"That's a small matter, but I'm still furious! My mom got the school to expel him, but Secretary Li went to my dad. Back then, my dad wasn't as powerful as he is now, but he's not as powerful as Secretary Li either. My dad came home and beat me up again, and then my mom transferred me to another school..."
The image of that hysterical woman immediately flashed into my mind. Was that Zhang Jiayu's mother? Good heavens! Why must these adult rules be incorporated into a child's world? I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her.
"I think everything will be fine if I transfer schools, right?" I asked after thinking for a moment.
“But I still pay attention to him. I’ve only ever been beaten by him, and only because of him!” Zhang Jiayu gave a bitter smile, and I sighed. There are always reasons why people have problems in their lives. Someone might have their entire life affected by a small incident, without the person involved even realizing it. Seeing his sigh, I also sighed. “He got into Peking University, and the whole neighborhood was buzzing. For families like ours, it’s already a good kid if they don’t make mistakes. But Fang Cheng, getting into Peking University on his own merit, was another blow to my father. He got in at the same time as you, and my father was angry just looking at me then. He didn’t want to talk to me. He should have been happy that I got into university…”
"Why are you angry that I passed the exam?" I didn't know I was involved in this.
"Because you're a rising star! Li Li likes you, but more importantly, you're Xiao Qin's sister!" He stared into my eyes and smiled knowingly. I stared at him, dumbfounded.
"Haven't figured it out yet?" He sneered again. "Zhou Dazheng! Zhou Dazheng's father was the former Secretary of the Political and Legal Affairs Commission of our province. The Zhou family had five sons; the first three joined the army at different times and were killed in action. The fourth son joined the army, returned to university, and inherited his father's mantle, becoming the current Secretary of the Political and Legal Affairs Commission. Zhou Dazheng is the youngest son, spoiled by his father and brothers since childhood. The Zhou family has long considered Xiao Qin to be Zhou Dazheng's woman, but you are very different. Marrying you is equivalent to gaining the Zhou family's support, so Li Li cares a lot about your relationship with Fang Cheng. This is also why I'm curious about the old man's reaction after Fang Cheng returned home. This time, Fang Cheng has really messed up."
I was speechless for a while. Was this why Uncle Fang said neither of them should marry if it weren't for me? Marrying my sister would offend the Zhou family, which would be a significant obstacle for the Fang family. But was it really necessary? What era are we living in? Why would anyone use marriage to engage in power struggles? I took a deep breath and looked at him: "Why are you telling me all this?" I felt he was telling me this out of a story; he must have a purpose.
"No!" He shook his head, smiled, and thought for a moment, "If I pursued you, would you say yes? It would at least give the Fang family another supporter. It would salvage some of the damage caused by Fang Cheng's foolishness!"
I smiled. I understood a little bit of Zhang Jiayu's thinking. He came to me because, in his family's eyes, I was still a promising prospect, backed by Uncle Fang and Li Li. I thanked Zhang Jiayu for the coffee and then took my leave. I neither agreed nor refused, because I disdained lying, but I didn't dare offend him. In their mind, I couldn't add any more obstacles for the Fang family or Fang Cheng. I changed my mind about going back to the Fang family and went to Uncle Zhou's instead; there were some things I needed to explain.
It was almost evening, and he still looked like he was hungover. When he saw me, he actually cried! I had nothing to say, so I could only stay quietly with him. After he finished crying, he looked at me and asked, "Is Qin happy now?" I nodded, and he nodded too. "That's good, at least she's happy!"
I suddenly felt a pang of jealousy towards my sister. Both men were truly admirable! I didn't think Uncle Zhou was the kind of petty man who would seek revenge for having his lover stolen. Could Zhang Jiayu be lying? Thinking about it further, perhaps losing the Zhou family's support wouldn't have a huge impact on Uncle Fang, but it would be profoundly significant for Fang Cheng's future. Unless Fang Cheng truly stayed away from politics for life, he might face all the Zhou family's resistance. But from Fang Cheng's perspective, he already disliked politics and abhorred his father's path, so this might not be a bad thing. I seemed to have overreacted. Thinking this, I calmed down and had dinner with Uncle Zhou. He even remembered what I liked to eat, just like when I was a child; he was like a father to me. Finally, I told him that I had always considered him my father, which was why I had never wanted my sister to marry him; otherwise, she would have been his wife long ago. He said he knew, and that he considered me his daughter too, because that way, no matter what I did, he wouldn't be angry with me, and he was proud of me. He said he loved his sister because he had never seen such a brilliant lawyer. Uncle Zhou was very arrogant; he wanted to find the smartest woman and have the smartest child, and his sister was that woman. He was willing to wait! Unexpectedly, what he received was news that his sister had married someone else. He smiled bitterly.
