Lu Ni took off her clothes one by one, and her body began to undergo some strange changes, which she noticed herself, feeling both uneasy and excited.
She pulled down her underwear, which was stained with blood. Lu Ni's mind went blank; she had absolutely no knowledge of this. She carefully examined it, but couldn't find any wounds. The blood must have come from her stomach. Lu Ni stared blankly at the underwear in her hand, a wave of sadness and despair washing over her. She must be sick. She knew that if someone vomited blood, it meant they were seriously ill. Was she very sick too? And vomiting blood was something she could tell others, but bleeding here—how could she explain that?
Lu Ni slowly pulled down her underwear and carefully washed her body, feeling extremely bewildered. But what could she do now that things had come to this? Lu Ni thought of her mother; if she had a mother, perhaps she could talk to her.
After taking a shower, Lu Ni began to carefully wash her underwear, rubbing it again and again until the bloodstain faded and disappeared.
Lu Ni lay in bed, looking at the black spider webs floating on the ceiling, a scene of gloom and desolation. In reality, what Lu Ni saw was a white ceiling with fluorescent lights hanging from it.
Lu Ni felt like she was about to die, maybe in a month or half a year, maybe just a few days. Fear made her body ache, her heart tremble, and sweat soaked her body that she had just washed.
Lu Ni remembered her grandmother talking about "another world," and thought that her mother must be in that world. Thinking of this, Lu Ni calmed down a little. With her mother in that world, Lu Ni fell asleep uneasily.
In her dream, she found herself in an unfamiliar field, surrounded by unfamiliar plants. But there was her mother, watching Hu Ni with a somber expression, a look that broke her heart. Hu Ni called out loudly, but could not reach her…
The alarm clock on the table suddenly rang, pulling Hu Ni back from her dream. She opened her eyes with difficulty. Her grandmother had already left, and Lian Qing was being discharged from the hospital today.
The communal kitchen outside was already bustling with activity. Several women were yelling at the children still in bed to get up, or cursing that the rats had taken another bite out of her steamed bun last night.
Lu Ni's heart was pounding. She sat on the bed, wanting to check her underwear for blood to determine if her illness was very serious.
But the reality hit her hard; blood had seeped from her underwear onto the sheets, and she was seriously ill.
Lu Ni had no appetite for breakfast. She changed her underwear and sheets, got dressed, put a handkerchief in her underwear, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and went to school.
The lively and joyful atmosphere at school was gray in Lu Ni's eyes; she was a person who was about to die, just like her mother's body, which showed no signs of life.
Lu Ni had to ask for leave early in the morning. She told her homeroom teacher that she was sick and had a terrible headache. The plump, thirty-something-year-old female homeroom teacher looked at her with a melancholy expression and told her to go home and rest. The homeroom teacher was probably the only person in the school who knew about Lu Ni's background; Lu Ni's uncle had asked her to keep it a secret. So the homeroom teacher could only look at the slender, beautiful, academically excellent girl in front of her with a melancholy expression.
Lu Ni turned around, her head bowed, filled with despair and sorrow.
The homeroom teacher noticed that her backpack strap was stretched out so long that the entire backpack was draped over her bottom.
The homeroom teacher called Lu Ni over, her small eyes behind her glasses asking with concern: What's wrong? Tell the teacher.
Lu Ni shook her head.
The homeroom teacher sighed and said, "Take your schoolbag down."
Lu Ni lowered her head, her face flushed. A newly assigned teacher was also sitting in the small office; the homeroom teacher was her mentor. The homeroom teacher turned to him and said, "Xiao Yang, go check on the class's quiz discipline."
Teacher Yang went out.
The homeroom teacher took off Lu Ni's schoolbag, and there were dark bloodstains on Lu Ni's dark blue pants.
"Is this your first time?" the homeroom teacher asked Lu Ni gently.
Lu Ni blushed and cried. If she could bear it all alone, the sight of someone showing concern would weaken her resolve considerably. Lu Ni was now extremely vulnerable, especially after her homeroom teacher gently inquired about her condition.
The homeroom teacher said softly, "Don't be afraid, come with me."
Lu Ni followed behind her homeroom teacher. She remembered the warm hand of Qiu Ping, who led her to a safe place.
Lu Ni went with her homeroom teacher to her staff dormitory, a simple two-bedroom apartment. The room smelled of books, and cumin flowers were blooming on the windowsill, emitting a faint fragrance.
