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Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 1)

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Lu Ni curled up in her blanket, her large, dark eyes wide open, the darkness overflowing as if it had soaked into the entire world. In the darkness, sounds like water snakes and vines coiled around her, entwining her somewhat stiff body. In her eyes, in the darkness, there was a magnificent entanglement and tenderness, a desperate fear and desolation. She seemed to see dusty spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling, swaying eerily amidst the tangling sounds.

The sound came from next door, from the room separated by wooden boards. A woman's voice was hysterical and exhausted, as fragile as a spider web about to break in a storm, yet it was also a desperate, pale insistence on maintaining the last vestiges of her life: Get out!

Then came a series of crashing and banging sounds: the sound of heavy objects falling onto the bed, the sound of tearing, and the sound of slaps across faces, mixed with a man's words as he forcefully shouted: "You bitch! You're my wife!"

All the noise subsided, and the world felt like a desolate, empty garden, offering no solace. Occasionally, there were suppressed sobs and heavy breathing from women, followed by bursts of wolf-like howls, heavy panting from men, and the rhythmic creaking of the wooden bed… Finally, everything fell truly silent, except for the man's loud snoring.

Lu Ni swallowed hard, shifting her stiff body. The adult world was mysterious and somewhat terrifying; she couldn't understand what happened each day, so she could only fall asleep with a few questions in her mind. Her breathing relaxed, and she unconsciously burped, the aroma of boiled sparrows filling the air. She couldn't help but smack her lips in lingering pleasure; even a burp tasted good after eating something delicious. Today, Qiu Ping had caught three sparrows in a brick "trap," and after Qiu Ping's mother cooked them, Lu Ni ate two—it was so satisfying! With a sense of contentment, Lu Ni slowly drifted off to sleep.

In her sleep, she was suddenly pulled into a warm, familiar embrace—it was her mother's. Lu Ni struggled to open her eyes; the dim light in the room suddenly came on, so bright it was hard to open them. A suffocating feeling of being held so tightly filled her senses; there was a tangled mess of black hair on her chest, smelling of sweat and kitchen fumes—she knew it was her mother's head.

Her mother kissed her passionately; only at times like this would her mother hold and kiss her like this. Lu Ni was held in a daze; she was sleepy and scared.

With tears streaming down her face, her mother suddenly turned away from Lu Ni. Lu Ni saw that pale, beautiful face, haggard, with the marks of that man's hand on her face, but it was still a beautiful face.

There was a neurotic arrogance in her mother's eyes, which frightened Lu Ni. Every time she saw that look in her mother's eyes, she would be afraid. Regardless of whether she was afraid or not, her mother just kept shaking Lu Ni's arm and said: You have to go back to Shanghai, you know! You must go back to Shanghai! Live in Shanghai for your mother again! Her mother was not wearing any clothes, and her white breasts were pinched until they were red and white. When she shook Lu Ni, her breasts swayed helplessly and humiliatingly.

Lu Ni looked at her mother blankly. She didn't know where Shanghai was, nor did she understand how she could live her mother's life again. She simply developed a fear of Shanghai. Would Shanghai be as good as this place? Could she go fishing in the river? Could she steal bird eggs from the trees? Could she still play with Qiu Ping? Her large, dark eyes widened in fear as she looked at her mother, who was on the verge of madness. She didn't yet understand how a proud woman's despair for herself and her life, the imbalance between reality and hope, could drive her to such madness.

Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part Two)

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Lu Ni was four years old that year, and her parents lived in the next room.

Lu Ni's mother was one of many young people who came to support the border regions during that era. She came from Shanghai, a place that filled her with immense pride. Because of this, she felt secretly proud, but also deeply resentful and bitter. She was from Shanghai, and one day she would return to the glittering city, and then all her suffering would end.

Lu Ni's mother was a Shanghai-style beauty with an innate noble temperament, a tall and slender figure, and a beautiful head held high with a cold arrogance on her long, white swan-like neck. How could a woman with such breathtaking beauty be willing to spend her whole life in this utterly unsophisticated place?

But Lu Ni's mother still married Liu Fulai, a dark-skinned, rough-looking man with yellow teeth, calloused hands, and always black stuff under his fingernails—a warehouse keeper. At that time, she was almost due to give birth to Lu Ni.

