"Five Rats? You want to be a thug?!" I couldn't help but laugh, but I felt even more bitter inside. I was just replacing Uncle Li for Uncle Fang's sake.
"Is that not allowed?" he glared at me.
"Alright! Let's go home, your sister must be worried." I stood up, and he put away the manuscript paper, stuffing it into the drawer. He glanced at me; I knew it must have been written to earn extra money. I didn't say anything. He should know what to do now.
The next day I bought him a bicycle, a very ordinary one; anything too fashionable wouldn't suit him. That day, Xiao Ming came to my room to chat, but he didn't seem to be really interested in talking to me. I could only ask him to sit down. I think he looked very serious, perhaps because of my offer to help him the day before.
"What's wrong?" I asked him with a smile. He looked at me and thought for a moment.
"Still can't let go of your brother-in-law?"
"What do you want to say now?" I paused for a moment, then forced a smile.
“I heard what you said when Dad died. That’s when you found out he liked my older sister. But she didn’t like him back then. You didn’t have to make yourself suffer like this. Sister, why are you doing this to yourself? Seeing you like this makes me sad.”
“I visited Uncle Zhou during the Chinese New Year. I felt really sorry, thinking that my sister might have been happy with him. But after we talked for a while, I realized that he only married my sister because she could give him a smart heir! He didn't really love my sister; he only married her because she was smart! I'm so glad my sister didn't marry him! Do you understand?”
"Then what will you do?" he asked, looking at me with pity.
“I will study hard and buy a house nearby in the future. You can live in both places. When you get married, my sister and I will each contribute half the money to buy another house between our two families, so you can be sandwiched in between and we can be together forever.” I smiled. He smiled too; after all, he was just a child.
After that, Fang Cheng started cycling to work every day. Perhaps because he felt more relaxed, he gradually became healthier and looked somewhat like his chubby, fair-skinned self from middle school. Around that time, I also started writing, not for money, but simply to understand his state of mind when he wrote—how much time he spent, how much effort he put in. But I wasn't as fast as him, and I couldn't overcome my own limitations; I had high expectations for him, but I dared not be too low for myself. Besides, I wouldn't write anything that pandered to the masses, so writing was very difficult for me! Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder if his state of mind was the same as mine when he wrote these insincere pieces?! Probably not far off! So I had to submit my university essays. In a month, I actually earned more than my regular job, but my feelings were completely different. Some of those articles were assignments for the teacher; others were notes, random thoughts on a whim—none of them were written for money. I felt a sense of guilt, as if I had been insulted. Would Fang Cheng feel the same way? He even wrote many articles criticizing current bestsellers; his mood must have been even worse.
My sister got pregnant as expected. I learned the news from Fang Cheng. When I woke up that morning, the person in the kitchen wasn't my sister, but Fang Cheng. He had already made coffee, but he seemed a little lost. I poured myself a cup of coffee, sipped it, and the bitter, mellow liquid flowed over my tongue, stimulating my senses and making me more alert. Then I looked at him. He was holding an egg, but he didn't know what to do with it.
"What's wrong?" I finally spoke, afraid that if he continued like this, he would go crazy.
"I... Xiao Ying! You... you think I'll be a good father?" He looked miserable, as if this was not a good thing.
I thought for a moment, looked at him, and asked, "What are you afraid of?" I tried to look at the matter with a calm mind and tried to overcome the bitterness that welled up in my heart.
"I might become too focused on my career like my father, neglecting everything else when I get busy; also, I'm very childish..."
I chuckled softly, and when he saw my smile fade, it brought him a moment of peace. I took another sip of coffee before looking up at him. "You know everything, so what are you afraid of?" I countered. He looked at me, somewhat puzzled, but quickly smiled too. He was simply unprepared; he was too young!
"Thank you, Xiao Ying." He thanked me sincerely. I shook my head, raised my coffee cup, and didn't say anything. I turned around and saw my sister in her pajamas. How long had she been there? I looked her up and down and smiled at her.
What's it like to be a mother?