Lu Ni stood there, while the homeroom teacher went into the inner room.
The homeroom teacher came out carrying a bunch of things and called to Lu Ni: "Come here." Lu Ni obediently walked over, as if to take Qiu Ping's outstretched, warm hand.
The homeroom teacher, who had her own bathroom, handed Lu Ni a pair of her daughter's trousers and underwear, along with a long, oblong object that Lu Ni didn't recognize. The teacher said gently, "Do you know you're menstruating?"
Lu Ni shook her head blankly.
The homeroom teacher sighed deeply and said, "From today onwards, you're a big girl. This is menstruation; every grown-up girl gets it, and it happens every month..."
The homeroom teacher left, and Lu Ni began to wash her body. She felt relieved; she didn't have to die after all. Just as she was holding the thin, long object and some paper, feeling lost, the homeroom teacher pushed open the door and taught her how to properly protect herself using these items.
Lu Ni's face flushed red, tears clinging to her long eyelashes. It was the first time someone had shown such concern for her health, the first time someone had inquired so deeply about her most private matters. Her homeroom teacher was also the first to learn about Lu Ni's growth in this way. Lu Ni felt a deep sense of gratitude and affection, but she was not good at expressing her feelings. When she left her homeroom teacher's house, her face was red with emotion, and she couldn't utter the words "thank you." Even when she returned the washed pants belonging to her homeroom teacher's daughter and took her own clothes, she still couldn't say "thank you." Those two words held back, and as she turned away, tears streamed down her face.
Lu Ni grew up, and she slowly began to notice the changes in herself, the subtle changes in her body, and secretly looked forward to what was to come.
That year, Lu Ni was thirteen years old.
My Childhood Days as a Lodger (Part 4)
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Lu Ni got into a top-tier high school. Her uncle said confidently, "Lu Ni, your only way out is to get into university. You have to work hard! You absolutely must get into university!"
Grandma grinned and chuckled. My aunt stared wistfully into the distance for a long time before saying, "I can't afford to send my child to school these days; tuition is getting more and more expensive!"
Hu Ni's palms were sweating nervously. If her aunt insisted on stopping her from going to school, she would truly have no chance to study again. Hu Ni looked at her toes, quietly waiting for what would happen next. Her uncle didn't speak, and neither did her aunt. Actually, her aunt was just grumbling; did she really mean to stop supporting Hu Ni's education and let her stay at home idle? Jobs weren't easy to find these days. Everyone knew that Hu Ni's best path was to go to university, so she could leave this family completely.
Lu Ni also knew that going to university was the only way for her to leave this home, which made her feel very awkward in terms of status and position, in three years.
Entering a top-tier high school meant leaving her homeroom teacher. Lu Ni almost felt she had developed a certain understanding and a spiritual connection with her teacher—perhaps it was just Lu Ni's own feeling. Lu Ni could see the care and tenderness in her teacher's eyes and gestures, which motivated her to study even harder. Just as Qiu Ping tenderly held her hand, she could only focus on walking her own path carefully, avoiding stumbling, slowing down, and causing Qiu Ping any trouble.
As she was about to leave her homeroom teacher, Lu Ni couldn't help but feel a little melancholy.
The students had already started preparing gifts for their teachers, including exquisite handicrafts, practical rice cookers, and Jingdezhen tableware. Lu Ni also wanted to give a gift to her homeroom teacher, but she didn't have any money; she had almost no pocket money.
This problem had been bothering Lu Ni for a long time. She thought about it while eating and while sleeping, until she was almost completely confused.
Finally, she decided to pick the prettiest card, one that cost only a few cents—that was all she could afford. She vowed that when she grew up and started working, she would use her first month's salary to buy her homeroom teacher a decent gift, she would definitely. Thinking this, Hu Ni's heart filled with warmth.
With the small card tucked in her arms, Lu Ni set off. She thought the card was incredibly beautiful: white reeds swaying in the wind under a dark blue sky—a desolate and melancholic beauty.
The school was quiet; the holidays had already begun. Lu Ni had been to her homeroom teacher's house before. Following her memory, she walked along the shady path and found the apartment building covered with a plant called "Gecko".
Upon reaching the door, she could already hear laughter and chatter inside, and Lu Ni instinctively wanted to walk away. Hesitating, she knocked.
