"Yes! I formally studied in a Paris bar! That's how I paid for my tuition for those years!" He opened the cabinet and, like a magician, produced bottles, a cocktail shaker, and glasses. He skillfully poured and swirled the drinks, and in no time, a cocktail was placed in front of my sister, me, Xiao Ming, and Tian Tian. My sister's was pink; mine was green; Xiao Ming's and Tian Tian's were cocoa-colored. Our cocktails were different; there must be a reason. I took a sip of my drink—lime-flavored, so sour it made me shiver and my face scrunch up. Looking at the other drink, it was a bright green. Such a beautiful color, but why was it so sour? I looked at Uncle Fang. Was he trying to say something? He smiled at me.
“Your cup is called ‘Angel’!” He raised his eyebrows.
"'Chang'e must regret stealing the elixir, her heart yearning for the blue sea and sky every night!' Right? Perfection comes at a price!" I understood what he meant—bitterness! Wasn't that exactly how I felt right now? I took another big gulp; after the initial astringency, there was a faint bitterness. Behind the glamour lies endless bitterness. I glanced at my sister's glass; she hadn't touched it. "What about that one?"
"Life! It tastes bitter when you drink it, but the aftertaste is sweet. I prefer to call it 'bitter before sweet'!" He turned to look at me meaningfully, "What does perfection feel like?"
"Didn't you already mix it for me?" I raised my glass to him and took another big gulp. It wasn't sour anymore, but the bitterness was getting stronger.
"Stop talking, the food's getting cold!" Aunt Liu called out as she brought out the dumplings and saw that I wasn't moving.
"Eat!" The old man clapped his hands, picked up his chopsticks, and placed a chicken leg on my sister's plate. "You're a special guest! This year's chicken leg is for you!"
Chapter 7
Aunt Liu's cooking was really good, and Xiao Ming was the most enthusiastic. I focused on drinking that glass of wine; I don't think I've ever drunk wine like that before, but it didn't really taste like wine! My sister didn't drink her glass of 'Life'! As soon as she picked it up, Aunt Liu took it away from her.
"Don't drink alcohol, eat more vegetables, it's good for the child!" Aunt Liu nagged, and I choked on the alcohol.
"Fang Cheng!" I called out to him while coughing.
"Aunt Liu! I didn't tell them you had a child!" he called out to his sister, trying to explain. Unfortunately, the more he explained, the worse it got! His sister's face turned pale.
"Please explain this more clearly!" I shouted sternly.
"Dad, Uncle Li, and Aunt Liu, Qin and I didn't get married because we had a child!" he explained.
"Isn't it for the sake of the child?" Li Li blurted out. This was the reason why they hadn't said anything; they thought it was a fait accompli and there was no point in pursuing it further.
"Neither of us are the open-minded type! We're in such a hurry because we're afraid of trouble. We've already bought a house, and it's not cost-effective for me to keep renting. But moving there wouldn't be ideal either, so we might as well just get married! We don't have one now, and we won't have one for at least the next six months!"
"What will he be doing in the next six months?" Uncle Fang didn't seem to care why he got married; he only cared about what he would be doing in the next six months.
“I want to write a book!” He lowered his head, somewhat timid from his father.
"You wrote two books in the second half of last year?" He put down his chopsticks. He knew that he wasn't really indifferent to him. Fang Cheng also looked up, which was a pleasant surprise for him as well.
“Those two books were for making money!” he explained.
Uncle Fang nodded, "Now that things are settled, it's good that you want to put some effort into writing. I like things to be planned out!" It was a compliment.
"I'll take Qin to see my mother the day after tomorrow!" he whispered. Uncle Fang nodded again and looked at Li Li.
Am I free that day?
“It can be arranged!” Li Li thought for a moment, seemingly calculating the time in his mind.
"You and Tian Tian go together! Xiao Ying, what about you guys?" He looked at us.
