“I’m thinking, maybe it’s the thought of seeing his grandson that’s keeping my dad alive. He’s actually in a lot of pain, but he just doesn’t say it. But, I’m just having a wild idea, maybe once the baby is born, it will bring him some joy and all his ailments will disappear!” Yaping whispered to Lijuan.
“I don’t think it’s very likely,” Lijuan sighed. “It would be good enough if we could even hold on until the baby is born. I know you said you loved me back then just to make me happy, and actually just to make your dad happy. Oh well, I accept it. Anyway, we’ll have a baby sooner or later.”
"Juan, don't talk nonsense. I'm doing this for my dad, and also for ourselves. I'm going back to my room. Call me if you need anything."
"Yaping... I'm over five months pregnant, there's no danger anymore, it's okay, are you sure you don't want to sleep with me?" "No. I don't want to make the same mistake again, better safe than sorry. You should get some rest!" Yaping turned and left.
Yaping quietly closed the study door, turned off the lights, drew the curtains, turned on the computer, and started playing a short film.
On the screen, the sounds of lovemaking played, and Yaping's hands began to work.
As the female lead's heart-wrenching cries and sobs filled the air, Ya Ping, panting heavily, entered the scene.
"Ah!" Yaping growled, his fingers damp.
When I looked up, Lijuan was standing behind me, tears welling up in her eyes.
Yaping stood there, his filthy fingers outstretched, his pants wide open, looking utterly pathetic in front of Lijuan.
"Juan! I! I..."
Lijuan's tears streamed down her face like beads from a broken string, and she couldn't utter a single word.
"Juan, Juan, listen to me, I have no choice. It's not that I don't love you anymore, I..." Yaping didn't know what to say in this awkward situation.
Lijuan handed over a few napkins and said, "Wipe yourself off and get some rest."
"Lijuan! You got pregnant at the wrong time this time. Everyone else is getting plump and healthy, but you're so dark and thin. You're almost seven months along, and you haven't changed much at all." Sister Cai said to Lijuan while wiping the table.
"Yes, I've gained two kilograms."
"Oh my! Only two kilograms? I gained 20 kilograms after giving birth to my son, and I haven't lost much of it since. You're not deliberately not eating because you're afraid of gaining weight, are you?"
"Sister Cai, how could I be? I want my child to grow up too! The doctor said the child is underweight. With so many things happening at home, and me vomiting so much, how could I possibly gain weight? Sigh!" Lijuan sighed deeply, trying to release all the pent-up frustration in her heart.
"What happened again? Isn't it your father-in-law?"
"Sigh! He..." Lijuan thought for a moment, shook her head, and stopped talking.
"Come on, come with me to the restroom." Sister Cai pulled Lijuan out of the office.
“Sister Cai, I’m really heartbroken and starting to regret my decision to have this child. I feel like Yaping doesn’t love me at all; he’s only with me for the sake of the child.”
"Don't talk nonsense. He often picks you up and drops you off, and he calls to check on you from time to time. He's very good to you."
"You only see the surface; I know the joys and sorrows inside."
"Tell me about it?"
"Never mind, I can't say it." "What's there to be unable to say?"
"He, he and I have been separated for more than half a year."
"kindness?"
“He stopped touching me after I got pregnant.”
"Why?"
"I think he still hates me for getting rid of the child last time."
"How can you be blamed for the miscarriage last time? It was beyond our control!"
“I think it’s probably similar to what the doctor said, that it’s caused by genetics, but he might think it’s caused by sexual activity.”
"He doesn't have sex? How can the responsibility be entirely yours?"
"It's what I want."
“Lijuan, if Yaping thinks like that, then there’s something wrong with his thinking. Pregnancy is a matter for both of you. If there are difficulties, you should support each other through them. Otherwise, what’s the point of talking about mutual support? You can have another child if you lose it, but if the relationship between husband and wife is gone, everything is over.”
"But he must be thinking, if the baby hadn't been miscarried, his dad would have seen it by now. He always feels sorry for his dad. He only had the baby this time so that his dad could close his eyes in peace."
Sister Cai frowned, remained silent for a long time, and then said, "Lijuan, do you remember what I told you before? You have to have a child for yourself, not for someone else. But now that you have a child, don't overthink it. Thinking about it won't help."
"I regret having this child! I have a bad feeling. Yaping's heart is no longer with me. His affection for me is all just for show. I can feel it; it's not from the heart, but just to appease me and make sure I give birth safely." "You're overthinking it. Or maybe you're just jealous of the child. If he's good to the child, isn't that good to you too?"
"He, he, he himself yesterday... he wouldn't even touch me."
Sister Cai paused for a moment, then said, "Lijuan, try to think positively and put your mind at ease. Why don't you think that he's willing to suffer because he loves you and is afraid of affecting your health and the baby? Even after marriage, there will be times in a man's life when he has to take care of himself. Don't immediately assume that he doesn't love you anymore or that he hates you. Try to be more relaxed; it's not a big deal. At least he respects you. Haven't you seen those Chinese divorces where the wife is pregnant and the husband still goes to prostitutes? Your Yaping has already been very loyal."
"Hmph, women aren't inherently virtuous; virtue comes from insufficient temptation. Men aren't inherently loyal; loyalty comes from low penalties for betrayal. If he loved me, desired me, and cared for me, his behavior would be different, not this polite formality. He doesn't feel like a husband to me now; he's more like a neighbor or colleague. If he wants, I can help him in other ways. Sexual intimacy isn't just simple intercourse. I'm pregnant; I'm not completely without needs, am I? I can endure it for the sake of the child, but I need him to hug me, kiss me. Physical touch doesn't equate to intercourse, does it? He's even omitting that. Is this because he loves the child?" Lijuan's eyes reddened.
"Lijuan, everything is for the sake of the child. Try not to think about unhappy things and don't be so sensitive."
On Sunday, Lijuan's parents, unusually, visited Yaping's father at Lijuan's house with gifts. They exchanged a few pleasantries by the bedside before moving to the living room to talk. Yaping's mother was in the kitchen pouring tea.
"Oh dear, Lijuan! You haven't gained any weight at all during your pregnancy. This means the baby is just using up all your reserves. Aren't you going to drain the baby dry? You need to eat more! If you can't eat, force yourself! Don't worry about the money!" Lijuan's mother said loudly.
"It's not that I'm worried about the money, I've been vomiting since I got pregnant, and I just can't swallow any more."
“Your mood will definitely have an impact. Look at this house, the elderly are sick, the house is a mess, and the smell of medicine is everywhere. Even an ordinary person couldn’t stand living here all day! Do you want to come back and live with us?” Lijuan’s mother asked.
Suppressing his disgust, Yaping said in a slightly cold tone, "Mom, we protect Lijuan here like a giant panda. We've never skimped on food for her; she really can't eat. Although my father is ill, he's never let Lijuan lift a finger. We pamper her like an empress. Don't worry, the child in her belly is also part of our family. How could we treat her badly?"
"Hey! You've hit the nail on the head! You're all good to her because of the baby in her belly, aren't you? I'm not worried about anything, but I'm still concerned about whether my grandson is getting enough nutrition, aren't I?" Lijuan's mother retorted without holding back.
Lijuan quickly tried to ease the tension: "Oh dear! Mom, the common problem with babies these days isn't that they're too small, it's that they're too big. Many pregnant women are forced by doctors to stop eating later on, for fear they won't be able to give birth! This way, I can kill two birds with one stone, I won't have to suffer too much during childbirth, and I won't have to lose weight after giving birth. You're worrying unnecessarily."