The homeroom teacher's smiling face showed a hint of surprise, then quickly revealed a tender smile and a look of pity that she only showed to Lu Ni. (Lu Ni felt that the homeroom teacher only gave her this kind of heartfelt look; they could communicate with their eyes.) Lu Ni entered the room, where Li Jiao was, a flamboyant girl in the class, who, just like her name, was very spoiled.
Lu Ni stood awkwardly for a moment, then quietly placed the card on the chair behind her. She saw large bags of Nestlé coffee and beautifully packaged tea and supplements on the table.
Lu Ni quickly left the house after her homeroom teacher urged her to stay. The teacher followed her out, handing her a package as a congratulatory gift, saying it was meant to be given to her, but since she was already there, she should take it home herself. The teacher's eyes were full of affection, and Lu Ni was immersed in that affection, feeling a blissful daze. The teacher sighed softly, stroked Lu Ni's hair, and said gently, "You must work hard in high school and strive to get into a good university. If you encounter any difficulties, come to your teacher..." Lu Ni nodded, her head bowing lower and lower, until tears finally streamed down her face. In front of those who cared for her, Lu Ni was especially vulnerable.
Lu Ni left, and the homeroom teacher watched her thin body from behind, her loose clothes swaying listlessly in the wind.
Lu Ni knew about her uncle's family's hardships. When her aunt made clothes for her, she always told the tailor to make them a little bigger because Lu Ni had grown a lot in the past few years, and bigger clothes would allow her to wear them for several more years. Lu Ni suppressed her budding desire to look good. She knew that no one was obligated to buy her pretty clothes. Lu Ni willingly buried herself in the oversized, old clothes, ignoring her classmates who were dressed up in their finest clothes.
Sometimes Luni would imagine herself wearing beautiful clothes, and she knew that day would come. As long as she got into university, Luni would have money to buy herself pretty clothes.
Lu Ni often fantasizes that she is Cinderella in a fairy tale, and one day her prince will come to pick her up in a carriage and put on her magical glass slippers. The prince in her imagination is the handsome Qiu Ping when he was young.
When Lu Ni got home, she opened the bag her homeroom teacher had given her—a pristine white dress! Good heavens!
Lu Ni fluttered her long eyelashes, gazing in surprise at the dazzlingly beautiful dress before her. "My God, something so beautiful is actually mine!" Lu Ni couldn't believe it.
Lu Ni gently stroked the soft dress with her slender, white fingers, then gently stroked it with her face. She put the dress on and saw that Cinderella in the mirror had truly become a princess. She was so happy she wanted to cry. Grandma, holding Lianqing, reached out and stroked her, her face full of loving smiles.
When her uncle and aunt came home from get off work, they saw the dress Lu Ni was still wearing. They exchanged glances, and her aunt asked, "Where did you get this?"
Lu Ni's excitement hadn't subsided yet. With a faint, suppressed smile, she said, "My teacher gave it to me."
Lu Ni overheard her aunt saying to her uncle in the inner room, "I just feel like there's always too little money. I can't be mistaken, there really is too little..."
Lu Ni's smile faded.
Lu Ni went to the public shower room to change out of her dress.
After returning home, Lu Ni started cooking.
After dinner, her uncle said, "Lu Ni, we all treat you like family. We are responsible for your upbringing. You said that the dress your teacher gave you was a gift. It's not that we don't believe you, it's just that nowadays students give gifts to teachers, not teachers to students. It's not that we don't trust you, we are responsible for you and for your mother..." Lu Ni stared blankly at the messy dishes on the table. Her large, dark eyes were frighteningly empty, and her slender, white fingers were tightly clasped together, as if they depended on each other for survival.
Lu Ni stood in front of her homeroom teacher's door again, feeling humiliated, but there was nothing she could do. Her uncle stood beside her.
The homeroom teacher opened the door and saw Lu Ni standing timidly outside, along with Lu Ni's uncle, whom she had met once before.
The uncle quickly explained the purpose of their visit. The homeroom teacher knew she had caused trouble for Lu Ni, but she hadn't anticipated this. She chased the children who were watching TV to the study, where a girl not much younger than Lu Ni pouted and cried out, "Dad! Mom sent me to find you!"
At this moment, in this situation, Lu Ni could only try to hold back her tears.