Liu Fulai was an outsider who came to this village years ago to escape famine. He was taken in by an elderly, widowed shepherd named Old Man Liu, and after Old Man Liu's death, Liu Fulai inherited this small house. It was a tiny two-room house with mud walls and a thatched roof. If it weren't for Hu Ni's mother's misfortune, Liu Fulai would probably never have been able to find a wife. But who could blame him when such a noble beauty herself was so pathetic, becoming a "loose woman"? Now Liu Fulai could even speak some coarse language in public and private, and he was living like a decent human being.

The house had long since begun to show signs of decay; dark green moss covered the base of the walls, and wide cracks appeared in the walls. Unlike most houses, it didn't have a courtyard; instead, there was a large willow tree outside the two small rooms, which attracted many people to come and chat in the summer.

The house was dilapidated; it had never actually been prosperous, but in Lu Ni's eyes, it was well-off. Inside was a stove where cooking was always done, with several bowls and three pairs of chopsticks on it. One of the bowls was Lu Ni's—a small green enamel bowl, brought from Shanghai by her mother. It was shatterproof, though marked by the careless handling of Lu Ni, with several pieces chipped off. On the stove were a soy sauce bottle, a cooking oil bottle, and a salt shaker. Next to the stove was her small bed. A partitioned room contained her parents' large bed and a tall wardrobe. What was inside the wardrobe was something Lu Ni always wanted to know. She always imagined it held her most desired things—a dress with a pretty pattern and lace trim, like the one Chunhua, who was her age in the village, wore; or a pink gauze bow—or, if not, a light blue one. Wearing it on her head would make her look as lively as a butterfly. The house still smelled of her family, and Lu Ni couldn't help but be captivated by it.

Everyone in the village knew that Lu Ni's mother was a prostitute. Only Lu Ni's mother held onto the fact that Lu Ni's father was from Shanghai, a handsome and educated man.

The girl born was named Lu Ni, a daughter of Shanghai.

Her ambitions were sky-high, but her fate was as fragile as paper. At that time, Lu Ni didn't understand her capricious mother. It seemed that none of her friends' mothers were like Lu Ni's, who was often hysterical and often smashed pots and pans.

Lu Ni hid behind the door, watching her mother, who had gone mad, scream and curse in a distorted voice, tears streaming down her face. Then, she smashed a chipped bowl to the ground; with each shattering sound, Lu Ni's heart pounded in pain, overflowing with precocious agony. Then Lu Ni saw the man who had been squatting on the ground smoking a pipe stand up, grab her mother's hair, and slap her across the face. Her mother's porcelain-white cheek immediately swelled up. Tears streamed down Lu Ni's face. She wanted to go and help her mother, but she couldn't move her feet.

Then came an even more heart-wrenching tug-of-war. Lu Ni escaped, running to a stone slab in front of the door and sitting there, gazing into the distance and sobbing uncontrollably. Winter had arrived, and the surrounding area was desolate; even the willow tree in front of the door had lost all its green. A slight breeze blew, and the small village seemed so barren. In Lu Ni's life, many things had matured prematurely, those heavy things, all had matured prematurely.

The noise in the house gradually subsided, and Lu Ni knew that her mother must be lying in bed now, bearing some scars left by a man.

Lu Ni stopped crying, but she still sobbed intermittently and rhythmically, which was the final stage after a long period of crying.

A boy two or three years older than Lu Ni stood in front of her; he was Qiu Ping, who lived at the school. There were only three teachers at the school: Qiu Ping's parents and Lu Ni's mother.

Qiu Ping extended his hand, and Lu Ni placed her small, white hand in it. She stood up and followed Qiu Ping towards his house, trusting him completely. Lu Ni walked unsteadily; she was wearing thick cotton clothes and trousers, making it difficult for her to move nimbly. Qiu Ping slowed his pace to wait for her. Lu Ni walked intently, her long eyelashes fixed on the ground, her little mouth, wrapped in a green scarf, panting softly. Her little heart already understood gratitude; the only way she could express her gratitude to Qiu Ping was to walk this path well and be obedient. Qiu Ping didn't say a word. He was always silent after making a fuss at Lu Ni's house, but Lu Ni felt warmth. Although she was still young, she understood that Qiu Ping was giving her good things and wouldn't let her cry.