"We'll go to sweep our parents' graves tomorrow, and then go back to Beijing the day after tomorrow." I thought for a moment.
"So soon?" Li Li looked at me. "There are hot springs nearby, I can arrange it for you." He didn't think I would go to Fang Cheng's hometown with them.
"I want to take the postgraduate entrance exam, so I want to go back to school as soon as possible!" A great reason.
“Study hard with your sister. Don’t think about studying during the New Year.” Li Li immediately said to her daughter.
Sweetie looked at her father with a long face, "Dad, can't you skip scolding me for one day? Today is New Year's Eve!"
“What’s that! When Fang Cheng was little, he had to write ‘I want to learn from Xiao Ying’ a hundred times with a brush after every exam. That’s why Fang Cheng’s handwriting is so good.” Aunt Liu immediately chimed in.
"Really? You get punished by writing extra notes if you don't do well on the test, like you're learning from me?" I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Fang Cheng's face turned red, but he couldn't say anything.
“Absolutely! I later told him to write a little at a time, so he wouldn’t have to write so much at once, it would be too tiring!” Aunt Liu continued, which drew a burst of laughter.
"And then?" Xiao Ming asked.
"Later, he took my screwdriver and pinned the paper with those words on it to the door, and threw it like a dart. I said, 'Why don't you use the time you spend practicing darts to read a book, so you don't have to write it again next time?' But he didn't. He got better and better at darts and his handwriting got better and better, but I never saw him get better at his studies."
"You used me to practice darts?" I glared at him. No wonder I could sense his deep hostility when we were kids. It was because of this Uncle Li that Fang Cheng hated me. He was the one who made Fang Cheng constantly compare himself to me, but he was also the one who brought Fang Cheng into my life. My connection with him was unintentionally created by Uncle Li, and he destroyed it all by his own hand.
"It's just a bad kid's jealousy of a good kid! It's a sign of great respect for you," he said with a forced smile.
"Xiao Ying, do you want to stay and develop your career here?" Uncle Fang looked at me, his gaze thoughtfully fixed on my glass of 'Angel'. Uncle Li immediately perked up.
“Yes, Xiao Ying, you can stay and take the postgraduate entrance exam. You can start in the secretariat first…” He really likes me, I can tell.
“Dad! Xiao Ying has her own life. Don’t let your lifestyle control us. I don’t want to go into politics, so don’t try anything with Xiao Ying!” Fang Cheng jumped up, seemingly no longer afraid of his father and Li Li…
I stared blankly at the glass of bluish liquid. I knew that Uncle Fang's desire to keep me and Li Li's desire to punish me were not the same. He was doing it for Fang Cheng, and also for me. I couldn't help but laugh, taking a sip of the sour liquid. He was trying to tell me that I should learn to let go and forget.
"Xiao Ying said you're not going." Fang Cheng was anxious. "Qin!" He became even more anxious when he saw that I ignored him and went to pull his sister. His sister also laughed, picked up her cup and took a sip. I have always remembered that scene. Her thoughtful expression gave people a charming feeling. At that moment, I realized what femininity was.
“I want to say yes…” I paused, and Fang Cheng let out a scream, just in time, before his sister pulled him back.
"She only said she wanted to say yes, so that answer should be no." My sister rolled her eyes at him, looking incredibly alluring, and he seemed genuinely relieved. That day, I really wanted to ask him why he wouldn't let me stay, wasn't he afraid I'd yell at him? But I didn't ask; that question was too dangerous.
"Sister, what do you see in him?" I glared at him, then turned to Uncle Fang and continued, "I studied literature. In the government, I could probably do some word processing work first, then take some administrative management courses. In less than five years, I should be able to climb to a certain level, then go down to the grassroots level as a supervisor; in three to five years, I can come back to your side, gain experience for a few more years, and getting a bureau-level position shouldn't be a problem, right?" I imagined what kind of life Uncle Li would give me if I stayed.