"You can hurry up and get married, try it yourself." Fang Cheng jumped out from behind me and ran to her side. He helped her sit down on the sofa, saying this in an annoyed tone. The relief I had just felt was replaced by tension again. "What would you like to eat? How about eggs? Or some milk?"
"I'll do it!" I put down my cup. The coffee was particularly sour that day, so I added a spoonful of sugar.
"Sis, do you want me to buy you 'The Baby Care Guide'? We don't have any elders here, so we'll have to rely on books!" I said while making breakfast.
"Yes! Buy books! I'll go buy them!" Fang Cheng nodded hurriedly.
"No, Xiao Ying will go buy it!" my sister quickly objected. I looked at her, waiting for her to continue, "I'm afraid you'll bring the whole bookstore back!" My sister looked at Fang Cheng with a smile; she seemed to enjoy seeing him nervous. Was this a sign of love? I heated up a cup of milk for her.
"What do you want to eat? I'll make it! Now you need to keep a happy mood and eat a balanced diet. By the way, I'll be back early tonight, and I'll cook dinner, so don't bother."
"Whatever! I didn't know you were a pregnancy expert!" my sister teased me.
"Even if you don't have knowledge, you should have common sense. There's plenty of information in books."
"Xiao Ming is right, you're going to go crazy from studying. Stop studying and go have fun. Go on a trip, have some fun, you really have studied too much." My sister looked at me intently.
"Let's not discuss this now, okay!" I said with a smile. Fang Cheng had been watching us; he seemed to have calmed down. There was really only so much I could do, but I still managed to cook a table full of food, while thinking to myself that I needed to buy a pregnancy cookbook. Then I laughed again; I'd really gone crazy with all that studying.
"What day is it? Second sister, don't you have to go to work?" Xiao Ming came back rubbing his eyes.
"Oh right, time for work! Fang Cheng, hurry up and change your clothes!" I called to him as I rushed back into the room. When I returned, he was still waiting for his sister. I was going crazy. "Aren't you going to work?!" I yelled.
"Can I ask for leave?" He was focused on feeding his sister.
"sister!"
"I know, you go to work! I have to go to work soon too."
"Go to work? No way!" he exclaimed.
"I'm not going to care about you anymore!" I stormed out of the house. At noon, I saw Fang Cheng again in a bookstore near the editorial office. He was engrossed in a book—"What Pregnant Women Should Know!" I suddenly remembered that he had a difficult childbirth, and his mother had died because of it. That's why he was so anxious and uneasy. I didn't greet him and went to another bookstore.
That night, he still carried a pile of books home. Xiao Ming read them while clutching his belly and laughing heartily. My sister did the same; she hadn't had any symptoms yet. Those few days were the happiest days of the year for us. My sister was pregnant, and my chaotic heart gradually calmed down. I wholeheartedly took care of her, hoping she could give birth to a healthy child. But it only lasted a few days before my sister started experiencing morning sickness, and we realized disaster was imminent.
Chapter 9
My older sister is pregnant, and the eldest, most composed and rational person in the family has become incredibly weak. This has cast a shadow over our home, which should be filled with sunshine. Shouldn't pregnancy symptoms be normal? Why has it become a disaster in our family?
At first, we thought it was normal. We kept feeding her while she vomited, hoping she'd absorb some nutrients. But when she vomited even after eating fruit and drinking water, we realized the problem was serious. Fang Cheng didn't dare go to work because her sister couldn't either. I suggested going to the hospital, but her sister refused, saying she'd never heard of going to the hospital for pregnancy symptoms. This went on for several days. Fang Cheng called Aunt Liu and tried even some folk remedies, but nothing worked. Finally, Fang Cheng made up her mind.
"Xiao Ming, go press the elevator button; Xiao Ying, call a taxi." He calmly instructed us. We busied ourselves, and the car arrived five minutes later. Fang Cheng picked up his sister, who kept shaking her head at him. Fang Cheng said to his sister, "Don't worry about the money, we don't need this child." He spoke with the tragic resolve of a martyr cutting off his own arm.