Qiu Ping's family lived in one of the three classrooms. It was still dilapidated, but it had been decorated with some external things, which made it look more like a home.

Several pots of flowers grew outside Qiu Ping's house, including sunflowers, henna, and hibiscus. There was also a rose bush on the ground in front of the door, dark red and very bright. Hu Ni's favorite was a tall cockscomb flower, red, whose petals she could pick, split open, and stick on her nose to pretend to be a rooster.

Lu Ni often squatted on the ground collecting flower seeds, carefully placing them in her pockets before scattering them in front of her house. She would patiently squat there every day, waiting for the seeds to sprout. When they finally did, Lu Ni excitedly pulled Qiu Ping over to see. They carefully distinguished which were sunflowers, which were henna, and which were hibiscus. Lu Ni treated them very carefully; having grown up in the countryside, she knew plants needed nutrients, just like many of her uncles and aunts would carry manure to fertilize the fields. If Lu Ni needed to pee while playing outside, she would run back home, find the best spot, and try to reach every flower to relieve herself. When the first golden sunflower bloomed, Lu Ni was excited all day. She pulled Qiu Ping over, her eyelashes fluttering as she looked at the flower with delight—its vibrant color, so delicate it seemed to drip with moisture.

Lu Ni sat down at the dining table at Qiu Ping's house and waited quietly, realizing that she was actually very hungry.

Qiu Ping's mother brought out a bowl of dried radish, a bowl of stir-fried eggplant, and finally a large pot of pickled cabbage and potato soup. Lu Ni swallowed hard several times. Qiu Ping's mother grumbled about how pitiful the children were, and then served each person a bowl of rice.

Lu Ni ate it carefully; it was delicious.

After eating, Lu Ni stared blankly at Qiu Ping's family. Qiu Ping's parents were teachers who had been assigned here in the same batch as Hu Ni's mother, all sent to support the border regions—a choice they made themselves, a testament to the innocence of their time and their pure ideals. But life is reality. Transferring back was difficult, so their lives seemed stable because they had decided to stay.

Qiu Ping's mother was plump and chubby, but very attractive; Lu Ni thought she was beautiful. Qiu Ping's father rarely spoke, but he had a refined air and was tall and handsome. He wasn't like the rude man Lu Ni called "Dad." Lu Ni felt they were a family, born to be one. That's why they were so harmonious and loving.

Qiu Ping's mother lifted Lu Ni down from the high stool, then filled a large bowl with rice, topped it with some dried radish and eggplant, and asked Qiu Ping to take it to Lu Ni's mother.

Lu Ni followed closely behind Qiu Ping, jogging unsteadily.

At Lu Ni's house, the man had disappeared. Qiu Ping placed the food by Lu Ni's mother's bedside, and Lu Ni followed closely behind Qiu Ping, gazing at her mother lying on the bed.

Looking at the two children in front of her, the mother couldn't help but wipe away her tears. Her innate nobility had been completely worn away, and her once proud eyes had dimmed. She had almost resigned herself to her fate, but whether she accepted it or not, she remained defiant. She sadly waved her hand, telling them to go out and play.

Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 3)

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Qiu Ping had many ways to play: catching fish in the stream, stealing bird eggs from the trees, and building a small trap with three bricks to catch sparrows. Lu Ni happily followed behind Qiu Ping, forgetting the unpleasantness of the day.

First, they went to the flat ground behind the classroom to check the traps Qiu Ping had made. The few grains of rice hidden in the bricks were still untouched. There were many such traps on that flat ground, not only Qiu Ping's but also those of other children, but they all remembered whose they were and had never mixed them up. The traps were still there, but they found nothing.

They went to the edge of the field again, and Lu Ni kept asking for ice. They wondered if the thin ice in the field had melted yet. Lu Ni liked to put ice in her mouth; the cool, refreshing feeling was very pleasant.

In a secluded spot, Qiu Ping took an egg out of his bag. Lu Ni was startled: "Stolen?" Qiu Ping smiled smugly and said, "I got a perfect score on my test, so Mom gave it to me as a reward."

Lu Ni happily accepted the still-warm egg from Qiu Ping's hand.

The soft, powdery yolk melted in her mouth, fragrant and delicious. Lu Ni savored it in small bites. Then she handed the remaining half-eaten egg to Qiu Ping, who nonchalantly refused: "You eat it! I don't like eggs!"