"With your intelligence, it should be more than that," Uncle Fang laughed, speaking frankly.
"Is it possible for me to rise to the position of Party Secretary and Mayor when I am forty?" I pressed.
“A deputy position!” He thought for a moment, “because you’re a woman!” His interest in me was growing stronger; I could see it in his eyes. I felt like I was playing a game of chess with an old fox, and I smiled.
"With my Chinese proficiency, I could become a doctoral supervisor by the time I'm forty; I could also earn several doctoral degrees, and maybe I'll already be receiving a special allowance from the State Council!" I laughed. I wasn't bragging, and no one present thought I was bragging; they knew I was telling the truth.
"You can't compare!" He was still smiling, but his smile now held a hint of appreciation.
"I love literature, but I'm also a silly, stubborn girl. I get disappointed when I put in effort and don't get a reward. I only develop in the areas I'm most confident in. Like that bitter melon, I'll only take one piece! If I know a path is blocked, I'll avoid it like the plague." My last sentence was a promise to him.
Finally, after finishing our meal, everyone sat down in the living room. My sister quietly helped Aunt Liu cut fruit and poured tea for everyone, acting like a hostess. I, on the other hand, felt dizzy and disoriented. No matter how unappetizing it seemed, it was still alcohol, and I couldn't drink any. I just wanted to hide myself, but it didn't work. The Fang family's curiosity about me drew all their attention to me.
"What does it feel like to lose? As far as I can remember, you've only lost once!" Uncle Fang looked at me intently.
"Lose?" I was taken aback, immediately thinking of the college entrance exam, where I lost by seven points! Everyone remembered that failure. Unfortunately, I never considered myself a failure that time. I laughed, "You'll have to ask Fang Cheng about that."
"For four years of university, I endured her beatings, scoldings, and enslavement! Her most frequent saying was, 'If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have done worse than me on the exam!'" he said with a smile.
"Really?" Uncle Fang became even more interested, looking at Fang Cheng. How could Fang Cheng think that Uncle Fang didn't love him or care about him? I think that in this world, the person he loved most was still Fang Cheng, his only son!
"Yes!" He became serious, appearing particularly nervous in front of his father.
"Aren't you just wasting your time? Aren't you pretending to have bad grades?"
"No! I thought so, but it wasn't. That year, she was summarizing and researching how to start from the basics and help me catch up in the shortest amount of time. I'd been playing around for years, and my foundation was really weak. After the exam, I looked at the materials she gave me, and she grasped the core concepts remarkably. Without her efforts that year, I wouldn't have gotten into Peking University. If she had used that year on herself... I can't imagine how she would have done!" He thought for a moment, then stood up. "I never wanted to admit to Uncle Li that I was inferior to her. After the college entrance exam, I was overjoyed. I finally won! I proved to him that I wasn't any worse than Xiao Ying! I knew I was part of this special family, that I had privileges, so I told Uncle Li I wanted to check her exam paper. He didn't even hesitate and had someone take me there. I didn't want to see my paper; I wanted to see hers. I wanted to know what mistakes she made so I could make fun of her. But after seeing the paper, I was dumbfounded." He smiled bitterly, extending his left hand, which had seven blue ink dots on its palm. I knew, because those were the marks I had made.
He poked me when I was writing, his hand was underneath me. Now, I habitually point my pen upwards after each line, afraid another hand might be underneath me. But what does this have to do with our college entrance exam? My sister sat down to listen to him continue.
"Because of her writing habits, Xiao Ying preferred fountain pens, the kind with sharp, fine nibs. She also liked to make dots when writing! After finishing a line, she would make a dot, and the happier she was writing, the harder she would do it. That year, English was graded by computer for the first time, and multiple choice made up a large proportion of the exam. I think she must have done the multiple choice first, so she put the small paper below the large one. English was arguably her best subject; she got a perfect score that year, but the computer deducted fifteen points. Didn't you think of that?" He looked at me.
