Canciones errantes en los confines de la Tierra

Capítulo 7

My family is a wealthy family in Sichuan. I was born a young master and I love composing poems, writing calligraphy and lyrics.

As I grew older, I fell in love with my maid, a little girl named Hong'er. She was the daughter of a family from the neighborhood, with a mother who depended on her for support. Her mother worked as a helper in our household, and Hong'er was a little younger than me. She had been a maid in our household since she was little, serving me. We used to play together when we were young, but as we grew up, we gradually drifted apart. But I found that I liked her more and more each day. And I thought, she probably liked me too.

When she was 18, her mother died. Before her death, she promised to marry her to me. That day, I met her in the back garden, eager to speak to her, but instead, I saw utter hatred in her eyes. My heart froze, and I began to feel uneasy. I had a vague feeling that something was about to happen. Sure enough, on our wedding night, she ran away. Later, I learned that she planned to elope with a man I didn't know; she was going to marry him. My father was furious and sent a large number of servants to chase after her, and I followed them in a fit of rage. We soon caught up with her, finding her desperately fleeing at the edge of a cliff. I was surprised, bewildered, and didn't know what to say. I just stared blankly at her, watching her despairing on the cliff edge. She looked at me too, her eyes filled with resentment and hatred. The vortex of hatred in those clear eyes swallowed me whole. Overwhelmed with mixed emotions, my heart clenched. "She hates me!!" My vision went black... When I woke up, the servant told me that Hong'er had jumped off a cliff and committed suicide, and her body was nowhere to be found... In my dream, I could only hear the clamor and noise of my house, and I could hear my loving parents calling my name loudly, and someone else shouting "Young Master, Young Master!"

When I woke up again, I found myself at the Bridge of Helplessness, with the long-absent Black and White Impermanence standing beside me. When I came to my senses, they told me that I had died shortly after falling unconscious… They also told me that the woman who committed suicide for love, the girl Hong'er who grew up with me and spent 18 years of our lives together, the little girl who gently changed my clothes and folded my blankets so many times, the maid who softly poured tea and ground ink for me so many times—she was the one I had given up a thousand years of cultivation to wait for, and now she had gone to the City of the Wrongfully Dead… All the fragmented memories flooded my mind, and I was at a loss… The kind White Impermanence led me to Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva, who smiled silently.

I couldn't help but ask the Bodhisattva, "Why does she hate me?"

The Bodhisattva said, "This is cause and effect."

I asked, what is cause and effect, and why does such cause and effect exist?

The Bodhisattva said, "Fate is cause and effect. You gave her a reincarnation, and she served you for half her life. This is cause and effect. You gave her the fate of a reincarnation, so she had to die in vain because of you. Only then could she give you the fate of a reincarnation. People often talk about past lives and future lives, but in fact there is no order. The past life is here, and this life is here. There is coming and going, but in the end there is no birth and no death."

I couldn't understand it at all, I didn't understand it at all.

I felt that it was all a misunderstanding, a specific moment, a specific person, a specific event. It seemed I could foresee a predictable outcome, but things don't always go as planned; I was wrong. I missed a thousand years of time. I missed two lives that should have been filled with happiness. In that instant, I understood reincarnation. The reason people reincarnate is because of countless mistakes, countless regrets, countless hopes, countless losses, and countless destinies, which must be repaid and reclaimed in the next life. But even with endless reincarnation, how can someone in that stagnant space-time remember past lives to guide their present life?! Reincarnation is a Buddhist scripture, meant to guide those lost in the sea of suffering to the shore of return, but how can those who are attached to their beliefs understand the Buddha's intention and hope for repentance in this life?

---Fish and shrimp

Reply [46]: Will I regret it? Will I?

In the end, I understood the Bodhisattva's guidance, but I still didn't respond to the Bodhisattva's words, nor did I want to savor them. Because I have felt happiness, and I have felt sorrow. I have experienced joy, and I have experienced heartache. I have had a dream that lasts a thousand years, and I have had the karmic connection of reincarnation. With all of this, it seems I should be content.

I finally gave up on continuing the cycle of reincarnation or cultivation. I am willing to live forever in my dream that has lasted for thousands of years, and forever be a ghost soldier sitting alone by the Bridge of Helplessness.

