Ich verkaufe meine Kleidung und kaufe etwas Wein, den ich mit dir trinken kann

Kapitel 78

I misjudged him—that germaphobe, that guy named Liu Wufeng with his severe color paranoia, actually claimed he was just bored and that's why he visited. After staying for two days, he waved goodbye and left without a trace.

Life seemed to have returned to its initial tranquility and happiness. So tranquil, as if the wind had never even blown. But was that truly the case?

I closed my eyes quietly and listened to Huaiyuan's seemingly steady breathing—since Wufeng left, he hadn't shown any abnormalities during the day, but he started acting strangely at night.

After turning over for the twelfth time, Huaiyuan finally gave up on sleep. He gently placed my head on the pillow, carefully removed my hand from his chest, and quietly got out of bed. I resisted the urge to call out to him, and peeked out from under my eyes—where was he going in the middle of the night?

Huaiyuan didn't go anywhere. He only took down the Heartless Sword, which had been hanging on the wall as a decoration ever since he moved to Lingchuan. He lit the oil lamp and took out a snow-white silk handkerchief to carefully wipe it. His expression was so focused, his thin lips unconsciously pursed, revealing an imperceptible, slightly suppressed restlessness.

Has he begun to find this mundane life unbearable? Ultimately, can't he let go of the hustle and bustle of the world? Yes, he is an eagle, the sky is his home, and he must always soar; he is a wild and untamed steed, destined to gallop against the wind and rain. To confine him to this small world of two, to this remote pasture—am I being too selfish?

Ah, Huaiyuan stirred, as if he wanted to get up. I quickly closed my eyes. I felt him walk to the bedside and stare at me for a long time. The invisible pressure in his gaze almost made me breathless. Huaiyuan sighed almost imperceptibly, tucked the blanket around me, and the light in his eyes softened noticeably. I could almost see the slight upturn of the corners of his mouth.

After a long while, he finally walked away, picked up the sword again, took a deep breath, sheathed it, and hung it back on the wall—as if he had never touched the sword at all.

Huaiyuan returned to my side, holding me tightly, as if drawing strength from me. I silently nestled into his arms, a tear quietly sliding down my cheek, dampening my temple…

That night seemed exceptionally long. Finally, as dawn broke, Huaiyuan, as usual, quietly got up, washed, and went outside to begin his daily breathing exercises. I sighed and began packing—it was time to say goodbye to Lingchuan! Many years later, I often couldn't help but wonder: what if Huaiyuan hadn't polished his sword that night; what if I had woken up but pretended not to know; what if I had known but hadn't told him; what if… what if we hadn't left the ranch, would the rest of my life have been different…?

Having lived here for so long, I feel a connection to every inch of this land and every person. When it's time to leave, I'm afraid I'll cry—I don't like the heavy atmosphere of parting, so I don't plan to say goodbye to everyone on the ranch.

"Qing'er..." Huaiyuan lifted the curtain and came in. When he saw me, he smiled and teased, "Hey, the sun must have risen in the west today. The little lazybones isn't staying in bed?"

"Yes, I have something very important to do today, so of course I got up early." I casually patted the package at my feet. "Well, everything's packed, we can go now. If we stay any later, everyone will be up."

“You don’t need to be too touched.” I glanced at him and quickly continued, “But, in the future, if there’s anything you need, just say it directly. Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night to scare me. Making me pretend to be asleep is exhausting; also, I didn’t get enough sleep last night, so you can’t ride too fast today; and after you’ve done what you want to do, you still have to take me around to play…”

I had always thought my decision was considerate, wise, correct, and something I would never regret. But when I discovered we were now heading towards the capital—or rather, had reached Zhuxian Town, less than fifty li from Feng, and checked into the largest inn there, Guanglai Inn—Wufeng had been waiting for us for two days. And their destination was clearly: Kaifeng!—I regretted it, I truly regretted it!

Are you kidding me? Right now, the Jin army's western route, under Nianhan's command, is attacking Bianjing from Taiyuan, having captured Weishengjun and Longdefu, crossed the Mengjin ferry, and the Song's Xijing, Yong'anjun, and Zhengzhou have all surrendered. They've now reached Zezhou. Meanwhile, Zongwang's eastern route is attacking Linhe, Daming, and Deqingjun, capturing Huaizhou, and steadily advancing towards Kaifeng. Soon, both armies will be pointing their spears directly at Kaifeng, setting the stage for a historical tragedy. Why did we have to come now, of all times, to walk right into their line of fire? Aren't we just asking for trouble?!

