An Chen pursed his lips and smiled, "Xiao Xiang, come here."
His eyes curved slightly at the corners, and when he smiled, it was as if starlight had fallen into his eyes. A beam of golden sunlight shone through the window frame, so dazzling that I couldn't open my eyes.
The branches are just beginning to sprout, the setting sun paints the grass, and soon the flowers bloom; whose heart is filled with restless thoughts?
An Chen didn't give me a formal title. He simply treated me to a meal at a restaurant and subtly indicated that his upcoming plans would be very inconvenient to involve me. I reassured him that whatever he did, I would simply observe calmly.
After that, I followed him closely, never leaving the surrounding area. I watched him eat; I watched him drink water; I watched him receive treatment; I watched him use the toilet, standing outside the outhouse. I noticed that he liked to purse his lips. Often, if something made him happy, he would gently purse his lips, and then a smile would bloom on his lips, making me think that even the blooming flowers of Yangzhou in March could not compare.
As we admired the willows by the river, he casually plucked the strings of his zither and said to me, "Xiao Xiang, I have something to do, so I really have to go."
I felt a pang of sadness and whispered, "But I can't bear to part with you."
An Chen patted my head and said, "There are many people you will miss, but not everyone has to stay by your side."
I searched my pockets, but found nothing to leave him as a keepsake. So I knelt down, picked up a pebble from the shore, wiped it clean with my sleeve, and kissed it. Then I handed it to him, saying, "Can you keep this as a memento?"
He nodded, took the stone, and turned to leave.
I secretly followed him. Actually, saying I wouldn't follow him and following him without telling him seem the same on the surface, but the latter is far more effective. For example, I could suddenly appear before him on a romantic day and feign surprise, saying, "My lord, we are truly destined to meet!" I could also figure out what he liked and then quietly give it to him. I could even, after spying on him for two or three years, tearfully tell him, "I've actually been watching you for a very, very long time."
However, on a bright, sunny day, An Chen finally got his wish and entered a brothel. I squatted at the door, waiting and waiting, for seven days and seven nights, when I suddenly realized two things: First, he said it was inconvenient to take me with him on business, but it turned out he wanted to visit a brothel; second, I lost him.
After thinking about it, I realized that it would have been easy for An Chen to leave if he really wanted to. The most likely reason was that his elegant demeanor made it too damaging to his image to run away.
Qi Xiao is gone, An Chen is gone, and I've become isolated from the world. Listening to "Farewell My Concubine," I felt inexplicably heartbroken. I fell in love too early; while others were enjoying childhood sweethearts, I had already experienced a heart-wrenching separation. This made me feel world-weary. After that, whenever someone talked about their passionate youth, I would lean in and ask, "How old were you when you fell in love?"
After asking me a lot of questions, I discovered that I not only had a puppy love, but I was also precocious.
Because many girls would shyly reply to me, "I don't know what being moved by love is~~"
I was unwilling to give up. For the next year or so, I traveled all over the country, asking around house to house, but the name An Chen was like a stone thrown into the sea; no one knew him. I often sat under the open sky, gazing at the starry sky, and remembered him pursing his lips and saying to me, "Xiao Xiang, come here."
I also wonder, will An Chen even remember me? If we were to bump into each other somewhere in this world, what would his expression be?
I've imagined countless times what it would be like when we met, but unfortunately, none of those times were right.
The further west I went, the more I heard people say: "There's a miracle doctor in Medicine King Valley, whose miraculous healing skills can bring the dead back to life." I thought to myself, An Chen is also a doctor, and his medical skills are excellent; people in the field might know him.
So I trekked through mountains and rivers, braving wind and rain, and traveled under the stars and moon, until I found Medicine King Valley. Upon entering the valley, I saw a man with black hair and dressed in white, his back to me, playing chess with an elderly man with white hair. A gentle breeze swept through the valley, ruffling his hair like a refreshing spring.
I called out loudly, "Excuse me, is the miracle doctor here?"
He picked up a white chess piece and placed it on the board with a crisp "snap." Then, he turned around, and in that instant, I almost burst into tears: he was An Chen, the one I had been searching for for so long.