Perhaps if the Bodhisattva is right, then I have died once because of her, died of heartache for her. Shouldn't she also grant me another true reincarnation? I believe that one day I will see her again, the one who smiled at me so sweetly... ---Fish and Shrimp replied [47]: IV. A Thousand Years of Regret A person with a heart will think about many, many things, and will also forget many, many things. I don't know if the ghosts in hell have hearts, but I should. Because I am reincarnating in the cycle of fate.

As the days went by, I felt myself growing colder and colder. I couldn't remember many things from the past clearly. I gradually forgot those moments that moved me, hurt me, and pained me. I forgot, almost completely forgot... My mind, which had forgotten so much, needed something new to fill it. So, I began to carefully ponder the words of the Bodhisattva from back then, and it seemed that I understood some of the truths.

Life is full of suffering, and all phenomena are inherently empty. These are the words of a Bodhisattva, and I believe the Bodhisattva is right. But I truly don't understand: if there is such a vast and bustling world, why is it also empty? If it is empty, why use this dazzling world to confuse people's eyes? Gods and Buddhas are naturally clear-headed, but how can ordinary mortals understand the so-called truth behind this outward appearance?! Is this a trick by gods and Buddhas to deliberately torment people, to make them unable to bear the sea of suffering and turn back to the Pure Land?! Such a despicable and insidious mentality deserves to go to hell. However, I absolutely do not believe that gods and Buddhas would manipulate mortals, because they are the most compassionate. How can all of this be explained?

Under the Bodhisattva's guidance, I didn't patrol the Bridge of Helplessness, but instead guarded the Bodhisattva's pure room. I began to immerse myself in scriptures and Buddhist teachings, wanting to know why all this was happening. I still remember some things from my time in the mortal world, which I now find unbearable to recall. If I can understand the cause and effect behind it all, I believe my suffering will gradually subside.

In my endless search, years passed unnoticed, and before I knew it, I had spent 500 years studying scriptures. The Lord of Reincarnation once summoned me back, saying I had achieved great success and wanted me to be his judge, deciding the life and death of the world. I declined. The Lord was astonished, saying I had already achieved complete detachment from worldly desires and that my future cultivation was limitless. He said he would let me do nothing, to be a carefree ghost, free to cultivate as I pleased. I thought to myself: What emptiness? What detachment from fame and fortune? It's just my own inner turmoil. But from some point on, the ghosts around me began to treat me with utmost respect and courtesy. In truth, I only understood one thing, and even then, I didn't think it was all true, because I believed there was a truth in the universe. What is truth? I felt it was to free all beings from suffering. The Bodhisattva said to relinquish all desires, but I felt it made no sense. How could a life without desires exist? I couldn't fathom it, nor dared I speak of it, only nodding and agreeing, desperately searching for answers in the scriptures.

One day, I wandered through the underworld and unknowingly arrived at Granny Meng's tea stall. Granny Meng was dozing off. I went over and woke her up. Granny Meng suddenly woke up, hurriedly looked around, and only after a long while did she breathe a sigh of relief. I was surprised by her nervousness. She said that if any ghost went to be reincarnated without drinking her tea, she would have made a grave mistake. I asked her why everyone had to drink the "bewitching soup" before being reincarnated. She said it was to prevent the ghosts' memories from being continuous across lifetimes, so that they would have irreparable regrets in each life. This way, when they grew tired of the torment, they would give up reincarnation and turn their hearts towards the Great Way. I was very surprised and doubtful, saying that if they were to gain enlightenment, they should awaken on their own. Why use this method? This is deceiving others and deliberately tormenting them. Granny Meng's face changed from surprise to panic. She didn't answer anything and hurriedly sent me away... I've read countless scriptures, and while I feel there are truths, they are not the kind I'm looking for. I'm completely confused. Whenever the Bodhisattva asks me about Zen, I'm told not to speak carelessly or to remain silent. The Bodhisattva smiled, but I couldn't understand his heart or his intentions, and I remained lost and didn't know the way home.

Another 1000 years have passed, and I'm amazed by my own patience. I can still diligently study the scriptures, even though my mind isn't on them. It seems that studying the scriptures has its benefits. Although I haven't mastered the scriptures, I've learned some cultivation methods, including the art of controlling qi to ascend to immortality and fasting to nourish qi. I was just a lowly ghost soldier, yet I have such good fortune today. I am filled with awe and trepidation.