I thought for a moment, "Is it because of those 'points'?"
“You like using fountain pens, sharp fountain pens! The exam paper isn’t even as thick as my palm. Those ink dots were irregularly placed on the small paper, some unfortunately landing on the questions. The computer doesn’t care if it was a mistake or not. I handed in my paper early, and you came out with me, so I didn’t check it. Otherwise, you would have been the top scorer in the national college entrance examination that year.” He seemed very discouraged, even a little indignant. “You’ve wasted a whole year with me, how could you possibly do so well?”
"Because I've always been smarter than you." I smiled smugly. This was the first time he'd admitted he wasn't as smart as me, which made me incredibly happy. "It's only fifteen points. Just the fact that you didn't fight back or talk back for the past four years is worth it." Whether I'm the 'top scorer' or not is meaningless to me. Suddenly, something occurred to me.
"So, all these years you've let me beat and scold you, not because of your sister, but because of those fifteen points?"
"Of course! Chasing after a wife is my own business, I'm not going to take the younger sister route!" He didn't forget to express his determination to his older sister. I smiled, nodded, and stood up unsteadily.
"Uncle, I'm sorry, I'm a little dizzy. Happy New Year everyone!" I walked out, then turned back. "Uncle, when we walked through this door, none of us knew whose son Fang Cheng was, and I still don't know who you are. My sister had better options, but she chose Fang Cheng because she truly loves him. Please don't doubt their motives! Besides, I've never thought of myself as outstanding. What does being good at studying mean? My excellence is a result of my sister's sacrifice; she's the truly outstanding one. So, over the years, the only thing I truly approve of about Fang Cheng is this choice he made. He always seems to find the lifestyle that best suits him." I staggered upstairs, lay in the bathtub, and cried. I don't know if it was because I was drunk, or if the 'Angel' drink had all turned into tears. I cried like a fool.
When I woke up, it was already 2 a.m. on the first day of the Lunar New Year. The first thing I felt after waking up was that I was very thirsty. I went downstairs to get some water. There were still lights on in the dining room. Were people still awake? I went over...
"Why can't it be Xiao Qin?" Fang Cheng's voice was filled with anger. Who was he talking to?
"Do you really love Xiao Qin? Isn't it just to outwit Uncle Li? Isn't it because of Xiao Qin's age and profession, and her relationship with Zhou Dazheng, that you can use to smear yourself? To make Uncle Li completely give up on you! Isn't it because we've all decided on Xiao Ying, so you're the one who's against me?" Uncle Fang seemed very sharp, all his refined demeanor from dinner gone, replaced by the shrewdness of a politician.
"Dad!" Fang Cheng's voice was filled with anguish. "Qin is good. Isn't she beautiful? Isn't she gentle enough? Why do you and Uncle Li think so much? I don't want to go into politics, why can't Uncle Li understand? Self-deprecation? Yes! Qin's age, her profession, and even her relationship with Zhou Dazheng will be fatal stains on my ability to become a politician, so you'll think I did it on purpose. No, I love her! Why doesn't any of you believe that I truly love her, not even she believes it! You know what? We've been married for so long, and I haven't touched her because she's uncertain, she's afraid! You're all asking me this and that, and now that we're back here, your interest in Xiao Ying clearly surpasses hers. What is she supposed to think? Dad! The person bearing the most pressure here is actually her! Please, for my happiness, let her go!"
"Why not Xiao Ying?" Uncle Fang's voice was somewhat heavy.
"Why should it be Xiao Ying?" he asked, exasperated. "Xiao Ying is wonderful, truly wonderful! But she's not my destined one. We both have to be wolves in the zodiac. I'm afraid of her. We push each other too hard. No matter what I do, she'll have an opinion. When I write a book, she'll throw it at me and write a whole page of comments, finding even a punctuation mistake. She always thinks I should do better. Sometimes I feel like I'm a spinning top, and she's the whip! Qin is different. She trusts me, respects me, and sees me as the head of the family. Dad, I've never felt needed like this. Qin needs me, do you understand?"
