"Aren't you coming home with me, brother?"
"This is a company dance party, how can I leave so early?"
"Then I'll wait for you here."
"Listen to me, if you don't get enough sleep you'll have dark circles under your eyes tomorrow, and I hate it when girls have dark circles under their eyes."
"Okay, but I want you to carry me for a while. You haven't carried me for almost a year, and I really miss your broad shoulders."
"Alright, come on, you brat."
Through the shadows of the flowers, one could see Cui Wuyue crouching behind Willson, her flowing skirt dazzlingly white in the moonlight.
I felt a slight pain in my palms. Looking down, I realized my hands had involuntarily clenched into fists, but I'd clenched them too hard; my nails had dug deep into my flesh, leaving three dark purple nail marks on my palms. A strange force welled up from the depths of my heart along with those three nail marks, burning my reason like fire. I had an urge to rush up and destroy everything I could—including beating him up. But another voice inside me told me, "It's okay, you're just overeating, it's just a hallucination."
I mustered my courage and looked again in the direction they had left. The place was deserted; only the occasional breeze rustled the blossoms, making them sway gently—it didn't seem like anything had happened. From the bottom of my heart, I began to sincerely wonder if I was truly having an overactive imagination.
A figure suddenly darted out from the shadows, only five steps away from me. I was so startled I almost screamed. Turns out, I wasn't the only one spying here.
"Cui Wuyue, I hate you! I swear, what you gave me today, I'll make you pay me back a hundredfold, a thousandfold!" The deep-seated hatred in her voice sent a chill down my spine, and at the same time, the light blue dress made me immediately recognize the owner of that somewhat distorted face. But didn't Yi Rou tell me to my face that she had resolved her inner conflict?
I'm a bit confused. I need to check the almanac when I get back; what day is it today? What's happening right now is beyond my comprehension, given my limited intelligence. In this garden full of exotic flowers and plants, everyone is unlike anyone I knew, especially my lover. Good heavens, only now do I realize how little I know about him: I don't know if he prefers salty or sweet food, I don't know if he dislikes yellow or purple, I don't know what brand of shaving cream he uses, I don't even know his blood type, or his birthday… not to mention who he sleeps with every night?!
"My love," I suddenly realized that the phrase I used with the qualifier was somewhat ridiculous. I must have been under too much pressure lately, and I was indulging in wild fantasies and going astray. The little river, the Ferrero Rocher chocolates—it was all just my imagination, a self-deception.
But there was clearly a hole drilled through the heart area, and a gust of wind was whistling past, causing a cold pain.
I don't know when or how Yirou left, nor do I know how long I sat on the damp grass. By the time I remembered I should leave, the hem of my skirt was soaked through with dew. But even if I wanted to leave, I would have to cross the dance hall to get away. Fortunately, the dance hall was dark enough that I thought I could slip away unnoticed.
When I entered the dance hall, people were dancing wildly to the music. The loud music and psychedelic lights made the night seem even more eerie.
I kept my head down, trying to make out the various obstacles in the darkness along the wall, and then quickly walked around them towards the door. Just as I was about to reach the door, I breathed a sigh of relief, only to bump into a large, broad person. I quickly apologized, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"I told you, don't apologize to me again!" came the impatient voice of Willson. Sigh, I knew from the moment I put on those shoes that were causing me so much pain, it was destined that I wouldn't have a good day.
"Where have you been?" He looked me up and down.
Looking down, I saw my bare, dirty feet standing on the carpet. My dress was wrinkled, wet, and clung to my bottom, completely deformed. A strand of hair, as if to add insult to injury, fell down and landed right on my bald forehead. Willson, unable to bear it any longer, reached out to help me tuck the hair back, but without thinking, I dodged. Willson's hand missed its target, frozen in mid-air, and the air between us began to thin. I haphazardly brushed the strand of hair back up myself, but it fell down again. I simply pulled out the hairpin from my hair, letting all my hair fall loose. I figured I looked even more like a ghost. But after trying to act like a lady all night, I was really annoyed.
"I'm exhausted after a whole night of this. I just want to go home. Let's talk about it tomorrow," I said coldly, trying to suppress the urge to act like a shrew. In truth, I wasn't confident I could calmly discuss anything with him in my current state of mind.
He grabbed me as I tried to walk away, saying, "Come with me." Without letting go, he pulled me outside by my hand.
Based on past experience, I knew clearly that resisting him would only be a waste of my energy, so I could only sigh inwardly and resignedly let him grab me and take me away. In my mind, I recalled the live broadcast of his tender and affectionate care for Cui Wuyue, and I felt my blood pressure suddenly rise.
"Have you heard any gossip? Or is it because I didn't dance the first dance with you?" He asked me with unusual patience as we stopped by the river.
"I'm not so bored as to steal someone else's dance partner, much less interested in competing for someone's husband, Mr. Lin." I've never spoken to anyone in such a defiant tone before, not even to a client who threw a check in my face. But I can't control myself, just like now I can't stop myself from trembling.
He paused for a moment, then uttered a vicious curse, though he didn't know who he was cursing at.
"But why don't you ask me yourself? Don't you believe me?" he roared at me.
I almost laughed out loud: "You want me to believe you? With my eyes? My nose? Or my ears?" Unfortunately, tonight they all told me OUT OF YOU.
"I want you to believe with your heart!" he roared.
"Heart? Yours or mine? Your heart is with someone else, I have no right to see it. My heart is lost, wandering in some unknown country." I turned my face away, biting my lip tightly, successfully stopping the tears that almost spilled out. I don't want to cry, it would only make me look ridiculous and pathetic.