Something happened in hell, something that happens frequently in the underworld, but to me it was a big deal that changed everything I am in now.

A judge under the jurisdiction of the Reincarnation Bureau, known for his crimson brush, fell in love with a mortal woman and secretly fled to the human realm. Despite the efforts of the messengers of Hell to dissuade him, he remained obstinate, determined to reunite with the woman. He once again boldly escaped the Underworld. The Ten Kings of Hell then dispatched their ghostly armies to capture him. Furthermore, the ghostly army stole the woman's soul, imprisoning her eternally in the Netherworld Valley, subjecting her to countless tortures, ensuring the judge could never reunite with her. The judge, filled with grief and rage, cursed the gods of the Underworld for their inhumanity. Enraged, the gods vowed to exterminate the judge, condemning him to eternal damnation.

That day, on the Execution Platform, the Judge was bound by iron chains, his collarbone pierced by the Soul-Seizing Hook. I felt a jolt in my heart. I stole a glance at Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva, who sat high on his lotus throne. Usually gentle and benevolent, he was now expressionless, and I could vaguely see a chill in his deep eyes. A coldness ran through me. Wasn't the purpose of saving all beings? Was this how he was supposed to save them? Why force someone to betray the feelings that haunted their soul? If clinging to worldly love was a mistake, then let him willingly continue down that path. Why go through all this? I felt myself sinking, sinking, unable to comprehend what I was seeing… The Judge, with his crimson brush, was ultimately struck by five thunderbolts and reduced to ashes, leaving not even a trace of his soul… I secretly climbed back onto the Execution Platform, looking at the fragments of the Judge's remaining red robe, and felt only boundless desolation.

I suddenly noticed that there were writings on the torture rack where the judge was bound, which must have been left by the judge.

From love arises sorrow; from love arises fear.

Be content with love, and you will have no worries or fears.

Suddenly, I remembered a thousand years ago: by the lonely bridge, a solitary ghost sat, waiting in vain for its return. The sorrow, separation, longing, and anguish accumulated over a thousand years broke through the layers of my heart's locks and surged forth once more.

A chilling wind howled through the tattered cloth on the execution platform. The four lines of writing flickered before my eyes. I brushed away the words, but I couldn't erase the impression in my heart. The cloth robe was still there, like fallen petals in late autumn… At that moment, I felt that the judge with the vermilion brush might still be there… I headed towards the Valley of the Underworld… Quietly, I arrived at the cell of the imprisoned soul. The face, though utterly haggard, still held a hint of its former charm. I couldn't help but sigh. I turned and left the cell; I didn't want to stay there any longer.

Turning around, he heard a plaintive yet resolute voice from the cell: "From love arises sorrow, from love arises fear; if one remains steadfast in love, there is no need for sorrow or fear."

The sound grew farther and farther away, yet it felt as close as if it were right next to me.

I gritted my teeth, leaped into the air, and flew away from the valley... That day, I understood what love was, that it could make people pledge their lives to each other.

That day, I grew tired of the bottomless abyss of hellish confusion.

That day, I stopped pursuing the great path of Buddhism.

That day, I came back to the human world.

That day, I betrayed the underworld.

In the instant I escaped from the gates of hell, I looked back at the underworld that had bound me for three thousand years, and thought, "When I truly understand, I will return!"

I think: when that time comes, I will no longer be confused or in pain... ---Fish and Shrimp replied [48]: Good. I haven't seen the first few paragraphs before. Not bad. ---Huqiming replied [49]: V. A Thousand Years of Floating World. As dawn broke, the mountains were still shrouded in a dark cloud. I drifted aimlessly in the mist. My heart was filled with indescribable feelings, calm yet panicked, resolute yet hesitant. This departure may be my last. This feeling that was rising in my heart made me feel boundless confusion and loneliness. I don't know how long I can live. Maybe 100 years, maybe 1000 years, maybe 10000 years. Ten thousand years is a long time, so long that I don't even know how long it is, but it will eventually end.