"What? You like my sister just because she's smart?" I looked at Uncle Zhou. "Because she can give you a smart heir?"
"Is something wrong?" He was taken aback.
"It's alright! I think it's fortunate that I've always opposed this!"
Uncle Zhou sneered, looking at me. "Do you really think Fang Cheng has no designs on your sister? If he marries her, he can forget about making it in Shuicheng's political circles. But I've heard that Fang Cheng isn't an ambitious person to begin with. Marrying Qin might just be a self-degrading tactic, a trick to make the Fang family and Li Li give up on him completely. Of course, I'm not saying he has no feelings for Qin at all, but compared to him, I'm at least a gentleman!"
I couldn't refute him, but I had a certain trust in Fang Cheng. I felt he wouldn't do it; I believed he wouldn't. I didn't even question him. I hugged my sister, and Xiaoming and I took a flight back to Beijing that night.
Chapter 8
Fang Cheng and his sister didn't return home until the afternoon of the seventh day of the Lunar New Year. They had spent a few days in Xishan, which they considered their honeymoon. During those days, I was constantly studying. I really started maintaining my image of perfection, because I found it relatively easier for me. As for Xiao Ming, perhaps because his household registration was resolved, and because we were closer, he became very lively. He's been having a blast these past few days. However, his grades are already much better than his classmates', so I don't object to him playing around a bit. Sometimes I envy him; I don't think I've ever had such a crazy time. I can't help but sigh, youth is truly wonderful.
"Where's Xiao Ming?" my sister asked as soon as she came in. I was taken aback for a moment before realizing they were back, and then I closed my book and thought for a second.
"He's off having fun!" He seemed to have told me where he went, but I can't remember! As long as he doesn't go too far, I won't care too much.
"How can you act like someone's older sister..." Fang Cheng poked his head in; the two of them really did look blissful. I rubbed my temples; I knew my peaceful days were over.
"She's studying!" My sister pulled him away and smiled at me.
"As long as he doesn't cross the line, I won't interfere. It's the perfect time to have fun; it would be a shame not to." I explained to my sister. She nodded, agreeing with me. She had said the same thing to me years ago, but unfortunately, I hadn't listened. I hope Xiao Ming will learn from that.
"What do you want to eat tonight? The fridge is empty. You guys haven't just been eating instant noodles these past few days, have you?"
"Whatever!" I said absentmindedly, flipping through the book again.
"Study hard!" She smiled like a little girl. I remember her saying that when I was taking the college entrance exam. Love?! They went out and gently closed the door behind them. I stood there stunned for a moment, then quietly closed my book. They came back, and they came back as if they were in love. What's the point of studying when my heart is in turmoil?! Finally, I stood up, grabbed my coat, and went out.
Fang Cheng was wiping the dust off the furniture, and my sister was busy in the kitchen. I suddenly realized that I hadn't done any housework these past few days except for making instant noodles. The furniture was covered in a layer of dust, and the kitchen was probably a mess too. I blushed a little. Fang Cheng saw me. "Going out?"
"Hmm! I wanted to go to the library to look up some information, but never mind, I can go tomorrow." I tossed my coat onto the sofa, intending to help.
"Go ahead, it's almost closing time." He waved his hand.
"Yes, you should go quickly, there are only a few days left until the exam!" My sister also ran out.
"I'm not afraid of exams at all!" I smiled, picked up a rag, and started working.
"Human eyes can see when they are open, but cannot see when they are closed!" Fang Cheng suddenly said. This is a game we often play: pick a sentence from a book that the other person says behind it, and then tell us the source!