"If only you had chosen Xiao Ying!" Uncle Fang sighed again. "You two have been together for so many years, what a wonderful fate! But now, you may be destined to be entangled for the rest of your lives! Go to sleep!"
"dad!"
“If you didn’t choose Xiao Ying, you shouldn’t have chosen any of them. Being friends for life is the right thing to do! Son! Do you know how stupid you are?” Uncle Fang’s voice was full of exhaustion.
"Why?"
Go to sleep!
I saw a figure flash by, and I hid in the darkness. Fang Cheng went upstairs. Uncle Fang showed no sign of leaving, so I couldn't move.
"Come out!" came Uncle Fang's voice. Did he know I was here? I went out, and he smiled at me, pointing to the chair Fang Cheng had just been sitting in and telling me to sit down. I looked around; Uncle Fang was sitting facing the door, while Fang Cheng had his back to the door. No wonder Uncle Fang could see me. I sat down in front of him.
"You're sober now?!" He smiled at me and poured me a glass of water.
I lost my composure!
"No way, life should have its moments of indulgence, but you are really self-disciplined, even when you're drunk you still control yourself! Aren't you tired?" His eyes were full of pity.
"Didn't Fang Cheng just say that we're both born in the Year of the Wolf? He told me about this theory, and I later looked it up. Wolves are the most disciplined animals in the world. A wolf pack is like a small society, very orderly. Also, wolves are monogamous, with a very complete family system. The division of labor between the male and female wolves is arranged in a very human-like way! They even achieve mutual loyalty. Humans can't do that, but wolves do! Now I really like wolves, and I'm glad he thinks I'm also born in the Year of the Wolf!"
"Wolves?" He thought for a moment, then smiled. "You really don't want to leave them? You can do academic research here, and I can even arrange for you to go abroad."
"If you get into graduate school, you can live in the dormitory! If we go too far away, my sister will be worried." I was too exhausted to pretend anymore.
Why do you like him?
“Because we’re both born in the Year of the Wolf!” I laughed, then thought for a moment. “Because we’re very similar, and because of Uncle Li, we’ve been watching each other grow up, intentionally or unintentionally. The first novel I read was ‘Seven Heroes and Five Gallants,’ because I saw him reading it. When the teacher confiscated the book, he stood in the office quietly watching the teacher scold him, and he was very calm. His homeroom teacher was furious, but he seemed completely unfazed.”
Memories bring me joy, and I can't help but smile. Thinking of Fang Cheng back then, he was truly adorable. Uncle Fang doesn't need me to continue; he already knows why.
Do you hate them?
"Why?" I stared wide-eyed. "How could this be? My sister is the person I love most. If Fang Cheng fell in love with someone else, I might hate him, I might feel resentful, but it's my sister! He really didn't make the wrong choice this time! From a woman's perspective, my sister is truly beautiful and captivating. She possesses a womanly charm that I lack. I only started noticing my sister in the last six months. I remember when my sister went to Beijing to be with me, Fang Cheng came back and told me how beautiful she was! Even then, Fang Cheng noticed my sister's beauty! I took everything for granted. For those four years, he had a key to the house, and he was more eager to go home on weekends than I was. He'd rather stay home with my sister and make dumplings than go to the school dance with me! Sometimes he acted like a child. Uncle Li had too high expectations of him, and Aunt Liu didn't understand him." "But you're too busy! He liked me because at one point he thought I was someone who genuinely cared about him. Later, my sister also became that person who cared about him, and he felt that my sister was more suitable for him. He found the family life he had longed for through my sister, so he determined the direction of his life. He's an ordinary man who just wants an ordinary home, a happy life with a wife, children, and a warm bed! Uncle, let him be! He's doing fine now. Politics is too dirty; he can't adapt to it. Just because he checked the college entrance exam papers, he thinks he's abusing his privileges. He's really foolish! He deliberately puts himself in a pure world. It's so hard to find such a pure man these days! If I can't have him, it's good that my sister can! 'Keep the good stuff within the family,' right?" I smiled at him.