Lu Ni swallowed the egg in her mouth and said, "I don't like eating eggs either!"

After a few awkward silences, Qiu Ping took a small bite and said he really couldn't eat anymore. Lu Ni ate carefully, bit by bit, standing under the tree, waiting for Qiu Ping, who had already climbed up to collect bird eggs. Her hair was haphazardly adorned with small yellow wildflowers.

Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 4)

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Mom started vomiting and couldn't eat. The man called Dad showed a rare smile and occasionally said some gentle words to Hu Ni.

While Liu Fulai was away, Lu Ni watched her mother jump down from the only cabinet in the house again and again. Her mother's face grew paler and paler, even her lips began to turn purple. Seeing Lu Ni behind the door, her mother said in a trembling voice: "Get out!" Her mother's eyes were fixed on Lu Ni, full of malice, her disheveled hair plastered to her face with sweat.

Lu Ni ran away in fright, but then ran back worriedly. Her mother fell heavily again, blood seeping from her pants. Lu Ni saw her mother lying there exhausted, panting heavily, her face pale, but she actually smiled, a smile with a hint of resentment.

That day, the man gave her mother a good beating, and Lu Ni watched in horror, terrified out of her wits. Before Qiu Ping could even come looking for her, she ran crying towards her source of warmth. Her thick clothes made her stumble and stagger, and a pothole in the road tripped her, sending her flying a great distance. Although she wasn't seriously injured by the fall, her forehead and palms were scraped raw. Just as she lay on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably, a pair of hands lifted her up, and then that piercing "Wah..." finally burst from her throat.

Qiu Ping brushed the dust off her clothes, but Lu Ni was still crying, her face flushed red, the veins in her neck bulging, she was heartbroken.

Qiu Ping didn't say anything, but carried Lu Ni on his back. He was still quite small, and when he squatted down and stood up again, his face turned red.

Lu Ni cried for a long time. Her young heart began to feel pain, but she didn't know why. Why was Qiu Ping's house so peaceful, while her own parents were always fighting all day long?

Qiu Ping's mother applied gentian violet to Lu Ni's wound, her eyes filled with tears, and she let out a soft sigh. Qiu Ping's father stood behind her, handing her gauze.

That day was New Year's Eve.

The lavish dinner didn't feel satisfying; Lu Ni was beginning to feel sorry for her mother, the mother who hadn't given her much love.

Qiu Ping put his own fried egg into Lu Ni's bowl. Lu Ni kept it, along with her own, to take back to her mother.

Liu Fulai ate all the food that Lu Ni brought back.

At night, the wooden bed continued to creak rhythmically, but there were no sounds of her mother struggling or cursing, only the man's heavy breathing and interspersed curses. Lu Ni's clenched heart relaxed slightly.

Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 5)

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Lu Ni grew up tenaciously, her childhood filled with joy: morning glories and dandelions in the fields, wild fruits on the mountains, dragonflies and butterflies fluttering in the air, cicada-catching tools she made from spider webs and bamboo poles, and silkworms she hatched herself, raising them until they emerged from their cocoons, leaving behind tiny black eggs on paper. There were also bird eggs Qiu Ping collected and sparrows he caught, wildflowers he picked from the rugged mountainside that she had never seen before, and azaleas and liriope that they dug up and planted together on high mountains—all these brought Lu Ni much happiness.

After heavy rains, Qiuping would take her to the big walnut tree outside the village to collect walnuts that might have been knocked down by the rain. They would bring them back and rub off the green husks on a flagstone. Just a few walnuts would leave their hands and mouths black. If they were lucky, they would also find featherless baby sparrows blown down by the wind. They would take them to Qiuping's house, make a nest for them out of scraps of cloth, and feed them rice grains. But the sparrows wouldn't eat; they would just open their beaks and cry out pitifully, making Luni and Qiuping panic. They would frantically dig out insects for them, but the sparrows still wouldn't eat, still crying out pitifully, until finally they died. Qiuping and Luni were heartbroken. They put the little sparrow's tiny body in a small matchbox and buried it under the rose tree.

They would also go to the riverbank to look for pretty pebbles, searching very carefully. They found a large pile of pebbles, some as big as steamed buns. Then, they both felt that there were too many, so they started to reduce the number. Lu Ni carefully put the remaining pebbles in her pocket like a precious treasure. As soon as they got home, Lu Ni forgot about those pebbles.