"The reason it is seen and received is because it is different from others; the reason it is illuminated is because it is different from others. This is the opening statement of the fourth chapter of the Lüshi Chunqiu, Volume 16, 'Knowledge and Reception': The teachings of the former kings are most glorious in filial piety, and most manifest in loyalty!" I asked rhetorically.
"Loyalty and filial piety are what rulers and their people desire most. Glory and honor are what sons and ministers greatly wish for! (From the fourth chapter of the Lüshi Chunqiu, 'Mengxia Ji,' 'Exhortation to Learning.') Reading means abandoning all one's own intentions and prejudices, and being ready at any time to accept sudden voices from unknown sources!"
"This voice doesn't come from the book, not from the author, not from conventional language, but from the unspoken part, from the part of the objective world that hasn't been expressed and for which there are no suitable words! 'A Traveler on a Winter's Night'. When I have doubts and sorrowful thoughts about my homeland,"
"Your great and powerful Russian language is my only support and help. I can't believe such a language doesn't belong to a great nation. Turgenev!" He clapped his hands proudly at me. Before I knew it, we had finished cleaning the living room together, and I realized that my sister and Xiao Ming had somehow gotten to the sofa, listening to our wordplay.
"That's awesome!" Xiao Ming was completely stunned.
"Yes, I had no idea you all studied so well!" the older sister exclaimed.
"She came up with this idea in high school to make me memorize things. If I couldn't memorize, I'd get my hands slapped. If she couldn't memorize, she'd let me slap her too. I worked my butt off to get her to slap me! From formulas to vocabulary, from classical Chinese to politics, we memorized everything, all the way until we graduated from university. But in university, we started memorizing all sorts of classical allusions, and we stopped getting my hands slapped. Instead, we gambled on chicken legs. Sigh! Qin, I'm so skinny because she won all my chicken legs!" he complained to his sister.
"Yeah, even if I win, you still get your revenge, don't you?" I shook my head. Even if I won, I would find a reason to ask him to do something for me and exchange it for chicken legs. I would never let him eat for free.
"I earned it through hard labor! Qin, you have no idea how pitiful I was back then. Getting meals and reserving seats in the library were all my responsibilities," he continued to complain.
"You stingy girl! Sister, I'm going out!" I checked my watch; the library should be closed, but the bookstore should still be open.
"So late!"
"I'm not looking for a pawn shop; you can find those at bookstores." I picked up my coat.
"See? That's how she won my chicken leg." He was still unconvinced. I couldn't be bothered with him anymore, and hurriedly left the house. I stayed in the bookstore until closing time, grabbed a quick bite at a roadside stall, and then slowly walked home. I knew this wasn't right, and I started to regret it. Maybe I should have stayed in Shuicheng.
My sister was waiting for me in the living room, surrounded by documents; she seemed to be working. She glanced at them and casually asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Is no one home?" The house was quiet.
"Fang Cheng is writing something; Xiao Ming said he's been having too much fun these days and needs to get back to work; I'm looking at documents." She waved the folder in her hand, thought for a moment, and said, "Isn't it tiring to read like this every day?"
"Besides studying, I don't know what else I should do?" I said quietly, feeling a little bittersweet.
"Write something! Haven't you always wanted to write a book?" Fang Cheng happened to come out and sat down next to my sister, looking at me.
"I told you I couldn't write! My mind goes completely blank when I pick up a pen. I've read too many books, too well. Maybe I'm not very confident about the major I'm applying for right now, and I'm a little nervous. But don't worry about me, I'm preparing for studying abroad in the future. You promised to send me abroad, after all." I put on my hard shell again. Sometimes I feel like I'm not a wolf, but a tortoise.
“Why not just go abroad?” he advised sincerely. “If you want to learn something, you should go abroad to learn it. Foreign countries have already formed a systematic approach to literary theory.”
"I can't bear to part with my sister, okay? Until I'm sure you'll treat her well, I'll keep an eye on you!" I pretended to be fierce, turned to my sister, and smiled. "Don't worry about me, I'm sure I'll pass the exam. How about we bet on what rank I'll get!"
"I don't want you to work too hard!" She looked at me intently.
"Reading is probably the easiest thing for me!" I laughed, waved to them, and went back to my room. Being with them was much harder, much more arduous! I heard my sister sigh, but I shut the door on her. I didn't sleep; I kept reading. As I told them, what else could I do besides study? That night, I overheard their conversation again. Fang Cheng wanted to give up his current book and go back to writing that kind of rubbish! Because of me!