Sunlight pierced through the clouds, showering the world with its radiant glow. Standing in the sunlight, I felt an unprecedented sense of liberation. Rays of sunlight penetrated my heart with their warmth, and the bright radiance seemed to permeate my body, as transparent as mist. Ghosts are supposed to be averse to sunlight, but fortunately, I had studied scriptures and learned some methods of cultivation, allowing me to receive nature's bounty. I couldn't help but think of the Bodhisattva, whom I considered a compassionate and venerable elder. However, almost simultaneously, I recalled the face of the Judge of the Vermilion Brush, devoid of hope and resentment, as withered as wood, his tattered and filthy robes like drifting catkins, and the Bodhisattva's icy face and deep, unfathomable eyes… I don't know why I felt a trace of resentment towards the Bodhisattva then, nor do I understand why I felt so much injustice towards the Judge of the Vermilion Brush.

I stood there blankly on the road, watching the passersby, each one hurrying along, coming and going in a rush. I envied them; they knew where they should go, while I didn't know where I was going, and no one told me. Life really flies. In the blink of an eye, the sun had faded, darkness was falling, and the number of pedestrians around me dwindled. The few who did manage to hurry by wore expressions of longing to go home.

I have no home, and I don't know where my home is.

Suddenly, I thought of the home I had when I first entered reincarnation a thousand years ago, where my father and mother were. I couldn't suppress the excitement in my heart, "I want to go home!"

Amidst the faint smoke from cooking fires and the flickering lights, I transform into a gust of wind and fly towards the distance. The distance is my home, the home I have been away from for a thousand years.

I vaguely remember the location of my hometown, perhaps beyond the mountains. I transform myself and walk along the mountain path. The path winds and turns, and beyond the mountains lies a town where I once lived. What a blessing it is to live in such a world, I think. I rediscover fragments of my past in this mortal world from the depths of my memories: spring blossoms, autumn moon, azaleas in summer, and the chill of snow-covered landscapes. Will the peach blossoms in front of my old home still be in full bloom when I return? Will children still be playing under the old willow tree by the pond at the village entrance? Will the fragrant tavern on the street be as lively as before? Will the old house I once lived in still shelter me from the wind and rain? Have my childhood sweethearts been reincarnated here?

As I pondered, my steps grew slower and slower. I felt apprehensive as I approached home. After a thousand years of separation, was my journey home still the same one I was meant to return to?

After wandering around for most of the day, I finally found my home from a thousand years ago, the place where I used to live, the place where I lived with my parents and family. The old house is gone, and this place has become a forest. Only my memories let me know that this is my home, my home from a thousand years ago, the only home I truly had in the cycle of reincarnation.

I have no home anymore.

Walking slowly through the woods, I pondered which part of my home, which room, lay beneath my feet. The mist blurred the view, making everything hazy and indistinct. The woods vanished, and I felt as if I were back home—the painted windows, the pavilions, the courtyard, the terrace—all vividly clear in my mind. "Young master, young master, could you pick a peach blossom for me? Don't tell the master, okay?" What was that voice? It was clearly Hong'er calling me… A leaf fell, drifting in the mist. The houses and courtyards disappeared without a trace. That night, I carried a flask of wine and drank in the woods all night. I hoped to use this wine to soothe the wounds of a thousand years, to mend the regrets of a thousand years.

I've decided to live here as a wandering ghost, never wanting to go far again. I want a home, and since this was my home in my past life, it's also my home in this life.

I moved to the mountains outside the city and built myself a thatched hut.

---Fish and shrimp

Reply [50]: VI. A Thousand Years of Love

Beyond the withered grass and setting sun, beyond the setting sun, the water is cold and the clouds are yellow. Even if one had intestines, they would break; how much more so for one without intestines. I am a ghost, a ghost who loves contemplation and drunkenness. Every day I take human form, weaving through the crowds, experiencing the fleeting moments of human life. One day, I sat on a mountain peak behind my home, waiting for the sunset. Suddenly, I heard a weeping sound carried on the breeze. I quickly found the voice; it was a girl.

I asked her why she was crying there, and she said she lived in the city and had gotten lost while visiting the mountain. I'm happy to help others when I'm in a good mood, and since I was in a good mood at the time, I offered to take her down the mountain.

She wiped away her tears and smiled sweetly at me: "Thank you."