I followed them to the door like a fool. Had they been avoiding the hospital all these days just to save money? Were we really that poor? Fang Cheng told me not to follow him into the elevator and to wait for a call at home. I stopped, and as the elevator doors slowly closed, I covered my mouth, turned my head away, and cried! Xiao Ming later told me that they had all seen it!
I frantically searched the house, looking through their rooms, not even knowing what I was looking for. Finally, I found their bankbooks in their drawer. Three booklets. One I recognized—it was my father's inheritance, written in Xiao Ming's name. Another was the mortgage payment booklet; they had to pay 1,000 yuan to the bank every month. Back then, Fang Cheng's monthly salary was only 200 yuan! They've gone mad! The third one had 10,000 yuan in it. Judging by the date, it must be Fang Cheng's royalties. If my sister hadn't been hospitalized this time, I think I would never have thought to look at their income. My God, have they gone mad?! They're not mad; they're just doing this for Xiao Ming! The phone rang. Fang Cheng asked me to come get his bankbook, the one with 10,000 yuan—my sister needed to be hospitalized.
The doctor said my sister's constitution wasn't suitable for pregnancy, which is why this happened. I took my savings book and the ten thousand yuan note to the bank. Fang Cheng and I work together; he's already bought a house, but I only have two thousand yuan! That was the extra money I earned from writing that month.
My sister was already in the hospital ward. She'd spoken with the doctor, and the only way to save the baby was for her to stay in the hospital. Her daily nutritional supplements cost two hundred yuan! That doesn't even include other hospital fees; that money would only last a month. I looked at him; he held the money, looking helpless. He thought for a moment and then asked me to call his father. I didn't ask what he wanted to say. What was there to ask? I was just asking for help! I didn't answer him. I went to my sister's ward—another large ward! I'm actually terrified of hospitals. It started with my mother, then my grandfather, then my father, and now my sister! Standing at the door, I was too afraid to go in. It took me a while to muster the courage to go in. This was the maternity ward. It was noisy—voices, babies crying, and laughter. It was all so festive, welcoming the new life. My sister was on the bed furthest inside, by the window, bathed in sunlight, but my heart felt cold! Xiao Ming sat obediently on the wooden chair by the hospital bed. She was already on an IV drip and looked a little more energetic. I sat down next to her bed.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
"I'm thinking about how many famous people sent their mothers to the hospital before they were born! This child is bound to be extraordinary!" I teased her, but it wasn't funny.
"You've been poisoned by the book!" the older sister laughed, then thought for a moment, exhaled, and gently stroked her flat belly. "Actually, you don't have to have it."
“Do you know what? I can think of a few? Duke Zhuang of Zheng had a difficult childbirth, so his mother didn’t like him; and... and Fang Cheng, he also had a difficult childbirth, but his mother died, so he never celebrates his birthday! Do you understand?” I looked at her, and she looked at me.
"Was Fang Cheng having a difficult birth?"
"He didn't tell you? And you didn't ask him either?" I felt I had spoken out of turn.
"And then?" Xiao Ming laughed.
“I’m not a storyteller! That’s all I know. I told him my mother died, and he said his did too. He just added that he was terrified, that it was a shadow over him, so if you give up the child this time, it’s the same as giving up forever. Maybe it’s just a temporary difficulty, let’s work together to overcome it, okay?” I said to her with a smile.
She smiled, but not at me. She smiled at Fang Cheng behind me, who had returned after paying. She's a very smart woman; I've always known she's smart, but sometimes I think she's too smart! She's smart enough to know how to hide her intelligence! Fang Cheng walked over to her, kissed her, smiled at her, and then turned to look at me.
"Take Xiao Ming back with you! He has school tomorrow!"
“How about we take turns? Just the two of us!” I said to him.
"Me too!" Xiao Ming said loudly, as if afraid that we still treated him like a child, but back then, no, we always treated him like a child.
"No need, she's not sick, she's just resting during her pregnancy. She can rest easy now that she's here. You all go about your business." He shook his head. I looked at him, thought for a moment, smiled, and then turned to smile at my sister.
"We're going back now. You and your brother-in-law, take good care of your pregnancy! Remember to be happy and have a healthy baby!"