“You should persuade Xiao Ying to go abroad!” He sounded tired and powerless. “It’s not that I want to drive her away. She should write something, but she can’t write here because I’m here. She can’t calm down, and she unconsciously compares herself to me! She feels like I’m waiting for her to make a fool of herself. She’s too obsessed with winning and losing. Once she’s abroad, she won’t have so many worries, and maybe she’ll be able to write.” He seemed helpless.
"Her English is good; she'll have no problem taking the TOEFL."
“I know, but that requires money. After buying the house, we won’t have much money left. When we get there, we’ll have to pay rent, eat, make friends… She doesn’t have a single close friend besides me because she’s too outstanding. Chinese people can be despicable sometimes! I don’t have time to read with her or chat with her anymore, so she can only keep company with books. This can’t go on! So I still have to write the third book! Maybe I can rent an apartment for her by the lake.”
"If she finds out, she'll start yelling and throwing books at you. I don't think there's anything that could make her happier than you writing a good book."
"Yeah! If only we hadn't listened to her, we could have gone for a book signing. We could have made 100,000!"
“Yes!” the older sister laughed.
Will you get pregnant?
"Probably!" She wasn't sure what he meant.
"Sigh!" he sighed again.
"Then let's abort it! Unwelcome little guests can be turned away. Right?"
"Don't be silly! I'll write some little things to help pay for the baby formula!" he sighed.
He wants to rent an apartment for me by the lake! He knows I like him, and he knows I can't write anything with him around, but what he doesn't know is that I can't write with him because the only thing I want to write about is our story, a story that can never be written. He also doesn't know that the more he treats me this way, the sadder and more unable I am to extricate myself.
I looked up from my book in the early morning. I had been reading all night. Seeing that it was early, I decided to get up and make breakfast. I washed my face and brewed a pot of freshly ground coffee, Fang Cheng's favorite. Yes, I know his preferences, and he knows my needs, but we can't be together! Is this what Uncle Fang meant when he said we were destined to be entangled for life, destined to be together but not to stay together?
"What are you thinking about so intently?"
"I suddenly forgot the last two lines of Shakespeare's sonnets!" I mumbled. Opening the refrigerator, I pondered what breakfast I could make, only to realize I really couldn't make anything. I grabbed some eggs and bread, glancing at my sister. She looked at me with a smile; it seemed she'd been corrupted by Fang Cheng and was deliberately watching to see how I'd handle the situation. I rolled my eyes at her, mentally searching through recipes in books. It seemed there were some instructions on how to make certain foods. After comparing them, I decided to make something simpler.
What do you want to do?
"French toast! Seems easy." I thought to myself as I made it, not quite sure. She didn't stop me. I tried hard to recall the details from the book: mix egg with a little fruit juice and a little salt, dip the white bread slices in it, and fry them in a pan. It was easy; I even found a pretty plate to put it on. I shrugged smugly at my sister, and she smiled.
Fang Cheng and Xiao Ming came out after smelling the aroma. "It's a bit like the breakfast in 'French Diary'!" Fang Cheng thought for a moment; he had also read that book.
"Score!" I tapped the plate as a way of giving him points.
"Is it edible? Or is it just for my brother-in-law so he can be poisoned and I can get my older sister back?" Xiao Ming exclaimed dramatically. His sister, who had been about to eat, put it down and asked uncertainly, "Is it really safe to eat?"
I cut off a big piece and stuffed it into my mouth in a huff. They burst out laughing. My sister took a bite and nodded, "It's not bad. I didn't expect there to be a recipe in the book!"
"Otherwise, there wouldn't be a poem that says, 'In books, there are houses of gold; in books, there are beauties like jade!' Maybe one day when I'm in a good mood, I'll cook a table of 'Dream of the Red Chamber' dishes for you to try." I seemed to be blinded by success, making this bold statement.
"Give me a break! I've heard that some people have tried it and found it incredibly awful!" Fang Cheng shook his head, disagreeing.
Xiao Ming also said, "Second sister, you should stop studying. You'll go crazy!" He deliberately put on a worried look.