"No! You're not allowed to go!" I stood in the doorway, refusing to let Huaiyuan leave no matter what.

“Qing’er.” Huaiyuan sighed helplessly, rubbing his forehead. He was both annoyed and amused. He didn’t understand why, after traveling thousands of miles and almost reaching our destination, I suddenly changed my mind.

"Anywhere else is fine, but Kaifeng is out of the question!" I was adamant—things were different now. Last time we escaped unscathed, but this time it was for real—people could really die there! How could I possibly let Huaiyuan and Wufeng jump off a cliff when I knew it was a precipice?!

"Qing'er! There are so many martial arts practitioners in the capital waiting for us to discuss important matters. The enemy is almost at our doorstep. We don't have time to let you throw a tantrum. Be good, okay?" Huaiyuan coaxed me in a low voice—treating me like a five-year-old child.

"I'm not making a scene! I don't understand, let the Jin army fight if they want! Does it really matter who the emperor is?" I argued logically, "Besides, the current emperor isn't much better! He only knows how to eat, drink, and be merry; he's a complete tyrant. What's so special about such a ruler that makes you want to risk your life for him?!"

"Qing'er." Huaiyuan was angry, his face tense as he stared at me: "I am not fighting for the Emperor of the Great Song Dynasty, but for the nation! As a citizen of the Great Song Dynasty, how can I stand idly by and do nothing when the country is in trouble?! How can I stand by and watch the enemy invade my homeland and slaughter my compatriots?! Qing'er, if this is the kind of husband you want, then I have nothing to say."

Knowing I was in the wrong, I gritted my teeth and shouted, "I don't care! In my eyes, the Jurchens, the Song people, the Western Xia people, the Tibetans... they're all Chinese! The conflict between the Song and Jin is like a falling out between brothers. The Song is the elder brother, and the Jin is the younger brother. Can't the elder brother give way to the younger brother?! Why do they have to fight to the death? Just like you and Jianfeng, he used every means to slander you, scheme against you, and frame you, and you forgave him, ignored him, and didn't hold it against him? Isn't the change of dynasties and the rise and fall of dynasties a common occurrence throughout history? You're not a high-ranking official in the court, just a country bumpkin. Why do you have to get involved in such important military and national affairs?!"

"What did you say? A change of dynasty?!" Huaiyuan was shocked. He squinted at me. "You know something, right? Is Kaifeng going to fall this time?! Is the Song Dynasty going to be destroyed by the Jurchens?!"

I lowered my head, took a deep breath, and blurted out, "Yes! Kaifeng is indeed in great danger this time! Not only that, the current emperor and the retired emperor are also in great danger! The Northern Song Dynasty will also fall! But none of this has anything to do with us! We don't even know them! Besides, this is history, and you can't change it at all! So, I don't want you to go and die!"

With a loud bang, the door was pushed open forcefully. Huaiyuan and I were startled and turned to look at it at the same time. Wufeng stood by the door with an excited expression, staring intently at me: "What you just said is all true? Who are you? How can you be so sure about something that didn't happen? Don't tell me you have the ability to predict the future."

"How I know this isn't important. What's important is that your actions are like a mantis trying to stop a chariot. So, believe me, leaving Kaifeng is the wisest choice." I gritted my teeth and glared at Huaiyuan, deciding to scare them all at once since I'd already said it: "Don't worry, even if the Northern Song falls, there's still the Southern Song. It's just that someone else will become emperor in a different place. Haven't you been wondering why I spoke up for Zhao Gou? That's because I know he's the future emperor, so I'm doing him a favor!"

“Even if everything you’ve said is true, Qing’er.” Huaiyuan and Wufeng exchanged a smile, then turned to gaze deeply at me, their eyes filled with an undeniable determination: “I will still go, no! I should say I will go even more! There are things a husband should and shouldn’t do, you must have heard that saying, right?! Do you want your husband to desert his post and become a coward when faced with the shameful humiliation of the nation’s survival? Don’t worry, I will be careful and make sure nothing happens to me.”

"Are you sure?" I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Huaiyuan apologized softly.

“Alright, listen to me,” I exhaled, smiled gently, and made up my mind: “This time, Kaifeng will be surrounded by the Jurchens like an iron barrel, and it will be difficult for them to escape. Therefore, we must prepare enough food.”