He looked at me calmly and asked, "Did you want to see me, young lady?"
I froze, my body seemingly rooted to the spot. The person before me looked exactly like An Chen, but his eyes remained completely expressionless. I thought to myself, it's been over a year since we last met, I've grown so much taller, perhaps he doesn't remember me.
I was quite excited, so I went up to him and smiled, "An Chen, I'm Qi Xiang. We met a year ago in Yangzhou."
He smiled faintly, picked up the teacup on the stone table, took a sip, and said in a clear, melodious voice, "My name is Xia Jingnan. Do you recognize me?"
I was confused. He simply tied his hair back with a silk ribbon, and he wore a plain white robe, completely different from An Chen who had previously been dressed in fine clothes and jade belt. Moreover, he said his name was Xia Jingnan.
Suddenly, the old man across the stone table cried out, "Ah----" and then slapped his forehead, wailing, "I lost."
Xia Jingnan said to the old man, "Third Master, this game of chess has been going on for three days and three nights. You should go and rest." Then, he pursed his lips. That pursing of his lips was exactly the same as An Chen's.
I'm certain now. Even with a different hairstyle, clothes, and disguise, he is undoubtedly An Chen in real life.
For a long time afterward, I wondered if An Chen had schizophrenia.
I want to stay by his side, but I don't have a suitable opportunity. I'm afraid he'll reject me again, like he did a year ago, and then quietly go into hiding in another cave. Then I'll spend another year or two chasing after him, and this back-and-forth will inevitably drag down many innocent and miserable years of our youth. After much thought, I finally came up with a compromise. While he's pretending to have amnesia, I can become his apprentice. I can wash clothes, cook, and massage him in this Medicine King Valley, and I can also take over his mantle and help the world.
After I told him my intention, he slowly said, "I don't accept female disciples, please go back, young lady."
I sincerely stated that whether one is male or female is truly unimportant. I cited numerous historical examples, citing examples of female warriors like Hua Mulan commanding troops on the battlefield and male warriors like Yu Boya breaking his zither for Ziqi. I can do everything a man can do, but there are things I can do that a man may not be able to do, such as giving birth.
The preference for sons over daughters is a thing of the past. To put it another way, if it's just out of etiquette, I'll dress as a man.
Perhaps I spoke too hastily, and my master probably didn't hear the first half clearly, only catching the last sentence. Later that day, he handed me a man's face mask. Understanding perfectly, I stuck the mask to my face, and from then on, I lived in the world with a man's face.
When my master saw me the next day, he was quite surprised. "Why do you look like this?"
I felt a little uncomfortable with the extra layer of skin on my face, so I could only say with a blank expression, "From today onwards, I am a man. Master can rest assured now."
Master, “Ahem, I soaked these noodles in pansies; they’re supposed to keep you young forever. Yesterday, I wanted to show you the medicinal effects of pansies.”
Then, he took two steps, glanced at me, and said expressionlessly, "However, this mask suits you quite well."
This man is extremely handsome. So, if you only look at my head, you could say I'm a man of unparalleled beauty and charm.
I asked my master countless times afterward if he remembered: In that flower-filled Yangzhou, on a riverbank with misty, ink-like waters, I met him under a peach tree. He rescued me, and then told me to wait for him for a lifetime. The world is so turbulent, and my love is so deep. I waited and waited, but he never returned.
The master just smiled and listened quietly, as if the story had nothing to do with him.
After telling the story many times, I gradually came to believe that An Chen and I did indeed have such a beautiful and poetic encounter. But after telling it so many times, I realized that my master had truly forgotten me.
Perhaps, he never remembered me.
One day, my master told me, "Purple stem grass is also known as Fireworks Intoxication. It can cure cold poison. But after taking this grass, you will fall into a dream that is hard to extricate yourself from."
I tilted my head and looked at him, thinking: So what I was drinking was Fireworks Intoxication. It turns out I was just having a dream.
Text [03] Xiaoxiang Bamboo
As dusk approached, a high-pitched eagle's cry rang out, and a strong wind plummeted straight down from the sky. I closed my eyes, unable to bear the sight, and could only hear a splash—the sound of rushing water. The strong wind had plunged into the pool again.