"I'll beat you senseless first!" I glared at him. Fang Cheng smiled, finished the last bite, kissed his sister's cheek, and got ready to go to work.
"Wait!" I thought for a moment and called out to him. "I didn't give you a wedding gift. My sister said you didn't need anything, so I've been thinking about it carefully these past few days and decided to give you a bicycle. You really lack exercise; if you keep going like this, you'll become a dried-up corpse. The second thing is that you and my sister are married, but you have no obligation to support me. It was understandable that my sister supported me before, but now my sister is marrying you, not letting you live with the Xiao family, so starting this month I have to pay for food. Otherwise, I'll have to move out; the landlord here is Fang Cheng's name. The third thing is Xiao Ming. Xiao Ming is still young and needs you to take care of him, but I'm already working, so I want to share Xiao Ming's expenses with my sister and fulfill my responsibility as an older sister. That's all!" I looked at him, and he looked at me too.
"Do you really have to be so calculating with me?"
“I’m doing this for my sister’s sake. She married you because she loved you, and you married her for the same reason. This is a home you built together. You’ve already been very kind of you to let Xiao Ming and me live here. I can’t let us become a burden to you, much less a threat to your marriage. Years from now, I don’t want to hear you tell my sister that we dragged her down! I’m a wolf too, I have my pride, do you understand?” I looked at him seriously. Neither my sister nor Xiao Ming interrupted; they knew this was either a negotiation or a break between him and me.
I turned to my sister and smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I just wanted you to know that you're marrying him because he's ahead of you, and you owe him nothing. In your marriage, you just need to focus on nurturing your relationship; nothing else is your concern. Understand?"
"You make me feel like you might leave at any moment!"
"All good things must come to an end! Sister, I've grown up!" I smiled at her. Picking up my bag, I looked at Fang Cheng, whose face was still ashen. "Aren't you coming? Being late means no perfect attendance bonus!" I pulled him towards the door, but he shook me off and rushed out. I shook my head and chased after him. I had been out all day, and by the time I got back to the office, it was already past closing time, but he was waiting for me. I knew he wanted to talk about what happened that morning. I had suspected he would do this during the day!
"Why did you do that?" He put down his pen, looked at my face, and seemed genuinely angry.
"Is it a friend or my brother-in-law asking?" I sat down opposite him.
Is there a difference?
“If a friend asks, I’ll say it’s because I’m worried about you getting tired; if my brother-in-law asks, it’s because of the morning.”
"I'm not tired. I would have said so if I were tired."
“I hear you talking, and I don’t want to hear you talking, but this house is only so big. My sister isn’t young anymore, and it’s best to have children as soon as possible. And you… you’re my only friend, and I really hope you can write this book in your best condition, with all your heart and soul. Just like my sister said, the happiest thing for me is if you can write a good book! Besides, I can’t live like this without any sense of responsibility. During the Spring Festival, I went to Xiao Ming’s mother’s house. Dad entrusted Xiao Ming to us not to make things difficult for my sister, but because he had no other choice. After leaving that house, I told myself that I would take good care of him, just like my sister took care of me. Taking care of him isn’t just something to say; I never lie, you know that. If you don’t let me do this, then I really will have to move out, and that will make my sister even more heartbroken!”
"We are already family!"
“I know, that’s precisely why it can’t be allowed! If you hadn’t come into this family, whether you became famous or not, whether you could write good works, maybe I wouldn’t care so much; because of guilt, because of me and Xiao Ming, you can’t write what you want to write, how would I feel? You idiot! I dream of going to England, but not now. I will achieve my dream through my own efforts. Even if I go abroad with your help, I won’t study hard! Don’t you want to fulfill my dream? My ideal is to write a novel like ‘Gone with the Wind’, then fulfill it for me!”
“I don’t like the way you hold the whip.” He seemed to have a headache.
"Do you still have it now?" I didn't feel like I was urging him on; wasn't I speaking very gently?
"You're wielding a soft whip! You're forcing me to listen to you properly, to write books properly, and not to take any detours; just like Uncle Li! When he was enticing me to study, he said that if I wanted to be a scoundrel, I had to be a good scoundrel. He gave me that book, 'The Seven Heroes and Five Gallants,' and told me to learn from the Five Rats."