principle of giving up before gaining and making choices without regret.

“Xu Lie…” I smiled self-deprecatingly but leisurely, leaning back gently on the bed. “I have indeed been running away. My deliberate indifference after meeting you, my avoidance of your presence, and my ignoring of your illness were all because I couldn’t bear the fact that I still had feelings for you.”

“Galan!” Xu Lie’s voice was filled with unbelievable joy, hope, and trembling.