The homeroom teacher had Lu Ni sit next to her, took Lu Ni's hand, and first confirmed that the dress was indeed a gift from her. Then, she reported Lu Ni's long-term performance to her uncle, saying that Lu Ni was excellent, although somewhat withdrawn. Lu Ni always couldn't hold back her tears in front of her homeroom teacher; she lowered her head, large tears dripping onto her legs, all her grievances soothed by the teacher's understanding.
On the way back, Lu Ni could feel the guilt of the people beside her. Her uncle kept saying caring things and asked if she wanted ice cream, but Lu Ni shook her head. She was very good at controlling her desires; she could restrain herself from wanting beautiful clothes and delicious food.
Actually, she understood her uncle's family. It wasn't easy for them either; they weren't living together as a family, so it was difficult. They were already very polite to Lu Ni, but that was all they could do. You couldn't expect two families to be completely close. They were careful to treat Lu Ni well, so others wouldn't say they weren't treating their sister's daughter well. Lu Ni understood all of this.
Lu Ni often felt that time was moving too slowly. When would she be able to control her own life and be free?
My Childhood Days as a Lodger (Part 5)
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When Lu Ni received her university acceptance letter, she had endured three years of relentless, sleepless "struggle." For three years, she had nothing but the books in her hands. Now, finally, Lu Ni could leave this awkward home. Holding the acceptance letter, it was clearly a notification of a new life, the beginning of a happy one. From this day forward, Lu Ni would rise from the ashes like a phoenix.
By then, Lianqing was already in the upper grades of elementary school, and along with her growing up came her arrogant temper. Everyone in the family had to go along with her.
It doesn't matter, Lu Ni is leaving anyway.
Grandma left this world during the summer Lu Ni left.
Lu Ni barely cried, not because she didn't love her grandmother, but because she knew everyone has to go through this. Her mother was gone, her father was gone, they were both young, they could have had so many more years to live, but they were both gone so suddenly. Vibrant lives ended so abruptly, so fragile and vulnerable. Her grandmother had a fulfilling life; she had lived so many years, surrounded by children and grandchildren, and in the end, she passed away peacefully in her bed at home without any pain. Lu Ni was happy for her grandmother.
After changing out of her mourning clothes, Lu Ni boarded a train to Chongqing. She had applied to a school there; she wanted to leave Shanghai, no matter where, she simply didn't want to stay in this aloof and glamorous city.
Lu Ni realized she hadn't truly seen Shanghai, the Shanghai her mother wanted her to live again for. Lu Ni didn't like it here; it held her back to her dreamlike past. Lu Ni wanted a fresh start; her life had just begun.
Shanghai at night is ablaze with lights, and the air is filled with the fragrance of fine clothes and the bustling crowds. Lu Ni strolls through the vibrant streets, determined to see Shanghai for what it truly is, to remember it, to etch it into her very being. She doesn't want to forget it easily. This city that her mother is so passionate about.
Soon after, Hu Ni boarded the train to Chongqing. The future was bright, colorful, new, and full of anticipation. Hu Ni breathed in the different air, clutching the acceptance letter that had given her hope, and watched the unfamiliar scenery rushing past the window, too excited to sleep.
Hungry University (Part 1)
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Like all the girls who had just entered the school, Lu Ni cut her hair short and put on a green military uniform in preparation for military training. The green uniform was so eye-catching that Lu Ni didn't put it on right away; she didn't like green military uniforms.
Each person's name was clearly written on the bed rails, but some people still "occupied" others' "territory." Even a small locker saw frequent battles for the most secluded and innermost locker. Claiming lockers and beds was the first conflict of interest upon entering the school.
Lu Ni's bunk was on the top bunk, which was what she wanted; it allowed her to avoid the noise and have some space of her own.
The heat of Chongqing in summer is like a mad dog, leaving people with nowhere to escape. Lu Ni was already drenched in sweat after putting down her things. She grabbed a towel and soap; she needed to wash up.
When he returned, he found that his bed had already been made with a mattress and a bamboo mat, and a petite and pretty girl was tidying up her things on the floor, throwing her makeup box and books on top, humming a song lightly.
“This shop is mine,” Hu Ni said.
The girl glanced at her sideways and continued with what she was doing.
Lu Ni's heart skipped a few beats, and in a rush of blood, she ripped off the things she had laid out on her bed.
The girl shouted angrily, "What are you doing!"
Lu Ni said coldly, "This shop is mine!"
The girl glared at Lu Ni for a full two minutes, but Lu Ni ignored her, threw her things on the bed, and made the bed with a loud thud.