"Li Li is Fang Cheng's mother's adoptive brother, making him Fang Cheng's uncle! Li Li and Fang Cheng's mother were engaged, but Li Li later refused the marriage for some reason. Heartbroken, Fang Cheng's mother married me instead. I wasn't there when Fang Cheng was born; Li Li took her to the hospital. They reconciled that time, and she entrusted Fang Cheng to Li Li, as if she knew she wouldn't live much longer! When I arrived at the hospital, she had already passed away, and Fang Cheng was in Li Li's arms. Li Li never married, and Tian Tian is an orphan from their hometown. Li Li poured all his energy into raising these two children. I know Li Li transferred all the love he had for Fang Cheng's mother to Fang Cheng." Cheng, he wants Fang Cheng to become a successful person. Too eager! It makes Fang Cheng avoid him like the plague. I've been observing them, but with Fang Cheng, I'm an observer, adopting a laissez-faire approach, because I know Fang Cheng's roots are in Li Li. His education of him is fundamentally correct; it's just that Fang Cheng is too eager for my attention, doing many things. The more he tries, the less attention I can pay to him. He'll stop when he's tired of playing around! As for the marriage, I never expected it. I wonder if he's trying to provoke me with this? I don't want him to ruin himself like this, and I certainly won't allow him to ruin you sisters! Thankfully, you handled it very well, especially you! Really well!"
He told me about Fang Cheng and Uncle Li's past. He looked really old; a father's worries were written all over his aged face. He sat up straight, faced me, and said very solemnly, "Please be more tolerant of Fang Cheng from now on!"
Is this why he told those stories? He wants me to take care of Fang Cheng. I stared at him blankly. He was serious. He was entrusting Fang Cheng to me? I stammered, unsure how to respond. "Shouldn't you tell my sister?"
“You understand Fang Cheng better! His professionalism, his personality, everything. He's afraid of you, but the whip in your hand won't lead him astray. He hid in Xiao Qin's arms just for that whip! You're like a second Li Li!” He looked at me, and I stared back at him, stunned. That night, we made a pact, and that New Year's Eve became the most unforgettable day of my life. Just as Fang Cheng's mother entrusted him to Uncle Li, and Uncle Fang entrusted him to me; it was also that night that my sister gave her whole heart to Fang Cheng. No one told me what happened, but in the morning, my sister's shy yet happy expression, coupled with Fang Cheng's look of wanting to devour her, made it clear that something was different between them, and the outcome wasn't hard to guess. At breakfast, she even agreed to go to sweep her father's grave! Although she only stood by the grave for a moment, it made Xiao Ming happy for half a day.
In the afternoon, Xiao Ming and I went to his mother's house as a matter of courtesy. Seeing his stepfather and stepbrother, I realized that my father had no choice but to entrust Xiao Ming to us. After leaving the house, I gently hugged Xiao Ming and told myself that I must take good care of my only brother, just as his sister took care of me.
While Xiao Ming went to see his old classmates, I walked slowly back to the Fang family home alone. On the way, I ran into Zhang Jiayu again; he seemed to be waiting for me. Just to catch up with an old classmate? I didn't believe it. Besides, I had no recollection of him whatsoever. Could he really have fallen deeply in love with me all of a sudden? I didn't believe it. But I still sat down with him at a nearby coffee shop, wanting to know what he wanted to say to me. It was the same boring topic from yesterday, but he subtly probed about what happened at the Fang family home yesterday. It seemed he really wanted to know how Uncle Fang "killed" Fang Cheng?
"You hate Fang Cheng that much?" I couldn't help but laugh. Are all these rich kids like this... so childish? "Just because of something like getting a head injury when we were kids?"