I have never seen such a beautiful smile.

In that instant, it felt as if something had struck my chest, and my mind was in turmoil... No! I've seen it, I've seen it... A thousand years ago, by the Bridge of Helplessness, that incomparably enchanting smile... I saw her off down the mountain.

That's how we met. She often came to the mountain to play with me, and I was captivated by those times, becoming a carefree ghost. Days passed, and I prayed every day, praying for her eternal happiness. Several years went by like this; she grew up. Every time I looked at her, all the longing of a thousand years surged into my heart. How could she understand that a ghost soldier who once patrolled the Bridge of Helplessness would be bound by a gentle smile, unable to escape the cycle of reincarnation for a thousand years? But I always suppressed my love for her, my longing for her. I will forever remember that unforgettable dream of my past life, the resentful eyes of the person who died because of my one-sided love. I no longer wanted to confess my feelings to her, fantasizing about holding her in my arms and watching the flowers bloom and fade... I no longer dared to believe whether I was blessed, and I no longer wanted to guess whether I was destined to be with her. If the beautiful dream were to be shattered again because of the needs of cause and effect, I would never be able to let go... Later, her mother died. I knew that the one who came to collect her soul was the Black and White Impermanence that I was familiar with, but I could not save her mother, because if I did, I would suffer the same torment as the Judge with the Vermilion Brush.

Before her death, her mother betrothed her to a young man who had long coveted her. I turned into dust and watched the mother and daughter part ways, leaving before the arrival of the Black and White Impermanence. In my mind, I thought of her mother's decision to betroth her; she would no longer belong to me.

That young master's family fortune rivaled my own wealthy family back in the day. The wedding day was incredibly lively. Unbeknownst to her, I was perched on the hairpin in her hair, watching her, watching her leave. She was beautifully dressed.

The wedding procession had gone far away, and I returned to my mountaintop hut. I stood alone on the summit for a long time, not knowing what to do. I didn't know; my heart had been emptied out, and there was nothing left.

Suddenly I heard firelight flickering on the mountain, and many men were shouting and running to another mountaintop. It was none of my business. I continued drinking, looking down at the place where she had her wedding night.

"Catch her, we must bring her back and marry her!"

A voice shouted in exasperation.

I suddenly realized.

It's her, it's her!

I rushed there without thinking, and in a daze, I saw the Black and White Impermanence, the soul-reaping messengers, already standing beside her with a cold smile.

How familiar that cliff is! It's the place where I chased Hong'er back then.

There was still a young man staring blankly at the woman he was infatuated with.

There was still a woman with her resentful and hateful eyes.

But at that moment, I was just a ghost, nothing more than a ghost.

Everything froze the moment I arrived.

She jumped off the cliff; she jumped off the cliff all by herself.

……

The Bodhisattva said, "Fate is cause and effect. You gave her a reincarnation, and she served you for half her life. This is cause and effect. You gave her the fate of a reincarnation, so she had to die in vain because of you. Only then could she give you the fate of a reincarnation. People often talk about past lives and future lives, but in fact there is no order. The past life is here, and this life is here. There is coming and going, but in the end there is no birth and no death."

I see.

I calmly stopped the Black and White Impermanence, saying, "Take me back. I am willing to bear the punishment for my escape. Because I need to be reincarnated; I need to be human again. I must go to the Wheel of Reincarnation; I must return to the Underworld."

I want to fulfill my true destiny with her.

I want to truly love her, to be born into this world together, and to live a simple life of farming and weaving.

---Fish and shrimp

Reply [51]: V. Epilogue

The flower, intentionally plucked, drifts away in the wind.

Subhuti smiled silently.

Thoughts arise and cease in the four aspects of existence.

In the blink of an eye, several cycles have passed.

In the cycle of reincarnation,

If the heart stirs,

It has been a thousand years.

---Fish and shrimp

Reply [52]: That's all for today, time to wash up and go to bed. See you tomorrow morning!

---Fish and shrimp

Reply [53]: Leaving my name

Take your time to read

---A bird that doesn't love fish

Reply [54]: Keep it up, OP! I'm so touched, I strongly support you!

---ilko

Reply [55]: Touched

---AWO

Reply [56]: It looks great!!!

---31885215