"If something happens to me, you'll take care of the child, right?" my sister suddenly said to me, and Fang Cheng was also taken aback.
"Don't talk nonsense!" He gripped his sister's hand tightly; he was afraid. But his sister looked intently into my eyes. She wanted my promise. I smiled.
"You can do it yourself!" I didn't want to answer that question. Ever since Fang Cheng came into our lives, something seemed to have happened between my sister and me. We could no longer talk about anything like before, nor could we be as open and honest with each other as we used to be.
"Can you?" she emphasized. She's a good lawyer, but I don't think I've ever seen her in court. Is this really her in court? I thought for a moment, what is she planning to do? Is she buying insurance for her child like Fang Cheng's mother?
"Why not Fang Cheng?"
"I trust you more!" she said with a smile, but there was no smile in her eyes; she was serious. I felt very thirsty, wanting to laugh but unable to. I glanced at Fang Cheng; he looked lost. Was he unreliable?
“You know I can!” I nodded.
"I still want to hear you say yes in person." She gave me an innocent smile, looking like a child. I smiled!
When I got home, I didn't call Uncle Fang because I couldn't ask him for help. I couldn't let him think that Fang Cheng marrying my sister was a mistake. I showed Xiao Ming the three bankbooks and told him I had to borrow my father's inheritance from him because we had no other money. Moreover, we couldn't ask Fang Cheng's father for it! This was our own business. He looked at me, very angry, because I had told him I was young and thought he wouldn't be willing to part with the little money our father had left for the three of us in an emergency. I smiled at him; I knew he would react this way, but I had to tell him. I was glad I hadn't guessed wrong. With that money, my sister could stay a few more days, and I would have some time to find more money.
However, Uncle Fang came to our rescue once again. When Fang Cheng called home to ask if his sister, Liu Ma, was eating, Uncle Fang seemed to have already figured it out. He sent Liu Ma and 20,000 yuan, but he didn't know his sister was hospitalized; he just wanted her to buy some good food! If his sister hadn't been hospitalized, she could have bought a whole house full of delicious food! Liu Ma's arrival relieved us. She's very capable and can do many things we can't, such as taking care of his sister and providing Fang Cheng with nourishing supplements. He hasn't gone home since, going to work every morning and writing at the hospital every night, sometimes even sleeping by his sister's bedside. If it weren't for Liu Ma's supplements, he wouldn't have made it through.
My sister stayed for four months, and Fang Cheng only came back on payday the second month to collect his money! The little bit of weight he gained after the wedding had vanished again, and he looked very dejected! After allocating the necessary expenses, he had very little left. All I did was put the money back in his hands so he could buy my sister a bouquet of flowers! Because I was also earning money, and we were classmates, colleagues, and in the same major.
"No need to review?" He seemed angry again.
“Writing is a form of review. I didn’t just scribble anything; you know me. I just took out my old assignments and notes! You know I wrote a lot back then. I didn’t put in much effort; I just revised them.” I was a little afraid he would be angry. Yes, haven’t we always been pushing each other?
"That wasn't written to make money!" he said angrily.
“I know, that’s why it’s so valuable! You have no idea how sought-after it is!” He stared at me. I sighed, rubbed my swollen eyes, and realized I was exhausted. During those days, I’d often slept fitfully at my desk. After a while, I looked up at him. “Don’t be so polite with me, okay?” He thought for a moment, then silently walked away.
As I spent more time with Aunt Liu, she started to share old stories with me. For an elderly person, having no one to talk to is a cruel thing. So, during those four months, I learned about Fang Cheng's parents and Secretary-General Li Li's story. It seemed like a romantic tale to me.