“I knew you would react this way! I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be unhappy in the slightest, or for things to turn out like this between us. I originally wanted to wait until I had dealt with everything before telling you, but you didn’t hear the truth from me first, which makes me very sad.”
If any other man had said that, I would have definitely warned my girlfriend that he was making excuses. But hearing it from the man in front of me, it started to melt my cold heart a little. So I didn't object too strongly to his taking my hand. I hadn't expected myself to be so easily swayed. He continued speaking as if he hadn't noticed anything:
"After my mother passed away, my father married May's mother. I remember the first time May came to our house, she was five years old and I was seven. Maybe it was fate, but she always liked to follow me around and depend on me, like my little tail. And because I was the youngest child in the family, I also really liked this cute little sister who was even younger than me. May has always been in poor health and is terrified of taking medicine. I always have to coax her to take her medicine. At first, my parents joked that they would only feel at ease if she married me off. But later, when we both grew up, our relationship was still very good, and the joke was no longer a joke. I never felt there was any reason to object, and I was used to loving and taking care of her, so last year we naturally got engaged." Hearing this, although I had already expected this outcome, my heart still sank completely. The last glimmer of hope in my heart was finally extinguished by his words, and half of my body felt cold. I tried to pull my hand away, but he grabbed it tightly and continued, “But your appearance made me realize for the first time that I, who rarely makes mistakes, had made such a huge mistake in my life: I only felt brotherly affection for May, not romantic love. No matter how much I loved her, I would only hug her and kiss her cheek, but I never realized that as her fiancé, I should kiss her. When I saw her with other boys, I didn’t feel unhappy at all. If we were apart, I would think of her when I had time and call her, but I wouldn’t be tormented by the longing, only have the urge to drop everything and see her. Only you, my woman, only you give me the crazy thought of keeping you by my side for life at all costs. I admit that I have a strong possessive desire for you, because the thought of losing you at all costs makes me lose my mind. I said that from now on, I will take care of you, and no accident can change that. This is my destiny, and it is yours.” He held me to his chest and buried his face deeply in my hair. I could feel his breathing was a little erratic, but being held in his arms like this was really comfortable. I'm not sure if being conquered by him counts as starting from his chest, but I know that to prolong this moment, even if it's just for a minute, preferably a year, or even a lifetime—I'd be willing to give up everything I own, including my savings book hidden under my mattress. I wonder if this counts as greed? Will it bring me thunderbolts?
"Don't worry about the engagement with May. I'll handle it. I'm confident I can persuade my parents. I'll go to Seoul to apologize in about a week. I'm not too worried about May. She's always listened to me since we were little. I'll explain things to her and there won't be any problems. But we can't delay any longer. I'll talk to her before I leave." Sitting in the car, he patted my hand and said so confidently, as if he were arranging a small project. Everything would proceed according to his plan, and it was only a matter of time before things were resolved. Although I was even more eager for that day to arrive than he was, I felt a vague unease in my heart for no reason. But at that moment, I didn't know what I was really worried about.
Part One, Chapter Eight
Everything went smoothly today, and I was able to leave work on time, which is rare for me. Because Willson had a dinner appointment, we arranged to go out after dinner. As for where we were going, he was being mysterious and wouldn't say. I didn't believe he would betray me, so I let him be childish to the end.
I asked Yirou if she was going home for dinner, so I bought groceries on the way home and had a great time cooking in the small kitchen. By the time Yirou finished showering, dinner was ready.
Seeing the table laden with a feast of red and green dishes, Yi Rou couldn't help but exclaim that she hadn't had a home-cooked meal in ages. This made me feel a little guilty. I had originally asked Yi Rou to live with me so I could take better care of her, but because I'm not always home on time after get off work, I've only been able to cook for her a handful of times since we moved in.
"Hey sis, let's go see a movie tonight? There's an American blockbuster, don't worry, it's on me." Yi Rou was very excited.
I said somewhat awkwardly, "Tomorrow, tonight. I... I have something to do outside."
Yi Rou stopped picking up food abruptly: "You have a date? With whom? President Lin?"
Seeing that I nodded somewhat shyly, Yi Rou's smile froze for a moment: "But President Lin has a fiancée, don't you mind?"
Ever since I saw Yi Rou in the garden that night, I subconsciously started avoiding talking about Willson in front of her, so she didn't know about my conversation with Willson by the river later. Although Willson said he would handle it, it was always a shadow that I tried to ignore between Willson and me. Now, Yi Rou brought it up so easily, exposing my unjustifiable status as a third party to the light of day.
"Did he tell you that everything was just a beautiful misunderstanding? Did he tell you that his previous relationship with his fiancée had nothing to do with love? Did he tell you that he would give you time to handle all the problems and ask you to be patient for now?" Yi Rou asked in rapid succession, as if she were still by his side that night.
This was the first time I realized that Yi Rou spoke so bluntly; every word felt like a needle piercing my heart.
"How could you be so stupid? Men who cheat all over the world will tell all sorts of beautiful lies, and these are the worst excuses. Haven't you ever been fooled before? How could you believe him?"
Extremes beget their opposites. My heart, which had been battered and bruised, suddenly hardened. I took a deep breath and said, "Because I'll be happier if I believe him."
Yi Rou probably hadn't expected me to come up with such a flimsy excuse, and stared at me blankly. Meanwhile, the image of that Korean girl in white clothes flashed through my mind. Would I really be happy if I just believed in him? I didn't want to think about it anymore.