Lu Ni's friendliness was reserved only for Qiu Ping. When she was very young, Lu Ni heard the children in the village call her a bastard. At first, she didn't know what a bastard meant, but slowly, she realized from their malicious laughter that it was definitely not a nice thing to say.

Once, she confirmed that the words were indeed not a kind remark. That time, she and Qiuping were together. Qingping's family had gone to the town market, bought meat, and, as usual, came to call Luni over for dinner. Qiuping still held Luni's hand. Several boys, their faces smeared with snot and grime, their clothes filthy and matted, pointed at Luni, their faces filled with malicious laughter, shouting, "Bastard! Bastard!" Qiuping silently took a few more steps, then suddenly turned and pounced on the boy who had shouted the loudest, beating him mercilessly. Luni, seeing the boys beating Qiuping, was terrified and ran crying to Qiuping's house to tell his father that they were beating Qiuping.

Qiu Ping, his face bruised and battered, was brought back and forbidden to eat. He was made to kneel on a stool facing the wall. Lu Ni, who had grown up crying, felt heartbroken seeing Qiu Ping kneeling there. But adults are authoritative, and she dared not say anything, only cry. The fragrant twice-cooked pork in front of her did not tempt her appetite at all. Qiu Ping's mother sighed and once again pleaded with Qiu Ping's father, "Don't frighten the child."

Qiu Ping was freed and sat down at the table to eat. Lu Ni stopped crying and thought the twice-cooked pork smelled delicious. Oil dripped down her chin. She glanced at Qiu Ping, whose chin was also dripping with oil. Their eyes met, and they smiled quietly. Qiu Ping's mother patted Lu Ni's head with emotion and said, "Such a little girl, she already knows how to care for others."

From then on, Luni harbored hostility towards the village children. When they called her that, Luni would roll her eyes at them. But Luni felt this was useless; they laughed even harder and shouted even louder. So Luni took revolutionary action: she picked up a stone and threw it at them. The stone hit a boy whose clothes had no buttons. The boy came over sternly and slapped her with his thick, grimy, black hand. Luni was enraged. She kicked him. The children nearby yelled, and the boy was also enraged. He punched Luni hard. It hurt. Luni tried not to cry, but she cried anyway. She kicked the boy again, and then took another punch.

Qiu Ping arrived like a divine intervention, and another fierce battle ensued. Qiu Ping, as always, was bruised and battered. They dared not go home, hiding under the willow trees outside the village. Calls rose and fell from the village: "Lu... Ni! Qiu... Ping!" They heard Qiu Ping tear down some willow branches and sat down to weave a flower wreath. Hu Ni searched everywhere for small yellow daisies, then gave them to Qiu Ping, watching the wreath gradually take shape in his hands. Several times, Hu Ni couldn't resist the urge to go back; she was so hungry. But seeing Qiu Ping's face, she dismissed the idea. Hu Ni's stomach growled uncontrollably, and Qiu Ping's stomach growled too. Qiu Ping placed the wreath on Hu Ni's head, told Hu Ni to sit properly, and then went to the nearby radish patch and pulled up two radishes. After eating the radishes, they craved even more oily food; radishes are known for their oily flavor.

Qiu Ping and Lu Ni secretly sneaked back to the village to check the sparrow traps. One of the traps collapsed, trapping a sparrow inside. Just as they were about to leave the village with the sparrow, Qiu Ping was grabbed by his father, and Lu Ni immediately burst into tears.

This time, Qiu Ping's father didn't punish him. He took the two children home, and Qiu Ping's mother reheated the cold food—dried radish and stir-fried green beans—and also cooked the sparrow and brought it out. Qiu Ping placed the bowl of sparrow in front of Lu Ni; it smelled delicious. Lu Ni ate a small amount of a leg and a little meat, then pushed the bowl towards Qiu Ping, saying, "I'm full." Qiu Ping pushed the bowl back, saying, "I was full a long time ago."

After the bowl was passed around on the table a few times, Qiu Ping's mother cut the sparrow in half, placing one piece in each person's bowl, and also divided the soup into two portions, placing them in front of each of them. Then she patted Lu Ni's head and said, "Good girl!"