Li Li's childhood name was Debao. His father was Fang Cheng's maternal grandfather's sworn brother; the two were as close as brothers. Fang Cheng had even saved Li Li's grandfather's life once. Li's grandfather had never had children, while Fang Cheng's grandfather had two sons in a row. Finally, Li's grandmother and Fang Cheng's maternal grandmother had children, and Li's grandfather said that if it was a daughter, she would be Fang Cheng's wife; if it was a son, he would be Fang Cheng's son-in-law, if Fang Cheng's grandfather had a daughter. Unfortunately, both families had sons at the same time. Li's grandfather said that his promise to Fang Cheng's grandfather would remain valid forever! Before Fang Cheng's mother was born, Li's grandfather passed away, killed while hunting. Li's grandmother remarried, and Fang Cheng's grandfather said he wouldn't stop her, but she couldn't take the child with her; he was his son-in-law. It's said that this was quite a dramatic scene back then. So, Debao stayed, but Fang Cheng's mother's whereabouts were unknown at that time. Several years later, Fang Cheng's mother was finally born amidst the anticipation of the whole village. It's said that the village was overjoyed. Grandpa Fang was the village secretary, so all his children, including his son-in-law Debao, could go to school! However, apart from Debao, his three sons weren't academically inclined; they could only recognize a few characters and weren't illiterate. Grandpa Fang wasn't disappointed in them. If they didn't want to study, so be it. In the countryside, as long as you had strength, you could earn work points, and he was happy to support Debao's education. When Fang's mother reached school age, Debao carried her to school every day. With Debao's help, she actually did quite well. However, after a few years, Debao passed the county middle school entrance exam, but that was it. Because there was no one to teach her anymore, she failed to pass the middle school entrance exam for several years and stayed home to farm. Debao was very good to her, always bringing her books back from the county. The money Grandpa Fang gave him was all used to buy books for Fang's mother, so she was considered one of the more educated people in the village at that time. After graduating from junior high school, Debao passed the high school entrance exam, but he couldn't attend; he returned to the countryside. In that chaotic world, all he could do was go home. That year, a man came to the village, supposedly for reform. That man was Uncle Fang. He didn't do anything particularly remarkable; he just asked Grandpa Fang to look after him. Uncle Fang had completed his studies in France, and he brought many books with him. So, Debao and Fang's mother were often seen in his little house. Uncle Fang liked Debao very much, giving him books to read and encouraging him not to give up. Debao was probably twenty, and Fang's mother was only seventeen or eighteen. Grandpa Fang suggested they get married, and no one objected, as it was considered perfectly normal in the village. However, Debao didn't say anything. He left the village for several days, and when he returned, he told Fang's mother it wouldn't work. No one knew why. Fang's mother didn't know why she had run away, and the whole village went out to look for her, including Uncle Fang. Uncle Fang brought her down from the mountain the next day. Fang's mother thought about it for two days and then told Grandpa Fang she wanted to marry Uncle Fang. Grandpa Fang thought about it and felt that since they had been gone for a night, there was already gossip, so it was better to let them get married. Debao was someone he had raised. Although he was angry that Debao couldn't become his son-in-law, he still treated him like a son. Despite his anger, he forgave him. Uncle Fang didn't want to marry Fang's mother at the time. He assured Fang's grandfather that nothing had happened. Unfortunately, Fang's grandfather said he believed nothing had happened, but others wouldn't believe him. They already suspected that Debao's refusal to marry was because Uncle Fang and Fang's mother had been having an affair! So, for the sake of Fang's mother's reputation, Uncle Fang had no choice but to marry her. No one knows why Debao, who later became Li Li, refused the marriage, or why he was so good to Li Li. Only he himself could answer that. The rest of the story is simple: Uncle Fang was reinstated, Li Li went to university and returned to his hometown to start a school, eventually becoming the director of the county education bureau. Later, Uncle Fang brought him under his wing, partly to help him advance, and partly for Fang Cheng. Six-year-old Fang Cheng only knew how to fight, causing Uncle Fang a lot of headaches, so Uncle Fang wanted him to teach Fang Cheng.
"And you?" I asked, looking at Aunt Liu. She wasn't in the story.
“Me! When Fang Cheng was born, my fourth son was already six months old. Debao brought the child to me. That's the custom in the village. Everyone has their own troubles, so it's just a matter of you helping me and me helping you. Later, Secretary Fang took Fang Cheng away, which was quite unpleasant, just like my son. Later, Fang Cheng became more and more out of control in the city, so Debao asked me to go to the city to keep an eye on him, saying that he doesn't really drink my milk, so he's still my child! We old folks said, 'Go ahead, don't let the child be ruined.'”