"Us?" Wufeng exclaimed. "You mean after saying all that to stop us, you're going to go yourself?! Don't be ridiculous, it's so dangerous, what would you do there?"

"I have no choice, you forced me to." I pouted, feeling helpless. "My husband is disobedient, so I have no choice but to stay with him. I've said it before, I'd rather die than be separated from him. So, Huaiyuan, don't even think about getting rid of me."

“Alright, we’ll be together.” Huaiyuan smiled calmly. “However, we won’t go to the capital. Nor can we stay in Zhuxian Town. We’ll find a house in a more remote place, bring all the female relatives from the capital out, and settle them all in. There should still be time, right?”

So, we found a house in Changzhuang and brought Xiuyu and the others to live with us. We had enough food stored at home to last three to five years. Huaiyuan and Wufeng began frequently traveling between the capital and Changzhuang.

Then, one day, Huaiyuan and Wufeng left and never returned—the Jin army captured the outer city of Kaifeng and besieged the entire city. They couldn't get out.

It's been two months! I haven't seen Huaiyuan, heard his voice, smelled his unique scent, or felt the warmth of his embrace. I can't eat, I'm restless, and I can't sit or lie still. Countless times a day I run to see the pigeons, regretting it so much I want to bang my head against the wall—why didn't I go with Huaiyuan that day?!

Pigeons can't come every day, of course, and even when they do, they only manage a few hurried words. But even a single word is enough for me: it means Huaiyuan is still alive. Breathing peacefully in some place I can't see or touch. That's enough, truly!

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[Volume 4 Finale: Chapter 23 Frosty Wind Blows Through the Temples]

The north wind howled, gusting ever stronger. Snowflakes fell thick and fast, making the winter night seem endless. For over ten days, I hadn't received a message from Huaiyuan via carrier pigeon—had the pigeon been shot down en route? Or was the fighting too intense for Huaiyuan to handle? Or… no, that can't be! I shook my head, trying to dispel the ominous feeling that crept into my mind.

Hugging the blanket, I left Huaiyuan's embrace, feeling utterly unable to adapt to the extreme cold. Had he eaten properly? Was he sick? Was he injured? The pigeons in the coop were dwindling, and my longing for Huaiyuan grew deeper, my yearning for him spreading like wildfire in my heart. I missed him so much, so so much, so much!

It's the fifteenth again, the moon is bright and the stars are few. The swirling snowflakes cast a shadow over the moonlight, much like my own melancholy and unease. This is my third Lantern Festival since arriving in the Northern Song Dynasty. It seems every Lantern Festival leaves me with only painful memories—the first time in Wushan, guarding that unmoved, unopened seven-colored azalea, Huaiyuan turned away in disappointment, leaving me behind, a heart yearning to leave; the second time in the Jin camp, imprisoned with Emperors Zhao Gou and Zhang Bangchang in that drafty, dilapidated house, spending the Lantern Festival with them, my fate uncertain, my heart filled with trepidation; now, I am cut off from Huaiyuan, unable to communicate, longing, worry, yearning, fear, terror… all these emotions pile up, intertwine, and mix, forming an invisible boulder, pressing on my chest, stinging my eyes, turning into countless tears of longing, rolling down, soaking my pillow…

A very faint sound came from outside the window, sending chills down my spine. I reached under my pillow and pulled out the Heartless Decree, clutching it tightly in my hand. I quietly shrank further into the bed, widening my eyes and straining my ears to listen to the sounds outside—it was completely silent outside, except for the incessant falling snowflakes—could it be an illusion?

I was debating whether to shout or go outside to see what was happening when a figure nimbly leaped in through the window. He floated directly toward the bed and pulled me into his arms—I raised my right hand, and the Heartless Decree flashed with a cold light as I stabbed it fiercely into his chest.

"Qing'er, it's me." My right hand was grasped by a warm, large hand, and I smelled the familiar, clean scent of a man's body. I heard Huaiyuan chuckle softly in my ear: "Long time no see, is this your gift to me?!"

"Huaiyuan?!" I stared at him blankly, murmuring softly, my body limp in his arms, completely powerless—I couldn't believe it was Huaiyuan, who had been missing for so many days? Was I dreaming? I couldn't help but pinch myself; ouch! It hurt!

“Yes, I’m here.” Huaiyuan gently released me—but I clung to him tightly, refusing to let go.

"Wait a minute." Huaiyuan chuckled softly, bent down to take off his shoes, jumped onto the bed, and gave me a big kiss on the cheek: "Smells so good!"