Lu Ni began to enjoy the delicious food in her bowl with peace of mind, still eating small bites at a time. She saw that Qiu Ping was also eating attentively, and in no time, she had finished all the meat. Lu Ni then put the leftovers into Qiu Ping's bowl, which annoyed Qiu Ping a little. She put the meat back into Qiu Ping's bowl and said, "Eat up!" before getting up to wash her own bowl.

Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 6)

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The mother and the man continued their fierce fight. Every night was the most painful time for Lu Ni. Was this how it was in every family? Lu Ni didn't know. But the man's angry curses included a few words: "Damn it! Want a divorce? No way!"

Joy and pain were intertwined, and Lu Ni was deeply caught up in it, unable to extricate herself.

During summer vacation, Lu Ni's mother took her back to Shanghai. It was Lu Ni's first time visiting Shanghai, a city that her mother often mentioned and that filled Lu Ni with awe.

Shanghai is so beautiful, indescribably beautiful, beyond anything Hu Ni could imagine. Tall buildings, spacious houses, wide roads, and cars Hu Ni had never seen before. The women of Shanghai are especially beautiful, with fair skin as delicate as tofu. Compared to that, her mother is nothing. Although her mother also has porcelain-like skin, it's obvious she's been through the storms of life and has lost that softness. Qiu Ping's mother is even less remarkable.

Lu Ni and her mother went and stayed at her maternal grandmother's house. Lu Ni knew that her mother used to live there.

My maternal grandmother's house was an apartment in a tenement building, a narrow two-room unit. The kitchen was at the end of the hallway, where there were several stoves and everyone on the floor cooked. The toilet was downstairs, a communal toilet, and people bathed in a large basin in their own homes. My maternal uncle lived in the inner room of my grandmother's house, while my mother and Lu Ni set up a small cot next to my grandmother's bed in the outer room.

Lu Ni knew that her mother and she were unwelcome. The thin woman with narrow, squinty eyes and a flat nose that her uncle often brought home wouldn't even give Lu Ni and her mother a second glance. At the dinner table, the woman looked at the ceiling and said, "The house is already small enough; we don't know where we'll sleep when we have a child!"

Lu Ni's mother didn't say a word. Her grandmother hugged Lu Ni, sighed, and swayed her gently, almost making Lu Ni fall asleep. Lu Ni didn't like it here anymore; she didn't even dare to speak loudly.

The day after returning home, Mom took out a pink shirt with a pointed, large collar and a small waist—it looked very pretty. Mom put it on, along with a pair of well-fitting navy blue trousers and white mid-heeled sandals. Her usually messy hair was loosely tied back with a handkerchief. Lu Ni had never seen her mother look so beautiful. Usually, her mother always looked disheveled.

Mom brought Luni along, and Luni, of course, was dressed very neatly and beautifully. She even wore a plain-colored floral dress that she had never worn before. Luni was secretly nervous; she felt that today was a very important day.

They entered through a very grand gate. Lu Ni had already learned the characters on it: Shanghai XX District Education Bureau. Her mother told the old man at the gate who she was looking for, filled out a form, and then went inside.

Lu Ni held her breath the whole time. It was her first time in such a nice place, so she couldn't help but be nervous. And her mother was nervous too.

They arrived at an office where two people were sitting, an older man and a younger man. Lu Ni noticed the older man's brow twitch when he saw them, and then he slowly told the younger man to go somewhere and retrieve the materials.

As soon as the young man left, Mom called Lu Ni to call him Dad. Lu Ni was stunned. Not only Lu Ni was stunned, but even the man was startled. He hurriedly stood up from his desk, waving his hands and saying, "Don't do this, it's not good." Mom, looking determined, said, "Just help me out for the sake of our past." Saying this, she made Lu Ni kneel down before the man. Lu Ni stood there, flustered and motionless.

From a young age, Hu Ni knew from others that her father wasn't the one she called "father." Could it be the man before her? She carefully examined the handsome, tall man. If she had a choice, she would rather this man be her father than the one with yellow teeth who beat her mother all the time—but only if she had a choice.

Because the man calmed down and said in a bureaucratic tone that if conditions allowed, the problem would definitely be solved. There were so many other people lined up here, and they all needed to be dealt with, but it would have to be done slowly and gradually, and no one could be given special treatment.