I looked at her, a petite old lady from the south, who, though not very educated, looked so simple and honest.
“Fang Cheng said he considers you his mother!” I said softly, moved.
"If only he had chosen you, at least you'd be younger, and childbirth wouldn't be so difficult." She glanced at me and sighed. She went back to the kitchen. She's strange; she always seems to be in the kitchen when she has nothing to do. I had nothing to say. To her, Fang Cheng was her son, and she doted on him. What could I say? I could only go back to my room and write to earn money!
It's not that all old writings can be sold; that was the era of readers. It wasn't about what you wrote that magazines would publish, but rather what they wanted to read. Otherwise, how could they make money? Sometimes I felt like a cook waiting for orders! Every day I'd be reading and searching for manuscripts, looking at the orders. Back then, there was a craze for reading the *I Ching*, with all sorts of books and articles flooding the market. I had to write related commentaries or offer my own opinions. Because of my personality, I didn't dare to spout nonsense, so I often stayed up all night reading and finalizing drafts, leaving myself exhausted. Only then did I realize that when Fang Cheng was focused on making money, he no longer had the energy to delve into his soul! While I was frantically busy making money, something happened. Something interesting and lucky. It was also one of the best things that happened that year.
That day I was busy when Aunt Liu brought someone in. I was waiting for someone from the magazine to pick up the manuscript and didn't pay much attention. I just casually asked him where he was from, and he only said the word "reading." I tossed him two sheets of paper without even looking up. "Reading" magazine had commissioned me to write a character profile for *Water Margin*. I figured he'd take the manuscript and leave, and they'd deposit the payment into my account themselves. I have a bit of a literary complex, and I couldn't bring myself to sell my writing. All I could hear was the sound of turning pages and writing. Finally, I finished, read it again, revised a few words, and figured readers should understand it. I sighed and put it away. It was for "Spring Ploughing" magazine.
"Is your previous article, 'The Heroic Complex of Water Margin,' part of the same series as this one?" A frail voice asked. I looked up and saw an elderly man with wrinkled skin and white hair, holding my article in his hand. I nodded.
"Why not publish it as a collection?" he asked again.
"I didn't write this for publication in the first place, and besides, selling my words is more lucrative than publishing a collection." I was exhausted.
"Then why did you write it? Did you write it?" He looked suspicious. If it weren't for my good upbringing, I probably would have had Aunt Liu kick him out long ago. I could only smile at him.
"Sir, I'm very busy. Please take the manuscript and leave!" I turned to look for the "History of the Qing Dynasty." My magazine needed an article about Emperor Qianlong, due first thing tomorrow morning. I really didn't like that ambitious emperor, and I found his poetry collection utterly laughable. I couldn't help but sigh. I'm not a historian, why should I write this? Right, make money! I have to hold out until my sister is discharged from the hospital.
Is it an older work?
"Yes, I was just writing it for fun in college." He persisted, and I couldn't be too harsh, so I just talked to him while reading and taking notes.
"Which university did you go to? How old are you?!" He started to ask me curiously.
"I've fallen on hard times and disgraced my sect. Let's not even mention my alma mater!" I said to myself with a self-deprecating laugh.
Are you short of money?
"Sir, I have a sick family member, and I have to pay the mortgage every month. I really don't have the time or energy to chat with you. Can you just say what you have to say all at once?" I was angry, mainly because I was too tired and really wanted to lie down and get a good night's sleep.
Are you planning to take the postgraduate entrance exam? Or are you already a postgraduate student?
"I'll take the postgraduate entrance exam, but I don't know when; it depends on my family's situation. I just graduated from university last year!" I knew he wouldn't give up unless I finished talking to him properly. I'll just treat this as a short rest.
“Then study ‘contrastive literature’! I’ll wait for you to sign up.” He handed me a business card. I looked at it with suspicion and couldn’t help but stand up.